Some things that have been bothering me

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Hey redbetta -

You are right - that “rejecting a gift thread” is creepy and weird! It left me unsettled.

You’ve gotten some great, loving advice so far on this thread. I will try to add to it. (Full disclosure: my FIL is a psychiatrist and my SIL is a licensed social worker). Going off to college and adjusting to that major life change is tough stuff for everyone whether or not they fully realize it. In my life, I have sought psychiatric/counseling treatment during periods of change and stress. No one has ever tried to prescribe any psychiatric meds to me. I have alway benefited from mental health treatment. I am a religious person (though not Catholic). I believe that finding a wise and trusted therapist is an act of self-love.

I will keep you in my prayers.
I am glad I am not the only one who found that thread weird.

But, people, this is not the thread to advise counseling. In my opinion, people advise counseling way too often for every little thing. I mean, my parents did not have all these social workers in their day and they lived a much harder life than I do.
 
I am glad I am not the only one who found that thread weird.

But, people, this is not the thread to advise counseling. In my opinion, people advise counseling way too often for every little thing. I mean, my parents did not have all these social workers in their day and they lived a much harder life than I do.
I was not necessarily advising counseling to you, just sharing the place it has occupied for me in my own life.

While I agree that times were tougher in my parents generation and they didn’t have counseling, I personally think great strides have been made in our understanding of the human psyche and our ability to help humans reduce stress, anxiety and confusion in their lives. I understand that social sciences seem “squishy” to many people. But there is real goodness available there as well. My FIL has spent much of his career counseling vets who suffer from PTSD. He has genuinely helped so many. Saints are found in all professions.

Our parents did not have the advantage of many things we have today. I don’t think that fact makes a good argument against us not availing ourselves of “new” things in order to live a more contented life.

Just my two pennies, of course. Sometimes it can even help to chat honestly with people on the internet. Our parents didn’t have that available to them either! 👍
 
I was not necessarily advising counseling to you, just sharing the place it has occupied for me in my own life.

While I agree that times were tougher in my parents generation and they didn’t have counseling, I personally think great strides have been made in our understanding of the human psyche and our ability to help humans reduce stress, anxiety and confusion in their lives. I understand that social sciences seem “squishy” to many people. But there is real goodness available there as well. My FIL has spent much of his career counseling vets who suffer from PTSD. He has genuinely helped so many. Saints are found in all professions.

Our parents did not have the advantage of many things we have today. I don’t think that fact makes a good argument against us not availing ourselves of “new” things in order to live a more contented life.
Absolutely true. Sadly back in the post wars eras… many Vet deaths were recorded as something other than the suicides that they were.
 
  1. I also wonder, instead of teaching “coping stategies” for everything, why don’t people try to fix systems that produce all the trouble. Like, set reasonable expectations. Or, from my example from high school, fire an ineffective teacher?
Once you graduate, that’s when reality will start to settle in. If you think the university has broken systems, wait until you get into the real world. The idealism of college will wear off quick.

The more you learn about the world - the more you realize how messed up the world has become. Things have always been messed up, but our modern era is reaching an even lower set of standards.

You need to learn to become resilient, stronger mentally and spiritually, and to grow your resolve to cope with the outside world. Over time, you will learn to adapt. The key is to do so to your benefit and not your harm.
 
Absolutely true. Sadly back in the post wars eras… many Vet deaths were recorded as something other than the suicides that they were.
Yes, heartbreaking, LS. I have learned so much from my FIL and the many vets that remain his close friends to this day. (He is 82 and vigorous) I have great love and respect for anyone who devotes his career to “the least of these.” We, as a nation, have much to learn about honoring those who fought to uphold the many rights and riches we enjoy.

Much love to you this Sunday before Lent.
 
Once you graduate, that’s when reality will start to settle in. If you think the university has broken systems, wait until you get into the real world. The idealism of college will wear off quick.

The more you learn about the world - the more you realize how messed up the world has become. Things have always been messed up, but our modern era is reaching an even lower set of standards.

You need to learn to become resilient, stronger mentally and spiritually, and to grow your resolve to cope with the outside world. Over time, you will learn to adapt. The key is to do so to your benefit and not your harm.
All of my friends and family say that I am resilient now. I am not broken by this. I am just not pretending that everything is perfectly fine. And, just because others lower their standards, that does not mean we cannot expect and hold ourselves to higher standards. I understand that **** has always happened. But, that does not mean we should not try to make things better in any way we can. What my old man has taught me is, if you see something that is off or just not right, speak up, call someone, or write a letter.
 
