So Very Confused!

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CarmeliteGirl25

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Wow, I am really confused right now! As most of you know, I have been discerning with the Carmelites for a few months now. I have visited one community (the Carmelites DCJ in St. Louis) and knew it was not a match. I was planning to visit the Brooklyn Carmelite nuns this coming year.

But, I went on a retreat this weekend. This was the second annual retreat that I’ve been on of this nature. The Franciscan Friars and Sisters of the Renewal were there again this year. I remembered how much I was attracted to their charism at the beginning of my discernment. The convictions I have felt in my soul match their life and charism very much; I think more so than the Carmelites :confused: So I am confused about my discernment.

I wonder if I might have ignored the Holy Spirit telling me that I was not called to the Carmelites. I received an email from a Carmel Superior (not naming which) asking what attracted me so much to Carmel. I wrote back trying to express what it was that made me attracted to them. She wrote back and said that she was sorry, but she shared with novice mistress what I wrote and both of them agreed that I did not have a genuine vocation to Carmel and perhaps I should look elsewhere. I had not met this nun, so I did not believe her to be correct. Now I’m wondering if it was something I should have thought about further?

It’s happened before where I found out that an order I was greatly interested in did not accept me, but then I found out that they were a renegade order and not in full communion with Rome. Could it have been the Holy Spirit the second time?? Could I be wrong about my Carmelite vocation?? I would like (name removed by moderator)ut on this! I am so confused!

The Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal are really what I feel I could live as. Their charism calls to me, and I think maybe I am a Franciscan?? There are some similarities between me and St. Francis, but I don’t know if they are just superficial or a “God-incidence.”

My middle name is Frances.
I love animals, and always have.
I am a musician, too, and the Franciscan Friars and Sisters of the Renewal are known for their great liturgical music.

I think maybe I am called to the CFRs. I was so inspired and captivated by Fr. Glenn Sudano’s homilies during the retreat. I just really feel like I could live their life.
 
I know how confusing it can be :sad_yes: Even when you think you have the “perfect” community in mind, you will learn of another one that you feel is even better. :juggle: I am a candidate with the Felician Franciscans but that doesn’t mean I’m 100% sure it will be the community I stick with. You are correct to look for signs. The Holy Spirit will guide you in all you do. Like you, I have always been drawn to the habit. I first started discerning with a community, thinking I would be giving the option to wear the habit. When I was told it wasn’t an option, I got really down. I had gotten to know the sisters really well but being able to wear a habit is important to me. Then a short time later I got a call from a Felician Sister. My friend had given her my number. She left me a message and the first thing she said was that wearing the habit was an option. :yyeess: I started talking to the sisters in the community and for now it seems like it’s the right one. I know the beginning can be so stressful. There are sooo many communities its hard to know where to start. :eek: I would say keep going were the Holy Spirit leads you. I also like the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal but for now I feel more drawn to the Felicians. If you like them I say go ahead and talk to them. You may find out it is the community for you. Every religious I have talked to says you are never 100% certain. You just have to trust the Holy Spirit. IMO it’s kinda like jumping into the pool without testing to see if the water is cold. You just gotta jump right in sometimes. Good luck with everything I will definitely be praying for you

God bless:signofcross:
 
CarmeliteGirl25 said:
Wow, I am really confused right now! As most of you know, I have been discerning with the Carmelites for a few months now. I have visited one community (the Carmelites DCJ in St. Louis) and knew it was not a match. I was planning to visit the Brooklyn Carmelite nuns this coming year.

But, I went on a retreat this weekend. This was the second annual retreat that I’ve been on of this nature. The Franciscan Friars and Sisters of the Renewal were there again this year. I remembered how much I was attracted to their charism at the beginning of my discernment. The convictions I have felt in my soul match their life and charism very much; I think more so than the Carmelites :confused: So I am confused about my discernment.

