Social interactions

[angell1]

I need your guys thoughts. I’ve never been one to be good at social intereactions and everyone keeps talking about boundaries and chastity and all that.

physical chastity I get, what what about emotional chastity? I thought that usually included things like daydreaming about th eother person or fantasies and all that.

before you guys start thinking I don’t have boundaries, the opposite scenario is what’s happening. I don’t know how to talk to people, how to open up. and now many cahtolics say “oh, you especially can’t talk to guys because there’s no such thing as platonic friendship”

and now I’m getting in to the demographic where a lot of people I’m meeting are getting married or already are.

if you want some background information, my dad had an affair when I was 11, this caused my mom to go crazy. she still freaks out if he so much as says hi to another female and she doesn’t allow him to exchange the sign of peace at church. she refused any female clients who wanted to rent our basement suite. This is also a big reason why I’m not allowed to bring friends over the house either because she thinks my dad will go after them.

and before anyone says it, no, it’s not because my dad had female friends of his own, he didn’t. one lday was a neighbour who had just moved in recently and another was an acquaintance of my mom’s. my mom had gone back to china for a month to take care of some important things and he apparently “felt lonely”

growing up I also wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers because my mom was afraid any male in my friends’ houses would rape me or I would get drugged or poisoined or something like that

move
so this is the environment I grew up in. needless to say, this has caused me a lot of issues. I’m trying to move on, come out from under this dark cloud of suspicion and mistrust that has been hanging over me all this time

just to get told by fellow catholics all the same things that I’m trying to get past. you can’t have male friends, especially if they’re married, you also need to be careful of female friends because if they’re married, you wouldn’t want to tempt their husbands, etC… well, I tend to be more interested in things that are considered more of guy things, so I just don’t know what to do

and then, everyone keeps saying how female and male friends are different and need different boundaries. so you guys, tell me, how is it different and what boundaries are we talking about.

I’m tired of being afraid of sin around every corner. I does intimacy entail exactly?would never let myself get caught in a situation like that and I wouldn’t lead anyone else on either. there’s a lot of talk about intimacy only be reserved for spouses. but what does intimacy entail exactly?

when I do talk to people, I usually cover the sameink I even know what friendship is supposed to be. I think I only have acquaintances at this point. topics with guys and girls. maybe I’m just not open enough about personal stuff with anyone. when people say they have ‘best friends", I dont’ even know what tha means.

 

[angell1]

I just want to be able to make real friends without having to worry about every little thing. I’m willing to be friends with anyone, single, married, female, male, the old lonely widow, the homelss guy on the street. it really doesn’t matter to me

what’s so wrong with that? and why are people so judgmental and so easily scandalized when there’s nothing happening?

why do people make assumptions wheny don’t know anything about situations? sin really ruins everything and makes all more complicated than it has to be.

I understand there are temptations in the world but why do we give the devil so much credit? with God’s help, we can overcome anything. it’s all about maturity. we have to know ourselves and know our weaknesses. one thing could be find for one person but a bad idea for someone else

we all have sins, but it’s because we chose to do it. just like my dad too, no one made him do it, it was his own decision

anyways, sorry for the rant. I just really struggle with being in this world sometimes

 

[Jim91]

M8 there’s nuthin wrong w/ dat. I feel like your parents are just a bit too overprotective.

 

[pianistclare]

I always wonder who “these people” are who fill your head with this scrupulous stuff.
Are they real people? Or are your reading those websites again?

You make friends by being friendly. No, you don’t get too close to married or engaged people. That’s just common sense.

So you’re telling me there is no one in any of your classes that you can have a casual conversation with? No one in your field that has any common interests?

We know your mother’s issue, and frankly, whenever you get away from them you will find out what the real world is like.

But if you want a friend BE a friend.
You talk to us, we chat back with you. Back and forth. I kind of feel like you’re a friend of mine. You and I have loads of conversations.
You just do the same thin in real time, with real people. Hang out in the commissary at the university. Sit in the quad or some public area with a cup of coffee and see of someone will stop by to chat. They might be afraid to talk to you since they know you are blind. So it’s important to smile whenever possible. That will put people at ease.

I seriously doubt that your mom is that way because of your dad’s fling. She’s that way because she’s that way. He likely had the fling because she’s that way.

You know how NOT to act. Do the opposite. Be genuine. Smile. Give people the benefit of the doubt . Don’t take risks, but don’t think everyone is going to hurt, maim, or rape you or accuse you of stealing their man.

Talk up someone. Out of the blue. Talk up.
Speak up. Stop worrying. It’s going to be a long lonely life if you second guess every single move you make.

I don’t know what you can do about your mom. She’s difficult alright. As soon as your career takes off, you can make a move. And start living.
Praying for you, as always.
Clare

 

[angell1]

I always wonder who “these people” are who fill your head with this scrupulous stuff.
Are they real people? Or are your reading those websites again?

real people

You make friends by being friendly. No, you don’t get too close to married or engaged people. That’s just common sense.

what’s considered too close?

So you’re telling me there is no one in any of your classes that you can have a casual conversation with? No one in your field that has any common interests?

I was not too good at talking to people in my classes, a lot of them didn’t think I should have been in the program. blind girl studying science? people treat that as a joke. and no, I’m not overthinking this one, unfortunately

We know your mother’s issue, and frankly, whenever you get away from them you will find out what the real world is like.

But if you want a friend BE a friend.
You talk to us, we chat back with you. Back and forth. I kind of feel like you’re a friend of mine. You and I have loads of conversations.
You just do the same thin in real time, with real people. Hang out in the commissary at the university. Sit in the quad or some public area with a cup of coffee and see of someone will stop by to chat. They might be afraid to talk to you since they know you are blind. So it’s important to smile whenever possible. That will put people at ease.

I do try, in fact, no one who knows me actually knows about all these issues and thoughts I have

I seriously doubt that your mom is that way because of your dad’s fling. She’s that way because she’s that way. He likely had the fling because she’s that way.

no, it is because of that. she didn’t used to be like that at all. there were a few issues but not to this extent

You know how NOT to act. Do the opposite. Be genuine. Smile. Give people the benefit of the doubt . Don’t take risks, but don’t think everyone is going to hurt, maim, or rape you or accuse you of stealing their man.

Talk up someone. Out of the blue. Talk up.
Speak up. Stop worrying. It’s going to be a long lonely life if you second guess every single move you make.

well, it’s hard, when people tell you all these things you can’t and shouldn’t do

I don’t know what you can do about your mom. She’s difficult alright. As soon as your career takes off, you can make a move. And start living.
Praying for you, as always.
Clare