B
BamaRider
Guest
Thanks for the all the advice.
In looking back at this, and given the relationship my son and I have, it was unfortunate I did not have the conversation with him on what happens when you get serious with a young lady from a totally different background. We honestly thought this girl was like all the rest. Next thing we know he brings her home sayin they want to get married?? Hello?? I don’t even know HER last name! So YES, I scolded him. In the 6 months he had been seeing her, we met her 2x (breifly)
Yet to meet any of her family. They are scattered up and down the East Coast. My son has only met her father. He doesn’t talk about him LOL.
It was my view I could not to sugar coat the obstacles that would have to be overcome. I was not gonna tell him, “just do what ya want, worry about it later.” I only told him the Church has rules concerning marriage, they expect them to be followed, now don’t be mad at ME, I’m just the messenger." Followed by “you need to know her better, where she comes from, her ideas on life etc”
He has done that, and he has aplogized for ambushing me. He knows he is MY son. Did my vote of no support cause a rift in the beginning? Yes, we did not speak for 3 weeks, that ain’t NEVER happened. It was unfortunate it took that to get here, but things are good now.
In fact I told my son today via a phone conversation to work this out on his own. My advice, after pondering this the last few months was “weigh all the things that must be dealt with in this relationship, Faith, goals, family attitudes, and pray about it. You will get your answers, but it may not be what ya wanna hear.” “Whaday mean?” “Look here son, God is gonna let ya do whatever it is ya wanna do, he ain’t gonna make ya listen to him, but there will be consequences if ya don’t” “Like what?” “Heck I dunno brother, but anytime I didn’t listen I was headin back to find out what to do to getta outta the mess I was in.”
I’m sure this is weighing heavy on him. I know he loves this girl. I know how we raised him, he has never waivered from his Catholic Faith, I told his mother it will win out in the end. If she is going to be a obstacle in his Faith, he WILL let her go. He has said it not so many words, but he has hinted it.
Contrary to what some of y’all prolly think, I would not be happy if he has to let this girl go, because it will make him sad, and it will be me that will take the call, when the deed is done, to help pick up the pieces. Far as I know, this is his first serious relationship since reaching maturity.
My advice to others with kids coming up? If they get involved in a mixed situation, find out early if that is going to be a problem. Be honest and open, it could save alot of pain on the other side.
In looking back at this, and given the relationship my son and I have, it was unfortunate I did not have the conversation with him on what happens when you get serious with a young lady from a totally different background. We honestly thought this girl was like all the rest. Next thing we know he brings her home sayin they want to get married?? Hello?? I don’t even know HER last name! So YES, I scolded him. In the 6 months he had been seeing her, we met her 2x (breifly)
Yet to meet any of her family. They are scattered up and down the East Coast. My son has only met her father. He doesn’t talk about him LOL.
It was my view I could not to sugar coat the obstacles that would have to be overcome. I was not gonna tell him, “just do what ya want, worry about it later.” I only told him the Church has rules concerning marriage, they expect them to be followed, now don’t be mad at ME, I’m just the messenger." Followed by “you need to know her better, where she comes from, her ideas on life etc”
He has done that, and he has aplogized for ambushing me. He knows he is MY son. Did my vote of no support cause a rift in the beginning? Yes, we did not speak for 3 weeks, that ain’t NEVER happened. It was unfortunate it took that to get here, but things are good now.
In fact I told my son today via a phone conversation to work this out on his own. My advice, after pondering this the last few months was “weigh all the things that must be dealt with in this relationship, Faith, goals, family attitudes, and pray about it. You will get your answers, but it may not be what ya wanna hear.” “Whaday mean?” “Look here son, God is gonna let ya do whatever it is ya wanna do, he ain’t gonna make ya listen to him, but there will be consequences if ya don’t” “Like what?” “Heck I dunno brother, but anytime I didn’t listen I was headin back to find out what to do to getta outta the mess I was in.”
I’m sure this is weighing heavy on him. I know he loves this girl. I know how we raised him, he has never waivered from his Catholic Faith, I told his mother it will win out in the end. If she is going to be a obstacle in his Faith, he WILL let her go. He has said it not so many words, but he has hinted it.
Contrary to what some of y’all prolly think, I would not be happy if he has to let this girl go, because it will make him sad, and it will be me that will take the call, when the deed is done, to help pick up the pieces. Far as I know, this is his first serious relationship since reaching maturity.
My advice to others with kids coming up? If they get involved in a mixed situation, find out early if that is going to be a problem. Be honest and open, it could save alot of pain on the other side.