L
LoveFaithnHope
Guest
Hello,
This is my first posting here & I have been looking for some guidance concerning a unique situation. I will try to keep my posting as clear & concise as possible, however; there are many details & circumstances to consider.
My former fiance is currently a US Soldier who is deployed to Afghanistan. He has been in the military for 12 years, & this is his second deployment. He also deployed to Iraq in 2003. He is a Catholic - although up until recently was he not practicing his faith. He was married to a non-Catholic for 10 years, & he and his ex wife have three children aged 10, 8, and 6. He & his ex wife divorced in 2006. His relationship with his ex wife is strained at best, & due to his commitments to the military, he has only seen his children 3 times in 3 years - each visit lasting no more than 2 weeks at a time. He & I have been together since 2007.
During the course of his marriage, he expressed to his wife that he wished to become a Chaplain in the military, & apparently, she did not approve. Evidentially, he compromised & studied to become a nurse. As a result, he is now serving during this (& also his former) deployment as part of a surgical team that provides critical medical attention to wounded soldiers. He’s also responsible for processing the ones that don’t make it. He sees death & destruction every single day. He’s miserable, & he’s very angry for becoming a nurse. He blames that decision on his ex wife & he’s not happy with the choices he feels were forced upon him in his life. It seems that all of the bad memories he’s had regarding the failure of his marriage have come flooding back to him since he deployed. He keeps saying “I lost my family.”
Since deploying to Afghanistan & with my encouragement, my former fiance has started going back to Church.( I’m Catholic too.) He has often mentioned to me that he has felt a calling to become a priest, & he seriously considered that vocation when he was in his early 20s (he is now 40 years old), however; he felt he could not accept the fact that this would require total celibacy. Since becoming involved with the Church, he has taken on lay ministry and is assigned to working in the Chaplain’s office on his base. He has gone on a few missions to other bases to work in ministry, & assists in facilitating weekly Mass for the soldiers as well. His command placed him in the Chaplain’s office - in addition to working in the hospital as a nurse because “he needs to either get this in or out of his system.”
My former fiance has expressed that he is severely depressed, & that he does not want to come home from this deployment. He is scheduled to come home in less than 100 days. He states that he is very much at peace and at ‘home’ where he is, & that for the first time in his life, he is doing what he is supposed to be doing - performing God’s work through his ministry. He has indicated that his Army Chaplain is sponsoring him for seminary - & he already has two Bachelor’s degrees. He had explored different faiths where he would be allowed to marry & also serve as a priest, however; he now feels that Catholic is what he knows, & what he is comfortable with. He believes that transitioning from military life to the priesthood will be rather easy for him, as there are certain similarities. He is in the process of getting an annulment, which he needed anyway if we were to be married, & he honestly believes that he is going to be a priest in the Catholic Church. He has also stated to me that if he does not get accepted to seminary, he will volunteer to deploy again as soon as possible.
He broke off our engagement shortly after he became deployed, stating that while he still loves me & always will, he has to become a priest. We have remained in touch & had agreed to put things in a holding pattern until he returned from the deployment. Of course, I am totally heartbroken about this turn of events. So are his family, who have welcomed me into their homes & lives with open arms. Putting all of that aside, our deepest concerns right now are regarding him, & his state of mental health. We believe he is suffering from severe depression & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, & needs urgent counseling. It is unfortunate that it seems that he will have to wait until he is home from this deployment before that happens. For obvious reasons, it would seem that such a huge, life altering decision to become a priest isn’t best made in the current environment that he is in. In the interim, we are all keeping the lines of communication open to him, however; it is very easy for him to disconnect from us if he does not feel like chatting or being in touch.
Here are my questions that I am hoping someone can answer:
LoveFaithnHope
This is my first posting here & I have been looking for some guidance concerning a unique situation. I will try to keep my posting as clear & concise as possible, however; there are many details & circumstances to consider.