I was not necessarily advising counseling to you, just sharing the place it has occupied for me in my own life.

While I agree that times were tougher in my parents generation and they didn’t have counseling, I personally think great strides have been made in our understanding of the human psyche and our ability to help humans reduce stress, anxiety and confusion in their lives. I understand that social sciences seem “squishy” to many people. But there is real goodness available there as well. My FIL has spent much of his career counseling vets who suffer from PTSD. He has genuinely helped so many. Saints are found in all professions.

Our parents did not have the advantage of many things we have today. I don’t think that fact makes a good argument against us not availing ourselves of “new” things in order to live a more contented life.

Just my two pennies, of course. Sometimes it can even help to chat honestly with people on the internet. Our parents didn’t have that available to them either! 👍
I am not saying that we should not take advantage of what we have today. I am just saying that it is not necessarily necessary, exspecially for something minor.
 
After the doctor checked my ears and throat, she asked how do I like it here. I thought to myself, that’s a weird question for a doctor to ask… The results came in an email an hour later and, included with the results, is a recommendation for the school’s psychology services for my “feelings” surrounding school.
As a pre-med student you probably know how stress affects the body. Sometimes our physical symptoms are trying to tell us something important, so it is appropriate to ask. It behooves the school to keep you enrolled so they can keep collecting your tuition so having happy well adjusted students is a priority. 😃
… if anyone ever goes to a psychologist and walks away with a clean bill of health or his there always some diagnosis. I want to ask because I have never heard of a definition of normal from psychology.
You really nailed that one. Psychotherapy is definitely pathology based. And yes, treatment requires a diagnosis or a label of somekind. Usually, for persons such as yourself, it would be something innocuous like “adjustment disorder” meaning your are having a hard time.
And, I find it strange that people are so quick to point to therapists for all of life’s problems, especially schools… I read a news piece from a few years ago of a student at a university being threatened with expulsion if she did not go see the school’s psychologist when she preferred to she her own.
That seems very bizarre.
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American schools added clauses to their policies that allow them to expel a student who they perceive to be depressed and not doing anything and, therefore, a liability.
That sound like a liability issue. But I don’t think it applies to you, since it sounds like you are doing plenty.
At the time it was amusing, but, she then realized that it was simply a school’s way of dancing around real sources of unhappiness on campus instead of addressing them.
On the contrary, encouraging use of psych services is the best way of addressing them! Stress during finals is common, and being overhwelmed triggers desperation.
So I wonder, was the doctor genuinely interested in how I like this school or is she obligated to ask in order to trouble-shoot?
I suspect both things are true.
I cannot help but think, “Those jerks, always trying to cover their own asses! People are right when they say colleges are just businesses.”
It is good that you are thinking about these things, because if you go into medicine, you will find that there are a great many requirements laid on providers for safety reasons.
Honestly, I am starting to think as highly of school as my old man thinks about the government (indeed, there are a lot of unflattering similarities between the two). Perhaps the point of educational institutions is to prepare youngsters for an adult life of shaking their fists and ranting about the government and society.
And really, I cannot help but think there is a lot of BS in the way psychology is used these days. It is one thing to see someone if you are seeing things that are not there or are too scared to leave your house, it is another to denounce someone as “unbalanced” for having a different opinion or wishing one with a lot of points and edges to there personality to become a blunt object.

I agree, but it is also not necessary to wait until someone is psychotic to offer support. If people get counseing and adjustment they don’t have to get any worse. Think about it. If you have not gone in for your sore throat, and just let it go until you ended up with strep or bronchitis, how is that beneficial?
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redbetta:
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 And sometimes, I see it used to put a bandage on deeper issues. I mean, I have seen people go so far with “body positivity” as to say it is good to be obese.
Certainly there are excesses in every field. How will you know if there are deeper issues to address? Won’t they first show up as small symptoms?

Is if fair to complain that psychology seeks to address deeper issues, but also complain that people are screening for them?
I always think to myself, “Why cannot people who spend all this time pushing self-esteem use that time to help solve the obesity problem in America?”
A good idea. I hope you consider commiting yourself to it.
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 Also, when people are suffering from inefficiencies in a system
Yes, but what is the likelyhood that the university is going to change, as a system? Stop having finals? It is more likely that the students need to survive, become professors and administrators, and make changes.
“she is a beloved member of our community.” Well, she was a good person morally and I have heard that she was good from the parents that had her as a teacher back in the day. However, when I had her, she was burnt out and possibly suffering from dementia. What I heard is that they finally moved her from teaching to the records department, but, why they took years to address this issue is beyond me.
Sometimes it is a real challenge to balance the needs of them members of a community.
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I simply answered, “No, I have no problem with legitimate authority, just an intolerance for inefficiency and incompetent authority.”
This is not a bad thing, but you will come to find that we live in a society that contains a good amount of this kind of authority. How we survive in it is part of how our character must grow.
 
