Some Help (Rather Complex)

[ChildOfTheLight]

Hello,

I am having a very complex problem, and I am wondering if other people feel this way.
I know I sometimes suffer with scruples . Those are the worst times of my life. I don’t like it, but scruples are one of those things, that, the more you try to stop it, the more it takes over your life, you know what I’m saying?

Anyway, about a week ago, they came back after many joyous months of being gone. I only felt I needed confession once in that 6 or 7 months (not trying to be immodest, just saying that the same actions would have had me in a huge fret before Christmas, and in confession every other week at least).

I tried to read a pamphlet that I thought would help. It mentioned that Catholics believe that our works should be only out of love for God and a result of our faith and hope of His salvation. True? Okay…

So now I seem to be fretting that I don’t love God or others as much as He is calling me too now. I’m constantly thinking, “What does God want me to do?” in all the little actions, and feeling as though God is calling me to…

a) Stop watching secular movies, as they benefit neither my relationship with God nor others

b) Stop doing creative hobbies (puzzles…games…) not geared towards evangelization or prayer because they benefit neither God nor others

etc… so I can spend more time with family/friends.

I am melancholic, so I feel like I need my time to me. Not in active prayer, or talking to others, but just me. I know it is sinful to want this time because I feel as though I could be putting it to better use.

I feel like I am called to follow the commandments. That much is true. However, I know I should go the extra mile to spend all my time talking with God or doing things that are actively loving/helping my neighbour. I don’t feel as though I should do any action when there is a more Godly alternative, even if another alternative is not sinful. This is also not bad, but I am feeling so constrained and I feel like I have gone right back to feeling like I lost that childlike faith in Jesus. I feel like this is scruples all over again except not with sins, but virtues.

Sorry for the rant…

Bottom lines

-Am I right in thinking that if is not leading others to God, and it is not active prayer for myself, it is wrong? Is it wrong to want to pursue extra hobbies not tailored to faith? If not, how do I love Jesus when I do them?

-I enjoy time with others but really enjoy my alone time. Is this selfish or even normal?

-Do people normally feel like God is calling them to each and every decision, even the tiniest ones (what to do with a spare evening…etc)?

I really want to love God and others. I just get tired and frustrated around people and in prayer.

I want to want to do what I feel would make me more holy, but it’s not bringing me much happiness to think about it…then again, not all happiness comes from God…only the true happiness of Heaven.

I love who I think Jesus is…so I can’t be on the totally wrong path…right?

 

[puzzleannie]

I tried to read a pamphlet that I thought would help. It mentioned that Catholics believe that our works should be only out of love for God and a result of our faith and hope of His salvation. True? Okay…

So now I seem to be fretting that I don’t love God or others as much as He is calling me too now. I’m constantly thinking, “What does God want me to do?” in all the little actions, and feeling as though God is calling me to…
?

do you have one confessor you go to exclusively for confession and spiritual direction? if not, find one, this is essential for someone battling scruples.
did he recommend this pamphlet? if not, disregard it.
if spiritual reading you choose yourself is causing you anxiety, as this is, then put yourself under his advice and read only what he suggests.

 

[ChildOfTheLight]

Thank you Puzzleannie but I’m afraid I do not understand.

Are you saying that there is a flaw with the idea that catholics should do their good works out of faith and love of Jesus, and not attempt to win salvation with them?

Because as far as I know, that is regular catholic teaching which was just presented in a creative way in the pamphlet. You can find the same teaching on most reputable catholic sites if you search faith and works together for salvation. That quote was the only thing that came from the pamphlet. Everything else was my own thoughts discerning the words’ meaning.

I have seen the same confessor my past two times in confession. He is okay. I will go to him with this but it is hard as I have a thirty minute walk to church so I can’t just pop in for things other than confession and mass.

Thank you anyway for your great thoughts and I shall follow your advice and see him.

 

[Tomcmaj]

I am melancholic, so I feel like I need my time to me. Not in active prayer, or talking to others, but just me. I know it is sinful to want this time because I feel as though I could be putting it to better use.

If you don’t make time for yourself, you will soon forget who you are.

You’re being too hard on yourself.

 

[Bookcat]

Simple solution to your complex problem

Your speaking here of scruples.

Scruples are to be dismissed. They are to be despised.

Scruples are to be treated like a hissing goose or a barking dog. One does not stop to argue with a hissing goose or a barking dog does one?

No. One keeps walking…

When scruples arise …turn to God and let them pass by.

