Social anxiety and prayer

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Harmony

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So this may be strange (I looked it up and couldn’t find this exact question), but a close friend suggested I might have social anxiety. As she mentioned various things I do, I was seeing what she was saying, but also seeing that I experience the exact same problems with my prayer life.

That same sort of collapsing-inside fear and nervousness and wanting to do things correctly hit me when I think about prayer just like they do when I think about calling someone I don’t know well.

Now I feel sort of stuck. I don’t know if I have social anxiety but I have a counselor I can ask, but I won’t be able ask until after their vacation, and having figured out that this is connected, like that I have these same feelings about God that I do about people, I thought kaybe someone would have some advice.

I know in a theoretical level that God loves me but I have to admit that I have a feeling of remoteness about God that I don’t exactly know how to get over either. So please don’t only tell me God loves me, if you wouldn’t mind.
 
Hi, Harmony!

I can empathize with your struggles listed above but here’s the thing when it comes to the fears you’re not doing prayer correctly–you need not worry about whether your prayers are perfect enough. Since God is perfect, He can perfect any broken prayer you bring His way. Continue to pray to Him! I used to struggle with praying and truly believing/understanding His love too, but with time and effort, His love has become the thing that lights my life! In Adoration on a retreat I was helping with, the Holy Spirit gave me a little insight on the love He had for the girl I was praying for, and it was the most pure, amazing love I have ever felt. I realized this was the same love He felt for me, and for everyone else, and this includes you!! I know it is hard, but try not to worry so much when interacting with God. The ONLY thing He wants is what’s best for you in life. You don’t have to worry about sounding dumb or silly or stupid around Him. He created you! He loves all your quirks and everything about you. Self-love can be hard, but when you see that your Creator formed every part of your personality and appearance especially, specifically, to be specially you, it is life changing. Don’t let your worries and fears get between your prayer life ❤️

If I could offer a suggestion, try to go to Adoration for at least one hour a week. Praying in Adoration, or sometimes just sitting there quietly and simply BEING with God, has been a major contributor to me beginning to connect with Him and understand His love for me.

Like I said, it takes time, and it takes continued effort, but the time and effort are so worth it in the end 🙂 You can do this! Anxiety is hard, but it can be managed, and God can help you through the process of working through it! Definitely talk to your counselor about it, but don’t put life or your relationship with God on hold until then!

I’m not sure if this answered your question, but I hoped it help somewhat.
 
I can certainly relate to what you’re saying. I suffer from anxiety issues and often get bothered and nervous and sometimes obsessive over prayer (e.g. Did I do x,y,z properly? Do I need to do it again?).

I’m slowly learning and keep reminding myself that God doesn’t want us to live as children in fear but as children who can depend on his love and goodness. Some thoughts help when I’m really in a bother:

Be still and know that I am God.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words. (Romans 8:26)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

I find the Daily Office really helps as it’s structured and I’m the type of person who likes routines and structures. The Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary or something like Shorter Morning and Evening Prayer is a good starting point if you’re not used to the Office or have little time to pray.

Take comfort from something I heard recently, that God loves us when we try to do our best for him and it’s often the simple, little things which can lead us to him.
 
Hello Harmony,

I know the feeling of remoteness you are experiencing. I had rather crippling social anxiety issues before I entered formation with my religious order. Maybe my experiences blundering through this socio-spiritual anxiety in my relationship with God can help you. I was able to overcome this disorder through three specific exercises.

First, find a way to make God’s relationship with you tangible in your life. If God’s presence becomes an immanent part of your life, like your friends or family members, it allows you to form a more sentimental or emotional bond with our Lord as opposed to simply an intellectual concept of a relationship. I did this by regularly going to Adoration, but I am sure there are other ways if the Blessed Sacrament is not available for you to adore. You must find one which fits your situation and spirituality.

Second, find ways to overcome your normal social anxiety within a spiritual context. You must force yourself to address the aspects of social anxiety which plague your life once it is fully recognized. If you do this within the context of the Church, not only do you already have a non-judgemental support base but you also become aware of just how much God helps you in your daily life. You become aware of things which could only be His work, as therr would be no way you could have done it on your own. Start off small and build from there. Personally, I started by lectoring at daily mass once a week.

Finally, work to accept yourself for who you truly are, both gifts and faults. We often hide behind ideas of who we are to avoid seeing something which may not like. From my experience, this is partially from where our social anxiety stems. Our idea of who we should be does not perfectly align with our actions. We feel inadequate by not meeting an expectation which does not truly reflect who we are. By stripping away these ideas and finding our true selves, we find the person whom God loves, faults and all. In doing so, ou relationship with Him becomes so much more profound.

I will offer my Divine Office for you for the Octave of Easter.

God bless,
Br. Ben, CRM

P.S. Please excuse grammar and spelling errors. I am trying to type this on my phone.
 
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Thank you very much for your reply 🙂 I like your suggestion about Adoration, especially since I heard in a talk that one man had to keep going a lot before he really got the hang of it. I am also starting off my prayers by saying I will probably do it badly, but I hope God won’t mind. Thanks for youe help!
 
Thank you so much; it’s good to know I not alone in this, even to the point where it is addressed in Scripture, as you so kindly quoted!

Thanks again!
 
I think in between what youbweote and the prayers you offered for me–thank you so much!-- God was really able to throw me for a loop! I felt like this part of my life was on fast forward! I wrote pages and pages about stuff relating to what you said about expectations and knowing oneself.

Thank you very much for what you wrote!
 
Ah, so it’s ok not to have the right feelings? I even worry when I seem to be just reading… Thank you very much!
 
Harmony said:
Ah, so it’s ok not to have the right feelings?
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There are no “right” feelings, or “wrong” feelings. That is like saying that there are “right” places for your body to grow hair, and “wrong” places.
 
Harmony said:
I am also starting off my prayers by saying I will probably do it badly, but I hope God won’t mind.
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Just sigh. That will be sufficient.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words.
 
Thank you; it’s good to know that God helps us even with our prayers!
 
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