Some questions about catholic sex

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catholicguy9393

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Hi, I am a young man who is not married yet, but hopes to be married to the most wonderful girl in the world :). I just have a few questions. (I have never had sex yet or done anything) (I am waiting for the perfect girl so I haven’t really had a girlfriend yet either). I was reading some threads about sex in a catholic marriage. Here are my questions: 1. Can a catholic couple have sex other than just to create life? How do catholic couples have sex often and not have like a ton of kids. There has to be something stopping creation when they do this. And isnt the prevention of procreation a sin? I am just a little confused about this. 2. My next question is a little embaressing. I want to have a very holy and love-filled relationship someday. Today we are surrounded by movies and whatnot that just show sex as a pleasure and people getting “way too into it.” Here is the question :/. How is a catholic couple supposed to have sex. Like what are the boundaries for making it sinful. Should we enjoy it for how it feels or should we be serious and just remember the whole time that this is all for God. I want it to be for him. I just don’t know how both of these can intertwine. Thank you all.

P.S.- I hope I can find someone soon with the same morals that I have. I feel like there is a limited amount out there today. Please pray for me.
 
Welcome to the forums my dear brother.
catholicguy9393 said:
Hi, I am a young man who is not married yet, but hopes to be married to the most wonderful girl in the world :).
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Sorry, I already married her 24 years ago. You will have to settle for second most wonderful.
catholicguy9393 said:
  1. Can a catholic couple have sex other than just to create life? How do catholic couples have sex often and not have like a ton of kids. There has to be something stopping creation when they do this. And isnt the prevention of procreation a sin? I am just a little confused about this.
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All acts of marital sex are to be open to life. For valid reasons, a couple may space out their children using a licit birth control method, e.g. Natural Family Planning.
catholicguy9393 said:
  1. How is a catholic couple supposed to have sex. Like what are the boundaries for making it sinful. Should we enjoy it for how it feels or should we be serious and just remember the whole time that this is all for God. I want it to be for him. I just don’t know how both of these can intertwine. Thank you all.
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Sex is both procreative and unitive. In general, as long as both parties are consenting (i.e. you don’t force her to do anything against her will) and the acts do not involve breaking the commandments (i.e. you can’t have a threesome even if you both agree) then as long as the man finishes in his partner’s womb you are good to go.
catholicguy9393 said:
P.S.- I hope I can find someone soon with the same morals that I have. I feel like there is a limited amount out there today. Please pray for me.
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I was into my mid-20’s believing that I might not find anyone when the good Lord brought my wife and I together. I pray that my teenage son will find someone just as good so I will hold you in the same prayer as I pray for him.

God has someone special for you if His will for you is to embrace the vocation of marriage. Be open though, for He may be calling you to other vocations such as religious life.
 
I am a father of five and my wife and I practice Natural Family Planning. They key to your first set of questions is that you need to be open to life. God did not design women to be baby factories. To the contrary, He designed both men and women in a way where the marital embrace is both a source of life and pleasure.

If you are patient, your wife and you can read the signs her body is giving to know when she is most likely to conceive. If you are not ready for a child and she is showing signs of fertility, then you shouldn’t have intercourse. The key here is there is nothing blocking the creation of life. You are simply not not making love.

Contraception on the other hand is contra-conception. An act against conception. Not making love when your wife is fertile does nothing to block a conception that would have happened otherwise. It is only when you try to make love and do something that is designed to close the act to life that your are violating the design God gave you.

I would encourage you to talk to someone at the diocese about their NFP programs. There is lot of education required, but joy in practicing is wonderful. The divorce rate for NFP couples is very low, a testament to how well it works in a marriage.
 
Of course you can enjoy sex. Sex in marriage is not only for procreation but also for strengthening the unity of the couple. Taking pleasure in each other is how you create a strong bond between you.
 
But my concern was say you have like 6 kids already, but you still want to have sex to show your love and unity to each other, but you do not plan to have any more kids. Some couples were talking about having sex 2-3 times a week. I just dont see how a couple can keep doing this. They would have have a ton of babies wouldnt they?
 
catholicguy9393 said:
But my concern was say you have like 6 kids already, but you still want to have sex to show your love and unity to each other, but you do not plan to have any more kids. Some couples were talking about having sex 2-3 times a week. I just dont see how a couple can keep doing this. They would have have a ton of babies wouldnt they?
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Couple of possibilities:
  1. Having children is an act of faith. If you are open to it, you will have as many kids as God wants you to have. If six is the number, then you could have sex 2-3 times a week without having more kids.
  2. The couple is using some sort of contraception. After six kids, the temptation is very, very great. Very great. There is a natural limit in time, sanity and resources that a single couple can devote to raising children. For some, it’s one. For others, it’s 15+. It all depends on your attitude. When you remove faith in God from your marriage, it is easy to justify the ‘need’ for contraception. Did I mention the temptation is very great?
At the end of the day, your marriage needs to be rooting in love of God and absolute trust in His plan for you.
Matthew 6:25-26-
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?
 
