So many things wrong with my confession!

[lena28]

Today I went to confession after worrying about some sins I had committed, but I feel terrible because I think it was a bad confession and invalid.

• I don’t think I spent long enough examining my conscience calmly. I was in such a panic I just kept writing down things that came to me. I used 3 different examinations of conscience but I don’t think I concentrated on them properly.
• There is this one thing I wanted to confess, I don’t think it is even a sin although I feel like it is. It is quite embarrassing for me to say, so I didn’t initially say it in the confessional. Towards the end of my confession I resolved to say it and did say it out loud, but unfortunately at the same time as the priest saying I absolutely had to finish then because he would be late for Mass. I don’t think he heard me say it.
• I think that maybe because I didn’t say this thing straight away, my confession is invalid. Maybe I intended to deceive God?
• The priest kept telling me to finish soon but I had a long list of sins (some of which I think were definitely venial) so I think I made him late for Mass. I feel horrible.
• There was someone waiting for confession after me, who arrived at the church after me. I did consider letting them go before me because I knew confession time was almost over, but I didn’t. I just quickly went into the confessional, hoping I could be quick. But he didn’t get a chance to confess and Mass was right after. I apologised, but I feel so awful that I might have stopped someone else from receiving Our Lord! Now I feel like this must be a grave sin.
• I found myself not concentrating as I was reading my sins and not fully concentrating on what the priest was saying. I think this was because I was worried about the time limit but now I feel my confession was invalid because I didn’t confess sincerely.
• I had to leave the church shortly after my confession so I didn’t thank God as much as I should have. I am trying to but I’m just so worried I am finding it hard because I think I have made a bad confession.
• There were some things on my list that were questions about whether something I did was a sin. I didn’t get to ask all those questions, so what if one of them was a grave sin and I didn’t confess it!
• I can’t be sure that I said all the sins on my list (I think I did) but there were so many I might have missed one out, especially due to the lack of concentration I wrote about before!

Would it be a sin to go back to confession tomorrow and confess the same things?

Any help on whether I can receive Communion today? whether my worries are well-founded?
Thanks.

 

[fermat]

I think you are being scrupulous. Jesus is looking for you to be sorry for your sins and to resolve not to do them again. You made a good effort to go to confession. I wouldn’t fret. If you are really concerned about it, don’t go to communion and set up a time with a priest one on one so you don’t feel rushed.

 

[Joan1969]

Today I went to confession after worrying about some sins I had committed, but I feel terrible because I think it was a bad confession and invalid…
.

Hi Lena,

This seems to be a common problem on this forum . I have recently seen similar posts, and I’m going to say the same thing to you.

This is a very damaging way of thinking, and you can’t keep it up and have anything like good mental health. You should get a regular confessor who can help with your serious scruples,** and **you should do some personal research on obessive compulsive disorder and consider therapy, or just talk to your physician to get some kind of a reference. Make sure that any therapist you choose is fully respectful of your Catholic faith; a practice that specifically comes from a Catholic perspective would be ideal, assuming they also had the expertise to address your individual needs.

God bless you as you search for your peace,
Joan

 

[Joe_5859]

It sounds to me like you are being scrupulous. Stop it!!!

Nothing you listed strikes me as something that would invalidate your Confession. Remember, God is a God of mercy. His goal is not to see you jump through as many hoops as possible or else fail to receive forgiveness because of some obscure technicality.

You used three examinations of conscience? I’m pretty sure you were more prepared than most people (or at least more so than I usually am ).

I can understand being flustered about the time crunch. But that does not invalidate anything. Do not worry about whether or not the priest heard you. You said it. Let him worry about the listening.

Be at peace! God bless!

 

[Joan1969]

Hi Lena,

I just talked with my husband about the scruples issues, and he associated it with the ancient ideology of Pelagianism. There is the subtle belief hidden here that Confession is not a gift, but rather that the penitent has to, of their own interior power, do it “well enough” in order to get the grace.

Confession is a free gift. It is true that those who might use the sacrament for reasons of social form (so that they are seen going) or to fulfill a tradition or requirement, but who still withold sins or go fully intending to keep up a sinful practice, commit a sacrilege. This in no way applies to human limitations on time, memory, habit-breaking or emotion (!!!).

In addition to what I said above, you could consider devotion to the Divine Mercy. You need to trust more that God is giving you Heaven freely as a gift, not because you are able to jump through some difficult hoop.

God Bless,
Joan

 

[smichhertz]

Hi lena28!

I agree, you are being overly scrupulous. Your confession was valid.

• I don’t think I spent long enough examining my conscience calmly. I was in such a panic I just kept writing down things that came to me. I used 3 different examinations of conscience but I don’t think I concentrated on them properly.

