So there is this girl

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mrgunston

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She is a wonderful young Catholic and she has many great qualities. I really enjoy her company and I want to develop a solid friendship with her.

On some occasions, when we are together, it seems like she is uncomfortable and she doesn’t talk much.

I know that she likes me, however, I really want to get her to open up and be herself around me.

Do you have any advice on ways that we can strengthen this friendship?

Please keep us in your prayers.

Thank you and God Bless.
 
Maybe she is uncomfortable because “friendship” is not what she wants? And probably not what you want either?

Friendship as a basis for developing a male-female relationship into something more works for some people and not for others. If you like her, as potentially more than a friend, why not just ask her on a date?
 
Hi there underacloud,

Sorry, I should have mentioned this initially; we are both interested in more than a friendship however, she is quite young. (I am 21 and she is 15). I would love to ask her on a date although, I feel that it would be better to wait until she is older. I want to take advantage of the time which we need to wait by forming a friendship.

Thanks,

Paul
 
mrgunston said:
Hi there underacloud,

Sorry, I should have mentioned this initially; we are both interested in more than a friendship however, she is quite young. (I am 21 and she is 15). I would love to ask her on a date although, I feel that it would be better to wait until she is older. I want to take advantage of the time which we need to wait by forming a friendship.

Thanks,

Paul
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Fair enough, yes that’s a different scenario.

I guess the only thing that comes to mind is to find common interests/hobbies, that will let you spend time together in a reasonably natural setting, a reasonably organic way to spend time. There will be less pressure when it seems like you are doing something constructive, rather than doing something that seems suspiciously like a date even though you don’t want to do that yet.

My wife and I went rockclimbing a few times and to several football games before we officially started “dating”. It was good fun and the activity itself took the pressure of the need to make conversation or worry about awkwardness. Frankly, it’s still sort of dating, but will buy you some time before you step into proper dating.
 
Hi please help me !
I am suddenly afraid! I have this nice girlfriend too but I’m stressed now!

it is because I confessed 2 days ago and I told the priest I was a proud person,

and he told me that if you are proud then prepare for God to humble you… and I asked how does God humble me?

and he gave examples such as being rejected or my girlfriend liking another guy and leaving me… this made me very sad.

Will God do this to humble me? can he humble me another way? I am scared that God will do this
 
mrgunston said:
Hi there underacloud,

Sorry, I should have mentioned this initially; we are both interested in more than a friendship however, she is quite young. (I am 21 and she is 15). I would love to ask her on a date although, I feel that it would be better to wait until she is older. I want to take advantage of the time which we need to wait by forming a friendship.

Thanks,

Paul
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I hate to be negative but even a friendship in these circumstances might be difficult to sustain - simply because the age difference could create scandal and suspicion of impure motives. If you did ask her on a date, then a relationship developed, then intimacy developed (as it often can despite one’s beliefs, etc) you could find yourself in serious trouble.

If you do stay friends, I would make sure that you only see her in the company of other people until she’s of age.
 
SpidersfromMars said:
I hate to be negative but even a friendship in these circumstances might be difficult to sustain - simply because the age difference could create scandal and suspicion of impure motives. If you did ask her on a date, then a relationship developed, then intimacy developed (as it often can despite one’s beliefs, etc) you could find yourself in serious trouble.

If you do stay friends, I would make sure that you only see her in the company of other people until she’s of age.
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Yes, she’s a child and however much you like her and have no ill-intentions towards her, it wouldn’t be appropriate to try to develop a friendship with a 15-year-old girl when you are a grown man.
 
Isca said:
Yes, she’s a child and however much you like her and have no ill-intentions towards her, it wouldn’t be appropriate to try to develop a friendship with a 15-year-old girl when you are a grown man.
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I agree.
 
Be careful, guy. It is not a good idea to be alone with a minor, especially a female. If you are going to be friends with her it should be in a group setting until she is 18. Also, and beside the point, she is uncomfortable around you. You could be setting yourself up for big trouble.

Years ago the age difference would not have been a big deal. But it’s different now.
 
Isca said:
Yes, she’s a child and however much you like her and have no ill-intentions towards her, it wouldn’t be appropriate to try to develop a friendship with a 15-year-old girl when you are a grown man.
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Yes, this. Do her parents know you are spending time with her?
 
mrgunston said:
She is a wonderful young Catholic and she has many great qualities. I really enjoy her company and I want to develop a solid friendship with her.

On some occasions, when we are together, it seems like she is uncomfortable and she doesn’t talk much.

I know that she likes me, however, I really want to get her to open up and be herself around me.

