Some things that have been bothering me

[redbetta]

Hey guys, its been a while since I made something other than a prayer thread, but, there have been some things bothering me and, I do not have anyone besides my roommate to confide in and, we are in the same boat when it comes to life experience. Now, I actually wrote this a few days ago in the heat of the moment and decided to post it now. Now, please do not flame me. I am just a young adult seeking answers to the puzzles in life. But, do not poo-poo me either as if I know nothing. I just don’t know what to make of all this stuff I’ve been observing since I began paying attention to the world around me. Finally, don’t psychoanalyze me, even though it is tempting to do that with strangers over the Internet, indeed, it is tempting for me too. Now, my unabridged thoughts from last week:

I was at my university’s medical clinic to see what I can do about my sore throat. After the doctor checked my ears and throat, she asked how do I like it here. I thought to myself, that’s a weird question for a doctor to ask. But, I hate lying so I told her bluntly that I do not like it here since all I ever do is work for my classes (I’m pre-med). She said that things will get better yadda yadda and went on to take a sample for a test. The results came in an email an hour later and, included with the results, is a recommendation for the school’s psychology services for my “feelings” surrounding school. I was taken aback by that.

Okay, I have been pondering these things for a while, but, this episode finally drove me to voice them. There is a live-in professor in my residential community who teaches psychology and, I always mean to ask, but, never find a chance to do, whether or not, if anyone ever goes to a psychologist and walks away with a clean bill of health or his there always some diagnosis. I want to ask because I have never heard of a definition of normal from psychology. And, I find it strange that people are so quick to point to therapists for all of life’s problems, especially schools. I was online once looking for answers and I read a news piece from a few years ago of a student at a university being threatened with expulsion if she did not go see the school’s psychologist when she preferred to she her own. The article then went on to detail the story of a university that was sued and lost a ton of money to the family of a student who committed suicide on campus. Since then, most American schools added clauses to their policies that allow them to expel a student who they perceive to be depressed and not doing anything and, therefore, a liability.

That was a year ago and last quarter, I was reading some old articles from the university’s newspaper and there was an opinion piece done by a student about unreasonable standards at the university. She always would notice that, during finals week, she would get emails about psychological services on campus. She turned to her roommate and said, “Funny, how the school always sends “don’t kill yourself” messages during finals.” At the time it was amusing, but, she then realized that it was simply a school’s way of dancing around real sources of unhappiness on campus instead of addressing them.

So I wonder, was the doctor genuinely interested in how I like this school or is she obligated to ask in order to trouble-shoot? I cannot help but think, “Those jerks, always trying to cover their own asses! People are right when they say colleges are just businesses.” This ties in all the thoughts I have been pondering these past few weeks about the fact that American society is so litigious and how, we are not a democracy, we just cater to whoever screams the loudest. Honestly, I am starting to think as highly of school as my old man thinks about the government (indeed, there are a lot of unflattering similarities between the two). Perhaps the point of educational institutions is to prepare youngsters for an adult life of shaking their fists and ranting about the government and society.

And really, I cannot help but think there is a lot of BS in the way psychology is used these days. It is one thing to see someone if you are seeing things that are not there or are too scared to leave your house, it is another to denounce someone as “unbalanced” for having a different opinion or wishing one with a lot of points and edges to there personality to become a blunt object. And sometimes, I see it used to put a bandage on deeper issues. I mean, I have seen people go so far with “body positivity” as to say it is good to be obese. I always think to myself, “Why cannot people who spend all this time pushing self-esteem use that time to help solve the obesity problem in America?” Also, when people are suffering from inefficiencies in a system, is there something wrong with the system or the people? You think the answer would be obvious, but, I still remember my classmates and I being poo-pooed by our high school’s administration when we brought up complaints about our English teacher’s inefficiency. Both parents and students have been complaining about this individual for years, but, nothing has ever been done because “she is a beloved member of our community.” Well, she was a good person morally and I have heard that she was good from the parents that had her as a teacher back in the day. However, when I had her, she was burnt out and possibly suffering from dementia. What I heard is that they finally moved her from teaching to the records department, but, why they took years to address this issue is beyond me. While I was issuing the complaints, I was asked if I had a problem with authority. I simply answered, “No, I have no problem with legitimate authority, just an intolerance for inefficiency and incompetent authority.”

