Some people just don't learn!

[Lexee15]

I am so irritated with my sister!!! She is starting to consider getting back together with my nephew’s father.

Just a couple of weeks ago, before my nephew got sick, just looking at him made her sick, hearing is voice on the phone irritated her to no end:shrug:, I don’t get it. How do you go from extremely disliking someone to considering marriage, all within two weeks:banghead:???

She was dating someone and he talked about marriage, he went off to work on his masters degree (out of the country) then, not long after, he told her he wasn’t sure what he wanted for sure and they broke up. I was mad cause he shouldn’t have started a relationship with her in the first place considering he was going to be out of the country for about 3 years. I told her that, she agreed with me, but he insisted so much that she finally opened up and then he pulls this crud.

Well right after he broke up with her Eric gets sick and her and Eric’s father are stuck at the hip with hospitalizations, doctor’s appointments, etc. Of course, the whole time he’s trying to convince her to get back together with him. He told her that he would do anything she wanted except change the way he practices his faith, leave his daughter and something else I can’t remember. All of the sudden he’s a new man, whatever!!!

He is not Catholic, in fact he is very anti-Catholic, oh, but he would consider getting married in the Catholic church if that’s what she wants…what a guy! He is divorced, he was married in his church, some kind of protestant, for 12 years. My sister got pregnant by him while he still legally married, and of course we all know that he is still married in the eyes of God.

My sister’s all giddy and spending a lot of extra time with him, etc. She seems to think it is a sign that Eric got sick when the other guy broke up with her and she was forced to spend so much time with Eric’s father:shrug:. I told her it might be a test to see if she can stay true to the Church’s teachings and to herself. I don’t understand why she can’t see that he’ll say anything to get back together with her and when that happens that’s it, he’ll go back to the same way he’s always been. I also told her that it was obvious that he had no issues with putting God before her and I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t do the same.

She’s just a weak person, until now I didn’t realize how little self-esteem, self-worth and diginity she had. I’m tired though, if I say anything negative about him or point out something she doesn’t want to hear she’s having a big fat cow. She told me it was none of my business and I replied “you’re right, it’s none of my business until you want to talk ht about him, but if I make a comment you don’t like then it’s none of my business” I’m sick of trying to save her from herself.

She knows what’s right and what’s wrong, I’ve told her the teachings of God about marriage. If she wants to ignore it then it’s on her. She wants to work things out with someone she shouldn’t have been messing around with in the first place, it’s just so frustrating that she doesn’t get that, it seems so simple.

Thanks for letting me vent and sorry for the rant, any opinions, comments or advice would be appreciated.

 

[ErichsGurl2]

I know how you feel. My mother and father never had their marriage annulled in the Church when they divorced…and my mom’s “new husband” is an absolute complete jerk to her, and she cries to me about it all the time. It frustrates me so much because even I can see that she’s on a destructive path, which will end up hurting my sister, her family, and my family in the end.

BUT

I’ve come to the realization that sometimes you have to just love them and let them make their own mistakes. That’s all you can do.

 

[Lexee15]

Yes your sister is weak. So am I, so are you, so is the Pope, so is everyone reading this.

I know your frustration comes out of love but please try and back away. I know you said that you are tired of trying to save her from herself…I think this is contributing to your frustration. Trying to “fix” your sister is not your job it is Christ’s job and this is why you are frustrated. You have taken on a task that is impossible for you and that does not belong to you and it is driving you crazy.

Your sister is repeating her mistakes. So am I. How often do we seem to repeat the same behavior over and over!

Your frustration is compounded probably because there is a child involved. Pray, pray and pray some more. I know this is hard but try to not let your sister frustrate you. She is a lost soul and she is searching for happiness. She needs your pity, not your irritation. Try and say things, if you can, to “build her up”. She needs to feel strong, not weak. This is going to be hard because you have probably acted a certain way in your relationship for most of your life.

Remember, the only difference between you and your sister is that she has not been blessed by God’s beautiful grace as much as you have. She needs your prayers. I will pray for her too. Hope this helps.

I know we are all weak, I didn’t mean to sound like I have it all figured out:blush:. And I most certainly know that it is by God’s grace and His grace alone that I am not in her situation, it’s His grace that keeps me strong and able to be faithful to Him and His teachings.

I pray everyday for this grace, after the end of my marriage and the death of my baby…all within one year, I have come to know that the only way to get through this life is to constantly seek that grace through prayer and trust. I do feel blessed that He has bestowed those graces upon me, I’ve tried to take that strength He has given me to live my life according to His will and be faithful to Church teaching. It’s hard to do nonetheless I want to be loyal to Him whom has given me so much.

