So Sad

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mash111
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mash111

Guest
My beloved husband of 32 years died five months ago, unexpectedly. He received the Eucharist and hour before he passed away and the Anointing of the Sick the week before, so I’m not concerned about where he is now. I have no doubt he is with Our Lord.

Things were good at first, with my parish family, family, and friends assuring me of their prayers. They all must have stopped because I’m a mess.

Sure, I understand the stages of grief and that it’s a process, but I just want to be with him. I’m tired of living without him. I work for my parish, and right now we’re going through a construction project that is extremely stressful. The priest is never here, never, so all the decisions fall on my shoulders, as does the blame. My sons, 26 and 24, live at home and are supportive but self-involved, as is my 87-year-old father who moved in with us after he broke his arm (He may be going back home next week. He’s low-maintenance but a “sad sack” kind of guy who can be depressing to be around.). My brother, after 25 years of marriage, is getting a divorce–devastating news, especially since they have two young children. Even so, no one seems to notice that I’m falling apart. Financial problems are overwhelming. My income has been cut by $100,000 per year to a whopping total of $25,000. Hubby didn’t have life insurance. I don’t have health insurance so seeing a counselor is not feasible. Spiritual direction would not be possible with my schedule. Not sleeping makes it all worse.

So, the question is for you widows out there: how do you cope with the sadness?
 
I’ve not been there, so I can barely imagine what you’re going through. - However while you wait for other respondants I would ask if it’s worth seeing your Doctor.
With the conbination of the Grief and all that additional stress, you might be suffering from depression as well. Your doctor may be able to prescribe an inexpensive product which could help you carry the load for a while.

I will pray for you.
 
I am not a widow, so I hope my support doesn’t disqualify me ;).

At the very least find a support group for grieving loss. Also, catholic charities has the sliding scale…and you may not have to pay a lot to find support.

Also, the catholic woman’s group at church may have other ladies in your type of situation, they could be a good source of support.

Bottom line, YOU need to find some support.

One of the things that does make me sad when I read the catechism, is something like what you are experiencing, not the other stresses, but wanting to be with the other part of you. (your husband). and if you do it right, then you do miss him horribly. Kind of the bittersweetness of love as God intends.

Maybe some comfort is our teaching on the communion of saints. Talk to him.

Look in the phone book, call the funeral home, or hospital and start on the journey of asking questions about finding support groups. You may find even contact other women who have lost their husbands and go out for coffee, or something. So you can develop a friendship with someone who knows how you feel.

(((Hug))). don’t give up.

Oh yes, and can you schedule a meeting with your pastor/boss? Maybe he can assist you or come up with something to help with the problem solving aspects of the stress at church.

peace.
 
Mash111 said:
My beloved husband of 32 years died five months ago, unexpectedly. He received the Eucharist and hour before he passed away and the Anointing of the Sick the week before, so I’m not concerned about where he is now. I have no doubt he is with Our Lord.

Things were good at first, with my parish family, family, and friends assuring me of their prayers. They all must have stopped because I’m a mess.

Sure, I understand the stages of grief and that it’s a process, but I just want to be with him. I’m tired of living without him. I work for my parish, and right now we’re going through a construction project that is extremely stressful. The priest is never here, never, so all the decisions fall on my shoulders, as does the blame. My sons, 26 and 24, live at home and are supportive but self-involved, as is my 87-year-old father who moved in with us after he broke his arm (He may be going back home next week. He’s low-maintenance but a “sad sack” kind of guy who can be depressing to be around.). My brother, after 25 years of marriage, is getting a divorce–devastating news, especially since they have two young children. Even so, no one seems to notice that I’m falling apart. Financial problems are overwhelming. My income has been cut by $100,000 per year to a whopping total of $25,000. Hubby didn’t have life insurance. I don’t have health insurance so seeing a counselor is not feasible. Spiritual direction would not be possible with my schedule. Not sleeping makes it all worse.

So, the question is for you widows out there: how do you cope with the sadness?
Click to expand...
I am so sorry for your loss! 5 mos. is not a long time, so I think your grief is completely normal. As another poster mentioned, Catholic Charities has counselors who work on a sliding income scale, so you would qualify for a discount. It might do you some good to be able to talk things over with someone else. You’ve got a lot more stress than losing your husband, too - your brother’s divorce and your father’s injury and depression are factors as well.

One of our parishes did offer a Loss group - for widows and widowers. Check and see if any parish in your area offers it.

If you get to the point where you can’t function in your daily life, go see your doctor right away. Getting on an anti-depressant early could help tremendously and keep you from having repeat episodes of depression.
 
Firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your husband,my sincere condolences to you .
I have no answer as to how you cope with sadness. I have had my own share of pain, hurt and worry in my life…I have not coped with the sadness I guess God and time got me through to where I am today.

