“what if solipsism is true and the people I love dont exist?”
Funny how things work out sometimes. It was, in fact, your original post that brought me here. I was doing a Google search on Solipsism, and among the many results, was your post. It was long forgotten, and buried beneath all the other posts about God, and morality, and the meaning of life. All those things which I had long ago given up arguing about. For to argue them proved futile and pointless. As vigorously as I tried to debate, as soundly as I tried to reason, and as eloquently as I tried to speak, my words fell impotent and powerless. They could change nothing. It seems better sometimes, not to care at all, then to care too much. So I find solace in silence instead. But your post prompted me to respond, however futilely, because at least for me, for a while anyway, it mattered. It’s not that anything that I had to say would change anyone, or convince anyone, or impress anyone, I simply wanted to try, even if it accomplished nothing. I could at least hope, that it would be of some small worth, if only to me. But it strikes me now that there are things which I have left unsaid. Things which speak to the heart of my Solipsism, and so I will try one last time to put them into words. I will disregard the futility, and my own ineptitude, and try.
One would think that Solipsism would produce only apathy. Why should a solipsist care about something that exists only in their mind? I can’t speak for other solipsists, I can only speak for myself. I care, because the alternative is to give up hope, to simply turn my back on the world, and slip inexorably into despair, and I can’t bring myself to do that, I can’t be indifferent, I have tried. Believe me, with all the injustice and hatred in the world, I have tried. You might think that it would be easy for a solipsist to simply block it all out, and pretend it doesn’t matter. After all, it’s not real anyway, and there’s nothing that I can do to change anything. There’s no wondrous deed that I can perform, no inspirational words that I can speak. It would be so much simpler if there were such words. But there aren’t. So why bother to try, it’s so much easier just to be indifferent. But like I say, I’ve tried. Despite so many reasons not to, I care. Maybe not as openly as some, or as deeply as some, but in my own unassuming way, I care. Solipsism is not a justification for indifference. The hatred and intolerance in this world are reason enough for that.
I realize that Solipsism can be depressing. To think that everything that you love may be only an illusion. All the things that once seemed so certain, may be no more than a dream. All the suffering seems pointless, and all the sacrifices meaningless. All you really know, is loneliness. When you speak, no one answers, when you cry, no one hears. You are the creator of all, and the lord of nothing. Some may choose to believe that you fancy yourself a God, but all that you are is alone. All your noble intentions count for nothing, all your compassion touches no one, all your cries go unheard, save but for yourself. To be a Solipsist is to glimpse, for the briefest of moments, the heart of God, to feel the emptiness that such omniscience brings. To know what solitude truly means. In the words of Edna St Vincent Millay, “For my omniscience paid I toll, in infinite remorse of soul.” Only a fool would choose to be a God. Solipsism doesn’t feed one’s ego, it crushes it.
So what is a solipsist to do? There is no other choice, but to cherish this life. Every last fleeting breath of it. Wrap your arms around it and never let go. Revel in all its diversity. For there is nobility, even in despair. There is beauty, even in suffering. In the hardest of times, and in the cruelest of places, abides the majesty of life. Fantastic, wonderful, glorious life. Full of heartache and remorse, love and triumph. In comfort or in struggle, wonderful, glorious life. It begets strength from adversity, mercy from injustice, and compassion from sorrow. Though others deem it too bitter, let my cup runneth over. Let me never dismiss it, let me embrace it. Be I king or pauper, slave or free, let me love my life. For if the alternative is to be alone, then I choose life, even if only a dream. And when it is over and done, and my journey is through, let me remember it all. Every last majestic sunrise, every sultry summer breeze, every love and every loss. Let me treasure them all. As momentary and illusory as they may be, they are not as nothing, they are everything. They are all that I have. They are…life.
You ask, “what if solipsism is true and the people I love dont exist?” Oh, as long as you can wrap your arms around them, they exist. As long as you can remember them, they will be. They are your heart and your soul. Without them you have nothing. They give you meaning and purpose. They give substance to you, as much as you give substance to them. Because of them you persevere, because of them you overcome, because of them you are more then you could have ever hoped to be, do not forsake them nor forget them. They are the embodiment of all that you love, and fear, and yearn for. With all their faults and failures they are the best of you, and the least of you. You are reflections of each other. Always, and in all things, cherish them. Solipsism is not a reason to love them less, it is a reason to love them more.
To be a Solipsist is to accept that there are things that you can never know. As steadfastly as you may choose to believe them, you can never truly know. But Solipsism is also the realization of just what a magnificent and miraculous gift life is. For all its trials and tribulations, life is a miraculous thing, whether by the hand of God, the fortuitous result of chance, or the product of a solitary mind, life is a miraculous thing. No matter the cost or circumstance, cherish it.
