So, my dh told his brother that we are thinking of having a baby

[whatevergirl]

…and his brother (who I love dearly) said in reply…with an eye roll and sarcastic…‘Good luck.’ (my husband relaying this message to me and he was not happy in his reaction either) I was surprised because he is a very God filled man, and usually is very positive thinking. I am equally surprised that my husband shared this with anyone, which means he is thinking about it.

I dunno…I just feel sad that his brother’s reaction was like that. I think men, especially, like to feel some bond with other men, when they embark on a decision, that it somehow is the ‘right’ thing to do. Not that I care necessarily what others think, but is that going to be the reaction of our family? (if we do get pregnant again) Obviously, it is up to my husband and me–and God is the deciding factor. But, perhaps he was just looking for an opinion. His brother is in his 50’s, so maybe the thought of more children sounds overwhelming. It sounds a bit overwhelming to us, though.

At mass on Christmas Eve, the priest talked about how Mary said ‘yes’ without hesitation. (and how we too should say yes to God in the same way) He went on to say…‘even if God’s plan will be surprising and not what we expected or prayed for…we need to say yes to Him.’

Sorry…just feeling a little down that my dh’s brother replied like that. (but happy that my husband is talking about it with people)

Thanks for listening.

 

[Shiann]

Ha! We get that all the time. DH has 18 yo daughter and is mid 40’s. We’re pregnant with first together (I have 11yo DD).

He told his mom he was thinking about just throwing care to the wind and just not worrying about it. If we have this one and that’s it, that would be ok, but if we have 4 more, that would be ok too. (I’m 33)

She said that would NOT be a good idea.

His friends are pretty shocked at his seeming lack of thought

I frankly, am very proud of him

You guys keep your chins up and to heck with what other people are doing/saying. They don’t have to diaper your kids or worry about feeding them. It’s too bad they feel they have a right to voice such an opinion.

 

[whatevergirl]

Ha! We get that all the time. DH has 18 yo daughter and is mid 40’s. We’re pregnant with first together (I have 11yo DD).

He told his mom he was thinking about just throwing care to the wind and just not worrying about it. If we have this one and that’s it, that would be ok, but if we have 4 more, that would be ok too. (I’m 33)

She said that would NOT be a good idea.

His friends are pretty shocked at his seeming lack of thought

I frankly, am very proud of him

You guys keep your chins up and to heck with what other people are doing/saying. They don’t have to diaper your kids or worry about feeding them. It’s too bad they feel they have a right to voice such an opinion.

Thank you for this, Shiann…and congrats to you both! How exciting! And how nice to see your hubby is care free about having a large family…it’s refreshing. I guess when we ask people opinions, then they feel they have a right to share their thoughts. But, my husband wasn’t asking him really…‘hey what do you think?’ He just told him that we were thinking about this, and that was his bro’s reaction. Oh well…like you said, it’s our decision, not another’s. I wonder why people remark…‘that’s not a good idea.’ (like his mom) I mean…there are obvious reasons. If a couple is barely making ends meet, it might not be smart to just throw caution to the wind, or if the mother has serious health issues…etc…but, for some reason, I just think people in general, in our society, frown on people having large families…not sure why that is? Hmmm…

Blessings to you and your husband Shiann!

 

[KCT]

The only one you have to answer to is God. In the end, what other people think doesn’t matter.

We’e in the midst of a heart wrenching family situation. I’m following my conscience, Canon Law and the advice of a trusted spiritual director. To my family, I look like a schmuck. Does it hurt? Absolutely. Do I think I look like a schmuck to God? No.

If you know God wants you to be open to life, that’s all that matters. —KCT

 

[dulcissima]

I think it is a beautiful thing, Whatevergirl, and I hope you and your husband grow closer by being open to life.

 

[TOP]

Bil might link kids to sex and not want to hear about it from his brother. Just a thought. Tim

 

[whatevergirl]

Bil might link kids to sex and not want to hear about it from his brother. Just a thought. Tim

Could be, but I think it had more to do with where he is at perhaps in his own life. He was married before, has a child from his 1st marriage…two from his 2nd marriage…and maybe thinking of having more children (my dh is soon to be 49) just sounded overwhelming to him, personally. Oh well…I will just keep praying that God leads us to being open to life, and that whatever happens, we will joyfully accept His will.