As a pre-med student you probably know how stress affects the body. Sometimes our physical symptoms are trying to tell us something important, so it is appropriate to ask. It behooves the school to keep you enrolled so they can keep collecting your tuition so having happy well adjusted students is a priority. 😃

You really nailed that one. Psychotherapy is definitely pathology based. And yes, treatment requires a diagnosis or a label of somekind. Usually, for persons such as yourself, it would be something innocuous like “adjustment disorder” meaning your are having a hard time.

That seems very bizarre.

That sound like a liability issue. But I don’t think it applies to you, since it sounds like you are doing plenty.

On the contrary, encouraging use of psych services is the best way of addressing them! Stress during finals is common, and being overhwelmed triggers desperation.

I suspect both things are true.

It is good that you are thinking about these things, because if you go into medicine, you will find that there are a great many requirements laid on providers for safety reasons.
redbetta;13648029:
Honestly, I am starting to think as highly of school as my old man thinks about the government (indeed, there are a lot of unflattering similarities between the two). Perhaps the point of educational institutions is to prepare youngsters for an adult life of shaking their fists and ranting about the government and society.
I agree, but it is also not necessary to wait until someone is psychotic to offer support. If people get counseing and adjustment they don’t have to get any worse. Think about it. If you have not gone in for your sore throat, and just let it go until you ended up with strep or bronchitis, how is that beneficial?

Certainly there are excesses in every field. How will you know if there are deeper issues to address? Won’t they first show up as small symptoms?

Is if fair to complain that psychology seeks to address deeper issues, but also complain that people are screening for them?

A good idea. I hope you consider commiting yourself to it.

Yes, but what is the likelyhood that the university is going to change, as a system? Stop having finals? It is more likely that the students need to survive, become professors and administrators, and make changes.

Sometimes it is a real challenge to balance the needs of them members of a community.

This is not a bad thing, but you will come to find that we live in a society that contains a good amount of this kind of authority. How we survive in it is part of how our character must grow.
Um, I guess I wasn’t clear, but, when I say someone tries to put a bandage over a deeper issue, I main using a bandage to address something that needs stiches. You know, superficially covering something up instead of dealing with it. I guess a better analogy would have been to paint over something.

I still do not think it was appropriate for her to recommend psychological services. I would never look a patient who does not look too great and ask if it is something withh their personal lives. Much too intrusive. Okay, I looked like ****, but, who would not look awful if pain threw them out of bed before dawn? If I ever see her again, I would tell her that this is none of her business and I would appreciate it if she just deals with the physical side of things as she is supposed to.
 
But, can I still be friends with members of the opposite sex? I think of myself as someone who gets along better with the opposite sex and others have told me that I either do or would. One of the reasons why I probably would not want to be married is because I do not want a husband that is so insecure that he would make me drop so many friends just because they are the opposite sex. I mean it’s just sad. That is why, if someone asked me what I think heaven is like, I would probably answer something along the lines of, “It is a state of being in which people can honestly and openly be friends without strings attached or walls.”
A married person just can’t be friends with members of the opposite sex in exactly the same way that they did when they were single. For one thing, they don’t have the same kind of time, so “hanging out” with persons of the opposite sex alone would be a sort of “stealing” from their spouse and children. Also, it is often very helpful for mothers to develop strong friendships with other mothers when they are raising small children.

Being married is different from being single. There is a price to be paid. But at the same time, even if one chooses singleness for oneself, the sort of platonic comradeship that is easy in the late teens and early 20s isn’t quite as feasible once one’s male friends have girlfriends, wives, children and demanding careers and no longer have unlimited time to hang out.
 
And extending on that aspect… you may feel like a strong ocean swimmer yourself but even so there are times in marriage where things get rough and feelings are hurt and there is temporary disconnection. If your husband was confiding in his female friends during this sort of rough sea, you may feel justifiably uneasy. Friends are a great support when you are floundering in some way but the reality is that most affairs start when people are in a vulnerable moment.
Right.

If you were married and going through a rough spot, it would feel better to know that your husband was crying on an old male friend’s shoulder, not his pretty new colleague’s shoulder, just as your husband would feel better about you crying on a female friend’s shoulder and not on the shoulder of a ruggedly handsome new male colleague.
 
