Something feels wrong

[BumpSetSpike]

And I feel like an idiot.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m trying really hard but I can’t seem to find the answers that I need, nor the faith that I need for the answers that I can’t have. I’m tired. I thought if I was persistant then I would get somewhere but I haven’t. Yes, I’ve learned what kind of person I need to be. I have new personal standards and moral obligations but I don’t have that CONNECTION. I thought I used to… I mean, I might have but mostly it was just trying to hard to convince myself of a loving God and trying to find the right church. I’m never sure. I can’t find a connection with God. I know he loves unconditionally, i just don’t feel it. He’s probably there for me but I feel like he’s kind of left me to fend for myself when I need him most. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I prayed… read… fasted… I’m doing something wrong here. I’m probably praying wrong. I never did do that right anyways.

I’m just tired of trying to find answers… then whenever something feels right or makes sense, theres something to counter it and feels very wrong. Something feels wrong about the Catholic church that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe the councils… I don’t see how you can decide something doctrinal is right with votes. I don’t know. Something feels wrong with all the churches! I screwed everything up and I feel so stupid.

Oh man… I was the last one I thought would burn out on this. I thought this would help me with my discontent with myself and depression and all but it makes it worse. I hate feeling like everything I do is a sin! And I hate staying up all night worrying about whether I can ever get to heaven… what did I do wrong today?.. what am I forgetting?

Can’t I just take a break?

 

[Syele]

Take a deep breath. relax!. It’s not about the right church is not about following rules and regulations. NO matter how hard you try you cannot. This is the message of the Gospel. We are all all sinners. we all fail. It’s not about a feeling. It is instead about love and a special peace that passes all understanding. Not a peace that comes because you figured it all out but a special peace from God tht allows you to relax and take a break because He is i’n charge. no matter what. There is one way to get where you are trying to go. That was is to release your entire life to God. It’s called Faith. Faith that whatever the Truth is God has it and He loves you and He will show you the way to go. It sounds easy, “just have faith” but it’s easier said than done. You cannot just say you have it, you must give up all your striving and accept Gods peace. there is a saying “live and let God.” (“make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God”)

Can you make a decision like that? One to give up trying to do it all yourself and let God be in control of it all? IF you want to go there you just ask God for it, He will lead you. Don’t worry so much about the “right way to pray” if you are talking to God, and you mean what you say, you are doing it right!

Yes, there are rules to follow and Churches to go to and things to know and do. But we do and know those things because of our faith. Not the other way around.

 

[mozart-250]

And I feel like an idiot.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m trying really hard but I can’t seem to find the answers that I need, nor the faith that I need for the answers that I can’t have. I’m tired. I thought if I was persistant then I would get somewhere but I haven’t. Yes, I’ve learned what kind of person I need to be. I have new personal standards and moral obligations but I don’t have that CONNECTION. I thought I used to… I mean, I might have but mostly it was just trying to hard to convince myself of a loving God and trying to find the right church. I’m never sure. I can’t find a connection with God. I know he loves unconditionally, i just don’t feel it. He’s probably there for me but I feel like he’s kind of left me to fend for myself when I need him most. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I prayed… read… fasted… I’m doing something wrong here. I’m probably praying wrong. I never did do that right anyways.

I’m just tired of trying to find answers… then whenever something feels right or makes sense, theres something to counter it and feels very wrong. Something feels wrong about the Catholic church that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe the councils… I don’t see how you can decide something doctrinal is right with votes. I don’t know. Something feels wrong with all the churches! I screwed everything up and I feel so stupid.

Oh man… I was the last one I thought would burn out on this. I thought this would help me with my discontent with myself and depression and all but it makes it worse. I hate feeling like everything I do is a sin! And I hate staying up all night worrying about whether I can ever get to heaven… what did I do wrong today?.. what am I forgetting?

Can’t I just take a break?

Hi:
I just want to second what Syele said. Relax.