 

[redbetta]

Continued:

I swear, whenever there is a problem with a system, those in charge would rather teach the people within the system to suck it up or cope rather than change the system and solve those problems all together. Would it take more time and money? Indubitably. But, in my humble opinion, it is better to nip the problem at the bud rather than to shoot smaller issues when they occur.

Finally, what am I to conclude from all of my ponderings above about the various mysteries of life? That life is all bureaucracy? Maybe that is it. Because, everywhere I go, all I find is bureaucracy, bureaucracy, and more bureaucracy. They said that things get better in college as the more incompetent representatives of society are weeded out. But, it is all just the same even if the students themselves are less annoying (no more bathroom jokes).

 

[Xantippe]

Some thoughts:

1. One of my relatives is a psychologist (and a very good one) and she says that you can always be just a little better.
2. Regarding campus suicide–aside from legal liability, there’s also the issue that suicides can inspire copycats and traumatize other students.

thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/01/teen-copycat-suicides-are-a-real-phenomenon.html

1. “So I wonder, was the doctor genuinely interested in how I like this school or is she obligated to ask in order to trouble-shoot?”

Probably both/and.

If you’re going to be a doctor, you’re going to have to ask a lot of questions that you don’t actually care about the answers to, but are part of doing your job.

1. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you do sound really negative and depressed. How about going to your student counseling center?
2. “Why cannot people who spend all this time pushing self-esteem use that time to help solve the obesity problem in America?”

Maybe because losing weight (and keeping it off) is not that easy, and it’s especially difficult for people who are despairing and who feel that they are worthless. Feeling better and more confident about one’s body can, paradoxically, help one take better care of it–just to give a simple example, a person might be so self-conscious about their weight that they wouldn’t feel OK about going to an exercise class or exercising in public.

 

[Xantippe]

5b.

Also, come to think of it, I live right off campus and we eat in the cafeterias all the time, and it’s quite obvious that substantial effort is going into producing healthy, tasty food for students. We also have regular talks by a dietitian. Also, there’s been a lot of improvement even just over the past half decade. (I was in college 20+ years ago, and it was VERY different back in the day–we’d mostly just get slop.)

We use the campus gym a lot and I can see that a lot of resources go into providing exercise for students–equipment, pool, classes, intramural sports, boats, outdoor adventures (cave exploration, camping, rock climbing and white water rafting, horse back riding).

You may not be able to see all of this because you’re so tied down with academics and don’t have a chance to take advantage of it, but enormous resources are devoted to promoting student physical and mental well-being.

 

[EasterJoy]

You are describing some very real but very typical difficulties in adjusting to college. I would not poo-poo that, let alone think you have some mental disorder because you’re feeling loaded down by being a pre-med.

Put yourself in the university’s position. They have intelligent, hard-working students, many away from home for the first time. These are people who have every reason to both excel and enjoy doing it. That is not the way it works too much of the time.

These students adjust to the stresses of this transition in a variety of ways, some healthy and some not. These students choose the entire spectrum of strategies, all the way from working themselves to death and never having fun all the way to partying their promising careers into the dung heap.

If the ones not adjusting well are caught early, they can learn some coping strategies and do far better than they would have without the intervention. Some of the ones who are not coping well will figure out how to cope without any intervention at all, too. Some, however, will at best not enjoy their college experience as much as they might have and and worst will ruin their health, their psyches, their futures, or even all three.

I can tell you this: Physicians want to help their patients avoid stress and the risk of suicide even when the physician is in no danger whatsoever of being sued if one of their patients kill themselves. Project yourself forward, after all. You are the physician, the one who went through all that you’re going through in order to practice medicine. You have a position in a student health center. Walk yourself through the interchange you had with the doc, the doc who knows how competitive you are going to find it to get a place in a medical school. Ask yourself what your motives and methods will be when you are in the same position, when you see yourself going through what you and your peers are going through now. Then you’ll see that the desire to intervene probably does not reflect a desire in the doctor to avoid a lawsuit. Were it you, wouldn’t it come from a desire to make that “other you” reach her goals in the best possible way?

