Someone please help

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stanley25

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I dated a girl for five years, we recently got engaged, then a couple weeks ago she left me for another guy. She won’t even talk to me now. My friends were mutual friends that we both had, but she’s more outgoing and has had no problem hanging with them. I can’t imagine hanging out with my friends and seeing them together. So now I lost my fiance and basically lost my friends. I’m not an incredibly social person and not great at approaching women anyway…I originally approached my fiance so easily because I felt an instant connection with her like a never felt before and don’t think I’ll ever find again. And I’ve heard it all…take care of myself now, accept and forgive, pray, do activities you love to do, talk to people about it, take some time alone, volunteer. I’ve done all of these things and they aren’t helping. My only goal and dream ever in life was to have a wife and family. Now it looks like that may never happen, and it really never might because of all the issues mentioned above. I feel like there’s nothing left.
 
No no…you need to be angry right now. Sad. Resentful. All of that. You have been hurt. You have to hurt. You can’t bottle it in. Especially when you were engaged to her. Be mad at her, be mad at God. But don’t use that anger to hurt yourself or others. Heartbreak is like experiencing a death. You have to grieve.

Talk to God, personally, rant and rave and be upset. This woman hurt you bad, and I know how that feels. I’ve only had 2 times in my 38 years that I felt a connection like you described. One girl was married (!) and the other broke up with me 10 days ago.

Eventually, when you have more time to stay away from it, you’ll understand why this happened.

Pray to God that He will get your through this. Pray that He will help you understand. Pray that He is in control.

I read that everything bad that happens to us is for our own good. God allows bad things to happen to us to learn things and be happier in the end. So get upset, and cry, and grieve. Just know that God is right there with you, through Jesus, grieving as well.

This woman you were engaged to has a lot to answer for. I am sorry this happened to you.

Dear Lord Jesus Christ,
and through your intercession, Holy Mary,
Please bring this man comfort in this dark time.

Please bring him peace of mind and the strength to endure.

Amen.
 
stanley25 said:

“I can’t imagine hanging out with my friends and seeing them together.”

A suggestion I’ve seen for dealing with this sort of situation is to make arrangements to see your friends individually or in small groups, so that it’s not “the gang” that always includes her. You could also make arrangements to go places or do activities where you would be very unlikely to bump into her.
 
It’s a group of 10-12 people, so everyone is invited to anything that people in the group do.
 
Stanley25 said:

“It’s a group of 10-12 people, so everyone is invited to anything that people in the group do.”

If you want to keep any of your friends, you need to break that tradition. Don’t worry about it–people will understand, and if they don’t understand, maybe they’re not really such good friends.
 
I can’t, as one person, tell my other friends to only invite me or only hang out with me…I think that would just push them away.
 
As opposed to not seeing them at all, because you are afraid of seeing your ex-fiancee?

If these are your friends, they care about you and will want to see you and make sure you are all right. Go ahead and plan a get-together for next weekend, ideally something that it makes sense to do with a smaller group. Do an invitation, explaining that you need more time to heal before you can deal with the whole group and your ex-fiancee. Think about who you miss the most, and think about their particular interests and see if you can come up with something suitable.
 
stanley25 said:
I dated a girl for five years, we recently got engaged, then a couple weeks ago she left me for another guy. She won’t even talk to me now. My friends were mutual friends that we both had, but she’s more outgoing and has had no problem hanging with them. I can’t imagine hanging out with my friends and seeing them together. So now I lost my fiance and basically lost my friends. I’m not an incredibly social person and not great at approaching women anyway…I originally approached my fiance so easily because I felt an instant connection with her like a never felt before and don’t think I’ll ever find again. And I’ve heard it all…take care of myself now, accept and forgive, pray, do activities you love to do, talk to people about it, take some time alone, volunteer. I’ve done all of these things and they aren’t helping. My only goal and dream ever in life was to have a wife and family. Now it looks like that may never happen, and it really never might because of all the issues mentioned above. I feel like there’s nothing left.
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I have been through several heart breaking romances in my life. The first one I thought I would never get over. I even moved to another state. I know it hurts now, and it hurts alot. It feels like that SHE was the one, and no one could possibly ever replace her, fill her shoes.

You are 25? You have time. People start families much later than that. Someone new and different will come along, not like her exactly, but with new and different things to offer. Maybe someone that will lift your spirits in an entirely different way! You have many years ahead of you my friend. Stop paddling the canoe for a while and let the currents take you where you need to go. It will happen dude. Trust me. Grieve, pray, live! Be optimistic in the Lord, and stop beating yourself up!:console:
 
Learn to trust in God, everything is going to be ok 🙂

Unfortunately many of us have to go through heartbreaks to learn a lesson we should of learned long ago, to love God first before anyone else. You can’t put your happiness in the hands of another person because there’s always the possibility of them hurting you. Ask God to fill you with His love and peace, to teach you to trust in Him.Remember "Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?" …God has beautiful things planned for you, don’t despair.

🙂 open your heart to God.
God bless you brother <3
 
Your true life partner is just around a corner waiting for you. You will find that person. God will guide you. Ask God for guidance. God bless
 
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