In the end it is all about Jesus. Our connection with Jesus is by His grace through faith. Everything else springs from Christ and our connection through faith with Him.

Once you get this down and are secure in this, everything else will follow.

Are you a pianist by chance? Me too.

 

[hamba2han]

I prayed… read… fasted… I’m doing something wrong here. I’m probably praying wrong. I never did do that right anyways.

I suggest that you try to follow Jesus (pbuh) in the most profound way possible by praying in the manner that he himself prayed.

In a book entitled, “To Pray as a Jew”, a lengthy explanation is given of the Prayers as done by the ancient Jews and a few of the contemporary Jews. In this book the author put diagrams showing the movement and positions during the prayer and one quickly realizes the similarity of the prayers of the Jews then and the Salat as practiced by the Muslims.

http://www.submission.org/jews-1.jpghttp://www.submission.org/jews-2.jpg

In his comment about these positions the author wrote : “In most contemporary congregations very few people keep to the tradition of falling prostrate. Sometimes it is only the Prayer leader and the rabbi who does so. In more traditional congregations, however, some worshipers, men and women, will join the Prayer Leader and rabbi in the act of prostrating themselves. In Israeli synagogues, the practice is more widespread than in synagogues elsewhere. Since this is a position that we are unaccustomed to, one who has never done this before might very well demur. But once accomplished, the experience provides such a spiritual uplift that one looks forward to repeating it. Those willing to try this ancient ritual form on the rare occasions that call for it might welcome the following diagrams of the correct procedure”

It is also interesting to learn from this book that the prayers of the Jews involve wash before the prayers, (like Wuduu or ablution for Muslims), and the call for Prayers (like the Azan for the Muslims).

 

[dolphinlove]

Firstly you are not doing anything wrong.
And further, do not get more confused with false religions like Islam.
Jesus will help you and save you.
Have you thought about trying to pray the rosary?
Even if you try praying on decade at a time.
The rosary is one of the most powerful prayers you can pray.
Ask Mary to intercede for you in prayers. She is most willing to help you, especially if you pray the rosary.
I will include you in my prayers tonight.
God is with you, he loves you and never forget that.

I started praying the rosary quite regularly. Ive noticed special things happening around me, like my elderly mothers memory starting to get better, no medication or medical intervention needed. That is just one thing, but ive also noticed how good i starting to feel.
Please try it. God bless you.
Amen
Oh, if you do decide to pray the rosary, get it blessed by a priest.

 

[notself]

BumpSetSpike,

Here are some quotes from the Buddha that might help you through this rough spot. This first quote is from the Dhammapada and it describes how the intellect alone won’t get you where you want to go.

19. Much though he recites the sacred texts, but acts not accordingly, that heedless man is like a cowherd who only counts the cows of others — he does not partake of the blessings of the holy life.
20. Little though he recites the sacred texts, but puts the Teaching into practice, forsaking lust, hatred, and delusion, with true wisdom and emancipated mind, clinging to nothing of this or any other world — he indeed partakes of the blessings of a holy life. –Dhp I

Since it also appears that you really want to believe in a loving God, I suggest that you concentrate on being a loving person. This is the sutta on Loving Kindness. It was this concept of Loving Kindness that was so admired by Pope John Paul when he spoke of Buddhism.

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech,
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied,
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm and wise and skillful,
Not proud or demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born —
May all beings be at ease!

Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;
Radiating kindness over the entire world:
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.
–Khp 9

Now take all of your efforts and put them into loving yourself, loving your family, friends, acquaintances and your enemies by wishing each, starting with yourself:

May I be well and happy
May I be safe and free from harm
May I be free from anger and ill will
May I be at peace
May my heart be filled with loving kindness.

You will have the most difficulty wishing this for yourself and for your enemies. But eventually you will break through to feeling love for all as God loves all.

Metta
notself

 

[IamOdd4God]

Syele;2468005: Take a deep breath. relax!. It's not about following rules and regulations.:

Matthew 19:16-17 And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life? And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.

