Someone I know committed suicide :'( cant get my head round it

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abominableangel

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Hello all

I’m feeling really rather upset, angry and confused right now.

I learned on the 27th of July that an acquaintance of mine, a very talented musician and all round bubbly guy, committed suicide.

I don’t know the method used, all I know is that he made a sort of peaceful greeting on a video , posted it then committed the act… when i viewed the video, it was obvious that he wasnt his normal self and that the smile and words were forced … the only thing that was sincere about the whole video was when he said " i hope you’re all centered in your heart"

I’m listening to his music right now, and its surreal to say the least… I will never hear another tune made by him, never hear another joke or see him act silly…

I just don’t know why hes done this … I’m so angry about the whole thing… angry that we didnt see it, angry that hes gone and done this, angry that people are saying he wasnt depressed he chose to end his life because he didnt want to grow old … I mean I ask you … where in the world did that rubbish come from!! … happy people don’t commit suicide, death is the furthest thing from their minds!! … apparently he didnt want to grow old and that his life was his to take… his to take!! it was never his to take even if he didnt believe in God … what about all those who loved him!! …I couldn’t believe his best friend could say it… maybe its a coping thing for him but when I heard it I just wanted to plant my hand straight across his face with a loud crack… and scream are you tapped in the head!

the weird thing is, I barely knew the man if anything I knew of him… so why has this upset me so much I just don’t get it?!?

then to see his best friend and best friends girlfriend seemly act perfectly normal as if it was yesterdays news… it would have been his birthday tomorrow a date he shares with his best friend … and they’re acting as if it never happened … hes gone… he might get a fleeting mention tomorrow by them… I know I know I’m being sarcastic now … but come on!! your best friend not only died… he killed himself … killed himself! oh for the love of God I can’t stand that hes done that I just can’t…

I keep hoping beyond hope that he knows people are thinking of him, that I a person he probably doesnt remember is thinking of him and is desperately sad at this situation, grieving his loss … but I tell you this if he would as if by magic appear in front of me right now … I’d give him the verbal kicking of a life time, I’d shake him saying what the heck were you playing at you complete fool!!! how could you be so unbelievably dense, dont you have any idea what you’ve done.

it appears the last two weeks of his life he was talking mostly of his heart instead of thinking, his video message was that of new age mumbo jumbo " hope you’re centered in your heart" and whilst others I know would like to think hes on cloud 9 right now livin’ it up with the angels … I fear hes no where near… maybe hes in purgatory … but then maybe hes not … I fear where he could be, I think of him, i’ve prayed for him hoping he can hear me … he wasnt a believer as far as I can tell, especially with all that new age rubbish he spouted … I just wish I knew where he is … and if there is anything I can do for his soul … I hate the thought that there is nothing I can do for him… its just him and almighty God now … I’m just so very sad about this… .in fact the word sad doesnt seem to have the right strength to it

:(:(😦
 
I’m so sorry. This is such a painful kind of a situation, so hard to go through.

OK, first off, look at the basics from the catechism:

***Suicide **

2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him. It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life. We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls. We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us. It is not ours to dispose of.

**2281 **Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.

2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal. Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.

Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.

**2283 *We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.

So…repeat this: By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. God can draw the atheist to himself. God can draw the suicide to himself. We cannot judge nor dispair nor presume, because our eternal judgment is solely in the hands of God. You not only do not need to despair of your friend, you ought not do so.

Know also that there are many ways and many timelines for reacting to a profound loss: shock, disbelief, sadness, anger, denial, and so on. It is not at all uncommon for someone to feel nothing immediately after the death of someone they love. Sometimes it just doesn’t sink in right away. His other friends are not showing they do not care by the way they are acting, and it is highly unlikely that they are not going through their own range of confusing emotions. Try to be compassionate towards them in the understanding that this is probably the case.

This is also from the Catechism (1032): “…From the beginning the Church has honored the memory of the dead and offered prayers in suffrage for them, above all the Eucharistic sacrifice, so that, thus purified, they may attain the beatific vision of God. The Church also commends almsgiving, indulgences, and works of penance undertaken on behalf of the dead…”

It is a work of mercy to pray for the dead, whether they are near saints or seemed horrific sinners or ardent believers or seemed total disbelievers or were in-between. By all means, pray for the soul of your friend. That is a great act of charity, and if he has no other religious friends, he may particularly need your prayers.