My former fiance is currently a US Soldier who is deployed to Afghanistan. He has been in the military for 12 years, & this is his second deployment. He also deployed to Iraq in 2003. He is a Catholic - although up until recently was he not practicing his faith. He was married to a non-Catholic for 10 years, & he and his ex wife have three children aged 10, 8, and 6. He & his ex wife divorced in 2006. His relationship with his ex wife is strained at best, & due to his commitments to the military, he has only seen his children 3 times in 3 years - each visit lasting no more than 2 weeks at a time. He & I have been together since 2007.
During the course of his marriage, he expressed to his wife that he wished to become a Chaplain in the military, & apparently, she did not approve. Evidentially, he compromised & studied to become a nurse. As a result, he is now serving during this (& also his former) deployment as part of a surgical team that provides critical medical attention to wounded soldiers. He’s also responsible for processing the ones that don’t make it. He sees death & destruction every single day. He’s miserable, & he’s very angry for becoming a nurse. He blames that decision on his ex wife & he’s not happy with the choices he feels were forced upon him in his life. It seems that all of the bad memories he’s had regarding the failure of his marriage have come flooding back to him since he deployed. He keeps saying “I lost my family.”
Since deploying to Afghanistan & with my encouragement, my former fiance has started going back to Church.( I’m Catholic too.) He has often mentioned to me that he has felt a calling to become a priest, & he seriously considered that vocation when he was in his early 20s (he is now 40 years old), however; he felt he could not accept the fact that this would require total celibacy. Since becoming involved with the Church, he has taken on lay ministry and is assigned to working in the Chaplain’s office on his base. He has gone on a few missions to other bases to work in ministry, & assists in facilitating weekly Mass for the soldiers as well. His command placed him in the Chaplain’s office - in addition to working in the hospital as a nurse because “he needs to either get this in or out of his system.”
My former fiance has expressed that he is severely depressed, & that he does not want to come home from this deployment. He is scheduled to come home in less than 100 days. He states that he is very much at peace and at ‘home’ where he is, & that for the first time in his life, he is doing what he is supposed to be doing - performing God’s work through his ministry. He has indicated that his Army Chaplain is sponsoring him for seminary - & he already has two Bachelor’s degrees. He had explored different faiths where he would be allowed to marry & also serve as a priest, however; he now feels that Catholic is what he knows, & what he is comfortable with. He believes that transitioning from military life to the priesthood will be rather easy for him, as there are certain similarities. He is in the process of getting an annulment, which he needed anyway if we were to be married, & he honestly believes that he is going to be a priest in the Catholic Church. He has also stated to me that if he does not get accepted to seminary, he will volunteer to deploy again as soon as possible.
He broke off our engagement shortly after he became deployed, stating that while he still loves me & always will, he has to become a priest. We have remained in touch & had agreed to put things in a holding pattern until he returned from the deployment. Of course, I am totally heartbroken about this turn of events. So are his family, who have welcomed me into their homes & lives with open arms. Putting all of that aside, our deepest concerns right now are regarding him, & his state of mental health. We believe he is suffering from severe depression & Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, & needs urgent counseling. It is unfortunate that it seems that he will have to wait until he is home from this deployment before that happens. For obvious reasons, it would seem that such a huge, life altering decision to become a priest isn’t best made in the current environment that he is in. In the interim, we are all keeping the lines of communication open to him, however; it is very easy for him to disconnect from us if he does not feel like chatting or being in touch.
Here are my questions that I am hoping someone can answer:
- Are there any avenues we can take to help my former fiance with some immediate counseling? Both myself & his family have considered contacting his Chaplain in Afghanistan, however; it appears that this Chaplain is about to return to the States. We had also considered contacting the Red Cross, who would contact my former fiance’s command, however; we are afraid this will result in placing his military career in jeopardy, & we’re also afraid that he would cut off all communication with us.
- Can a divorced man who has 3 small children become a priest? I have asked my former fiance about this, & he seems to think that it won’t be an issue for him. What is the Church’s position on this? Please note that these children are financially dependent upon my former fiance at this time.
- How does psychological evaluation factor into someone becoming a priest? I understand that this is something that is seriously considered. Wouldn’t the Church factor in life circumstances such as a deployments when considering someone as a candidate for priesthood?
LoveFaithnHope