This man asked Jesus what he must do to have eternal life, and Jesus told him to obey the commandments. So if Jesus, the Son of God who was sent to minister (Matthew 20:28) says that in order to have eternal life we must obey the commandments, who are you to say that it isn’t about following rules? It is about following the rules; read Ezekiel chapter 18.

cannot.]

Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

John 5:14 Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.

John 8:11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

1John 2:6 He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.

2Peter 3:14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.

Why in good common sense would God tell us to do the impossible if it is impossible for us to do? Wouldn’t that make God unjust by condemning people for not doing the impossible?

Living a sinless life is not impossible to do. What is sin? Sin is the violation of the law (1John 3:4). You mean to tell me that no matter how hard I try I cannot keep myself from committing adultery? Isn’t that what you said? Let’s recap…

cannot. (follow rules)]

This is why Jesus will say to “MANY” people to depart from Him (Matthew 7:21-23). Because of false teaching people have been diverted from the truth, and have been lead away from God by fables (2Timothy 4:3-4; Titus 1:14).
Syele;2468005: We are all all sinners.:

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

“Sinned” is a past tense word; for all have sinnED and have come short of the glory of God. Sinner is a presentense word, and the only way a person can be a sinnER is if he or she is sinning. Now what does the Bible say about sinners?

John 9:31 Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshiper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.

If we are sinners as you state, then why waste time to pray to God if the Scripture tells us that God does not hear sinners?

This takes us into the debate about habitual sinning versus occassional sinning. You may say (as others in the past has said to me) that God hears sinners, just not habitual sinners; people who live in sin; to say that you have to read it into the Scripture. In other words you have to force the Scriptures to say what you want it to say. Want an illustration?

1John 3:6 Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.

Go ahead and tell me how this is talking about people who habitually sin. I don’t mean for this post to sound as though it is an attack, because that is not my intention, but I’m only pointing out that what you said is contradicting to the Bible.

In the name of Jesus,

Ken

 

[TraditionalCath]

And I feel like an idiot.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m trying really hard but I can’t seem to find the answers that I need, nor the faith that I need for the answers that I can’t have. I’m tired. I thought if I was persistant then I would get somewhere but I haven’t. Yes, I’ve learned what kind of person I need to be. I have new personal standards and moral obligations but I don’t have that CONNECTION. I thought I used to… I mean, I might have but mostly it was just trying to hard to convince myself of a loving God and trying to find the right church. I’m never sure. I can’t find a connection with God. I know he loves unconditionally, i just don’t feel it. He’s probably there for me but I feel like he’s kind of left me to fend for myself when I need him most. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I prayed… read… fasted… I’m doing something wrong here. I’m probably praying wrong. I never did do that right anyways.

I’m just tired of trying to find answers… then whenever something feels right or makes sense, theres something to counter it and feels very wrong. Something feels wrong about the Catholic church that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe the councils… I don’t see how you can decide something doctrinal is right with votes. I don’t know. Something feels wrong with all the churches! I screwed everything up and I feel so stupid.

Oh man… I was the last one I thought would burn out on this. I thought this would help me with my discontent with myself and depression and all but it makes it worse. I hate feeling like everything I do is a sin! And I hate staying up all night worrying about whether I can ever get to heaven… what did I do wrong today?.. what am I forgetting?

Can’t I just take a break?

no one is perfect! have you ever read Divine Mercy in my soul by saint faustina? she had a dark night of the soul that lasted 2 years! if you haven’t read it, now might be a good time to read it.

offer up all your suferrings to Jesus. say, Jesus, i trust in You!

 

[the_phoenix]

Praying for you!

Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

~~ the phoenix

 

[sojo]

You might be very close to a spiritual breakthrough. I know in my own life that when I’m at my most despairing, I seem to have a breakthrough.

Seeking the warm, fuzzy feelings (connection to God), is not what we are supposed to be centering on. When such consolation comes, it is a Grace, but we are expected to soldier on loving Him regardless. However, consolations do often come after great despair.