I wonder if I might have ignored the Holy Spirit telling me that I was not called to the Carmelites. I received an email from a Carmel Superior (not naming which) asking what attracted me so much to Carmel. I wrote back trying to express what it was that made me attracted to them. She wrote back and said that she was sorry, but she shared with novice mistress what I wrote and both of them agreed that I did not have a genuine vocation to Carmel and perhaps I should look elsewhere. I had not met this nun, so I did not believe her to be correct. Now I’m wondering if it was something I should have thought about further?

It’s happened before where I found out that an order I was greatly interested in did not accept me, but then I found out that they were a renegade order and not in full communion with Rome. Could it have been the Holy Spirit the second time?? Could I be wrong about my Carmelite vocation?? I would like (name removed by moderator)ut on this! I am so confused!

The Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal are really what I feel I could live as. Their charism calls to me, and I think maybe I am a Franciscan?? There are some similarities between me and St. Francis, but I don’t know if they are just superficial or a “God-incidence.”

My middle name is Frances.
I love animals, and always have.
I am a musician, too, and the Franciscan Friars and Sisters of the Renewal are known for their great liturgical music.

I think maybe I am called to the CFRs. I was so inspired and captivated by Fr. Glenn Sudano’s homilies during the retreat. I just really feel like I could live their life.
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The CFRs are great!

I don’t think you could go wrong there.

May God Bless your vocation abundantly!
 
from what I know mainly from here, the daily life in the Carmelite vs CFR is going to be quite different, as far as prayer time, contemplation, and active ministry. Best next step I think is to spend time, at least a week, in each monastery that interests you and sample the life as far as possible.
 
miniquedoes said:
I know how confusing it can be :sad_yes: Even when you think you have the “perfect” community in mind, you will learn of another one that you feel is even better. :juggle: I am a candidate with the Felician Franciscans but that doesn’t mean I’m 100% sure it will be the community I stick with. You are correct to look for signs. The Holy Spirit will guide you in all you do. Like you, I have always been drawn to the habit. I first started discerning with a community, thinking I would be giving the option to wear the habit. When I was told it wasn’t an option, I got really down. I had gotten to know the sisters really well but being able to wear a habit is important to me. Then a short time later I got a call from a Felician Sister. My friend had given her my number. She left me a message and the first thing she said was that wearing the habit was an option. :yyeess: I started talking to the sisters in the community and for now it seems like it’s the right one. I know the beginning can be so stressful. There are sooo many communities its hard to know where to start. :eek: I would say keep going were the Holy Spirit leads you. I also like the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal but for now I feel more drawn to the Felicians. If you like them I say go ahead and talk to them. You may find out it is the community for you. Every religious I have talked to says you are never 100% certain. You just have to trust the Holy Spirit. IMO it’s kinda like jumping into the pool without testing to see if the water is cold. You just gotta jump right in sometimes. Good luck with everything I will definitely be praying for you

God bless:signofcross:
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I’ve gone over and over again in my head trying to be rational about this decision, but I keep coming back to the CFRs. I really would love to “jump into the pool” and go visit them! I have read so much about their order throughout my discernment and thought how beautiful and austere their order was. I know that the prayer times are different and the spirituality is a little different, but I think that less structured prayer times might be better for me since I grow in many different ways.

One thing that I found out about them that I have been wanting in an order since the beginning of my discernment is daily Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. The Eucharist is so very important to me, and they center their order around it. I think the more I think about it, the more I desire their way of life. I continue to pray that Jesus will lead me to the order that HE wants me in, not what I want, and I still think more of them.

I think I’m going to do it… I think I’m going to jump! I am going to go there after the New Year and check it out! I’m going to write the vocations director or call her and see when their next “Come and See” retreats are, too.

Thank you all for your advice and God bless you!
 
Good for you 👍 I think the CFRs are a great community and I am sure you will get lots of great information from them. I really do like their simplicity of life and the way they are dedicated to helping the poor. There are lots of great videos on youtube that might help you get to know more about them. Just search Franciscan Sisters (or Friars) or the Renewal. I really do enjoy their videos. Hope all goes well.