The short answer to the psychology is you don’t have to be psychotic to suffer from mental habits that lead you to have unnecessary feelings of distress or anxiety or that impairs your functioning. If someone as bright as you are isn’t enjoying college, you could use some help. It is possible to work your hind end off and still enjoy yourself and your college experience. If you’re not getting that, you’re getting short-changed. That won’t be changed, however, by someone lowering the academic bar. Why? Because there are too many people who need a high bar in order to be challenged and who profit from that high level of challenge. If you’re not one of them yet, it may be that you could simply use some guidance about how to go about what you have decided to achieve.

By the way, if I had been your doc, I would not necessarily have blithely reassured you that things will get better on their own. I would have told you that if you aren’t finding a way to enjoy college even with all the hard work you have to do, you ought to know that it is possible to enjoy yourself even with a heavy work load. I would have suggested many places you could go to gain those kinds of skills and insights into what might bring more enjoyment back into your life. Then I would have told you, “We sometimes see students who start out talking as you are at risk for all sorts of unhealthy behaviors later. You can choose any way you like to bring some pleasure back into your life, but will you promise me that if things get worse or you can’t find anything yourself, you will get help from someone who helps people with this kind of thing for a living?” Then I’d give you information about the student mental health facilities and I would tell you that I would be making a note to have them send you reminders to take good care of yourself and have some fun at this thing called college. Doctor’s orders, you know! You would not get this surprise contact. But that’s just me…

 

[pianistclare]

Some thoughts:

1. One of my relatives is a psychologist (and a very good one) and she says that you can always be just a little better.
2. Regarding campus suicide–aside from legal liability, there’s also the issue that suicides can inspire copycats and traumatize other students.

thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/01/teen-copycat-suicides-are-a-real-phenomenon.html

1. “So I wonder, was the doctor genuinely interested in how I like this school or is she obligated to ask in order to trouble-shoot?”

Probably both/and.

If you’re going to be a doctor, you’re going to have to ask a lot of questions that you don’t actually care about the answers to, but are part of doing your job.

1. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you do sound really negative and depressed. How about going to your student counseling center?
2. “Why cannot people who spend all this time pushing self-esteem use that time to help solve the obesity problem in America?”

Maybe because losing weight (and keeping it off) is not that easy, and it’s especially difficult for people who are despairing and who feel that they are worthless. Feeling better and more confident about one’s body can, paradoxically, help one take better care of it–just to give a simple example, a person might be so self-conscious about their weight that they wouldn’t feel OK about going to an exercise class or exercising in public.

+1

 

[LongingSoul]

So I wonder, was the doctor genuinely interested in how I like this school or is she obligated to ask in order to trouble-shoot? I cannot help but think, “Those jerks, always trying to cover their own asses! People are right when they say colleges are just businesses.”

I know you asked not to be psychoanalysed, but just to say that there is a sense of bleak cynicism in your general outlook from what you’ve written. A doctor trained to recognise some of the indicators of risk personalities, may have picked up on that too.

As for whether schools and workplaces are ‘genuinely interested’ in students/clients wellbeing… absolutely. Not in the way your family or friends care, but also not just to ‘cover their arses’ so to speak. Schools and businesses have a relevant interest in you as a contributing member of the institution and the wider society. Perhaps individual doctors and psychologists may operate only in the sense of doing their duty… but the philosophy behind mental and physical wellness in member of institutions is sound and relevant.

 

[redbetta]

This is just a general reply.

1. I’m not depressed. I just wonder why humanity is more complicated than it has to be.
2. This isn’t a thing about college. I have actually been thinking about the question of humanity being so litigatious for years and why people seem to paint over issues instead of nip them at the bud.
3. I also wonder, instead of teaching “coping stategies” for everything, why don’t people try to fix systems that produce all the trouble. Like, set reasonable expectations. Or, from my example from high school, fire an ineffective teacher?
4. You know, for a Catholic site, I’m surprised when I talk about all the complications of life that need not be, nobody has said, “it all boils down to original sin.”
5. Also, another thing, I hear a lot on this site how men and women cannot be friends and now there is this thread on how to reject a gift that seems creepy even though for all we know, it could have been sent in good will. Seriously, can we trust nobody these days? I mean, I was raised by old country peasant folks who had a pretty healthy skepticism of government, institutions, and humanity in general and even I find some of this stuff extreme.

