Social Anxiety and Church

[OnAJourney]

So I somewhat struggle with social anxiety due to being on the autism spectrum and I’ve been thinking extensively about whether I could go to a large Church or if a smaller Church would be easier for me.

I worry about being socially overloaded with lots of people, and I’m not sure how I should go about explaining this to the Priest at the Church where I’m looking to attend. I know parishioners mean well, but I feel like I’d just get way too uncomfortable and I’d give off a bad vibe. Any ideas or suggestions on what I can or should do?

 

[Elf01]

Any ideas or suggestions on what I can or should do?

Try different parishes and different Mass times until you find one that you are comfortable or most comfortable with.

I’ve been thinking extensively about whether I could go to a large Church or if a smaller Church would be easier for me.

I actually think a large Church may be easier. In my experience smaller communities tend to socialize more. In a larger community you may be able to simply attend Mass and leave and have no expectations of socializing. Of course I may be wrong.

 

[OnAJourney]

There’s a smaller Church not far from where I live and I’m really considering there. I have family history with it, because my grandmother was married there. And I think in some way that might be of comfort to me personally

 

[Fraevo63]

Sit in the very back and if necessary let an usher know you are anxious about crowds. I have had anxiety attacks during Mass for 3 consecutive weeks and it helps sitting in the BACK.
Blessings and peace in Christ Jesus.

 

[Elf01]

There’s a smaller Church not far from where I live and I’m really considering there. I have family history with it, because my grandmother was married there. And I think in some way that might be of comfort to me personally

Try it and if you are comfortable great. You know better than I do what is likely to trigger your anxiety. Don’t be afraid to try other Mass times and Churches too if you are uncomfortable the first time.

 

[OnAJourney]

Being on the spectrum really complicates things and I don’t typically like to talk about it. I don’t even mention it when I apply for new jobs. I just don’t think anyone will really understand it if I explain it, or I’ll be excluded

 

[Zerg]

I have aspergers too. What I like is a smaller community of worship where I am forced to acknowledge other people.

If I were you, I would carefully research and consider medication therapy with a psychiatrist or general practitioner.

Peace be to you.

 

[OnAJourney]

I’d like to see a psychiatrist, I just don’t think I have the time with my job honestly. I’m always busy and it can be fast paced

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

Larger church= easier to anonymously float under the radar.

Smaller Church= you might only have to tell one person and they’ll tell the rest. That’s so and so, they aren’t comfortable with a lot of social things but are very nice. Poof they all know your business but it can work in your favor.

 

[jesusmademe]

Hello fellow Christiam dealing with ASD.
Do you have formal diagnosis of SA as well? I think that would be important to know.
If I only look at the autism/ASD I’d say that a big sunday congregation can be great. Let me see if you agree with me: with a big crowd, eg sunday Mass congregation, I get inward focus, to hide from the difficult social world outside. At Mass going inside is ok. I mean, as a singer I then follow through the Mass using the hymn book with the order of the mass and hymns.
So ASD is not necessarily a problem in such a situation. Music and Mass makes med focused interior anyway.
Only at Coffe aftwrwards is there a problem.

 

[Bluebright]

Some churches have mass streamed online, it might be helpful so you can see what the church looks like first. Or of they dont have that, some have a look around function so you can view pictures online. I don’t know if that would help, but even I like to know where the exits are and where the bathroom is etc. as well as where any smaller rooms are. I don’t have your disorder but do have another sort of illness which has problems with overstimulation.
For me a smaller place and weekday mass can help but that might be worse for you as you have social anxiety, though I find most of the time people dont talk to you at all until you’ve been going regularly. But this is England you did not say what country you are in? English people are very staid and dont speak to strangers easily, but of course that’s a massive generalisation. But most churches have welcomers on Sundays who greet you and give you hymn books. You can just ignore them, people do ignore me and I do it, I assume they dont speak English.

