Son doesn't want to go to Catholic school

[pianistclare]

Our son went to a Methodist school from 1st through 12th grade. They are very conservative, as are we and it seemed a good fit. I’ve converted to Catholicism since then but it wasn’t a factor when he was in school.

I remember him saying, when he was a senior that he didn’t believe it was wrong to be gay (and presumably participating in gay relations) since that is the way that God made them. This was the start and since that time, he has come to embrace most things liberal as in abortion, shacking up, etc. After spending $200,000+ he embraced liberal ideals anyway. I still see the value in him going to the school that he did but it did nothing to instill in him the conservative moral values that I wish he had.

His sister is 11 years younger and he has always encouraged us to educate her in the public school system. When he was growing up, all his friends were school friends and they all live far away. Any play times involved a parent to drive and the kids weren’t able to spend that much time, away from school, together. He regretted not having friends in the neighborhood.

When my son was in college, he went to church every week and participated in a weekly bible study. Then he met and started dating a lapsed Catholic girl that is now his wife and he probably now attends church 4-5 times a year.

I’ve taught my children that there are times in life that you have choices and regardless of the choice you make, there will be regret. This may be one of those times.

If Catholics voted Catholic, we could change this county and the world. As it is, it just doesn’t happen. Often, we see news stories where a teacher from a Catholic school was fired due to gay marriage or the breaking of some other Catholic moral rule. Nearly every time, you will see quotes from parents and students about why the teacher should not be dismissed. Often you will see where there was an organized protest because the school is enforcing morals. Your child might embrace the morals of the Church or the morals of his friends and their families.

In religious identity surveys, it is said that the largest group is Catholic and the second largest group is former Catholics. While I truly believe that public schools are being used for indoctrination, not being part of them will not insulate your child. 15 years from now, he may or may not be a practicing Catholic regardless of which path you take.

Lots of wisdom here. Parents are the first educators and primary educators in the faith.
You can’t insulate kids anymore. The negative influences are just a mouse click away.
The more parents try to hide their children from the evils of the world the more attractive and “reasonable” those evils become to kids. They are being catechized by their peers, the internet celebs of the moment, and the media in general.

Pick the best school you can, and pray daily for strength. Try to keep you children around good peers and great families. Keep them in faith formation as long as you can. Make sure your parish priest is well known to your children invite them over so that your kids feel comfortable talking to him in rough times.
God bless you

 

[smallcat]

Dad, this is exactly why God gives us parents. Because fifth-grade boys don’t know anything and need guidance. I can say that because I was a fifth grade boy at one time, impressed by the flashy and trivial. Parents are the primary educators of their children, and will answer to God for their choices. You know which is the better school. If your wife needs convincing, check the test scores of the government school and your local Catholic schools.

^^ Yes, this. You can take your son for a tour of the new school but he likely won’t like it as much off the bat because it doesn’t have the “bells and whistles”. You know what’s best for him, and you know it’s not the same things that seem so important to a 10 year old boy. If it’s like the classical schools I’ve seen, it’s intentionally lower-tech. My guess is this Catholic school will provide him (and you) with a much better community of families and friends to support him.

 

[john1513]

they have pizza at lunch almost every day, he gets to ride the bus, they use Chromebooks for all their classes, they start almost an hour later than his elementary school so he can sleep in, and things like that.

These are hilarious reasons to choose an educational institution.

 

[milimac]

These are hilarious reasons to choose an educational institution.

I thought so too. My son is really wanting the public school, but he is willing (grudgingly) to give Catholic school a shot. Turns out it’s my wife (non Catholic, unbaptized) who is the problem now. Our parents live out of state so she thinks we won’t be able to continue visiting them each year due to the tuition (a little less than $4000/yr with aid). The other reason is that she thinks my son will be miserable and she’ll have to hear him complain every day - she’s buying all of his arguments and letting the threat of whining win. So now I’m getting the silent treatment from her. Pray for us.

