Social anxiety and awkward daily mass dilemma

[Rosarydevotion]

Hello all,

I’m sorry if I’m posting this in the wrong section, I’m not sure where to post this.

I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation this morning at daily mass and I’m hoping to get some advice…

Here’s what happened…I was at daily mass this morning and as usual due to having severe social anxiety, I sit in the back of the chapel. Today, before the offering of the gifts this man who sits next to me turned to me and handed me the wine so that I could present them with him to the alter. I know it sounds very silly of me, but this is very hard for me due to severe social anxiety brought on from a neurological injury I incurred and I’m still recovering from. I went ahead and presented with him and I hope to not have to do that again until I’m recovered.

My question is this… how do I avoid something like this from happening again? How do I tell this man that I don’t want to offer the gifts with him? What would you do if you were me?

 

[Mummsie]

I would tell him, “Thank you for including me in the Presentation of the Gifts. But, I’m having some serious anxiety issues and won’t be able to participate in the near future. Thanks again for thinking of me”>

God Bless You.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

Most people will be fine with “no, thank you.”

 

[Rosarydevotion]

Thank you for your replies.

The problem is he didn’t ask until it was time to actually get up and do it. At that point I couldn’t say no because he was basically handing me the wine. He never asked me before mass, it was just sprung on me in the middle of mass.

 

[pensmama87]

This would be something to address with whoever is treating you, but it occurs to me that despite the suddenness of the request and your struggles, you were successful in fulfilling the request. Being able to handle something like that could be a sign of progress.

Just offering another possible way to look at it. God bless you and I will pray for successful treatment.

 

[revert_jen]

Thank you for your replies.

The problem is he didn’t ask until it was time to actually get up and do it. At that point I couldn’t say no because he was basically handing me the wine. He never asked me before mass, it was just sprung on me in the middle of mass.

I haven’t seen that before. Usually in parishes I’ve been at, they make sure they have people lined up before Mass starts, and they always ask rather than telling.

Congratulations that you performed the task successfully! But if you don’t want to try it again, you can just cross your arms and say, “No, I’m sorry, I can’t.” If nothing else, it’ll larn 'em that they can’t just go around guilting people into doing it, and that they should ask ahead of time. What if you had neurological problems with your hands and might drop things? What if you had arthritis and it would hurt to carry things? What if you were in the back because you thought you were getting a cold and didn’t want to risk giving it to anyone? What if (as is the case) you feel anxious and just do not want to participate that way? I am a bit shy, and although I have no diagnosed condition, I would be made very uncomfortable at being thrust into a situation like that at the last minute with no opportunity to ask any questions or be told anything.

They don’t know, which is why they really should ask rather than assuming. The only way to help them learn that is to refuse.

–Jen

 

[Googler]

Just pray.
And keep your eyes on the tabernacle, the alter, and the priest.
At times it may help to close your eyes to better prepare your heart for the Real Presence.
And sit up front with the people behind you.

 

[peter26]

It may be less likely that this happens again if you sit away from the aisle, i.e. go right the way to the other end of the pew. That would make it less practical to ask you.

 

[patricius79]

Hello all,

I’m sorry if I’m posting this in the wrong section, I’m not sure where to post this.

I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation this morning at daily mass and I’m hoping to get some advice…

Here’s what happened…I was at daily mass this morning and as usual due to having severe social anxiety, I sit in the back of the chapel. Today, before the offering of the gifts this man who sits next to me turned to me and handed me the wine so that I could present them with him to the alter. I know it sounds very silly of me, but this is very hard for me due to severe social anxiety brought on from a neurological injury I incurred and I’m still recovering from. I went ahead and presented with him and I hope to not have to do that again until I’m recovered.

My question is this… how do I avoid something like this from happening again? How do I tell this man that I don’t want to offer the gifts with him? What would you do if you were me?

I’m not sure, but I respect what you’re going through with your social anxiety. I know St. Therese said that anxiety can be a martyrdom. I recommend praying to Our Blessed Mother.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

Hello all,

I’m sorry if I’m posting this in the wrong section, I’m not sure where to post this.

I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation this morning at daily mass and I’m hoping to get some advice…

Here’s what happened…I was at daily mass this morning and as usual due to having severe social anxiety, I sit in the back of the chapel. Today, before the offering of the gifts this man who sits next to me turned to me and handed me the wine so that I could present them with him to the alter. I know it sounds very silly of me, but this is very hard for me due to severe social anxiety brought on from a neurological injury I incurred and I’m still recovering from. I went ahead and presented with him and I hope to not have to do that again until I’m recovered.

My question is this… how do I avoid something like this from happening again? How do I tell this man that I don’t want to offer the gifts with him? What would you do if you were me?

Personally, I would suggest a response short and direct: “I have a neurological injury. I can’t. Sorry.” If this task is usually handed out in the parish by one or a few people, advise them you are disabled so they won’t ask you.

Now that I am old and not well, when I concelebrate and am asked to help with Communion, I am not hesitant to tell the main celebrant “Not today; not well enough” – and an Extraordinary Minister steps right in and takes my place.

 

[Rosebud77]

almost happened to me once at the Friary. I delayed going in for much the same reasons and the Friar, who knows me well, immediately called out to me that he has been looking for someone to read the first reading…

I was quick off the mark and did not have my glasses with me,

It gets very hard to say no on the instant like that, OP.

I then chose a back corner, or even the side chapel.

Look after you in these situations.

 

[tee_eff_em]

Thank you for your replies.

The problem is he didn’t ask until it was time to actually get up and do it. At that point I couldn’t say no because he was basically handing me the wine. He never asked me before mass, it was just sprung on me in the middle of mass.

While I understand you are struggling with social anxiety, did the gentleman physically cause you to stand up and join him? Did he stand there proffering the gift until he wore you down?

:twocents: I would encourage you to remain seated, politely respond *“No, thank you please”, *and return your attention to and remain focused on the altar.

And, perhaps primarily: If this *man who sits next to [you] *does so frequently, address it outside of Mass: *Thank you, I prefer never to participate in this way in the future. *(Whether you elaborate further about your condition is your discretion)

:twocents:
tee

 

[ChrissMari]

This would be something to address with whoever is treating you, but it occurs to me that despite the suddenness of the request and your struggles, you were successful in fulfilling the request. Being able to handle something like that could be a sign of progress.

yes!!! congrats! doesn’t mean it was a totally pleasant experience or that you should relish doing it again, but it’s very good that you did it and you didn’t drop anything or have a panic attack!

I haven’t seen that before. Usually in parishes I’ve been at, they make sure they have people lined up before Mass starts, and they always ask rather than telling.

At my Parish for the weekday masses the same people do it and if that person is sick it’s very much whoever is closest gets volunteered for gifts.
It happened to me once, I’m a relative new comer to the weekday masses and they’re attended mostly by our Vietnamese community so I don’t really talk with the other people yet or really know who’s does what. It got time for the gifts and priest just stared. One woman came across the chapel grabbed the bread and handed me the wine. I was like "oh. ok.’ There was a giggle and mass continued. I don’t sit near the gifts anymore.

I’ve been to other parish’s weekday masses that are so sparsely attended that it really is a “get told” rather than “get asked” sort of thing. I think it’s because daily mass goers in those situations know each other more… also I think there’s an assumption that they’re not going to have a problem doing it since they are daily mass goers. (As if there’s a connection between piousness and willingness to present the gifts like anxiety and other issues don’t exist!)

 

[RedBasket]

I understand you are struggling with social anxiety, did the gentleman physically cause you to stand up and join him? Did he stand there proffering the gift until he wore you down?

That was mean. Take your 2c back.