As for praying right, you need to relax. Personally, I’m pretty raw in some of my conversations with the Lord. Especially when I’m having BIG problems. A couple weeks ago, everything in the world seemed to be crashing around me. This was a prayer I made at the worst point of this period (pretty close to my actual words…) “Father – I can’t take this anymore. You know how close to breaking I am. I’m f-ing tired (yeah, I swear in His presence… what can I say… ). If You really feel it is in the best interest for me and/or the rest ofthe world for everything to be turning to cr*p in MY life (yeah, I get sarcastic too…), fine, just keep bringing it on, but would it really kill you to just give me one friggin’ day of peace… just one day when I don’t feel so sick to my stomach seeing my whole life dissolve and my little boy and husband coming down with me? Would really appreciate it. Still love you but you sure make it hard sometimes… Amen”

Woke up the next morning to incredible peace… just no worry or anxiety. Peace lasted exactly one day. But after that, I still had the consolation that He cared enough to grant me a request, even though I didn’t ask very nicely.

sojo

 

[crmcfl]

Don’t get so hung up on feelings. Feelings alone can lead you into all kinds of trouble. Perhaps you’ve been taught in the past that something’s wrong with the Catholic church, so when you start thinking something might be right with it, those old alarms go off, however groundless. Start asking “why?” When you have a question, research it. The Church is true, it can stand up to any doubts you have.

Prayer is talking to God, but a very important part is also listening to God talk back to you. Holy Hours before the Blessed Sacrament are awesome times you just might get the answers you’re looking for. If you’ve ever done The Artist’s Way (by Julia Cameron) she suggests 3 pages of longhand writing every morning first thing. I still do that, but now it’s my touching base with God every day. I just start “Dear Lord” and pour out whatever’s going on, however huge or however trivial. Part of praying is also listening. When I’m quiet and open often the answers come. I write those down, too.

Also, if you haven’t, read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.

Keeping you in my prayers.

P.S. I’m a piano player too, crazy for Bach and Beethoven

 

[Syele]

This man asked Jesus what he must do to have eternal life, and Jesus told him to obey the commandments. So if Jesus, the Son of God who was sent to minister (Matthew 20:28) says that in order to have eternal life we must obey the commandments, who are you to say that it isn’t about following rules? It is about following the rules; read Ezekiel chapter 18.

Read a little farter and see that the man did follow all the “rules” and it got him nowhere because he’d forgotten the most important thing… putting God first.

cannot.]

Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

John 5:14 Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.

John 8:11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

1John 2:6 He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.

2Peter 3:14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.

Why in good common sense would God tell us to do the impossible if it is impossible for us to do? Wouldn’t that make God unjust by condemning people for not doing the impossible?

Living a sinless life is not impossible to do. What is sin? Sin is the violation of the law (1John 3:4). You mean to tell me that no matter how hard I try I cannot keep myself from committing adultery? Isn’t that what you said? Let’s recap…

Last I checked, Catholics agree with me that without God in your life you can’t be perfect. I’m pretty sure you have to Cooperate WITH GOD to manage perfection. I told him that he cannot by himself be perfect. God’s Grace IS required. It you read the OP you can see this person is trying to gain Faith BY doing works (studying and trying to follow rules) instead of studying and following rues because of his Faith. He is trying and it’s not working… He asked if he can take a break. Is it ok to take a break from following God? NO. So how can a burned out tired soul keep from failing? Hmm I dunno, rest in God’s peace and let God help him? Maybe? Or does your God not help you follow Him? Please don’t read things in I didn’t say.

I don’t mean for this post to sound as though it is an attack, because that is not my intention, but I’m only pointing out that what you said is contradicting to the Bible.

In the name of Jesus,

Ken

My post didn’t contradict the Bible you just read things into it. I DID say there are rules and regulations to follow and I said " let God be in control of it all?" Now explain to me how someone can do that and continue in sin?