(the last two I recall are basically from a Carthusian of the 15th century…)

It is important for you to have a regular confessor (preferably one who knows something of scruples…)

(I know for one who is bothered but scruples such is somewhat difficult…but it is the way…with the direction of ones confessor)

If I can be of any help feel free to pm me.

 

[Lucy_1]

It mentioned that Catholics believe that our works should be only out of love for God and a result of our faith and hope of His salvation. True? Okay…

So now I seem to be fretting that I don’t love God or others as much as He is calling me too now. I’m constantly thinking, “What does God want me to do?” in all the little actions, and feeling as though God is calling me to…

a) Stop watching secular movies, as they benefit neither my relationship with God nor others

b) Stop doing creative hobbies (puzzles…games…) not geared towards evangelization or prayer because they benefit neither God nor others

etc… so I can spend more time with family/friends.

I am melancholic, so I feel like I need my time to me. Not in active prayer, or talking to others, but just me. I know it is sinful to want this time because I feel as though I could be putting it to better use.

This is simply not true. It is not sinful to want to do a variety of things. God has given you talents and interests and he is glorified in the joy that you have when you do them. It is not only in overt good works, evangelism, prayer, etc. that God is glorified. You are growing in holiness when you have a thankful heart, when you’re enjoying God’s creation, or when you are pursuing something God has given you a talent or interest in.

I don’t feel as though I should do any action when there is a more Godly alternative, even if another alternative is not sinful. This is also not bad, but I am feeling so constrained and I feel like I have gone right back to feeling like I lost that childlike faith in Jesus. **I feel like this is scruples all over again except not with sins, but virtues. **

You are absolutely right. I feel for you because my husband suffers with scruples also and it is an absolute prison of misery. Torture, pure and simple. No matter how many good works you do, if you do them with a tortured heart that is constrained and resentful how does that glorify God? How does that make you more holy? The saints who lived contemplative lives ENJOYED their time in prayer. God gave them a gift. The saints who were great evangelists ENJOYED preaching the gospel. God gave them a gift. The saints who spent their lives in service to the poor ENJOYED their works of charity. God gave them a gift. What gift has God given you? Enjoy it! Thank God for it! That’s how you love Jesus while doing it, and then it makes your life a prayer to him.

God has made us all different. It sounds like God has made you to need alone time. So honor the way he has made you.

The misery that you are feeling is not of God, because there is no peace in it. If God wanted you to spend all your time in prayer or evangelism, etc. He would give you the temperament to do it. And if he calls us to do something unpleasant or difficult or way out of our comfort zone he gives us PEACE! Think about how many times during the mass it talks about the peace of the Lord. Take that into your soul! Each time the priest blesses you with God’s, peace take it in.

I will pray for you tonight. Please pray for my husband if you think of it.

 

[ChildOfTheLight]

Thank you everyone for your posts and advice.

You are slowly showing me that my flawed/limited idea of growing in holiness was making me feel initially called to things that probably weren’t better than the original things I was doing.

I’m still struggling with the idea of how to live a life centered around HIm if my actions are no different than what I was doing before though. Is it just about offering Him all your daily activities?

I know this is scruples because when they first came back, I almost felt myself being tricked into thinking that way…I’d miss the mark and then feel like it was grave matter and done deliberately. I can’t believe I let them slink back in after half a year. I know I should ignore them but it is much harder than you think.

What has inspired me the most is the hope I have that God will bring a solutiuon to my problem in the near future. The first time, the scruples lasted over half a year, but it only took one talk with a good priest to make them disappear at once. I try to remember what he told me…but like I said, this time, it seems to be different.

I am going to schedule an apointment to talk to my priest.

SherylPatton, your advice really helped me and I have asked the Blessed Virgin to offer prayers for you and your husband.

 

[Lucy_1]

I’m still struggling with the idea of how to live a life centered around HIm if my actions are no different than what I was doing before though. Is it just about offering Him all your daily activities?

I’m not sure, but I do know that each of us has ordinary things to do each day, and most of life is made up of ordinary tasks, so i think offering Him all your daily activities is an excellent way to start. If you are looking for a more meaningful way to serve him, ask him to show you, and maybe read Finding God’s Will or Introdction to the Devout Life, both are by St. Francis de Sales.

I’m glad you feel a little bit better. I know this is an extremely difficult problem to overcome. Peace be with you.

Heavenly Father, please give Child of Light your peace and guidance.

Hail Mary, full of grace the Lord is with you. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.