God bless :signofcross:
 
miniquedoes said:
Good for you 👍 I think the CFRs are a great community and I am sure you will get lots of great information from them. I really do like their simplicity of life and the way they are dedicated to helping the poor. There are lots of great videos on youtube that might help you get to know more about them. Just search Franciscan Sisters (or Friars) or the Renewal. I really do enjoy their videos. Hope all goes well.

God bless :signofcross:
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Thanks a million! There are amazing videos on YouTube. One in particular that I loved was the First Vows of some of the sisters. Unfortunately I can’t find the link just now, but I will post it if I do! 😃
 
Hi CarmeliteGirl25,

I don’t know whether there’s such a thing as a straightforward religious vocation: probably not! By any standard, though, your path seems to be a particularly confusing one. It’s great to see that you’re still hopeful and energetic, and I’ve been impressed several times by your ability to work through the challenges you’ve mentioned on this board.

I hope that with the Holy Spirit’s guidance you’ll find the right community for you, and I agree that visiting the CFRs is a good step toward resolving this new dilemma. Stay dauntless: you’re doing admirably in a very confusing situation, and with the Lord’s help, it won’t last forever!
 
Hi CarmeliteGirl25,

I don’t know whether there’s such a thing as a straightforward religious vocation: probably not! By any standard, though, your path seems to be a particularly long and winding one. It’s great to see that you’re still hopeful and energetic, and I’ve been impressed several times by your ability to work through the challenges you’ve mentioned on this board.

I hope that with the Holy Spirit’s guidance you’ll find the right community for you, and I agree that visiting the CFRs is a good step toward resolving this new dilemma. Stay dauntless: you’re doing admirably in a confusing situation, and eventually it will all come right as the Lord wills it. God bless!
 
Spiritu said:
Hi CarmeliteGirl25,

I don’t know whether there’s such a thing as a straightforward religious vocation: probably not! By any standard, though, your path seems to be a particularly long and winding one. It’s great to see that you’re still hopeful and energetic, and I’ve been impressed several times by your ability to work through the challenges you’ve mentioned on this board.

I hope that with the Holy Spirit’s guidance you’ll find the right community for you, and I agree that visiting the CFRs is a good step toward resolving this new dilemma. Stay dauntless: you’re doing admirably in a confusing situation, and eventually it will all come right as the Lord wills it. God bless!
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God bless you, Spiritu! I am no longer confused. 😉 I am trusting solely in Him to bring me where He wants me. I have never felt so much peace as I do now. I will accept wherever He wants to send me. I know He only wants the best for me and if He wants to send me to the Franciscans, Carmelites, or another order, then I know that order is the right one. My favorite prayer includes this:

“I trust you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.” Amen!

God has created in me a humble spirit and for that I am eternally thankful. I have grown so close to Him, especially this past weekend. In every opportunity He gives me, I try to “jump in” with all my might! 🙂

God bless each and every one of you for your supportive words and encouragement! May God reward you for your support! God bless you!👍
 
CarmeliteGirl25 said:
I’ve gone over and over again in my head trying to be rational about this decision, but I keep coming back to the CFRs. I really would love to “jump into the pool” and go visit them! I have read so much about their order throughout my discernment and thought how beautiful and austere their order was. I know that the prayer times are different and the spirituality is a little different, but I think that less structured prayer times might be better for me since I grow in many different ways.

One thing that I found out about them that I have been wanting in an order since the beginning of my discernment is daily Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. The Eucharist is so very important to me, and they center their order around it. I think the more I think about it, the more I desire their way of life. I continue to pray that Jesus will lead me to the order that HE wants me in, not what I want, and I still think more of them.

I think I’m going to do it… I think I’m going to jump! I am going to go there after the New Year and check it out! I’m going to write the vocations director or call her and see when their next “Come and See” retreats are, too.