As for “seeing it” prior to the commission or attempt of a suicide, while people contemplating suicide sometimes exhibit signs (which makes the signs worth knowing), many times they don’t. People who are depressed can hide it, people who don’t want their friends freaking out have reason to want to. It is an irrational and misguided reason, but it is a reason.

If you have any access to someone trained to counsel those touched by suicide, please find someone to talk to, someone who can look you in the eye and hand you kleenexes and help you through this. It is a wound very much worth tending to, and while this is something that people sometimes heal from on their own, there can be serious complications if such a wound is left without attention, trust me on that. You’ll do that, find someone with the capacity to help when you need an ear, OK? I hope so.
 
Thank you for your reply… its an immense relief to know that he can be prayed for … I just hope I’m not the only one.

thank you again for your advice, it is greatly appreciated
 
God understands your pain, sweet heart. It is unbearable when someone commits such an act - not only against himself but against everyone who loves him.

I will keep you in my prayers, and your friend, as well.
 
abominableangel said:
Thank you for your reply… its an immense relief to know that he can be prayed for … I just hope I’m not the only one.

thank you again for your advice, it is greatly appreciated
Click to expand...
Please keep praying. A young man, who was a dear friend of mine in my youth committed suicide when his wife divorced him. He was such a happy person when I spent time with him and it hit me very hard even though, at the time he died, I hadn’t seen him in years.

Keep praying for him and for his family. They all need your prayers.
 
First off… I’m very sorry for your loss. I will surely be praying for you and your friend. God Bless.
 
My prayers also.
Yes, it’s very saddening and a waste.
In those last moments, Lord, show him your merciful love and bring his heart to repentance, and to welcome of Your merciful redemption
 
Eternal Rest

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May they rest in peace. Amen.

Eternal Rest in Latin:

Requiem Æternam

Réquiem ætérnam dona eis, Dómine,
et lux perpétua lúceat eis.
Requiéscant in pace. Amen.
 
Everything you are feeling is normal. There’s no use trying to make sense of suicide. It is an irrational reaction, caused by depression and other forms of mental illness. Your friend wasn’t in his right mind when he did this. Try to be patient with those who try to analyze, justify, or explain this irrational tragedy. When people grieve, we want to understand the reason why our loved one died, so in this case, people tend to try and rationalize or understand the mindset of the victim. There is a woman in my community who insists that her teenage daughter killed herself because other girls called her fat and ugly in school. People who aren’t in the throws of grief and tragedy realize that there isn’t a highschool girl anywhere in this country who was not called fat and/or ugly by someone at their school. When a family member of mine attempted suicide, his mother insisted it was the break up with his girlfriend that caused the whole thing. Fortunately for him, other people realized that he was depressed and convinced him to get treatment despite his mother’s insistance it was acute breakup trauma and there was nothing wrong with him. Anyway, there’s no rationalizing an act of insanity. All we can do is pray for his deliverance and trust him to God’s mercy. I will pray for you and for him.
 
abominableangel said:
Thank you for your reply… its an immense relief to know that he can be prayed for … I just hope I’m not the only one.

thank you again for your advice, it is greatly appreciated
Click to expand...
God Bless you in your time of sorrow.May God have mercy on the soul of your friend. I pray for all souls including those who through dispair take their own lives. May your friend rest in peace.
 
abominableangel said:
Thank you for your reply… its an immense relief to know that he can be prayed for … I just hope I’m not the only one.

thank you again for your advice, it is greatly appreciated
Click to expand...
Also pray for his parents, If you are hurting imagine what they feel. You are in my prayers.
 
abominableangel said:
Thank you for your reply… its an immense relief to know that he can be prayed for … I just hope I’m not the only one.

thank you again for your advice, it is greatly appreciated
Click to expand...
There are great legions of good souls who join in praying for those unknown souls who are in need of it. You never pray for someone alone, not in the Body of Christ. How else could it be so? The same Holy Spirit who prompts you to pray prompts others among the faithful, as well. What is necessary is that we pray for those for whom the Holy Spirit prompts us to pray.
 