 

[LongingSoul]

1. Also, another thing, I hear a lot on this site how men and women cannot be friends and now there is this thread on how to reject a gift that seems creepy even though for all we know, it could have been sent in good will. Seriously, can we trust nobody these days? I mean, I was raised by old country peasant folks who had a pretty healthy skepticism of government, institutions, and humanity in general and even I find some of this stuff extreme.

Life experiences can warrant a greater exercise in prudence when dealing with these things. I don’t know how the others who’ve answer acquired their experiences, but I like you grew up in a very rural simplicity with lovely Catholic people around me. I thought I was the norm.

Since raising kids in the city and learning about the dark side of life, you realise it’s not good enough to leave things to chance where young people are concerned. Since working in Catholic pastoral care/counselling etc. I’m astounded by how many people have experienced sexual abuse for example. Another example, … one of my 2 sons teacher from their Catholic highschool, is currently in jail for being part of a internet child porn ring. This type of things and many others makes it very prudent to err on the side of caution but of course not neglecting the causes of the evil in general.

 

[redbetta]

Life experiences can warrant a greater exercise in prudence when dealing with these things. I don’t know how the others who’ve answer acquired their experiences, but I like you grew up in a very rural simplicity with lovely Catholic people around me. I thought I was the norm.

Since raising kids in the city and learning about the dark side of life, you realise it’s not good enough to leave things to chance where young people are concerned. Since working in Catholic pastoral care/counselling etc. I’m astounded by how many people have experienced sexual abuse for example. Another example, … one of my 2 sons teacher from their Catholic highschool, is currently in jail for being part of a internet child porn ring. This type of things and many others makes it very prudent to err on the side of caution but of course not neglecting the causes of the evil in general.

But, can I still be friends with members of the opposite sex? I think of myself as someone who gets along better with the opposite sex and others have told me that I either do or would. One of the reasons why I probably would not want to be married is because I do not want a husband that is so insecure that he would make me drop so many friends just because they are the opposite sex. I mean it’s just sad. That is why, if someone asked me what I think heaven is like, I would probably answer something along the lines of, “It is a state of being in which people can honestly and openly be friends without strings attached or walls.”

 

[EasterJoy]

I also wonder, instead of teaching “coping stategies” for everything, why don’t people try to fix systems that produce all the trouble. Like, set reasonable expectations. Or, from my example from high school, fire an ineffective teacher?..

The “bad systems” aren’t going anywhere. You will encounter them for the rest of your life: the toxic boss, the incompetent billing department, the great programs that collapse for want of support, the beautiful marriage ended by death, infidelity, war, or some other force outside your control. To put it in a Catholic phrase: We are in a vale of tears. We aren’t in Paradise, and we cannot make a paradise on earth. It is better to learn to trust in God and learn to use trials as an opportunity for growth than to try to become a “niche organism” that has to be protected from adversity.

I had a student in my catechism class say once “if you’re a good person, God won’t allow anything bad to happen to you.” I pointed to the crucifix in the front of the room and asked her, “Wasn’t He a good person? Wasn’t He faithful?” Then I told her that while God does not stop bad things from happening, God does have the power to take what evil throws at us and transform it into a source of life and goodness. God can take the worst thing in the world and turn it into the best thing in the world, if we are willing to be faithful and trust Him.

You know, for a Catholic site, I’m surprised when I talk about all the complications of life that need not be, nobody has said, “it all boils down to original sin”…

Well, now you have. It’s a vale of tears. It is better to learn to forge our way through it than to hope that it will be perfected to make things easier for us.

