D
Domiy
Guest
That is my conclusion.
I could probably back up this philosophy with a religious reasoning, but there’s no real need to. I need only to observe my own life. I am not meant to be happy. This doesn’t mean I’m depressed or sad, it just means I’ll never be above the usual level of dragging myself out of bed, and taking the day as it comes to me. I can be in a good mood most days, and be relaxed, but ultimately I’ll never be truly content.
While I believe everyone has a burden to carry, some of us are just stronger than others in their ability to carry it. There is a tiny portion of lucky people who almost do not feel their burden at all, whether it’s because they’re so strong as to carry it so easily, or because the burden itself just doesn’t do anything to them. It never challenges them. They don’t really care about it enough to notice it.
Then there’s the others who God created with a combination of a burden so heavy and the lack of strength to carry it. I guess we all fall somewhere between these two extremes.
Happiness is not a perception or a feeling of learning to be content with things. It’s almost a vocation. A destiny, if you will. Some are meant to be happy, others are not. No different to the way some of us are meant to be women, and some of us men, or the way some men are supposed to be priests, and others husbands. It’s just the cards we were dealt.
Whatever way I find of blocking out my anxieties, challenges, and troubles, they find a way to reintroduce themselves into my perception. When I finally find a way to overcome them, it seems like destiny takes over and ensures I don’t reach the top of the staircase where my goal lies. I’m just not meant to get there.
Instead of asking questions or being angry, I’ve learned to accept this. Make peace with it. This is as close as happiness I’ll ever come. It’s ironic. The closest thing to happiness in my life is being content with the fact that I’ll never be happy. Almost makes me laugh.
Does it make me angry or depressed? No. I can still live life normally, and I will. Who knows, maybe one day I will reach the top of the staircase, but by then it’ll probably be the staircase I no longer want to climb. That’s just the way it works. I cannot possibly acheive what I want. If I want something, I cannot acheive it. If I acheive somehting, I won’t want it.
I guess God is calling me to a life of discipline and spirituality. As I said, I can take comfort in a lot of religious validations to help me accept this. Most of the saints lived a life of extreme discomfort and anxiety. Some were even miserable at times. They never really enjoyed life, just like the Bible warns us against doing too earneslty.
This is the very definition of anxiety in a religious point of view; anxious over the fact that you know something is coming your way to bring you back down, and you want to be ready for it. You’ll check every corner carefully before you turn it. You’ll replay possible scenarios in your mind. It’s not healthy, but it’s all you can do. Ultimately, the effect of being constantly worried about a burden is nothing compared to the fear you have of the burden coming and not being fully prepared or ready to challenge it.
Is there medication which can help this? No. I believe taking medications to calm my anxiety or better my mood, even under the approval of a doctor, is just as much of a cheating way out as chugging on alcohol or abusing other hallucunants/drugs. It’s just blocking the symptons momentarily, and will probably lead to a reliance/addiction. So no, I won’t see a doctor. I’ll simply channel my lack of happiness inside me and find ways to use it to my advantage.
I don’t even expect words of encouragement or support from here, as much as I appreciate that. I simply wanted to share my outlook. Get it off my mind. Maybe possibly connect with someone with similar feelings or philosophies. As I said, I’m not depressed or sad. I’m kind of just…nothing.
Thanks for letting me share. God bless!
I could probably back up this philosophy with a religious reasoning, but there’s no real need to. I need only to observe my own life. I am not meant to be happy. This doesn’t mean I’m depressed or sad, it just means I’ll never be above the usual level of dragging myself out of bed, and taking the day as it comes to me. I can be in a good mood most days, and be relaxed, but ultimately I’ll never be truly content.
While I believe everyone has a burden to carry, some of us are just stronger than others in their ability to carry it. There is a tiny portion of lucky people who almost do not feel their burden at all, whether it’s because they’re so strong as to carry it so easily, or because the burden itself just doesn’t do anything to them. It never challenges them. They don’t really care about it enough to notice it.
Then there’s the others who God created with a combination of a burden so heavy and the lack of strength to carry it. I guess we all fall somewhere between these two extremes.
Happiness is not a perception or a feeling of learning to be content with things. It’s almost a vocation. A destiny, if you will. Some are meant to be happy, others are not. No different to the way some of us are meant to be women, and some of us men, or the way some men are supposed to be priests, and others husbands. It’s just the cards we were dealt.
Whatever way I find of blocking out my anxieties, challenges, and troubles, they find a way to reintroduce themselves into my perception. When I finally find a way to overcome them, it seems like destiny takes over and ensures I don’t reach the top of the staircase where my goal lies. I’m just not meant to get there.
Instead of asking questions or being angry, I’ve learned to accept this. Make peace with it. This is as close as happiness I’ll ever come. It’s ironic. The closest thing to happiness in my life is being content with the fact that I’ll never be happy. Almost makes me laugh.
Does it make me angry or depressed? No. I can still live life normally, and I will. Who knows, maybe one day I will reach the top of the staircase, but by then it’ll probably be the staircase I no longer want to climb. That’s just the way it works. I cannot possibly acheive what I want. If I want something, I cannot acheive it. If I acheive somehting, I won’t want it.
I guess God is calling me to a life of discipline and spirituality. As I said, I can take comfort in a lot of religious validations to help me accept this. Most of the saints lived a life of extreme discomfort and anxiety. Some were even miserable at times. They never really enjoyed life, just like the Bible warns us against doing too earneslty.
This is the very definition of anxiety in a religious point of view; anxious over the fact that you know something is coming your way to bring you back down, and you want to be ready for it. You’ll check every corner carefully before you turn it. You’ll replay possible scenarios in your mind. It’s not healthy, but it’s all you can do. Ultimately, the effect of being constantly worried about a burden is nothing compared to the fear you have of the burden coming and not being fully prepared or ready to challenge it.
Is there medication which can help this? No. I believe taking medications to calm my anxiety or better my mood, even under the approval of a doctor, is just as much of a cheating way out as chugging on alcohol or abusing other hallucunants/drugs. It’s just blocking the symptons momentarily, and will probably lead to a reliance/addiction. So no, I won’t see a doctor. I’ll simply channel my lack of happiness inside me and find ways to use it to my advantage.
I don’t even expect words of encouragement or support from here, as much as I appreciate that. I simply wanted to share my outlook. Get it off my mind. Maybe possibly connect with someone with similar feelings or philosophies. As I said, I’m not depressed or sad. I’m kind of just…nothing.
Thanks for letting me share. God bless!