I cannot imagine the pain and loneliness you are coping with and I would miss my husband so very much if I were in your position.

Our father died 16yrs ago today.My elderly disabled mother has lived with us for the past 4 yrs.I see the sadness and loneliness in her at times but I also see the joy she has when the grandchildren and her great grandchildren are born.We talk about my father such a great deal.We have photo’s everywhere. We talk as though he were still with us.

We all deal with grief differently and what is right for one person is not for another.I do know it has taken years for us children to come to terms with our father’s loss.

When our father first died our mother kept busy focusing on grandchildren and having the house decorated (it was her focus).Two years after I took my mother on a weeks holiday to Greece.We stayed in the most awful accomodation but it really helped to be away for a while and we look back on that time as helpful. Eventually our mother decided she wanted to move to live nearer to my sister.This helped her as a fresh start. Sadly a few years later she had a massive stroke and couldn’t live alone so she came to live with us so we can help care for her.

It is very recent for you in that only 5 months have passed. I share some of this with you to show you how our mother has dealt with losing her husband ( our beloved father). For each person it will be different.We all deal with things very differently particularly bereavement and grief.

It is good you have strong faith.I shall keep you in my prayers. Why not post a thread in the prayers intentions forum and other prayer warriors like myself woudl love to pray with you and for you regularly.
God bless

Lord please comfort Mash111 and bring healing of mind body and soul upon her.She grieves for her husband whom she misses terribly.She has been and continues to be so brave.She faces many obstacles and I ask You would bring peace and calm and help restore this family and grant her strength.Thankyiou Lord fro hearing our prayers Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Mash,

I am sorry for your loss; I pray that God grants your strength and peace. But I must also say that I envy your husband – you seem to be and have been a very loving caring wife. Your husband was a very lucky man. I know this is tough for you also without him, but remain strong and trust in God and if you can instead of thinking how much you miss him – try to remember the love and the good times you shared. He must have been a very special man to attract a good woman such as yourself. Remember that you are not alone; you have your sons, fellow parishioners. And you have all of those that post here.

Again I will pray for you, and may God Bless and grant you Peace.

Winter
 
Mash111,

First, let me begin by saying how sorry I am for you losing your husband. I can only imagine the pain involved.

Although I am not female, I do have experience with depression, having suffered for the past 22 years with first major depression, then with bipolar depression. I cannot emphasize enough the need for you to seek professional help.

Contact your pastor for help, both spiritually and financially, with your depression. Our diocese has an assistance program that helps me with my co-pays. Yours may have one as well, and they may pay for your co-pay entirely because of your financial situation.

When you see a psychiatrist, they will be able to asses your situation and provide some medication that will help you get past these feelings that you are having.

I know with a comprehensive strategy, including prayer, spiritual counseling, and professional medical care that you can emerge from your situation stronger and more self-confident than you think possible now.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Mash111 said:
My beloved husband of 32 years died five months ago, unexpectedly. He received the Eucharist and hour before he passed away and the Anointing of the Sick the week before, so I’m not concerned about where he is now. I have no doubt he is with Our Lord…

So, the question is for you widows out there: how do you cope with the sadness?
Click to expand...
Wow. It amazes me you are getting out of bed in the morning.

Two things here are the grief and the situation.

About the situation: have a family meeting and lay out for your sons what the issues are, especially financially and how you are feeling so overwhelmed. If you are “being strong” it might be how you always operated. But what you were leaning on isn’t there now. Time for some changes.

Grief: You don’t sound to me like you have time to grieve and it’s important to do so. Someone said find a grief group, which can be just excellent. Srsly, be with others in the same situation.

You didn’t only lose the physical presence of him in your life which is a pretty big hole, you lost your future with him, which is like a long empty road you have to walk down now. That can change later, but, you also lost your physical security what with the financial change. You lost your advisor, I imagine. I’m surprised you aren’t at his graveside yelling at him for leaving you in this mess!

Friends rarely know what to do or how to do it. But they’d like to. Call them. Or at least one. There must be one person you can call to come over for lunch and say what you’ve said here.

Someone said check with the doctor, very good idea.

You must take care of you. Must. Because the only thing that “works” really is time. And you are so bound up in the present, it seems like it will always be this terrible stressful aloneness. But it won’t.

Reach out to those around you. Let people know what is going on. Talk to your husband, too. He’s listening.
 
Mash111 said:
My beloved husband of 32 years died five months ago, unexpectedly. He received the Eucharist and hour before he passed away and the Anointing of the Sick the week before, so I’m not concerned about where he is now. I have no doubt he is with Our Lord.

Things were good at first, with my parish family, family, and friends assuring me of their prayers. They all must have stopped because I’m a mess.