…Also, another thing, I hear a lot on this site how men and women cannot be friends and now there is this thread on how to reject a gift that seems creepy even though for all we know, it could have been sent in good will. Seriously, can we trust nobody these days? I mean, I was raised by old country peasant folks who had a pretty healthy skepticism of government, institutions, and humanity in general and even I find some of this stuff extreme.

Men and women can be friends, but it is a risky thing for men and women to think they can ignore their sexuality when they’re in a friendship. This is just what experience teaches us. If you’re going to have successful relationships with the sex that attracts you, you have to respect the power of sexual attraction. It is like respecting the power of the ocean when you walk on the beach. People who know they are poor swimmers are naturally going to be more leery of wading in the surf. Mileage will vary; that is OK.

As for the issue of grooming behaviors, the rules of propriety are probably about as lax now as at any time in history. There used to be social mores and social structures that denied predators the opportunities to win and abuse trust, opportunities that are abundant now. Certainly older men did not give young unmarried women intimate gifts like clothing! No, those old taboos that people were so happy to throw off had their reasons. If we are to throw off some, like the ones forbidding young women from working in the same office with older men who aren’t their relatives, we have to have others, such as professional taboos that keep people with more power in a relationship from abusing that position of trust. We owe that to the people who are working in positions of vulnerability, especially the ones not aware of how vulnerable they are.

Sexual predators interviewed about how they identify, groom and seduce victims have taught us about these things. It is hard losing our naivety, but the alternative is to leave innocent people vulnerable to deeply scarring attacks. Learning that I can’t give certain gifts to certain people is a fairly light boundary to observe in order to prevent that from happening.

 

[Beryllos]

redbetta, I think you are all right. It’s a stressful time in your life. If you are getting good grades, taking appropriate care of yourself physically (eating well, sleeping enough most of the time, avoiding recreational drugs etc.), not too self-absorbed or self-pitying, and trying to do the right thing for the people around you, then you’re on the right track.

Life is not perfect. Yep. You could chalk it up to original sin, I tend to think of it more in terms of our biological nature, but either way, human individuals and human society are imperfect.

We pray “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” I understand that as being in the present tense. God’s kingdom is becoming more of a reality here on earth, though not uniformly, not in every place at every moment, but the Spirit is at work in the world. You and I, by expressing God’s word and showing God’s love in the world today, cooperate in God’s plan and help to make it happen.

It is easy to be frustrated with mediocrity, but rest assured that there are islands of excellence in our society. One example is air travel safety. The people that design, build, and fly aircraft do not settle for “could be worse.” Their job, as they see it, is to fix the problem, not the blame. Medicine is also an area of excellence, so it is good that you consider yourself pre-med. Sure, there is a ton of bureaucracy in medicine, but there are also high standards and excellence in education, basic research, pharmaceuticals, technology, and clinical procedures.

Well, I have rambled and don’t know how to wrap this up, but it’s dinnertime and the family is waiting for me.

God bless you, and may the Holy Spirit continue to assist and guide you on your spiritual journey.

 

[LongingSoul]

Men and women can be friends, but it is a risky thing for men and women to think they can ignore their sexuality when they’re in a friendship. This is just what experience teaches us. If you’re going to have successful relationships with the sex that attracts you, you have to respect the power of sexual attraction. It is like respecting the power of the ocean when you walk on the beach. People who know they are poor swimmers are naturally going to be more leery of wading in the surf. Mileage will vary; that is OK.

And extending on that aspect… you may feel like a strong ocean swimmer yourself but even so there are times in marriage where things get rough and feelings are hurt and there is temporary disconnection. If your husband was confiding in his female friends during this sort of rough sea, you may feel justifiably uneasy. Friends are a great support when you are floundering in some way but the reality is that most affairs start when people are in a vulnerable moment.

 

[GLam8833]

The advice to see a psychologist is probably
warranted but YOUR attitude towards it need
to be addressed. You see, back in my last
year of HS, I broke up w/ my steady girlfriend
and was down in the dumps, my mother sent
me to a psychiatrist, I asked for a WOMAN
psychiatrist which I got, but I spent my time
trying to seduce her and did NOT take any
of the meds that she prescribed, my attitude
stinks, looking back at it, it did me NO GOOD
to see that professional b/c I was in no mood
to be healed of my condition!
So, the motive for sending me to a psychiatrist
is GOOD, but my ATTITUDE was all wrong
and so it did me zilch good.

