Some people at my Church perplex me

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Skylar24

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I am not writing this to judge anyone, although I guess I kind of am judging- but that’s not my intention. I’m really writing this because I’m confused by the way some people act and it upsets me. I need to post to get this off my chest.

First Communion is this Sunday and my son went to his last class to prepare for it last night. After I dropped him off in his classroom in the rectory basement, my little girl asked to go inside the Church for a few minutes. A boy in my son’s class and his mother walked into the Church at the same time as we did. I heard her tell him, disgustedly, “We are going to practice Communion right now, because I will not have you looking like a fool on Sunday.” It really saddened me because this boy is very sweet and this is such an important, sacred event that should be looked back on as positive. I don’t stick my nose into other peoples’ business usually, and she may have been having a bad day, but I just needed to post this because it did upset me so much.

The other thing is the way people act/dress during Mass. I think I posted once before about the people in the pew in front of us texting through Mass one Sunday. Similar things have happened, but one thing I’ve noticed lately is the way people dress. Our Church is very laid back in dress, but a lot of people where short (SHORT!) skirts, low cut blouses, jeans with rips where no jeans should ever be ripped, etc. How is this appropriate?

I am not perfect. I sure have made mistakes. But some of this seems so obviously disrespectful. It’s like, these people are going to Mass dressing and acting like this, but don’t they learn from Mass that we shouldn’t do these things?

I’m not perfect and I absolutely don’t claim to be. I do try my best.
 
  1. Pray for the little boy who’s mother seems to not be concerned with him but only with herself and how he makes her look.
  2. Head for the nearest TLM. None of the issues you mention will be there.
 
Skylar24 said:
IA boy in my son’s class and his mother walked into the Church at the same time as we did. I heard her tell him, disgustedly, “We are going to practice Communion right now, because I will not have you looking like a fool on Sunday.” It really saddened me .
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the sad thing is this parent probably uses this extremely damaging means of parenting in other contexts as well.

there is not much you can do except keep trying to educate parents and families:banghead: about the nature of the sacraments, reverence, modesty and so forth. Our best allies are the parents themselves who present good examples of these. the smiley is really for the new confirmand who in all seriousness asked me for his “graduation certificate” last night.
 
Your righteous, indignant attitude is just and appropriate. Never think that you’re supposed to be cowed and silent in the face of blasphemy or hatred. Our goal as sons of God, as children of light, is to show out the love of Christ for all. This shining light must, necessarily, burn away darkness and shadows. Be righteous and love!

Remember St. Mary (of the Cross) Mackillop, who was canonised last October. Practically her whole life was one of perpetual crosses. She was excommunicated by an old, ill bishop who was being influenced by a petty priest. She wrote letters begging people not to see the poor bishop too harshly, even though he had unjustly excommunicated her! You’ve never been excommunicated by these people you’re complaining about, though you’ve been disgusted by their attitude. Just think of this holy woman, whose whole life was lived with cross upon cross: interference from cardinals and archbishops and priests who wanted to control her large Order and change its Rule. She steadfastly remained calm, kind, and good of heart, always assuming simple error on the part of her enemies and never malevolence.

Assume that those you are repulsed by are simply ignorant or jaded. Love them with all your heart and fervently pray that they are set on fire with the burning charity of God that inflamed St. Philip Neri or St. Maria Mackillop!
 
I would go to the head priest at your church, and explain what you have witnessed, and have him make some kind of announcement at the end of mass/during mass about correct parenting (of course he won’t mention any names), and appropriate wear to church. Our priest did this several years ago, and it helped enormously.

Heavenly Father, in faith, I thank You for taking care of these situatuions. Amen.
 
catsrus said:
Head for the nearest TLM. None of the issues you mention will be there.
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Unfortunately, this is no longer a guarantee. I went to a diocesan TLM this past Sunday and I was saddened to see that immodest dress had crept into this environment. The woman in front of me had on very tight clothing and her shirt kept creeping up to the point that everyone could see her lower back tattoo (I won’t use the common slang term but hopefully you know what I’m referring to). Only about 1/4 of the women were veiled and a lot of people were in jeans (especially men). Lots of low cut shirts and short skirts as well.

