Something I struggle with

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sanctamaria17

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I may have alluded to it on other posts but I’ve been struggling a lot in terms of my sexuality lately.

I’m a bisexual woman. It’s not something I share with other people, only three of my friends know about it, haven’t even taken it to Confession, because I haven’t acted on it. But it is very difficult.

It’s hard because while the Church is all right with it as long as you stay chaste, and while my other friends (not Catholic, who don’t see any problem) encourage me to follow my faith, I feel like there is no vocation good enough for me. I’m afraid no Catholic guy is going to want to marry me because of it and also, because I am considering religious life, that it would be an impediment for me. I know it’s probably silly, but those are things that concern me, especially as I’ve known many Catholics with very homophobic attitudes. But it’s not something I can deny that I have either. I don’t intend to deviate from the Church but it’s hard and I’d appreciate prayers:)
 
Don’t let this keep you from what God has planned for you. Pray and keep asking for prayers that God guides you heart and mind. Let God fill those areas that seem to lead you away.

Besides, can you be bisexual if all you have a re feelings? You said you have never acted on them.
 
**Hugs and prayers from me too!

And I just want to tell you how amazing I think you are for recognizing this cross you must bear and staying strong in your faith.

And please don’t think that this means you can never be married or have a vocation to the religious life! If you are meant to be married, God will send you a compassionate and understanding man. If you are meant for the religious life, I think God with provide enough strength for you to serve Him well.

Are you seeking any guidance/support from Catholic sources? Isn’t there an organization called Courage or something?
**
 
dconklin said:
Besides, can you be bisexual if all you have a re feelings? You said you have never acted on them.
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Yes, because it’s just defined as having an attraction to both men and women.

Thank you guys. It’s very hard but I’m lucky to have a supportive roommate and friends. and of course, this forum.
 
Hi Sanctamaria,

I know so many people mention this book, but do you have Christopher West’s book, The Good News about Sex and Marriage?

There is a chapter on homosexuality, and Christopher West discusses his own experiences and feelings. It is a very very good chapter, in a very excellent book.

You will be in my prayers.:hug1:
 
sanctamaria17 said:
I’m afraid no Catholic guy is going to want to marry me because of it and also, because I am considering religious life, that it would be an impediment for me.
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My husband married me 😃 Sort of the same situation, but I wasn’t Catholic. Now, I’m Catholic and have been baptized. So now I just focus on the love of my husband and try not to think about the other part.
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
**Hugs and prayers from me too!

And I just want to tell you how amazing I think you are for recognizing this cross you must bear and staying strong in your faith.

**
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Ditto. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Honestly, it’s true that if a guy can’t accept and love all of you ( we all have positives and negatives) he’s not worth it. And I think that’s fantastic that you are considering the religious life. I see no impediment- in fact I think that would make you an even better, say, teacher (if you chose to teach) because you truly understand others’ struggle with same-sex attraction- and how that does not affect God’ love. :hug3:
 
Sanctamaria,
you seem to think that having same sex attraction is a part of your identity. Don’t attach the label to who you are, what you’re suffering is a cross that you have to bear. Just as a cross is external, so is the label of “bi-sexual”. Labels. What a detriment to so many people. So many people cannot see past the labels they have attached to themselves. I suffer from the same thing that you do which is why I’m telling you that if you treat this condition as a character trait, as who you are, then it will affect you very negatively. I have been living chastely and thanks to God have healed for the most part–if I avoid certain occasions of sin 🙂 In which case it means I’m not really fully healed but that I can live chastely and order my attraction because of certain lifestyle changes.

I don’t have to tell my future husband if I choose not to because it is my cross that I offer up which I am handling with God’s love; if I do tell my husband, it will be at a time that I choose as suitable at a time when I know we have grown so much in love that I can share this cross with him. But chances are it makes no difference to me to tell my future husband because I am in fact leading a chaste lifestyle, I am not “bisexual” that is not who I am; it’s not my person…get what I’m trying to say? I will let him know about my same sex attraction if necessary when the time is right and at a time when I know I can depend on his love. To be honest, I don’t think whether your future husband knows or not will make any difference to him so long as you’re living chastely, making use of the sacraments and frequenting confession. I guess if you did tell him it may help you go through any difficulties much more easily in which case I would say don’t forget that being “bisexual” has nothing to do with your being, it isn’t who you are. It is a label.

Forgive me if my thought seems incoherent, where I am its close to 1:00 am and I’m a bit tired though the timezone for Catholic Answers is different
Anyway, I want you to know that I’m here for you and that if you need anyone to talk to you can private message me and I can only give you myself. God bless you, God loves you 🙂
 
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