I’d say try not to worry about what others think too much or worry if you give off bad vibes. People pick up pretty quickly if someone is unwell and try to behave appropriately. We have plenty of people with various issues in our parish and we are very tolerant. One man who has various mental health and drinking issues who doesnt even attend mass but just pops in to light a candle and greet everyone and he has his moments of really bad behaviour even yelling during mass when he’s having a bad time with his health and we all just pray for him and wait for it to pass, when he’s having a good time of it he sweeps the leaves out the front of the church and is lovely and friendly to us all, it’s just his way. He has been helped but sometimes he slips off the bandwagon, that’s just life. We are a small parish and we all look out for each other. In our own way we all have our little strange ways. I’d suggest a smaller parish in the long term as it can become your family and will in all likelihood accept and help you fit in. God bless you.

 

[OnAJourney]

Yes, I do. I was diagnosed as a child. I’ve gotten a handle on it for the most part but I do still have trouble

 

[joyfulandactive]

On the other hand, pray. Jesus may be wanting to send you a friend or a group of Christians who will be very welcoming and understanding of your struggles. Have faith in God’s people. Maybe the morning Mass at a small parish would be great if you want to go to Mass more frequently than Sunday only. There is usually a very devout and prayerful group of people attending daily Mass and you might well feel drawn to talk to a non-threatening individual who you feel comfortable enough to share with. It may be God’s way of helping you in your current struggles.

I would really encourage you to pray and ask the Lord which community he is sending you too. You may be surprised to find that many people struggle with anxiety of different degrees and people are actually often more familiar with it and more understanding than you might expect.
I will pray for you. God loves you and doesn’t want you to be isolated.

 

[OnAJourney]

I wish I could do a morning mass during the week, sadly none of the Churches in my area really do early morning masses. The earliest I think they have as far as weekday masses is like 10am, and by then I’m at work. But I do understand what you’re saying.

I just know that if I’m going to feel at home I have to feel I’m in the right parish. I am trying to not let my anxiety prevent me from being open though

 

[jesusmademe]

I only have ASD. can you give an examole of an SA experience at Mass? I mean, one that is more about SA than ASD. Is Mass irself where you feel the anxiety or is it beforw Mass, ie when teavelibg to Mass?
It would be helpful.
Ever tried CBT?

 

[OnAJourney]

I’m not sure I can offer an example that doesn’t overlap with ASD. Sometimes I can move around a little bit when in the middle of a mass. I’m looking all around. And I have trouble interacting with parishioners, I sort feel out of place and like I’m an outsider.

I think loud choirs would be a bit of a challenge for me to handle, due to being more noise sensitive. I don’t mind the bells that ring in the mass

 

[jesusmademe]

SA is said to be a diagnosis you get when you are anxious because of feeling judge in social situations but ASD is a bit different. You can according to some experts get SA because of your ASD.
The best thibg is to seek out a prodessional who can help you. CBT is said to work for SA.
For ASD i think a different aproach is neccessary. I think ASD is more about one beung able to deal with social situations since too many things happen at once. Here I think one should deal with it like practicing a musical ibstrumwnt ie not do too hard exercise ar firdt

 

[Bluebright]

Have you ever tried wear noise cancelling ear plugs? they cancel out some of the noise but not all…for instance you can hear conversation but it tends to filter out the loud background noise. It has filters in them and various different decibel levels. Just search for them on amazon, I would put a link but I’m in UK and you’re not. They’re small and clear and people seldom if ever notice you have them in. I am noise sensitive due to my neurological issues and some noises make so dizzy I can barely stand, our choir’s organ is a killer, but if I stand in certain places in the church it is less bothersome…acoustics help…or hinder… steer clear of any speakers. Many churches here have silent masses, or at least less singing on the Saturday evening vigil mass. But I do like the bells, they are gentle somehow. You may find others are more like you than you think, people with hear aides struggle with the loud organs too! God bless you