So what happens if you're attracted to others?

  • Thread starter Thread starter coolduude
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

coolduude

Guest
Hi all,

To make a long story short, I am physically attracted to other girls other than my girlfriend. Which is breaking both my and my girlfriend’s heart.

Now don’t get me wrong, my gf is a cutie. No doubt about that. But there are other girls I do find prettier (and no they’re not movie stars). The problem is I see these girls every day in school and they really are pretty. And I see my gf every day too. So it is a conflict.

Why don’t I date these other girls? Well how can I put this… they are ahem low. They’ll date a lot of guys and do a lot with each one. Basically, they’re not waiting until marriage. But they’re still pretty.

So what should I do here? I don’t want to brake up with my current girlfriend and I’m not dating the other girls for the reasons above. So do I just look at they’re natural looks in my heart? (no lust, mind you). What do I do?

I’m just looking for some friendly advice. No flames please :o

Coolduude.
 
Personally, I think there comes a time when you need to appreciate the person you’re with for who they are. Not everyone is born with beauty, it’s just not a gift that God graces everyone with. (although they may be beautiful to some people, as all people’s tastes differ) But if your girlfriend has a great faith, appreciate her for that. There will come a day when those beautiful girls will no longer be beautiful. But a faith in God if fostered correctly will never diminish.

And, perhaps this is a case of the grass is greener on the other side. If you went out with someone who you thought perhaps was more beautiful, do you really think you’d be more happy? Especially if they had low morals? I think not.

But one other thing I want to note. Why are you sharing this with your girlfriend? Why would you tell her that you think other girls are more beautiful than her? What a shot to her self esteem! I think you ought to apologize to her for that. Tell her that you treasure her faith, and any other God-pleasing attributes she has. This life is not only about physical beauty. I think you know that, but you need to remember it.

I also want to say that perhaps you are not meant to marry this girl. It is possible I suppose. That’s only something you can discern. But if you break up with her solely on the fact that she is not pretty enough, I think you’d regret it eventually. Just because I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to break up with someone if otherwise you care for them.
 
A very good post! 👍

But let me explain myself:
I have not told my girlfriend recently that other girls are pretty. I told her before we went out (when we were building a friendship) and in about the first month of our relationship. Why did I tell her in the first month? Because I did not intend or the relationship to make it. I thought I would go on a date or two with her and let her go. (I thought she was merely infatuated with me. I guess not). But now we’ve been going out for 14 months. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not me. And, once I realized we would make it, I didn’t even mention other girls (my mom excluded :p)

and yes, I do bring up her given blessings. I bring them up (I think) a lot 🙂

Thank you for the response! 🙂
 
Ok, let’s assume that you and your girl friend are in love…

Did you expect that other women would suddenly not appear attractive to you? That would make it too easy. LOL As far as I am concerned attraction is natural. It will never stop.
 
MtnDwellar said:
Ok, let’s assume that you and your girl friend are in love…

Did you expect that other women would suddenly not appear attractive to you? That would make it too easy. LOL As far as I am concerned attraction is natural. It will never stop.
Click to expand...
I agree with that! As one of my guy friends says: “you are dating/married, not dead”. The is very true for men, who are very visual creatures.
 
Honestly, I think you’re at the age where you are still trying to figure out what you really like in the opposite sex and really shouldn’t be tied down anyways. Its time for discerning what you want in a future partner and for self discovery. I think the fact that you asked this question should point out to you that you don’t need to be in a committed relationship just yet. Go out with friends, get to know all types of people, just not one girl. There is plenty of time to be in a serious relationship later in life when you have figured out what you like and want.
 
CountrySinger said:
I agree with that! As one of my guy friends says: “you are dating/married, not dead”. The is very true for men, who are very visual creatures.
Click to expand...
👍 Agreed!
And you seem young, it is hard to be that serious at a young age…🙂 I commend you for wanting to be faithful to your girlfriend. As you said though you do not seem to be lusting, just looking…it is a natural part of life. Thank God for creating a beautiful creature and move on…🙂
 
You will always be find other girls attractive. As to being attracted to them, quite a bit of that depends upon how long you allow yourself to take them in. At least you are also using your head and realizing that being physically attractive is not all that important in the big picture, because you aren’t truly interested in the girls that don’t share your values.
 
Um, I’m not following this-You find other girls attractive. Who cares?

Your a guy! It’s normal. Tell your girlfriend that even though you find other women attractive, you don’t skirt chase and fool around. She should say, “Thank you sweetie. I know it’s hard sometimes for guys to behave.”

Tell your girlfriend to grow up. And find other things to be worried about!

Look, I don’t mean to sound harsh. Sorry if I do.
 
CountrySinger said:
I agree with that! As one of my guy friends says: “you are dating/married, not dead”. The is very true for men, who are very visual creatures.
Click to expand...
Countrysinger,since you know this, and you won’t beat your man over the head with it, please tell your man he is SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

I wish more women understood than men are more motivated by the visual. It doesn’t mean that men should act like idiots, but women need to understand this.
 
You could always stop looking.