 

[john1513]

I thought so too. My son is really wanting the public school, but he is willing (grudgingly) to give Catholic school a shot. Turns out it’s my wife (non Catholic, unbaptized) who is the problem now. Our parents live out of state so she thinks we won’t be able to continue visiting them each year due to the tuition (a little less than $4000/yr with aid). The other reason is that she thinks my son will be miserable and she’ll have to hear him complain every day - she’s buying all of his arguments and letting the threat of whining win. So now I’m getting the silent treatment from her. Pray for us.

Be strong. She’ll come around, give her time. You get what you pay for.

 

[JanetF]

So much about middle school success (and what it does to a child’s faith) has to do with whether or not the social order at the school is civilized, much less Christian. I am afraid that it is not a given that every student finds mercy and kindness at every Catholic school in the US, nor that every secular school is more of a hotbed of rebellion from what the Church teaches than their parochial counterpart in the same town. Sad, but true.

THIS!!! Just because there is a LGBQT club at the school doesn’t mean your child will be inducted. My daughter went to public schools from 4th-12 grade and is now away at University. Her faith life is strong, because we were committed parents, and she was exposed to a very strong youth group program in high school. She believes and trusts in what the church teaches regarding homosexuality, abortion, as well as other important social justice issues.

When things came up with the public school that challenged her belief system she asked me about it we worked through it. Initially it was whether she could read books about greek mythology (yes, she really asked if it was okay to read Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson series). We discussed issues as they came up, we looked up things in the YouCat so she could learn how to research what the church teaches.

Having said that, I don’t think it should be up to your son to decide where he will go to school. He simply doesn’t know what factors need to be considered in such a decision (as seen by his list of why public school is great). You and mom have to look at the academic success of each choice and pick the one that will feed your son’s needs.

Some kids do awesome in catholic schools while others do awesome in public schools.

 

[pianistclare]

Right
The issue is not which school is better, since we are not there to examine the facts.
The issue is that YOU should be calling the shots, and YOU shoudl be educating your child in the faith with the help of the Religious Ed/Formation classes at your parish

Best wishes!

 

[milimac]

THIS!!! Just because there is a LGBQT club at the school doesn’t mean your child will be inducted. My daughter went to public schools from 4th-12 grade and is now away at University. Her faith life is strong, because we were committed parents, and she was exposed to a very strong youth group program in high school. She believes and trusts in what the church teaches regarding homosexuality, abortion, as well as other important social justice issues.

That’s great, but my worry is that we have teachers who I want my son to respect but who may teach contrary to the faith - these clubs do not exist unless they have teacher advisors. Learning to defend your faith is necessary, but if I would like to avoid him having to do it against a teacher. It’s like having a beginning karate student battle against his sensei.

 

[josh987654321]

Learning to defend your faith is necessary, but if I would like to avoid him having to do it against a teacher. It’s like having a beginning karate student battle against his sensei.

That’s a very good point.

God Bless You

Josh

 

[milimac]

Right
The issue is not which school is better, since we are not there to examine the facts.
The issue is that YOU should be calling the shots, and YOU shoudl be educating your child in the faith with the help of the Religious Ed/Formation classes at your parish

Best wishes!

I think the issue is what you said, AND determining which school is the better choice and most likely will work with me and not against me in instilling the faith. One thing that bothers me about public school is that by segregating religious instruction from other truths (which they have to do), religious truths are seen as something separated from the truth, beauty, and goodness of math, science, literature, etc., and depending on the worldview of the teacher can even be presented as being opposed to each other. Religious truths can easily be seen as optional add-ons rather than being necessary for living your life well.

 

[AClaire11]

My high school had a GSA and many gay people and I’m still a Christian. I don’t get what the big deal is. Being gay isn’t contagious. There are gay people at Catholic schools.

 

[AClaire11]

That’s great, but my worry is that we have teachers who I want my son to respect but who may teach contrary to the faith - these clubs do not exist unless they have teacher advisors. Learning to defend your faith is necessary, but if I would like to avoid him having to do it against a teacher. It’s like having a beginning karate student battle against his sensei.