 

[larryhc]

To BumpSet Spike
You are trying too hard.Maybe you are aiming for a perfect 10.For me I just accept the way I am, a sinner with faults and weaknesses, acknowledging I am nothing before His Majesty.I pray as the public sinner did in the bible, Forgive me Lord, a sinner…No one is perfect.And I remember the Lord’s reply…this man went home justified. There is more rejoicing in heaven over a repentant sinner than 99 who have no need of repentance.God bless.

 

[Jerusha]

BumpSetSpike:

Maybe there is something wrong in your local parish. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong in the Church world-wide. I notice you post from Idaho. Might give you a clue as to what is going on.

Some of your complaints seem to arise with dissatisfaction with your sinful self. Seems to me some of it is just depression. Are there people around you who are more concerned about your imperfections than their own?

 

[sterryfamily]

Just one comment…the infallibility of the magisterium is a negative protection that comes from Jesus’ promises. It’s not that His Spirit will teach the magisterium everything about all subjects - just that He will prevent them from teaching error on issues of faith and morals. This is a tremendous gift to us, His people, to know that what is being taught is right.

So, yes, the councils will involve great discussion and debate - this is the human element of the Body of Christ. The divine element only intervenes when necessary to insure that what we are taught is not in error. We have Christ’s word on it.

 

[Angainor]

Oh man… I was the last one I thought would burn out on this. I thought this would help me with my discontent with myself and depression and all but it makes it worse. I hate feeling like everything I do is a sin! And I hate staying up all night worrying about whether I can ever get to heaven… what did I do wrong today?.. what am I forgetting?

Can’t I just take a break?

Salvation is a free gift.

Baptism and Holy Communion are gifts given to us for the forgiveness of our sins.

Take your break. Christ has set us free.

Read more here.

 

[mark_a]

And I feel like an idiot.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m trying really hard but I can’t seem to find the answers that I need, nor the faith that I need for the answers that I can’t have. I’m tired. I thought if I was persistant then I would get somewhere but I haven’t. Yes, I’ve learned what kind of person I need to be. I have new personal standards and moral obligations but I don’t have that CONNECTION. I thought I used to… I mean, I might have but mostly it was just trying to hard to convince myself of a loving God and trying to find the right church. I’m never sure. I can’t find a connection with God. I know he loves unconditionally, i just don’t feel it. He’s probably there for me but I feel like he’s kind of left me to fend for myself when I need him most. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I prayed… read… fasted… I’m doing something wrong here. I’m probably praying wrong. I never did do that right anyways.

I’m just tired of trying to find answers… then whenever something feels right or makes sense, theres something to counter it and feels very wrong. Something feels wrong about the Catholic church that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe the councils… I don’t see how you can decide something doctrinal is right with votes. I don’t know. Something feels wrong with all the churches! I screwed everything up and I feel so stupid.

Oh man… I was the last one I thought would burn out on this. I thought this would help me with my discontent with myself and depression and all but it makes it worse. I hate feeling like everything I do is a sin! And I hate staying up all night worrying about whether I can ever get to heaven… what did I do wrong today?.. what am I forgetting?

Can’t I just take a break?

Live the two great commandments. Stop expecting to feel wonderful. Life can be tough.

 

[jimmy85]

Take a deep breath. relax!. It’s not about the right church is not about following rules and regulations. NO matter how hard you try you cannot. This is the message of the Gospel. We are all all sinners. we all fail. It’s not about a feeling. It is instead about love and a special peace that passes all understanding. Not a peace that comes because you figured it all out but a special peace from God tht allows you to relax and take a break because He is i’n charge. no matter what. There is one way to get where you are trying to go. That was is to release your entire life to God. It’s called Faith. Faith that whatever the Truth is God has it and He loves you and He will show you the way to go. It sounds easy, “just have faith” but it’s easier said than done. You cannot just say you have it, you must give up all your striving and accept Gods peace. there is a saying “live and let God.” (“make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God”)

Yes, there are rules to follow and Churches to go to and things to know and do. But we do and know those things because of our faith. Not the other way around.