On top of that I would say you need to stop wasting your gf’s time if you ain’t looking to marry in the next few years which I’m guessing your not.

Girls are not just for fun.
 
Rascalking said:
Countrysinger,since you know this, and you won’t beat your man over the head with it, please tell your man he is SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

I wish more women understood than men are more motivated by the visual. It doesn’t mean that men should act like idiots, but women need to understand this.
Click to expand...
I have no guy that I’m dating (all the guys I know at home are buddies, which is for the best, since they can’t keep loyal to their girlfriends/wives). I can always tell my cats I guess, lol.
 
You can find other women attractive - they are God’s creation and you should marvel at His beautiful work! But how does that ruin your relationship with your girlfriend? Surely she finds other guys attractive too. When you come of the dating age, you should be preparing for marriage. All in all, you must look beyond the outside and see the true, inner beauty.

God Bless, Therese
 
This isn’t a big deal at all. You’re a guy, you’re bound to notic other women. Don’t tell your gf though, and don’t break up w/her over syperficial things. You’ll regret it. Also, I disagree that you should stop “wasting her time.” Not all couples marry, hopefully she and you can last but don’t feel guilty if you guys break up at some point.
 
*How is it that I can agree with everyone–all rolled into one? :o:D I do though. I think yes, it’s perfectly natural to look at attractive women. And…eh hem…women notice attractive men, also–so I doubt your gf doesn’t notice a good looking man that crosses her path–she might just not share it with you. :o I don’t think it’s necessary to share those things with your mate…it doesn’t really edify the relationship. But, at the end of the day, if you find yourself wishing you were dating someone else, it’s best to let your gf go…because that might indicate that you are not ready to settle down, and/or not ready to settle down with HER.

As humans, there are things that are natural to do…sure. But, IF you find yourself not content with your gf…and really ‘‘wishing’’ you were dating others…it might be a sign to let you gf know that you’re not ready for something serious…or that you don’t feel she and you are heading for forever.

Just my two cents. *
 
BrokenFortress said:
Personally, I think there comes a time when you need to appreciate the person you’re with for who they are. Not everyone is born with beauty, it’s just not a gift that God graces everyone with. (although they may be beautiful to some people, as all people’s tastes differ) But if your girlfriend has a great faith, appreciate her for that. There will come a day when those beautiful girls will no longer be beautiful. But a faith in God if fostered correctly will never diminish.

And, perhaps this is a case of the grass is greener on the other side. If you went out with someone who you thought perhaps was more beautiful, do you really think you’d be more happy? Especially if they had low morals? I think not.

But one other thing I want to note. Why are you sharing this with your girlfriend? Why would you tell her that you think other girls are more beautiful than her? What a shot to her self esteem! I think you ought to apologize to her for that. Tell her that you treasure her faith, and any other God-pleasing attributes she has. This life is not only about physical beauty. I think you know that, but you need to remember it.

I also want to say that perhaps you are not meant to marry this girl. It is possible I suppose. That’s only something you can discern. But if you break up with her solely on the fact that she is not pretty enough, I think you’d regret it eventually. Just because I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to break up with someone if otherwise you care for them.
Click to expand...
I especially agree with you, BF.
 
I will just reiterate what others have said…

As a man it would be unnatural for you not be attracted to pretty females. It doesn’t much matter if you are 15 or 115. If you have working eyes they are going to notice the pretty girls. Whether you stay single or get married you will have to deal with this.

Your challenge is to learn how to be chaste in spite of your attraction to women. As a woman I can tell you that we do not appreciate being constantly reminded of this attraction by observing wandering eyes, silly grins, and jaws dropping on the ground. But we do occasionally need to be reminded that you stick with us in spite of the availability of other prospects; young women in particular don’t tend to understand how differently men and women are wired. (However the beginning of a relationship is probably not the best time to point this out.)
 
We are not slaves to our eyes, our eyes do what we tell them, you must achieve mastery over the body or the body will make you its slave.

Despite what others say this is a serious problem it will either get worse until it consumes or you will conquer it and keep it in check depending on how you act from this point forward.

We are not animals, we are men with free will and WE do and can control these things through training and force of discipline.

It was not for nothing that Christ taught:

“But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28

And again:

“And if thy right eye scandalize thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee. For it is expedient for thee that one of thy members should perish, rather than that thy whole body be cast into hell.” Matthew 5:29

You are called by God to be a saint, you will never achieve that by simply making peace with the body, the three enemies which we all must fight against all our life’s are the devil the world and the body never forget that.

Only by subduing the body and bending it to our will will we achieve the crown of sainthood.

God demands our all.
 
The OP didn’t say he is lusting after the women he finds attractive though. I agree with what you say, AF…but, it is entirely possible for men and women to simply notice an attractive person, and go on with the day, without a thought to ‘‘lusting.’’ I would say that to make ‘‘women watching’’ a habit or ‘‘hobby,’’ would lead to lustful thoughts and ideas of women, but merely noticing attractive people on one’s journey through life, that is not in and of itself …sinful.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top