Solution to my boundary problem

[Anglewannabe]

As I posted earlier, I am a volunteer on a committed and one woman is breaking every single last one of my boundaries. A lot of people suggested quitting which I was not willing to do. Well…… the perfect solution came to me. There are several subcommittees and various task. I will not quit the committee all together. I will simply quit the sub-committee on which this woman is giving me a hard time and keep my other tasks.

I emailed the chair of the committee and let him know I was not sure how to proceed but basically, I talked about the procedures that are going wrong, my attempts to fix them and the rejection of my efforts to improve things. I then said that since I tried everything I could, I no longer wish to continue going in circles (I am paraphrasing here what I actually said.)

Then at the end, I said on the subcommittee my character was attacked and my boundaries disrespected and I was not going to subject myself to that anymore. I did not mention specific names but he will obviously know who I am talking about because there only other person on the subcommittee is the woman giving me a hard time. If he asked for specific examples I will tell him to call me or meeting at a coffee shop since I will not be putting anything in an email. I am nervous this will not go over well, but it was the best solution I could think of. I hope I will have the strength to stick it out

Angie

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Sounds good!

But I thought you said there was no head or chair of your committee? In any case, I think you made a good decision.

:clapping:

 

[Anglewannabe]

Sounds good!

But I thought you said there was no head or chair of your committee? In any case, I think you made a good decision.

:clapping:

The chair was voted in and in essence he has a lot of responsibilities but no authority so to speak. Come to think about it… I did say that… I hadn’t really though threw what I was saying. My bad

 

[Anglewannabe]

I need to give an update and prayers and guidance.

The chair of the committee wants to meet Tuesday for coffee. It is no big surprise because when someone poses a complaint like I did, others are obviously going to want to get to the bottom of it.

I am nervous because not having worked in so long, I am petrified of any confrontation because I know my stress level is higher than normal and I want to make sure it doesn’t come out inappropriately. In other words, I want to only bring the stress of the committee to the meeting not the stress of my life (if that makes sense).

Second, I don’t want people on this committee to think badly of me because I need some professional contacts in town

Thirdly, I am PETRIFIED he will talk me into giving it another try. Knowing me, I will either cave or blow up.

I am almost positive I will end up in tears and that is not professional. As much as I understand I may need to give examples of what is happening, I don’t want this to turn into gossip. But this woman is so aggressive and picky, the things she does are so immature, it is impossible to talk about them without being gossipy

Please post any suggestions on how to handle this with.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Try to get your negative emotions out before the meeting. Detach from all of her bad behavior and think of this as a problem-solving session. Stay focused on what YOU want to achieve and less on her bad qualities as a “leader.” In other words, don’t let this become a rant session on all of the faults that this woman has. Stress instead, the vision you have for the committee’s future activities and that you want EVERYONE to succeed. You will know that you are on the right track when she is no longer the subject of the meeting, but the head of the committee is asking you for your ideas on X, Y, and Z. If you can get him on your side, seeing your vision, he will likely help to make it happen.