Do you have any advice on ways that we can strengthen this friendship?

Please keep us in your prayers.

Thank you and God Bless.
Click to expand...
 
Be very careful…regardless of how physically/emotinally mature she may be …she is minor…what used to be affectionately referred to in the South as…San Quniton Quail…
 
You 21, her 15? Bad idea - you are asking for trouble. I’d be keeping my distance if I were you.
 
Some of our close relatives met each other when she was 16 and he was considerably older and they married as soon as they legally could, but I would urge the OP to stick to group settings. The downside on this is just too big.

If you’re both still unattached when she turns 18, invite her out then, but bear in mind that there’s a huge maturity gap, life experience, and life stage gap between you (or there ought to be). Even if things worked out perfectly at that point and you got married and had a family, she might later resent the fact that she was a child bride and didn’t have a chance to have “fun” and normal young single adult experiences. One of my Protestant relatives who is now divorced is deeply regretting the fact he married a girl that age (I hear she has since remarried an old high school (!) boyfriend). They had quite a large family together before she jumped the fence.

Having a husband and children is a big deal, and a really young woman won’t realize what she is doing. She’ll generally just be thinking about cake and dresses and bridesmaids and that sort of thing.
 
To clarify, my first anecdote was about a couple who have now been married 40+ years and are doing fine.

My second anecdote was about a couple who were married nearly 25 years when she suddenly decided that it was time to have the young adulthood she’d never had as a child bride.
 
emanuelGeorge said:
Hi please help me !
I am suddenly afraid! I have this nice girlfriend too but I’m stressed now!

it is because I confessed 2 days ago and I told the priest I was a proud person,

and he told me that if you are proud then prepare for God to humble you… and I asked how does God humble me?

and he gave examples such as being rejected or my girlfriend liking another guy and leaving me… this made me very sad.

Will God do this to humble me? can he humble me another way? I am scared that God will do this
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I’m afraid your question will be lost in this thread. Best to start a new one.

Peace
James
 
mrgunston said:
Hi there underacloud,

Sorry, I should have mentioned this initially; we are both interested in more than a friendship however, she is quite young. (I am 21 and she is 15). I would love to ask her on a date although, I feel that it would be better to wait until she is older. I want to take advantage of the time which we need to wait by forming a friendship.

Thanks,

Paul
Click to expand...
I’m sure you’d never do something untoward, but you shouldn’t be seen in her company alone as nasty rumors could start. Always have other people along.
 
Xantippe said:
Some of our close relatives met each other when she was 16 and he was considerably older and they married as soon as they legally could, but I would urge the OP to stick to group settings. The downside on this is just too big.

If you’re both still unattached when she turns 18, invite her out then, but bear in mind that there’s a huge maturity gap, life experience, and life stage gap between you (or there ought to be). Even if things worked out perfectly at that point and you got married and had a family, she might later resent the fact that she was a child bride and didn’t have a chance to have “fun” and normal young single adult experiences. One of my Protestant relatives who is now divorced is deeply regretting the fact he married a girl that age (I hear she has since remarried an old high school (!) boyfriend). They had quite a large family together before she jumped the fence.

Having a husband and children is a big deal, and a really young woman won’t realize what she is doing. She’ll generally just be thinking about cake and dresses and bridesmaids and that sort of thing.
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It is such a dicey area.

I met my wife when she was 16 and I was 24. Her mom could have cared less about the age difference.
We got engaged when she was 18 and married at 19.

Our marriage has been awesome.

I “partied” with and dated many women. But the one you want to be the mother of your children is a different classification.

Sadly I was a child of the world at that point in my life but I had to find a young girl to even have the morals and potential to be a wife and mother.

But here is the hypocrisy. (besides the hypocrisy of me partying and not wanting a woman that did.)

I would never let my 15 year old daughter have a relationship with a 21 year old, hair on his chest, man. Never. Over my empty magazine.🤷
 
HoosierDaddy said:

“But here is the hypocrisy. (besides the hypocrisy of me partying and not wanting a woman that did.) I would never let my 15 year old daughter have a relationship with a 21 year old, hair on his chest, man. Never. Over my empty magazine.”

I bet a lot of guys with the same background feel the very same way. I think there’s a large intersection between “hypocrisy” and “life experience.”

My relatives where the couple started seeing each other when she was 16 and married as soon as she was legal and have lived more or less happily ever after would probably have gone bonkers (particularly the dad) if THEIR 16-year-old daughter had started seeing a 21-year-old guy. I know this for a fact, because they did go bonkers when their 24-year-old son got engaged to a 22-year-old woman.
 
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