I went to another diocesan TLM the week before and it was the same thing (that’s why I went to a different one this past weekend). All of this is happening in what a lot of people consider to be one of the most conservative dioceses in the country.

I’m hoping that the parish I try this week is better.
 
Skylar24 said:
The other thing is the way people act/dress during Mass. I think I posted once before about the people in the pew in front of us texting through Mass one Sunday. Similar things have happened, but one thing I’ve noticed lately is the way people dress. Our Church is very laid back in dress, but a lot of people where short (SHORT!) skirts, low cut blouses, jeans with rips where no jeans should ever be ripped, etc. How is this appropriate?

I am not perfect. I sure have made mistakes. But some of this seems so obviously disrespectful. It’s like, these people are going to Mass dressing and acting like this, but don’t they learn from Mass that we shouldn’t do these things?

I’m not perfect and I absolutely don’t claim to be. I do try my best.
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Keep in mind that people at Mass are not necessarily Catholic. I say this as someone who attended Mass for years before I became Catholic. Of course we wish that everyone there would be reverent for the sake of their own souls even more than to assist our devotion, but keep in mind that even if they wish to be reverent their upbringing might be different enough that their behavior or dress might seem perfectly acceptable to them. Or they might literally have no concept of reverent behavior. In many American households these days the only object of reverence is the latest television icon or sports hero, and the proper mode of expressing it is to dress to attract attention, then jump and yell.

You cannot change them with a passing word from a stranger, or by posting in an online forum. If you become friends with them you might be able at some time to have a conversation about the best way to behave at Mass. I can sympathize with how you feel, and join with you in praying for them. Work extra hard to set them a good example, and make sure that they know it is a good example because while dressing properly you seem like a good person to them.

I think it is likely that any congregation which is entirely composed of quiet, well-dressed, well-behaved reverent looking people is not very welcoming to tax collectors and sinners.
 
Same here. I think God is testing me through my autism. There are a lot of elderly ladies in Catholic parishes that are jerks.

I think I will go through this a lot when I get ordained to Catholic priesthood in future.
 
jhooper3581 said:
. There are a lot of elderly ladies in Catholic parishes that are jerks.

I think I will go through this a lot when I get ordained to Catholic priesthood in future.
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If you are hoping to be a priest, it would probably be best to get in the habit of avoiding saying things like some elderly ladies ‘being jerks’.
You need to work out subtler ways of expressing yourself that get your point over, without sounding uncouth or offensive.
For instance, ’ In my opinion, a lot of elderly people set a bad example when it comes to correct behaviour in church’.
 
Thanks for the reply, but why didn’t you quote the part that God is testing me through my autism? I will assume God is really testing me through my autism if you don’t reply…
 
jhooper3581: Listen: forget the quotes. Be more concerned about showing other people respect, regardless their action.

We all must strive on that from day to day basis. I wish you best of luck for your priesthood plans.
 
Can you at least talk about my quote? I’m not here to be rude, but just to see if God is testing through my personality. Would you agree?
 
jhooper3581 said:
Thanks for the reply, but why didn’t you quote the part that God is testing me through my autism? I will assume God is really testing me through my autism if you don’t reply…
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It was because you said that you were autistic that I knew you would be receptive to my reply, as it was to give you clear guidelines on what worked best when dealing with other people.

I didn’t mean to seem like I was disregarding your feeling of being tested. I’m sorry if it came over that way. Replying to you proves that I had read it and want to help and understand. PM me privately if you want to explain how you feel. I will listen.
 
jhooper3581 said:
Same here. I think God is testing me through my autism. There are a lot of elderly ladies in Catholic parishes that are jerks.

I think I will go through this a lot when I get ordained to Catholic priesthood in future.
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Just to warn you that most of your volunteers at church are your older women. If you have a tough time getting along with that population, a parish may not be the best setting for you.
 
Skylar24 said:
I am not writing this to judge anyone, although I guess I kind of am judging- but that’s not my intention. I’m really writing this because I’m confused by the way some people act and it upsets me. I need to post to get this off my chest.