Thank you all for your advice and God bless you!
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Carmelite Girl,
Great to hear… do for sure visit the different communities. Learn as much as you can about each of them.
Why not do a visit to both communities? You will need to do some reading on both rules,[and spiritualities[ of course as they are vastly different,. I will be praying for you during your discernment process. Also a list of pros and cons so to speak for each community [from your viewpoint as in how you may fit in and what attracts you to each] as well as looking at the charisms of each community each community may help. Pray pray pray… and hopefully you have found a spiritual director who may help you. How excited I am for you…
Blessings of Peace and All Good! *
 
Poor_Clare_tobe said:
Carmelite Girl,
Great to hear… do for sure visit the different communities. Learn as much as you can about each of them.
Why not do a visit to both communities? You will need to do some reading on both rules,[and spiritualities[ of course as they are vastly different,. I will be praying for you during your discernment process. Also a list of pros and cons so to speak for each community [from your viewpoint as in how you may fit in and what attracts you to each] as well as looking at the charisms of each community each community may help. Pray pray pray… and hopefully you have found a spiritual director who may help you. How excited I am for you…
Blessings of Peace and All Good! *
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If I am able to go to New York, I will visit 3 communities, if I can:

Brooklyn Carmelites
Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal
Little Sisters of the Poor

I have no specific attraction to the LSP’s but their apostolate would allow me to work as a CNA, so I want to check them out. Plus, I was told by a friend who works closely with them that I might be able to work in one of their houses as a lay member and they will provide housing. I don’t know if this is true, but I will ask!😃
 
Keep persevering in you prayer and discernment. Don’t get caught up in a feeling. Give it time and test it.

I say this because, and please don’t get upset with this as I mean no offense, it seems that you very quickly went from certainty with the Carmelites to certainty with the Franciscans in a very short period of time. I may be wrong, but this has been my observation. Please let me know what you think.

In Carmel,

Br. Allen
 
Allen537 said:
Keep persevering in you prayer and discernment. Don’t get caught up in a feeling. Give it time and test it.

I say this because, and please don’t get upset with this as I mean no offense, it seems that you very quickly went from certainty with the Carmelites to certainty with the Franciscans in a very short period of time. I may be wrong, but this has been my observation. Please let me know what you think.

In Carmel,

Br. Allen
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That’s what many people have said but I am not placing certainty in either of them and I fully intend to wait this out. I understand your viewpoint though, and appreciate outside viewpoints. This discernment is difficult, but I want nothing but the Holy Spirit guiding me. If that takes time, so be it. If it takes a matter of months or a year, so be it. Whatever He wants, I want. 👍 God bless you!
 
Oh, and I wanted to mention, I got an email from the Discalced Carmelite Nuns in Arlington, TX. The Mother Superior invited me out for a visit. I’m planning to go because their community still holds a lot of interest for me. If I could find an order that combined Franciscan and Carmelite spirituality, I think I would have it made. Anyone know of such a thing? LOL!😃
 
CarmeliteGirl25 said:
That’s what many people have said but I am not placing certainty in either of them and I fully intend to wait this out. I understand your viewpoint though, and appreciate outside viewpoints. This discernment is difficult, but I want nothing but the Holy Spirit guiding me. If that takes time, so be it. If it takes a matter of months or a year, so be it. Whatever He wants, I want. 👍 God bless you!
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Carmelite Girl
  • Two more things to add… do take your time as it does seem you are still deciding where your heart is leading you.
    Secondly and I cant stress this point enough… please please if you havent already… do find a spiritual director. Most communities will ask that you have one … blessings and keep praying*
 
Poor_Clare_tobe said:
Carmelite Girl
  • Two more things to add… do take your time as it does seem you are still deciding where your heart is leading you.
    Secondly and I cant stress this point enough… please please if you havent already… do find a spiritual director. Most communities will ask that you have one … blessings and keep praying*
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Poor Clare, good point. As much as I would like to join a convent right now and embrace His will for my life, I have no idea where that is at this juncture. I’ve only visited one community, so I am no where near ready to commit yet 😉 I’ve been continually looking for a spiritual director. I tried to get in touch with a sister that I was referred to. She said she’d get back with me after Thanksgiving, but hasn’t. I don’t know her number, just her email address. I’ll try emailing her again. I gave her my number. There is a priest that I know personally who does spiritual direction. I will try to give him a call, personally, tomorrow. I hope to make head way on finding one. Then I can take this stuff seriously. I know I would benefit immensely from it.