 

[TOP]

Could be, but I think it had more to do with where he is at perhaps in his own life. He was married before, has a child from his 1st marriage…two from his 2nd marriage…and maybe thinking of having more children (my dh is soon to be 49) just sounded overwhelming to him, personally. Oh well…I will just keep praying that God leads us to being open to life, and that whatever happens, we will joyfully accept His will.

I have four myself, including twins and have heard some nasty comments in the past by those who look down on having kids. Never can tell what people are thinking. God bless your marriage with His will, Tim

 

[whatevergirl]

Thanks Tim.

 

[TIME]

WG,

I think you’re right, if your Brother in Law has 3 children from 2 marriages, I am sure he is looking at it from the logistics/complexity side of things. Unless you run into an extreme curmudgeon, everybody LOVES those little cabooses. I am sure your Brother in Law will come around just fine. Besides as my DW and four DD’s would say “He’s just a man” Hehe.

 

[bluerose]

Y’might want to pass this on to your BIL, just to put things in perspective…

My husband’s brother, who is 41 years old and has been married for 19 years, got this Christmas present from his wife… Baby # 12 is on the way!

Yes, TWELVE. 10 + 2. A dozen. 6 girls + 5 boys + one more on the way = 12

The rest of the family is divided. That is, though we’re all hoping for a boy (to even things out), half of us are hoping they’ll name him Michael after my FIL who passed away this year, and the other half are voting for Jude (you know, the twelfth apostle ?)

But we’re all thrilled! Imagine the comments THEY get (my favorite is, “What’s wrong with them?” I always say, “Apparently, nothing! Everything’s working just fine!”)

Congrats to you and you’ll be in my prayers!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

WhateverGirl, siblings always seem to revert to form when in each other’s presence… maybe his brother turned into a 20 year old at that moment and old relationship patterns reared up.

translation: He was a doofus once more.

Don’t take it personally. I’m glad I have so many brothers and sisters. They are my best adult friends. You aren’t having children for your siblings and parents’ benefits. You’re having them for your children’s benefits.

Good luck! Babies are great. The reason people have the need to make comments is because it validates their own choices. If you have more, some people get the sinking feeling they’re missing out on something and you know something they don’t know.

My xh made comments about all my brothers and sisters a few times. But once in an unguarded moment he angrily told me I had a big family to back me up and he only had his mother who was old and sick. Yep. Jealousy. People denigrate and insult that which they don’t understand or don’t have themselves.

 

[whatevergirl]

You could turn this into a wonderful opportunity for yourself:

What he said bothers you a lot, obviously since you started a post about it. If you change your focus you could invite much grace into your life. Try and use this wonderful opportunity to turn inward. Venting your frustration is fine but not nearly as useful in a spiritual way.

Instead embrace this. Everytime you think of your brother in law and your hurt feelings…embrace them and offer them up. Offer up your frustration and pain to God as a prayer for all the times in your life that you may have said the wrong thing and hurt someone else by your words.

I have done this and it can be a beautiful prayer: ***“Thank you God for your love. I am hurting now because of the words of another. More than anyone else you, Jesus, know how this feels. Let me embrace my pain as you embraced yours. Please accept my sorrow as prayer and repentance for the times I may have hurt someone else in a similiar way.” ***

I know you wanted to vent and that you feel bad. I agree what he said was hurtful but please don’t lose this opportunity to grow in grace. Hope this helps.

Very interesting perspective…thank you for posting this. Something for me to think about. You know, I wasn’t hurt, per se, about what he said to my dh…I think more that my dh isn’t completely ‘signed off’ on the idea, and I was hopeful that perhaps someone my dh is close with would say something positive about the whole thing. Our neighbor is over now watching the Patriots game with my dh, and they are talking about his new baby on the way–and my husband brought it up very briefly…I overheard.

We are still in discernment mode…but, whatever God’s will is…that is what we will follow. It may be out of our hands.