catholicguy9393 said:
But my concern was say you have like 6 kids already, but you still want to have sex to show your love and unity to each other, but you do not plan to have any more kids. Some couples were talking about having sex 2-3 times a week. I just dont see how a couple can keep doing this. They would have have a ton of babies wouldnt they?
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Maybe you don’t realize that a woman is not able to get pregnant every single day. In fact, there’s only about a week each month when she is likely to conceive. Working with this information is what couples do when they practice Natural Family Planning.
 
baltobetsy said:
Maybe you don’t realize that a woman is not able to get pregnant every single day. In fact, there’s only about a week each month when she is likely to conceive. Working with this information is what couples do when they practice Natural Family Planning.
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AKA the “Calendar” method 😛
 
TheDoctor said:
Sorry, I already married her 24 years ago. You will have to settle for second most wonderful.
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Actually, I found her several months ago, you must be working with second most wonderful and the OP can pray for third :p.
 
BornAgain2010 said:
AKA the “Calendar” method 😛
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No, not the “calendar” method. That was discredited long ago. Natural family planning is much more scientific now and can p(name removed by moderator)oint ovulation with great accuracy.
 
BornAgain2010 said:
AKA the “Calendar” method 😛
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The calendar method only works if the woman has a regular cycle. My husband and I didn’t use it, but I charted my fertility and the day we my chart indicates that we most likely conceived this child is the exact same day my estimated conception date comes up when they predicted my due date. Those due date calculators are all based on the Calendar method. Because a woman can have irregular cycles, as a woman goes through her pregnancy, her doctor can adjust her baby’d due date depending on how the baby is developing. Well, my baby has been developing right where it should be considering the date of conception. The problem with the calendar method is that a lot can affect when a woman ovulates. The time she has between ovulation and her next period is always about the same, but the time from the start of her period to the next time she ovulates can change. As such, trying to figure out ovulation by counting from the start of your last period is bound to not always be accurate. That’s why the symptom based methods of NFP are more effective than the calendar method.
 
catholicguy9393 said:
But my concern was say you have like 6 kids already, but you still want to have sex to show your love and unity to each other, but you do not plan to have any more kids. Some couples were talking about having sex 2-3 times a week. I just dont see how a couple can keep doing this. They would have have a ton of babies wouldnt they?
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There is no better birth control than a screaming baby letting you get only 3 hours of sleep a night. 😃

After a few years, the fire burns way less hot, but it still burns. They say if you put a penny into a jar every time you…well…you know the first year of your marriage, and take a penny out every time you do it from the second year onward, the jar will never empty. 😃
 
Well, I have friends who put a dollar in the jar every time, and after ten years and five kids, they are going on a very fancy cruise with what they have in that jar. They would definitely have been out of pennies ages ago!
 
Newbie2 said:
There is no better birth control than a screaming baby letting you get only 3 hours of sleep a night. 😃
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Throw in one that won’t sleep and you’d have to resort to cosleeping. Thats pretty much the end of your sex life until you can convince the kid to sleep in his/her own room. Or you’d have to get really creative, which is great as it adds spice to your marriage 👍
 
The Devil’s favorite trick is to polarize people into opposite and opposing errors. When it comes to sex those two are essentially:
  1. Sex rocks, I’m going to get me some as often as I can!
  2. Sex is dirty and should only be tolerated when trying to create children.
The truth is the narrow road that lies in between the above ditches that lie on either side. No a compromise between the two, but a joyful truth without the distortion pushed into BOTH errors listed.

Sex is an incredible gift to married couples, but simply isn’t something to be TAKEN, rather it is a gift to GIVE. Most of our society fails to comprehend that. Because it is an excercise in self-giving love it just happens to have at its climax humanity’s most profound means of bearing the image and likeness of God. That is, the abundance of our love can actually create NEW life. Ask any NFP couple, nothing beats fertile time lovin! 😉

So the truth in error #1 minus the distortion is that sex DOES rock, but it isn’t for the GETTING, it is for giving yourself fully to your spouse. As to #2, Sex isn’t dirty and there is not even a smidge of shame in a couple having a regular eye-popping experience unless the couple takes action to change the act into one in which they both TAKE from it rather than give TO each other. ONE way in which that can happen is when they attempt to TAKE what they want while sterilizing the outcome. That, fundamentally is NOT a giving experience. NFP differs because when the fertile time comes along, each spouse has to GIVE UP what they desire and refrain due to the serious reason they’ve seen for not having more kids right now. Indeed that will make for about 2 weeks a month of ZERO times per week when trying to avoid pregnancy. Self-denial to avoid pregnancy is fundamentally different than self-indulgence with a contraceptive added. But on the other 10-14 days a month when GOD makes the woman naturally infertile, there is nothing inherently selfish with the spouses once again giving themselves to one another (even if they get VERY “into it” as you say!).
 
Sex is not a crime. It is an act of love between one or more consenting adults.
ONE…OR MORE!?! :eek:

Hahaha I got that joke from Jeffrey Tambor. 😛
 
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