First Communion is this Sunday and my son went to his last class to prepare for it last night. After I dropped him off in his classroom in the rectory basement, my little girl asked to go inside the Church for a few minutes. A boy in my son’s class and his mother walked into the Church at the same time as we did. I heard her tell him, disgustedly, “We are going to practice Communion right now, because I will not have you looking like a fool on Sunday.” It really saddened me because this boy is very sweet and this is such an important, sacred event that should be looked back on as positive. I don’t stick my nose into other peoples’ business usually, and she may have been having a bad day, but I just needed to post this because it did upset me so much.

The other thing is the way people act/dress during Mass. I think I posted once before about the people in the pew in front of us texting through Mass one Sunday. Similar things have happened, but one thing I’ve noticed lately is the way people dress. Our Church is very laid back in dress, but a lot of people where short (SHORT!) skirts, low cut blouses, jeans with rips where no jeans should ever be ripped, etc. How is this appropriate?

I am not perfect. I sure have made mistakes. But some of this seems so obviously disrespectful. It’s like, these people are going to Mass dressing and acting like this, but don’t they learn from Mass that we shouldn’t do these things?

I’m not perfect and I absolutely don’t claim to be. I do try my best.
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I can understand your frustration, and I think it’s good that you posted here. We all need to vent sometimes! 🙂

That being said, I’m afraid there isn’t much you can do to change people. I mean, you can talk to the pastor about how people are dressing- in my parish, there have been several notices in the bulletin about dressing properly at mass and I think it has helped. But the way the mom spoke to her child is unfortunately something you can’t do anything about.

The only thing you can do is pray for the members of your parish. Focus on being a good example yourself and maybe others will notice and imitate. Leave what you cannot change about others to God and let Him take care of it. St. Therese used to say that she tried very hard to find at least one good thing in a soul that was trying her greatly and praised that good trait to God. Try doing the same. Find one good thing about someone who is wearing something inappropriate, or texting during a mass (even if it is only the color of their hair or something) and praise God for bestowing that particular gift on the person. God loves it when we praise His creation, and we are all His creation!

Good luck to you and God bless!
 
catsrus said:
  1. Head for the nearest TLM. None of the issues you mention will be there.
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I love these comments. The last TLM I was at I had a boy that just received the Eucharist and was playing with it in his mouth and was sticking the Host out of his mouth as he went back to his pew. There was also a woman who was in complete jogging attire seated in front (overalls and cross-trainers).
 
ConstantineTG said:
I love these comments. The last TLM I was at I had a boy that just received the Eucharist and was playing with it in his mouth and was sticking the Host out of his mouth as he went back to his pew. There was also a woman who was in complete jogging attire seated in front (overalls and cross-trainers).
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I see your point here, but I think generally speaking these things are more commonly seen at an OF Mass than at an EF Mass. Or, it used to be anyway. Perhaps that trend is changing as more and more people begin attending the TLM.

Having said that, you have to wonder who taught this boy what the Holy Eucharist really is before his first Communion. Does he have any clear understanding of how holy this sacrament is? Obviously not, to be treating Our Lord is such a way. But, it is not his fault, at that age he can not know what is not taught to him. Very, very sad that all too often educators, (and parents primarily as their children’s primary educators) are shirking their duties in properly educating children in their Catholic faith.
 
Momofmyangels said:
I see your point here, but I think generally speaking these things are more commonly seen at an OF Mass than at an EF Mass. Or, it used to be anyway. Perhaps that trend is changing as more and more people begin attending the TLM.

Having said that, you have to wonder who taught this boy what the Holy Eucharist really is before his first Communion. Does he have any clear understanding of how holy this sacrament is? Obviously not, to be treating Our Lord is such a way. But, it is not his fault, at that age he can not know what is not taught to him. Very, very sad that all too often educators, (and parents primarily as their children’s primary educators) are shirking their duties in properly educating children in their Catholic faith.
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My point was that the form of Liturgy has nothing to do with an individual person’s reverence. Unless there’s a reverence and modesty police at the door to screen people, being in a traditional parish doesn’t really guarantee anything. The form of Mass doesn’t instantly catechize people.
 
Momofmyangels said:
I see your point here, but I think generally speaking these things are more commonly seen at an OF Mass than at an EF Mass. Or, it used to be anyway. Perhaps that trend is changing as more and more people begin attending the TLM./QUOTE]

Are problems seen less often at the TLM because somehow being there instantly makes people behave better, or are there fewer problems because problem people are excluded?
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