I still do not think it was appropriate for her to recommend psychological services. I would never look a patient who does not look too great and ask if it is something withh their personal lives. Much too intrusive. Okay, I looked like ****, but, who would not look awful if pain threw them out of bed before dawn? If I ever see her again, I would tell her that this is none of her business and I would appreciate it if she just deals with the physical side of things as she is supposed to.
Why do you think it is inappropriate for a doctor to be concerned about a patient’s psychological welfare?

You better believe that people like primary care givers and OB/GYNs have to have some expertise in depression–depression is extremely prevalent.

Also, a student health center doctor has to think about depression because college students are a particularly vulnerable population. I was just looking up some stats and here’s what I found:

"1 out of every 4 college students suffers from some form of mental illness, including depression
"44 percent of American college students report having symptoms of depression
"75 percent of college students do not seek help for mental health problems
suicide is the third leading cause of death among college students
young people diagnosed with depression are five times more likely to attempt suicide than adults
"19 percent of young people in the United States either contemplate or attempt suicide every year
“4 out of every 5 college students who either contemplate or attempt suicide show clear warning signs”

healthline.com/health/depression/college-students
 
Why do you think it is inappropriate for a doctor to be concerned about a patient’s psychological welfare?

You better believe that people like primary care givers and OB/GYNs have to have some expertise in depression–depression is extremely prevalent.

Also, a student health center doctor has to think about depression because college students are a particularly vulnerable population. I was just looking up some stats and here’s what I found:

"1 out of every 4 college students suffers from some form of mental illness, including depression
"44 percent of American college students report having symptoms of depression
"75 percent of college students do not seek help for mental health problems
suicide is the third leading cause of death among college students
young people diagnosed with depression are five times more likely to attempt suicide than adults
"19 percent of young people in the United States either contemplate or attempt suicide every year
“4 out of every 5 college students who either contemplate or attempt suicide show clear warning signs”

healthline.com/health/depression/college-students
This is a good response. And nice info, as always.
 
This is just a general reply.
  1. I’m not depressed. I just wonder why humanity is more complicated than it has to be.
You don’t sound depressed to me. On the other hand, if one is not somewhat dismayed at sick systems they are not really seeing the problem, so you may experience some dysphoria that does not belong to you personally.

Humanity is complex, God made us that way. We have to tolerate the complications to get the great gift of diversity.
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2. This isn't a thing about college. I have actually been thinking about the question of humanity being so litigatious for years and why people seem to paint over issues instead of nip them at the bud.
It sounds like you have a calling toward making systemic changes. 👍
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3. I also wonder, instead of teaching "coping stategies" for everything, why don't people try to fix systems that produce all the trouble. Like, set reasonable expectations. Or, from my example from high school, fire an ineffective teacher?
Or do both!

Sometimes there are situations over which we have no control, so we have to cope with them. Sometimes we can have an appreciable effect. Having coping skills and tolerating frustration helps us maintain patience while we are trying to influence systems. Without the coping skills, violence results.
  1. You know, for a Catholic site, I’m surprised when I talk about all the complications of life that need not be, nobody has said, “it all boils down to original sin.”
Do you believe that is true?
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5. Also, another thing, I hear a lot on this site how men and women cannot be friends and now there is this thread on how to reject a gift that seems creepy even though for all we know, it could have been sent in good will. Seriously, can we trust nobody these days? I mean, I was raised by old country peasant folks who had a pretty healthy skepticism of government, institutions, and humanity in general and even I find some of this stuff extreme.
The rejecting the gift thread was strange. I would not call it creepy, but the main point of the OP (original poster) seemed bent to me. What seemed even more bent is the stubborn unwillingness to accept any other point of view. But, as threads go on the Philosophy forum, that was mild. I usually don’t even go there because I find too much philosphy impractical and non-productive.

Do you think it is possible for you to reject God’s purpose for your life?
 
But, people, this is not the thread to advise counseling.
Like the doc in the university medical clinic isn’t the place to advise counseling? You seem to think that counseling should be advised only in cases of severe mental illness. On the contrary, most people that seek counseling are just going through normal life transitions, and want to talk to a neutral party to help themselves sort through the changes.
In my opinion, people advise counseling way too often for every little thing. I mean, my parents did not have all these social workers in their day and they lived a much harder life than I do.
Times have changed a great deal. We used to have extended families, and it was easy to visit/talk to another family member when you were having trouble with your immediate ones. We used to have supportive communities where one might talk to a neighbor. We have lost a lot of this supportive culture, and people become much more isolated. Sometimes it is safer and more comfortable to talk to someone outside of the problem, and whose privacy you can trust. I would love to go back to the days of Mayberry, but it is not going to happen.
 