Even if you didn’t use a single examination of conscience and just thought about your sins for a few seconds before entering the confessional, that’s good enough. Still a valid confession. We all struggle concentrating from time to time.

• There is this one thing I wanted to confess, I don’t think it is even a sin although I feel like it is. It is quite embarrassing for me to say, so I didn’t initially say it in the confessional. Towards the end of my confession I resolved to say it and did say it out loud, but unfortunately at the same time as the priest saying I absolutely had to finish then because he would be late for Mass. I don’t think he heard me say it.

If you didn’t even think it was a sin, there is no point in confessing it. And it certainly wasn’t mortal. Only deliberately withholding mortal sins makes a confession invalid. It’s just not practical to confess every venial sin. The best thing to do is pick a few you struggle with regularly and confess those.

• I think that maybe because I didn’t say this thing straight away, my confession is invalid. Maybe I intended to deceive God?

See above, not saying it doesn’t render your confession invalid. Nothing wrong with withholding venial sins.

• The priest kept telling me to finish soon but I had a long list of sins (some of which I think were definitely venial) so I think I made him late for Mass. I feel horrible.

If the priest was encouraging you to finish that’s an excellent sign that you are being overly scrupulous and need to work on shortening the list of sins you confess. Only focus on mortal sins and a few venial sins that you seem to commit frequently.

• There was someone waiting for confession after me, who arrived at the church after me. I did consider letting them go before me because I knew confession time was almost over, but I didn’t. I just quickly went into the confessional, hoping I could be quick. But he didn’t get a chance to confess and Mass was right after. I apologised, but I feel so awful that I might have stopped someone else from receiving Our Lord! Now I feel like this must be a grave sin.

That’s not a mortal sin, or even a sin at all!

• I found myself not concentrating as I was reading my sins and not fully concentrating on what the priest was saying. I think this was because I was worried about the time limit but now I feel my confession was invalid because I didn’t confess sincerely.

You don’t have to be concentrating on your sins while you confess them. As long as you confess them, that’s enough. Your confession was valid.

• I had to leave the church shortly after my confession so I didn’t thank God as much as I should have. I am trying to but I’m just so worried I am finding it hard because I think I have made a bad confession.

It’s always a good idea to thank God, but it’s not necessary for a confession to be valid.

• There were some things on my list that were questions about whether something I did was a sin. I didn’t get to ask all those questions, so what if one of them was a grave sin and I didn’t confess it!

If you don’t know if they are grave, then they can’t be mortal sins. You have to know something is a mortal sin and freely choose to do it anyway. Also, confession isn’t the time for “is this a sin?”, only confess what you know is a sin. If you need further direction, ask a priest at a different time.

• I can’t be sure that I said all the sins on my list (I think I did) but there were so many I might have missed one out, especially due to the lack of concentration I wrote about before!

Even if you accidentally missed out a mortal sin, it’s still a valid confession because you accidentally left it out. You have to deliberately withhold a mortal sin for it to be an invalid confession.

Would it be a sin to go back to confession tomorrow and confess the same things?

No, but it would be completely redundant, your confession was good and valid.

Any help on whether I can receive Communion today? whether my worries are well-founded?
Thanks.

From what I can tell, yes you can.

More importantly, you need to get a spiritual director to help you with your scrupulosity. You are being WAY too scrupulous. Please, for your own sake, as well as others, see a spiritual director about this and try to only confess to him. He can help you get through this, but if you keep going the way you are going, it’s not going to help you grow closer to Jesus and His Church.

I will be sure to say a prayer for you. Best of luck!

 

[lena28]

Thank you all so much! I am so grateful for the words of reassurance, I feel much more at peace. I think receiving Communion tonight will be my first step in learning to trust God more.

I will pray for you all tonight.

 

[smichhertz]

Thank you all so much! I am so grateful for the words of reassurance, I feel much more at peace. I think receiving Communion tonight will be my first step in learning to trust God more.

I will pray for you all tonight.

You are welcome! Glad we could help and thanks for the prayers.

And no matter what happens: Never forget that God loves you and He desires for you to be happy, not miserable. Trust in His Infinite Mercy and do not allow the accusing devil to lead you to despair. You are in my prayers!

 

[Joan1969]

Thank you all so much! I am so grateful for the words of reassurance, I feel much more at peace. I think receiving Communion tonight will be my first step in learning to trust God more.

I will pray for you all tonight.

Hi Lena,

I’m really glad to hear that you’re feeling better! Receiveing Communion is an excellent idea.

If you find these types of thoughts and feelings are in any way ongoing, don’t forget what I said about OCD. There’s really a great deal out there addressing this particular problem, and I would be surprised if specifically Catholic therapy weren’t available.

God Bless,
Joan