How far apart do they live?
Will she have to give up her job, pull up all her roots, ect, in order to move closer to your son?
In otherwords, how much of a sacrifice does she have to make in order to be closer to him?
If she has a lot to lose in order to live where he is, then she may be wanting to rush into a JOP marriage because she’s afraid she’ll give up everything in order to be with him and then he’ll change his mind, leaving her high and dry in a city where she doesn’t have a job or know anyone.
I have a friend who moved across the country to be with a man she’d met online, who seemed like such a “nice guy” and had that exact thing happen to her: He said he wanted to marry her, but traveling back and forth was too expensive, so one of them would have to move for them to continue dating “in person”. He had the higher paying job of the two of them, so she quit her job, moved cross country, moved in with his parents until she could find a job and place of her own, and then he decided after she did all of that, that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, broke up with her and his parents told her she had until the end of the week to move out. She didn’t know anyone in the area, and it took the last of her savings to move herself and all her things back home, and almost a YEAR for her to get back on her feet again (new job, new apartment, etc). I doubt she’ll ever move across the country for another man again, no matter how nice he seems, so, you know, lesson learned and all that–but what a harsh way to learn it! He, on the other hand, ended the relationship without really being scathed at all.
Of course, I’m not saying your son would do any of that, but if she knows anyone who’s had that or something similar happen to them, she may be flying off the handle out of pure fear of such a situation, and your son agreeing to a JOP marriage may make her feel safer that he’s not going to pull something like that on her. Sort of a: “If I make the sacrifice of moving, etc, then I want some sort of legal means to keep you from just up and changing your mind” type thing. Obviously not the best idea, but fear can sometimes cause people to not think very clearly.
Since I don’t know the exact circumstaqnces, I’m only offering a possible reason why she’s feeling such a desperate need to rush things. If this is the case in their situation, perhaps your son can offer to help pay for a decent portion of her expenses to relocate closer to him? Then maybe she won’t feel as though she’s the one who’s making all the sacrifices, and that he’s putting forth some investment into their relationship without being forced into a premature JOP marriage.
Oh, I just wanted to add that the people mentioned above weren’t Catholic–and that as far as whether or not she understands the difference between a JOP marriage and the Sacrament of Marriage wouldn’t necessarily make her a “bad Catholic”–just a poorly misinformed one. (I agree with the above poster that there should be better information regarding the Catholic perspective of marriage prior to Confirmation! It’s sad when someone like me–who’s barely out of RCIA–has to explain these things to some of the cradle Catholics I know.
) Maybe explaining it to your son and his girl would help matters. But try not to be too overbearing or give the impression you don’t want them to marry–just that you want them to marry IN THE CHURCH.
I am younger - 31 and I have made a lot of cnversion in my past so it could just be she does not have an understanding maybe through understanding you can even build her in her faith and bring her to God.