And extending on that aspect… you may feel like a strong ocean swimmer yourself but even so there are times in marriage where things get rough and feelings are hurt and there is temporary disconnection. If your husband was confiding in his female friends during this sort of rough sea, you may feel justifiably uneasy. Friends are a great support when you are floundering in some way but the reality is that most affairs start when people are in a vulnerable moment.
Well, except that the OP is talking about a setting where professional relationships with members of both sexes is de rigueur. In the sciences, it is hardly possible to screen your study groups by gender. It is simply not done. Of course she’s going to have male friends. If she becomes a physician, her spouse is going to have to be able to cope with that. That’s just a fact of life.
Um, I guess I wasn’t clear, but, when I say someone tries to put a bandage over a deeper issue, I main using a bandage to address something that needs stiches. You know, superficially covering something up instead of dealing with it. I guess a better analogy would have been to paint over something.

I still do not think it was appropriate for her to recommend psychological services. I would never look a patient who does not look too great and ask if it is something with their personal lives. Much too intrusive. Okay, I looked like ****, but, who would not look awful if pain threw them out of bed before dawn? If I ever see her again, I would tell her that this is none of her business and I would appreciate it if she just deals with the physical side of things as she is supposed to.
If you are going to be a physician, you had better get used to screening for clinical depression and referring patients who need further evaluation. That will be your* job*. You don’t get to say, “Oh, I’m an orthopedist, I think it would be invasive to refer the patient who seems as if she might have a tumor for an oncology work up, I think it is too snoopy to ask if she might be pregnant before I send her for X-rays, let alone to ask her how she got those injuries that are indicative of domestic abuse.”

That is not the way it works. It will be your job to take care of the whole patient, and that includes psychiatric needs. If that is something you can’t do because you’re afraid some patient might think you’re greedy, liability-crazed, or have some other bad motive, that’s too bad. You still have to do your job.
 
I still do not think it was appropriate for her to recommend psychological services. I would never look a patient who does not look too great and ask if it is something withh their personal lives. Much too intrusive.
You, like all the students seen at the clinic, are free to decline the recommendation.

Is it really different than asking patients if they are using safe sex? They do this all the time in clinics too. It seems pretty personal

There is no separation between the “personal life” and the the health of the body. The Body is the temple which houses the spirit and soul. Each influences the other. Failure to ask a sick person about their stress is one of the greatest failures of Western Science. We have separated the soul and the body, and tried to treat the body without regard to the state of the soul.
Okay, I looked like ****, but, who would not look awful if pain threw them out of bed before dawn? If I ever see her again, I would tell her that this is none of her business and I would appreciate it if she just deals with the physical side of things as she is supposed to.
Sounds pretty defensive. One has to wonder why such a high degree of defensiveness is necessary. One almost tends to think that the question may have hit closer to the mark than wanted.😉

If you progress into the medical field, you will have formal training in how to ask all kinds of “intrusive” screening questions like this during a normal clinic visit. I think it is good that you have had a chance to experience what it is like as a patient. One of the reasons this type of screening and referral is done is that patients do continue to think about the questions after they leave.
 
Sometimes learning coping skills IS the fix.

Not every problem that we encounter comes from a system outside of us. Sometimes, it really is how WE react to the world that is causing us difficulty.

And sometimes, there is something wrong on the outside, but let’s face it, utopia isn’t real. There will always be problems in the world. And those who are good at coping with them, are the ones who will thrive and solve many of them.

And sometimes there are real problems that need to be addressed, but we can’t always expect other people to address them. Sometimes WE need a little outside perspective to help us see how WE can do things that will effect change.

I’m sure there is a wide variety of types of therapy, but a counselor can help people look at their situations from the outside, and can help them figure out if any of those "somtimes"es, are true. Counseling isn’t the answer to everything, but it isn’t necessarily a copout either.
 
Another thing about “the old days” is that a lot of those people coped in bad ways–they were cruel to their spouses or children, they self-medicated with alcohol, and I’m sure other methods that I can’t think of right now.

I know for a fact that in a particular line of my family that I know the genealogy best for, pretty much every single man (and a woman or two) was an alcoholic for a solid 80+ years. But back in the day, they didn’t have the word “alcoholic” let alone “functioning alcoholic.”
 
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