 

[WJeffrey]

Pre Med is nothing compared to Medical School. If you are finding Pre Med so difficult that you have no real time to do anything other than school work, you probably are not cut out for Medical School.

If you are showing any depression signs as an undergrad, you better take care of them before Medical School if you get into to one. Medical School chews up and spits out well adjusted people who are brilliant. Any problems that you had will be brought to a head in an ultracompetitive environment like Medical or Law School.

 

[redbetta]

redbetta, I think you are all right. It’s a stressful time in your life. If you are getting good grades, taking appropriate care of yourself physically (eating well, sleeping enough most of the time, avoiding recreational drugs etc.), not too self-absorbed or self-pitying, and trying to do the right thing for the people around you, then you’re on the right track.

Life is not perfect. Yep. You could chalk it up to original sin, I tend to think of it more in terms of our biological nature, but either way, human individuals and human society are imperfect.

We pray “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” I understand that as being in the present tense. God’s kingdom is becoming more of a reality here on earth, though not uniformly, not in every place at every moment, but the Spirit is at work in the world. You and I, by expressing God’s word and showing God’s love in the world today, cooperate in God’s plan and help to make it happen.

It is easy to be frustrated with mediocrity, but rest assured that there are islands of excellence in our society. One example is air travel safety. The people that design, build, and fly aircraft do not settle for “could be worse.” Their job, as they see it, is to fix the problem, not the blame. Medicine is also an area of excellence, so it is good that you consider yourself pre-med. Sure, there is a ton of bureaucracy in medicine, but there are also high standards and excellence in education, basic research, pharmaceuticals, technology, and clinical procedures.

Well, I have rambled and don’t know how to wrap this up, but it’s dinnertime and the family is waiting for me.

God bless you, and may the Holy Spirit continue to assist and guide you on your spiritual journey.

You know I think I appreciate this post the most. I am tired of people always saying that there must be something wrong with me when I see problems and try to voice a concern.

The way I see things, there are three kinds of people in the world. The first are those who work in the system. My dad always told me if I just work hard and be a good citizen, all will turn out fine. The second are those would work the system. My mom has always told me that it is okay to cheat the government because they cheat you back. My brother (a cop, ironically) would always tell me don’t fight it, just milk it for all its worth. The third camp would be those who try to change the system. And, that is the camp I have always desired to be in. When people say that I have problems, I always want to ask, "Is is a problem to want solutions? Should I be content when I ask questions and people just grab the nearest Tootsie Pop and say “the world will never know”? No, it is not a problem to want solutions and it is certainly not a problem to want to be a solution.

And, people, for the love of all that is good, okay, and somewhat decent, I am not depressed.

 

[LongingSoul]

You know I think I appreciate this post the most. I am tired of people always saying that there must be something wrong with me when I see problems and try to voice a concern.

The way I see things, there are three kinds of people in the world. The first are those who work in the system. My dad always told me if I just work hard and be a good citizen, all will turn out fine. The second are those would work the system. My mom has always told me that it is okay to cheat the government because they cheat you back. My brother (a cop, ironically) would always tell me don’t fight it, just milk it for all its worth. The third camp would be those who try to change the system. And, that is the camp I have always desired to be in. When people say that I have problems, I always want to ask, "Is is a problem to want solutions? Should I be content when I ask questions and people just grab the nearest Tootsie Pop and say “the world will never know”? No, it is not a problem to want solutions and it is certainly not a problem to want to be a solution.

And, people, for the love of all that is good, okay, and somewhat decent, I am not depressed.

Don’t be too hard on your family. We say things to try and help our kids cope best with life at any given time and its not always politically correct. It sounds like you are a big picture thinker there, but unless you can run for President and change things in a big way… we just have to do our part as best we can. “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” ― Mother Teresa

 

[Kat127]

It is very likely you do not know the whole story about your teacher.