Like I said, I don’t mind outside viewpoints. Please, share, if you think something needs attention. I’m still new to this process 👍 God bless!
 
CarmeliteGirl25 said:
Poor Clare, good point. As much as I would like to join a convent right now and embrace His will for my life, I have no idea where that is at this juncture. I’ve only visited one community, so I am no where near ready to commit yet 😉 I’ve been continually looking for a spiritual director. I tried to get in touch with a sister that I was referred to. She said she’d get back with me after Thanksgiving, but hasn’t. I don’t know her number, just her email address. I’ll try emailing her again. I gave her my number. There is a priest that I know personally who does spiritual direction. I will try to give him a call, personally, tomorrow. I hope to make head way on finding one. Then I can take this stuff seriously. I know I would benefit immensely from it.

Like I said, I don’t mind outside viewpoints. Please, share, if you think something needs attention. I’m still new to this process 👍 God bless!
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I hope that the search for your director is going well. A vocation journey is such a unique one to each person… Keep posting …hopefully you will continue to run across more people who will share their different journeys. I will continue to pray for you while you sort out how or where the Lord is calling you. Just to share one more personal story if I may? Originally in my vocation I was a member of an active order. [then family emergencies intervened] When I began researching a return as an older vocation… I found it quite interesting to be led towards cloistered/contemplative life as opposed to an active apostolate. I can hardly wait to see how your vocation unfolds… Blessings of Peace and All Good!
 
Poor_Clare_tobe said:
I hope that the search for your director is going well. A vocation journey is such a unique one to each person… Keep posting …hopefully you will continue to run across more people who will share their different journeys. I will continue to pray for you while you sort out how or where the Lord is calling you. Just to share one more personal story if I may? Originally in my vocation I was a member of an active order. [then family emergencies intervened] When I began researching a return as an older vocation… I found it quite interesting to be led towards cloistered/contemplative life as opposed to an active apostolate. I can hardly wait to see how your vocation unfolds… Blessings of Peace and All Good!
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You must not have read my new post! I found a spiritual director!!! Remember the priest that I had originally asked, but he referred me to a sister? That’s the one who offered to do it this past weekend!! I made an appointment with him for this past weekend to make a general life Confession, and afterward, told him I had not had any luck finding a spiritual director. He said to call him after the first of the year, and he would sit down and we would talk. He offered to be my SD! I am so happy! :extrahappy: :dancing: :whackadoo:

In all honesty, I believe I have a semi-contemplative/semi-active vocation. I need to be amongst the people I am serving. And I am going back to school soon to be a nurse. I recently graduated with my Nursing Assistant diploma, and I am taking the test as soon as they let me. I am looking into the Religious Sisters of Mercy and the Sisters of St. Francis of Perpetual Adoration. Both are very promising orders. There are others that I am looking at too. I am keeping in touch with Mother Maria from the Arlington, TX Carmel in case, with the help of my SD, we determine that I am called to the cloister. I am very open to the idea. In fact, I am open to whatever He has in mind for me. He’s not let me down yet! 👍

I was in heaven when I was doing my clinicals as a Nursing Assistant. It gave me such joy to be able to assist the ones who couldn’t do anything for themselves. Knowing that they relied on me, wow, what a blessing. There was one that I was with that could not move without help. I had to feed her, bathe her, etc. She was the most optimistic person I have ever met. She loved all the nursing assistants that helped her during clinicals. Even the nurse on the wing said that she asked for us by name and was unhappy when we weren’t there. I loved her so much! It takes a very special person to look at her illness as anything but bad. And that’s what she did. She was amazing. She believes in angels and God, and is a true Christian, who has accepted God’s will. I miss her constantly! I would like to go back to see her, but since I am not family and I am not doing clinicals any longer, I am unable. 😦 She made me a better person, and made me truly thankful for everything God has blessed me with.

Thanks for your post! :blessyou:
 
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