So, what is a real marriage?

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Rose74 said:
At the time of our marriage, I was away from the church. I knew he was divorced and thought the marriages of an unbaptized person didn’t count. My grandparents were married in the rectory in the 40s because my grandpa was unbaptized. My grandma always said she could divorce him since it wasn’t sacramental (she didn’t- they were married 60 years). I had no reason to believe she was wrong on that. I only recently discovered the truth about this when I was thinking we could have a church wedding.
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And I think we, as a church, have done a poor job of catechesis. Yours is an example, and this is where we have to do better as a church. If you want a church wedding, go for it! God bless.
 
90Domer said:
You brought up something very significant. These marriages had the strong support of family members who laid a solid foundation. This is where I think we as a church are failing. Personally, I think most couples going through marriage prep do not take the classes or the message seriously. I have to admit that frustrated me and my husband greatly. Because young couples may not have the foundation established in their families of origin, we need to step up to better prepare them for the sacrament…and emphasize the sacramentality of marriage.
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Well now it’s seen as “cool” to date/marry someone your parents don’t approve of. In fact, a lot of parents are afraid to tell their teen/young adult children that their girlfriend or boyfriend is no good. I would have NEVER brought home someone who couldn’t pass muster with my conservative, protective dad. Now? They don’t care.
 
JackieMom said:
This has been my biggest stumbling block with The Church by far. Agreeing with her when my gut and innate sense of right and wrong tells me otherwise. It is surely always going to be a work in progress for me, because I am a strong-willed person with firm opinions. It’s hard!
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It won’t be such a stumbling rock if you realize that the Church’s teachings come directly from Christ, and that Christ cannot be wrong, for he is the Son of God.

It is in Matthew 5:31-32, directly from the words of Jesus:

“32 But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity,[a] makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Footnotes:

5.32 unchastity: The Greek word used here appears to refer to marriages that were not legally marriages because they were either within the forbidden degrees of consanguinity (Lev 18.6-16) or contracted with a Gentile. The phrase except on the ground of unchastity does not occur in the parallel passage in Lk 16.18. See also Mt 19.9 (Mk 10.11-12), and especially 1 Cor 7.10-11 which shows that the prohibition is unconditional.

As you see, it’s not about trusting the Church, it is about trusting Jesus.
 
eonporter said:
It won’t be such a stumbling rock if you realize that the Church’s teachings come directly from Christ, and that Christ cannot be wrong, for he is the Son of God.

It is in Matthew 5:31-32, directly from the words of Jesus:

“32 But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity,[a] makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Footnotes:

5.32 unchastity: The Greek word used here appears to refer to marriages that were not legally marriages because they were either within the forbidden degrees of consanguinity (Lev 18.6-16) or contracted with a Gentile. The phrase except on the ground of unchastity does not occur in the parallel passage in Lk 16.18. See also Mt 19.9 (Mk 10.11-12), and especially 1 Cor 7.10-11 which shows that the prohibition is unconditional.

As you see, it’s not about trusting the Church, it is about trusting Jesus.
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:rolleyes:
Thanks, but I don’t believe that divorce + remarriage is acceptable, so you’re preaching to the choir here.
 
Rose74 said:
Can we really blame those who have no idea of what marriage is all about?
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Yes. That is a total cop out.

My mom was married twice, she’s now a widow. My dad is on wife #4. I knew perfectly well what marriage was and that I was not seeing a proper example of it.
 
1ke said:
Yes. That is a total cop out.

My mom was married twice, she’s now a widow. My dad is on wife #4. I knew perfectly well what marriage was and that I was not seeing a proper example of it.
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My husband was the same way.

This is one of the reasons why it took him so long to want to get married. Because he knew it’s supposed to be a life-long commitment and couldn’t understand what his parents were doing and why. I think this is the main reason why the relationships that followed on both sides angered him so much.
 
In the US these days, we expect babies to be born independent and then have extremely low expectations for teens being able to hand things on their own. We are so backwards!!! Any who, my Grandma married my Grandpa when she was 16. They’ve been married over 60 years now and are the envy of nearly everyone that meets them, they have the best marriage I have ever seen and are both still devout Catholics.
 
Rose74 said:
At the time of our marriage, I was away from the church. I knew he was divorced and thought the marriages of an unbaptized person didn’t count. My grandparents were married in the rectory in the 40s because my grandpa was unbaptized. My grandma always said she could divorce him since it wasn’t sacramental (she didn’t- they were married 60 years). I had no reason to believe she was wrong on that. I only recently discovered the truth about this when I was thinking we could have a church wedding.
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Wait, so on the pone hand, you thought your marriage didnt count. On the other hand, you think your marriage is what real marriages are all about? Am I following that wrong?
 
KellyPalmer said:
Wait, so on the pone hand, you thought your marriage didnt count. On the other hand, you think your marriage is what real marriages are all about? Am I following that wrong?
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My marriage, if recognized by the church would not be sacramental (just natural-dissolvable). However, the marriage I have is built on mutual respect, fidelity for life, raising our children et… His first “marriage” was built upon lies and manipulation. Yes, our marriage is what marriage should be.
 
1ke said:
Yes. That is a total cop out.

My mom was married twice, she’s now a widow. My dad is on wife #4. I knew perfectly well what marriage was and that I was not seeing a proper example of it.
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👍

Similar story here. My parents divorced, remarried each other 10 years later, divorced again and then my dad married another woman. My father-in-law has been married and divorced 6 times (that we know of). I believe her mom has only married once, but has been in a common law marriage for close to 25 years.

It taught us what marriage shouldn’t be, so we looked to our grandparents’ marriages instead. Not one of our grandparents got divorces and the only one that got married a second time was 8 years after his first wife died.
 
Kelfa28 said:
A huge majority of them if you allow for parental consent through the courts. Even in the US…it can go as young as 16 with parental consent.
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Actually, it can go younger. Generally, 16 and 17 year olds can marry with parental consent. Anyone younger than 16 will require a court order and/or parental consent.

State laws regarding marriage vary very significantly, and I’m just speaking in generalities. Some states do not allow those under 16 to marry at all.
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
Actually, it can go younger. Generally, 16 and 17 year olds can marry with parental consent. Anyone younger than 16 will require a court order and/or parental consent.

State laws regarding marriage vary very significantly, and I’m just speaking in generalities. Some states do not allow those under 16 to marry at all.
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Yeah…further down the thread I made another post that addressed this.

The point is…while not all that common…it’s not illegal to do so. In most countries there are laws that allow this.
 
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