Thanks, I was aware of this stance, and it helps to hear it from someone else right now. It’s a heart thing, though and when it is it’s hard to be logical.
I would like to think that going out with this person in a non-sexual manner is not sinful. Is love really bad in this situation? Her smile alone just brightens my day. I did look into the annulment process a while back, but until now have not been motivated to pursue it. I would think that when the average someone goes to get an annulment anyway, that that someone is already involved in some way with another person. And when a divorce happens and the marriage is ripped apart, what of the victim? …I know, I’m just ranting on. Forgive me.With all due respect, I think it’s a little more complex than just don’t do it. You probably need to feel “normal” in a loving relationship again (that’s understandable), but be careful confusing your needs and desires. I don’t know your situation, but after divorce, certainly some kind of healing must begin.
First, talk to your priest. I encourage you to find out more about the annulment process. There are many Catholics who make quick decisions about annulment based on misconceptions about the true process, and unfortunately leave the Church because of it. In the eyes of the Church, (assuming you were married in the Catholic church) you’re still committed to being faithful to your (ex) wife. Changing that takes time and that means no dating (for now). Don’t get frustrated yet. It might be a hard road to choose, but I think being Catholic is usually about picking the road not so easily traveled. Seek out the path that will be pleasing to God. Pray hard. Trust in God. He will not bring you to, what he won’t bring you through.
You need support of your family and friends, I pray you have it.
Ask questions and be informed about how to make this situation not only better, but right ( in the eyes of God and His Church.)
God Bless!
Were I a priest or a monk I would have an easier time, but I am not and you are a better person than I. Were you ever married?If you can’t shake the desire to date a girl, then you won’t be able to shake the desire for the next level. You are very vulnerable, so don’t mess.
Restored faith in people is the fulfilment that you need most now. Maybe working with kids like the Boy Scouts or team sports. Something that fulfils your need to give love to someone who needs it.
Some marriages are not annulled because they are considered validly formed in the first place. This is a fact that you may have to set your mind to. I’m in my mid-50s, a bachelor and have remained celibate. It’s do-able (I think???)
Didn’t mean to cudgel you. In regard to this type of situation it seems to me that one cannot compromise on anything. As soon as you find yourself attracted to another woman who isn’t your spouse (in the eyes of the church, I know you are divorced), and you pursue her in any way, she becomes that ‘near occasion’ of sin for you, because ultimately, it’s all about completing the relationship (i.e. marriage/relations). That’s why it’s so dangerous to allow it to become a ‘heart thing’ in the first place.
I appreciate your fresh approach…I can smile about it. A dog, huh? Let’s examine this. Did a search of the DR bible, and dog is mentioned in 17 passages, while a Cat was not mentioned at all! So I guess a dog got more points. Actually I had a whole bunch of dogs, all Great Danes. I really liked them especially the dominant male “Boss” I called him. Big and strong and statuesque, an awesome beast. And a dog is intrinsically loyal, faithful, glad to see you and gives you unconditional love, qualities missing in humans in a lot of cases. Now a Cat… they’re more like humans… independent uncontrollable and downright finicky. No wonder they’re not mentioned in the DR. I should have a cat.
Ok here is my nickle, Going out with someone in a non sexual manner is both giving scadle ( a sin) and foolish because you obviously are needing affection it is odd to think that it owuld stay non sexual. I am a guy so I know how this goes. put God first, not your needs or another person who you “love” but put His way, Hisplan , His patience in YOUR heart.
You definitely shouldn’t allow yourself to date on the notion that you can keep it in control. That almost never works. Remember in the Act of Contrition we promise to try to avoid the near occasion of sin? Well, this is it!
Do you suggest maybe during a quiet dinner or a walk on the beach in the moonlight to do this?
Here’s some change back. You are right, it is so hard for a relationship to remain non-sexual. To this point simply dating, whether you are single or divorced is fraught with dangers. Guess that’s why I got married in the first place. God help me to discern what is His perfect will. Thank you.
Good point for all procrastinators!This case/situation is one reason I recommend to divorced friends that they do not delay seeking a possible declaration of nullity. One finds out fairly soon in their new life alone what the reality of their situation is and can behave accordingly. Waiting to the last minute when a possible new relationship looms just creates pain and stress.
Thank you, Your advice and the others have given me some comfort, and strength though I am so weak. You know what, it’s not just hurting myself which may be the issue as but hurting her as well. God forgive me.