Yeah… Suicide… Happpened to me on 4 occasions, one was a brother. Beware of cluster suicides…

Is pain to even mention the word…

Yes. Pray. Pray often. Pray hard. Trust in the Mercy of Jesus.
 
All of the replies have been heartening to read, but, EasterJoy, your answer is an excellent one. Even though much of it is from the Catechism, you presented it beautifully. Thank you.
 
Yes… Thank you all for your responses and kind words… I have also thought if im in a state, what must his poor family be going through 😦 … i appreciate all your replies xx
 
I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be horribly hard for you at this time. Its always shocking to lose someone to suicide. My brother killed himself last year for health reasons, so I do understand.

I am praying for you, your friend, and his family.

I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there.
 
abominableangel said:
Hello all

I’m feeling really rather upset, angry and confused right now.

I learned on the 27th of July that an acquaintance of mine, a very talented musician and all round bubbly guy, committed suicide.

I don’t know the method used, all I know is that he made a sort of peaceful greeting on a video , posted it then committed the act… when i viewed the video, it was obvious that he wasnt his normal self and that the smile and words were forced … the only thing that was sincere about the whole video was when he said " i hope you’re all centered in your heart"

I’m listening to his music right now, and its surreal to say the least… I will never hear another tune made by him, never hear another joke or see him act silly…

I just don’t know why hes done this … I’m so angry about the whole thing… angry that we didnt see it, angry that hes gone and done this, angry that people are saying he wasnt depressed he chose to end his life because he didnt want to grow old … I mean I ask you … where in the world did that rubbish come from!! … happy people don’t commit suicide, death is the furthest thing from their minds!! … apparently he didnt want to grow old and that his life was his to take… his to take!! it was never his to take even if he didnt believe in God … what about all those who loved him!! …I couldn’t believe his best friend could say it… maybe its a coping thing for him but when I heard it I just wanted to plant my hand straight across his face with a loud crack… and scream are you tapped in the head!

the weird thing is, I barely knew the man if anything I knew of him… so why has this upset me so much I just don’t get it?!?

then to see his best friend and best friends girlfriend seemly act perfectly normal as if it was yesterdays news… it would have been his birthday tomorrow a date he shares with his best friend … and they’re acting as if it never happened … hes gone… he might get a fleeting mention tomorrow by them… I know I know I’m being sarcastic now … but come on!! your best friend not only died… he killed himself … killed himself! oh for the love of God I can’t stand that hes done that I just can’t…

I keep hoping beyond hope that he knows people are thinking of him, that I a person he probably doesnt remember is thinking of him and is desperately sad at this situation, grieving his loss … but I tell you this if he would as if by magic appear in front of me right now … I’d give him the verbal kicking of a life time, I’d shake him saying what the heck were you playing at you complete fool!!! how could you be so unbelievably dense, dont you have any idea what you’ve done.

it appears the last two weeks of his life he was talking mostly of his heart instead of thinking, his video message was that of new age mumbo jumbo " hope you’re centered in your heart" and whilst others I know would like to think hes on cloud 9 right now livin’ it up with the angels … I fear hes no where near… maybe hes in purgatory … but then maybe hes not … I fear where he could be, I think of him, i’ve prayed for him hoping he can hear me … he wasnt a believer as far as I can tell, especially with all that new age rubbish he spouted … I just wish I knew where he is … and if there is anything I can do for his soul … I hate the thought that there is nothing I can do for him… its just him and almighty God now … I’m just so very sad about this… .in fact the word sad doesnt seem to have the right strength to it

:(:(😦
Click to expand...
Father Benedict Groeschel has talked about suicide in many of his Sunday Night Live episodes (which can be downloaded from the EWTN web site). He talks about how when the blackness of suicide overcomes someone, that God is still with them, that there is hope for eternal salvation, that in the vast majority of cases the person committing suicide is not culpable at the time of their death because of their disease. As someone who attempted suicide many years ago when I was young, I know what it’s like: it’s crazy, there was absolutely no reason to my thinking, living one more day seemed like the hardest thing to do in the world, and I had already been fighting day after day for *years prior to it. Now that my depression is treated, my world is entirely different, I no longer have any suicidal thoughts, and I am grateful for that my attempt years ago failed (though it might not have). Have compassion on your friend, pray for him, have hope, and remember that he suffered like we all do from the effects of death and sin.
 
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