Sure, I understand the stages of grief and that it’s a process, but I just want to be with him. I’m tired of living without him. I work for my parish, and right now we’re going through a construction project that is extremely stressful. The priest is never here, never, so all the decisions fall on my shoulders, as does the blame. My sons, 26 and 24, live at home and are supportive but self-involved, as is my 87-year-old father who moved in with us after he broke his arm (He may be going back home next week. He’s low-maintenance but a “sad sack” kind of guy who can be depressing to be around.). My brother, after 25 years of marriage, is getting a divorce–devastating news, especially since they have two young children. Even so, no one seems to notice that I’m falling apart. Financial problems are overwhelming. My income has been cut by $100,000 per year to a whopping total of $25,000. Hubby didn’t have life insurance. I don’t have health insurance so seeing a counselor is not feasible. Spiritual direction would not be possible with my schedule. Not sleeping makes it all worse.

So, the question is for you widows out there: how do you cope with the sadness?
Click to expand...
  1. Call Catholic Charities and get counseling.
  2. Find a neighborhood parish that offers grief counseling. We have that at our church.
  3. Your sons are supportive. Does that mean they are paying their shares of household expenses, and rent? Ditto for your father. If not, they must.
  4. Where’s the priest? Time for a meeting. Does your job description say you were suppose to run this project? Are you running it? Do you want to run it? If so, ask for a big raise, health insurance, paid vacation, etc. Haggle.
  5. Ask Catholic Charities what services it can offer your dad.
  6. Do something nice for yourself: get your hair done, get a manicure and a pedicure.
  7. Regarding the boys: they must do their own wash and chores around the house. You are three adults living together.
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that my prayers are with you.

Is there anyone at the parish who might be able to help take some of the load off? Someone who volunteers or a friend whom you trust? It shouldn’t be all on your shoulders, especially now. You have a lot to deal with and I will pray that you get the assistance that you need.

Take care.
 
Mash111 said:
My beloved husband of 32 years died five months ago, unexpectedly. He received the Eucharist and hour before he passed away and the Anointing of the Sick the week before, so I’m not concerned about where he is now. I have no doubt he is with Our Lord.

Things were good at first, with my parish family, family, and friends assuring me of their prayers. They all must have stopped because I’m a mess.

Sure, I understand the stages of grief and that it’s a process, but I just want to be with him. I’m tired of living without him. I work for my parish, and right now we’re going through a construction project that is extremely stressful. The priest is never here, never, so all the decisions fall on my shoulders, as does the blame. My sons, 26 and 24, live at home and are supportive but self-involved, as is my 87-year-old father who moved in with us after he broke his arm (He may be going back home next week. He’s low-maintenance but a “sad sack” kind of guy who can be depressing to be around.). My brother, after 25 years of marriage, is getting a divorce–devastating news, especially since they have two young children. Even so, no one seems to notice that I’m falling apart. Financial problems are overwhelming. My income has been cut by $100,000 per year to a whopping total of $25,000. Hubby didn’t have life insurance. I don’t have health insurance so seeing a counselor is not feasible. Spiritual direction would not be possible with my schedule. Not sleeping makes it all worse.

So, the question is for you widows out there: how do you cope with the sadness?
Click to expand...
I’m not a widow…so I’ll just shut up and not try to give advice. But I will tell you that I’ll pray for you tonight. And that you’re just plain stinking awesome.

I wish I could do more…I really freaking do…

Peace and sleep.
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
I’m so sorry. Such a devastating situation. If the people in your community/church aren’t taking care of you as well as they were, I’m sure it’s not anything you’ve done wrong. It’s just that people don’t realize how long and how intense grief can be and they simply get back to their daily lives and don’t realize that the hardest part of your suffering has only just begun.

Please look up your local hospice care group–they almost always offer free grief counseling during the first year of a loss. They will also be able to plug you into support groups. When my dad died a few years ago, my mom managed to get in touch with a widows support group and it’s been wonderful for her.

Prayers for you :console:
 
Are you in the USA?

If you are you can call

1-800-273-TALK

24/7. They’re there to listen (sometimes they might get a little busy and might ask you to call back, but eventually you’ll be able to talk to someone).

I’m praying for you.
 
Lord please embrace this lady and comfort her.Please fill her with confidence and hope for her future.May she feel Your love for her to sustain her in the most difficutl times she faces.Thankyou Lord for hearing our prayers Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Lord please embrace this lady and comfort her.Please fill her with confidence and hope for her future.May she feel Your love for her to sustain her in the most difficutl times she faces.Thankyou Lord for hearing our prayers Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
May our Mother take you into her arms, that you might be close to her Son, overwhelming you with the Love that brings Life. In the name of the Father, the Son, & the Holy Spirt.
 
Community mental heath facilities offer counseling and mental heath services with a sliding fee scale. If you are below a certain income, services can be free. You can locate a provider at:

store.samhsa.gov/mhlocator

I hope this helps.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top