My sister keeps trying to justify why she should give Eric’s dad another chance and comparing my husband to this guy. See he never cheated on her like mine did etc. Apparantly, only cheating is a reason for ending a relationship…notice I said relationship and not marriage. What she fails to see is that he HAS cheated…on his wife…with her!!! She seems to forget that she is the OTHER woman, that he was married (still is in God’s eyes) when she got pregnant with Eric. I don’t like to bring that up and I rarely do because I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t understand how she doesn’t get it, there was a reason why when she was in this relationship she was miserable, had no money, sometimes no food and the verbal abuse of his mother and he allowed it to happen. As the saying goes…what starts bad ends bad. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, I guess I was hoping that she had learned from her mistakes and was moving towards a new life with our Lord at it’s center…I was wrong.

I do love her and will continue to love her, but I will not in any way condone or celebrate this decision, and if it means backing away that’s what I will do. I will pray that He continues to give me the strength to be faithful to Him and Him alone, if I lose my sister by trying to be loyal to Him and His teachings then so be it, it will hurt very much, but it will hurt more to go before Him and have to explain why I aided in her sinning, I can’t do that. I will also continue to pray for her.

 

[Lexee15]

I beleive you love your sister dearly or else you would not be so upset at what she is doing. I have heard the above definition several times in my life and I disagree with it very much. Only because that would make **every **human being on the planet insane! We all make mistakes over and over…usually the same ones!

I also have heard a little of what you have been through. You have posted before and I have read what you wrote. I have also gone to see the pictures of your beautiful daughter Fatima and I thank you for sharing those. What a beautiful angel she was and what a horrible loss for you I am so sorry.

I beleive you may struggle with this because God helped you through what you went through and you want your sister to avail herself more of his grace and love. Family relationships are obviously more complex than that, but I know your sister is frustrating you and that you don’t get it that she doesn’t get it.

Just keep praying for her. I know you will be there for her because of the obvious love you have shown. I will pray for her too. She is a lost soul, searching for something. Take care.

You’re absolutely right. I do love her and I do wish she would put more of her life in His hands. Honestly, when I finally did it was like a weight was taken off my shoulders, it doesn’t mean that I won’t have problems or crisis’, but it does mean that I don’t have to bear it alone. Who more wonderful than God to share my struggles as well and my blessings with? I wish she could feel that and trust that He has a great plan for her. Thanks for keeping her in your prayers, I will continue to pray for her also.

 

[LSK]

I also understand your frustration - but I also believe that it is possible to learn from our mistakes. I rarely make the same mistake twice anymore - oh, I don’t mean the average venial sins (like losing one’s temper, or getting scared and not trusting enough in God). I mean the big, dumb mistakes - like falling for a married man, or having sex outside of marriage, or continuing to spend money I don’t have - those mistakes I have made and I have learned from them. In that respect, your definition of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a very good way to view insanity.

And let’s be honest - part of the problem with the world is most of its inhabitants are insane…it’s part of our fallen natures, I guess. And we Catholics are blessed to have the Sacraments to help restore us to sanity!

Hang in there, Lexee…and keep praying for your sister. I will…she deserves so much more than what she is willing to take…

 

[Lexee15]

I also understand your frustration - but I also believe that it is possible to learn from our mistakes. I rarely make the same mistake twice anymore - oh, I don’t mean the average venial sins (like losing one’s temper, or getting scared and not trusting enough in God). I mean the big, dumb mistakes - like falling for a married man, or having sex outside of marriage, or continuing to spend money I don’t have - those mistakes I have made and I have learned from them. In that respect, your definition of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a very good way to view insanity.

And let’s be honest - part of the problem with the world is most of its inhabitants are insane…it’s part of our fallen natures, I guess. And we Catholics are blessed to have the Sacraments to help restore us to sanity!

Hang in there, Lexee…and keep praying for your sister. I will…she deserves so much more than what she is willing to take…

Hi Leslie:wave:, so good to hear from you again!!!

This is exactly what I meant by the insane definition:thumbsup:. I realize I make the same venial mistakes and I pray for the grace to be able to stop this, but I pray even more for grace to avoid those mistakes that are mortal and put my soul in jeopardy!!! Things that used to be no big deal are…indeed…a great big deal, I now know that and pray that He will keep me faithful to Him and give me the strength to avoid such temptations:blush:.

Thanks for that Leslie :hug3:.