Most teachers are part of a union and the school can’t “just fire” them that easily. It is also possible the school was trying to look out for your teacher due to all her years of service. Her healthcare, her pension or other things may have been on the line and they were trying to get her to the end of the school year.

Did that mean you were stuck with a bad teacher? Yes. But I’ll be honest with you, if you are a pre-med student your high school English class isn’t that important in the long run. Anything you miss I am sure you are bright enough to pick up a book and learn. Did you have a bad experience? I’m sure you did. But you are going to have a lifetime of those including bad bosses. But consider her staying on as teacher may very well have had significant impact on her life.

You also need to understand looking out for the well-being of students and looking out for the University’s liability are not mutually exclusive. No sane person wants anyone to kill themselves. Suggesting that the doctor and the University administration only care about the business of the school and making money is very uncharitable.

You sound rather stressed and I am not trying to pick on you. But I do think you are lacking some perspective on the issues you’ve brought up. Frankly, if you want to go to med school you should focus on your studies and try not to let yourself get distracted. It is only going to get harder from here. A big part of success in pre-med and med-school is learning to focus your mental energy.

 

[redbetta]

It is very likely you do not know the whole story about your teacher.

Most teachers are part of a union and the school can’t “just fire” them that easily. It is also possible the school was trying to look out for your teacher due to all her years of service. Her healthcare, her pension or other things may have been on the line and they were trying to get her to the end of the school year.

Did that mean you were stuck with a bad teacher? Yes. But I’ll be honest with you, if you are a pre-med student your high school English class isn’t that important in the long run. Anything you miss I am sure you are bright enough to pick up a book and learn. Did you have a bad experience? I’m sure you did. But you are going to have a lifetime of those including bad bosses. But consider her staying on as teacher may very well have had significant impact on her life.

You also need to understand looking out for the well-being of students and looking out for the University’s liability are not mutually exclusive. No sane person wants anyone to kill themselves. Suggesting that the doctor and the University administration only care about the business of the school and making money is very uncharitable.

You sound rather stressed and I am not trying to pick on you. But I do think you are lacking some perspective on the issues you’ve brought up. Frankly, if you want to go to med school you should focus on your studies and try not to let yourself get distracted. It is only going to get harder from here. A big part of success in pre-med and med-school is learning to focus your mental energy.

I attended a private school. Our teachers were non-union. As nice of a person the teacher might have been, the thing is is that the first duty a school has is to its students, especially if their parents are paying good money and expecting quality. Honestly, if I ever do have kids, I would homeschool them. Politics and personalities gets in the way of education in schools.

Thank you for not picking on me.

 

[Little_Sheep]

This is just a general reply.

1. I’m not depressed. I just wonder why humanity is more complicated than it has to be.
2. This isn’t a thing about college. I have actually been thinking about the question of humanity being so litigatious for years and why people seem to paint over issues instead of nip them at the bud.
3. I also wonder, instead of teaching “coping stategies” for everything, why don’t people try to fix systems that produce all the trouble. Like, set reasonable expectations. Or, from my example from high school, fire an ineffective teacher?
4. You know, for a Catholic site, I’m surprised when I talk about all the complications of life that need not be, nobody has said, “it all boils down to original sin.”
5. Also, another thing, I hear a lot on this site how men and women cannot be friends and now there is this thread on how to reject a gift that seems creepy even though for all we know, it could have been sent in good will. Seriously, can we trust nobody these days? I mean, I was raised by old country peasant folks who had a pretty healthy skepticism of government, institutions, and humanity in general and even I find some of this stuff extreme.

Hey redbetta -

You are right - that “rejecting a gift thread” is creepy and weird! It left me unsettled.

You’ve gotten some great, loving advice so far on this thread. I will try to add to it. (Full disclosure: my FIL is a psychiatrist and my SIL is a licensed social worker). Going off to college and adjusting to that major life change is tough stuff for everyone whether or not they fully realize it. In my life, I have sought psychiatric/counseling treatment during periods of change and stress. No one has ever tried to prescribe any psychiatric meds to me. I have alway benefited from mental health treatment. I am a religious person (though not Catholic). I believe that finding a wise and trusted therapist is an act of self-love.

I will keep you in my prayers.