Well religion is not about feelings but about faith in the good.
To be honest every person has problems, regardless if they are atheist or theists. It is something natural and we must accept them. problems will be there, with or without God.
So it is better to offer those troubles to God, we lose nothing.
God love us because is logical and this world can be utterly up side down but we know that there is a God. we could even be tempted to think that God dosent help us or we could have a wrong understanding and a wrong perspective of him, because we are finite and human being, but the true is that he love us, and that is meaningfull and that give us the reason to carry on.

So dont worry if we are ignorant of stuffs or ignorant of how everything works, we know God love us and that is enough.

Can you make a decision like that? One to give up trying to do it all yourself and let God be in control of it all? IF you want to go there you just ask God for it, He will lead you. Don’t worry so much about the “right way to pray” if you are talking to God, and you mean what you say, you are doing it right!
.

Dont think that God will do everything for us ,we must also do our part. learn, research, study, seek for the true.

Religion isnt about our own feelings or sensations or about what you may feel like, because we have a finite knowledge of stuffs and therefore we can err if we give up ourselfs to feelings.
Religion is about faith and understanding, and not just about something stricly personal.

 

[jimmy85]

I prayed… read… fasted… I’m doing something wrong here. I’m probably praying wrong. I never did do that right anyways.

I’m just tired of trying to find answers… then whenever something feels right or makes sense, theres something to counter it and feels very wrong. Something feels wrong about the Catholic church that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe the councils… I don’t see how you can decide something doctrinal is right with votes. I don’t know. Something feels wrong with all the churches! I screwed everything up and I feel so stupid.

Oh man… I was the last one I thought would burn out on this. I thought this would help me with my discontent with myself and depression and all but it makes it worse. I hate feeling like everything I do is a sin! And I hate staying up all night worrying about whether I can ever get to heaven… what did I do wrong today?.. what am I forgetting?

Can’t I just take a break?

You shouldnt be so hard on yourself man

 

[jimmy85]

And I feel like an idiot.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m trying really hard but I can’t seem to find the answers that I need, nor the faith that I need for the answers that I can’t have. I’m tired. I thought if I was persistant then I would get somewhere but I haven’t. Yes, I’ve learned what kind of person I need to be. I have new personal standards and moral obligations but I don’t have that CONNECTION. I thought I used to… I mean, I might have but mostly it was just trying to hard to convince myself of a loving God and trying to find the right church. I’m never sure. I can’t find a connection with God. I know he loves unconditionally, i just don’t feel it. He’s probably there for me but I feel like he’s kind of left me to fend for myself when I need him most. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I prayed… read… fasted… I’m doing something wrong here. I’m probably praying wrong. I never did do that right anyways.

I’m just tired of trying to find answers… then whenever something feels right or makes sense, theres something to counter it and feels very wrong. Something feels wrong about the Catholic church that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe the councils… I don’t see how you can decide something doctrinal is right with votes. I don’t know. Something feels wrong with all the churches! I screwed everything up and I feel so stupid.

Oh man… I was the last one I thought would burn out on this. I thought this would help me with my discontent with myself and depression and all but it makes it worse. I hate feeling like everything I do is a sin! And I hate staying up all night worrying about whether I can ever get to heaven… what did I do wrong today?.. what am I forgetting?

Can’t I just take a break?

Well religion is not about feelings but about beliving in the good.
To be honest every person has problems, regardless if they are atheist or theists. It is something natural and we must accept them. problems will be there, with or without religions.
So it is better to offer those troubles to God, we lose nothing.
God love us because is logical and this world can be utterly up side down but we know that there is a God. we could even be tempted to think that God dosent help us or we could have a wrong understanding and a wrong perspective of him, because we are finite and human being, but the true is that he love us, and that is meaningfull and that give us the reason to carry on.

So dont worry, if we dunno how everything works, we know God love us and that is enough.