My high school was polled during the 2008 election and 88% chose Obama. I’ve never voted for a Democrat. Not everyone just copies their teacher’s views, and IME it was really rare for a teacher to even bring up political and religious views. Public school isn’t some insidious den of sin and the paranoia some seem to have about it is really strange. Most of the Christian moms around here are perfectly happy to use the public schools.

 

[milimac]

My high school had a GSA and many gay people and I’m still a Christian. I don’t get what the big deal is. Being gay isn’t contagious. There are gay people at Catholic schools.

Same sex attraction may not be contagious, but the belief that it is a morally licit behavior certainly is. It’s not hard to see that.

 

[milimac]

My high school was polled during the 2008 election and 88% chose Obama. I’ve never voted for a Democrat. Not everyone just copies their teacher’s views, and IME it was really rare for a teacher to even bring up political and religious views. Public school isn’t some insidious den of sin and the paranoia some seem to have about it is really strange. Most of the Christian moms around here are perfectly happy to use the public schools.

I agree that most of the time the public schools are not that bad (I guess that depends on the school). But I want something better than “not that bad” for my son. In Catholic school (if it’s a good Catholic school) subjects can be integrated. There aren’t these useful truths over here that you learn 5 days a week that help you get a job, and these moral truths over here that your parents want you to learn. All truth comes from God, whether it be morality, science, math, whatever. If it’s not from God, it’s not truth, and if it’s not truth, it’s not from God.

The school we’re looking at says they train students with the rhetorical skills to articulate and defend their faith. This is something they don’t get at the parish or at school currently. Sure, I can teach them myself, and I do, but they could get a lot more organized instruction at Catholic school.

There are also studies that show those who attend Catholic school are much more likely to attend Mass weekly as adults (that is, not commit the mortal sin of casually missing Mass). My job is to make them saints one day and I’m looking for all the help I can get. The assurance that some kids go through public school and still keep the faith is not much of an assurance. Many do not, and I suspect much more than those attending **authentically **Catholic schools. I do agree that a non-authentic Catholic school would probably be more harmful than public school. I’m not looking to waste money at a school like that.

 

[lifeandhope]

Yes, please compare test scores. Where I live, the Carholic school is small, but their test scores are among the highest in the state. Talk to your son about the school after you take the tour. Do not ask him which one he wants to go to. You and your wife need to decide what is best for him. He is a child.

Do not ask him which school he wants to go to? He will spend every day, every week there–the parent won’t. I do not think the kid should dictate the final decision, but even at 11-13, kids are capable of thinking and reason on many levels. My girls both know my husband and I have the final word, but we’ve not had issues AT ALL because my daughters feel heard and understood even when the decision doesn’t go their way. By including them in such an important decision and including the kids in the process, you teach them not just to make good decisions but HOW to gather facts, weigh options, assess multiple levels of information against the requirements and outcomes needed, and how to finalize a decision and then go forward, not looking back. As parents, it’s up to us to not only guide and sometimes dictate a decision, but we must teach our kids of the decision making process and how to navigate these life situations that they will encounter the rest of their lives.

It is important to compare somehow school performance, delinquency levels, drug influences, and so on. Academic performance is of high importance. But it is easy to say that the pizza, start time, bus situation, school colour, etc is of no matter. But the truth is that often it’s the smaller things that makes a school or workplace awful or tolerable. My girls are in an excellent Baccalaureate public school and I am impressed with their learning academically and otherwise. The LGBT clubs do not have a large presence; the clubs are all pretty similar in that a handful of interested students participate and it isn’t a big deal. To shield a teen from a school club fearing it may influence the entire school does little to help us teach our kids how to live in the real world with people of every kind at our workplaces, gyms, community pools and activities, etc.

These are my thoughts as a Catholic mom–take it or leave it–everyone has their own specific situation so my experience won’t necessarily be yours. But, I have girls who are good kids, good Catholics, and know how to reason through decisions both large and small. Oh, and they do love the Chromebooks.