Son has left the faith

  • Thread starter Thread starter anrmenchaca47
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

anrmenchaca47

Guest
Well, today I felt like a failure. My son calls me to announce to us that he is going to be baptized through a baptist ministry. As you can imagine, I did not take this very well. So I procedeed to make him understand that he has already been baptized and by doing this baptism he is saying the his infant baptism is invalid. Of course what comes next is what many Protestants say and that is he gets to choose. So I proceeded to help him understand that as parents we did what was necessary for his spiritual needs as a mother does for an infant when it comes to caring for their physical needs. We parents do what is best. But bot only that, I tried to make him understand that he did in fact choose, he choose when he was confirmed. I even explained to him that St Paul preached the baptism is the new circumcision to welcome an infant into God’s covenant. Well, he still felt compelled to go through with it. He even had the audacity to want to invite us to this event. My wife and I do no condone this as he had already been baptized.
Before he left to college, I warned him that his faith was going to be tested. Even when I was in college I fell away from the faith but I came back. I feel that I failed as a Catholic father in preparing my son. I knew there would be those that would convince him through all the sensationalism. I’ve been there. I even asked him why he didn’t look for a catholic group. But he couldn’t answer that one and was very insistent on wanting to do this. It has been a very disappointing day today. But I love my son and he needs to find his way. Quite honestly, I truly feel that he is doing all this for a girl he’s stuck on. sigh But I, as a faithful Catholic, will not support this. I just felt the need to say this and I ask for your prayers that he comes home. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
 
Right now, you’ve said all you can. You’ve not failed. Your son has to find his own way through life, and he has to take his own faith journey. Be as respectful of his beliefs as you can be - remember, none of his acts are done to spite you, but out of a sincere belief in his own faith. Keep communication open as much as possible.
 
I can read your disappointed - clearly written.
There’s a pal at work who is from Portugal -
born a few towns away from Fatima - parents Catholic.

He married a Brazilian gal - a real Protestant type.
And he - downs me now - for saints and Mary and confession and Priests !

I just say, “ Tell your mom how you feel “ - that - shuts him up.
If he continues - I play the Fatima card !

Mom may raise a man for 27 years…
But a hot Brazilian can make a monkey of him in 27 minutes !
 
anrmenchaca47 said:
Well, today I felt like a failure. My son calls me to announce to us that he is going to be baptized through a baptist ministry.
Click to expand...
You’re not a failure. You have no more dominion over your son’s faith journey than your parents had over yours. It wasn’t something for you to fail/suceed at because it involves someone else’s agency.
He even had the audacity to want to invite us to this event. My wife and I do no condone this as he had already been baptized.
Click to expand...
Nothing wrong with going as you support your son rather than what he’s doing.

About the worst thing you can do is be aggressive and hyper-negative about it because that would confirm to him and his new social group that he made the right choice in leaving the negative, teeth-clenched, Pharisaic and spiritually dead Catholicism that his friends paint (and you would seem to accurately portray in those moments).
Even when I was in college I fell away from the faith but I came back.
Click to expand...
Give him some room to do the same.

But I do agree on this much; if restorationism can be true (which is, essentially, what all evangelical faiths claim), then - hell - anything can be true.
 
You did not fail.

Sadly, even long-lived Catholics fall out of Faith as they are lured by the “freedom” and “liberties” that non-Catholics offer.

…as for the invite… it is quite common for those who seek to be free of the Church want to demonstrate their “new found freedom” to others–it’s like the old “mimicry is the highest form of respect” thing (though this is in “sharing”). I support your decision not to engage–the “feel-good” theology wants us to think that it is “love” and “kindness” to join in… however, the message that is taken is “he/they support what I’m doing so it must be the right choice!”

You and your son are in my prayers.

Maran atha!

Angel
 
Last edited:
No, you’re not a failure.
It sounds like he’s still in college?
Kids choose what path they want to take, or are lured into it by kids they want to impress. And not just in matters of faith.
You’re not a bad parent if you decide not to go and witness this utterly unnecessary re-baptism.
It sounds like you already discussed the issue with him.
At this point, let it drop. You did your job. Don’t set up a situation whereby he feels like he has to stick to his guns or risk losing face.
Do, uplift him in prayer. Do not tell him you are praying for his return to the church, because, then he’ll be put in the position of having to show you you can’t control him through prayer.
If the rest of your relationship with him is solid and you’re in regular contact, good! Keep the lines of communication open. Maintain conversation about the other aspects of his life. Remain calm and pleasant-faced. But at the same time, educate yourself all you can about Catholicism, so when he comes to you with questions and comments, you’ll have thoughtful and non-emotional answers for him.
Don’t set yourself against the girlfriend. She’s not your enemy. She’s simply living her life the way she was taught to. Don’t give them the fun and drama of setting up a Romeo and Juliet scenario where it’s “us against the world! Because they don’t understand us!”
Remember that she, and her church community are beloved children of God, also, and we want their conversion, also.
Never stop praying. For your son, and the girlfriend.
I will join my :pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2: With yours.
 
It is possible that where he is right now is where he is best able to learn to know God. Take comfort in knowing that he values a relationship with God. He could have just abandoned religious faith altogether.

Other posters have implied this is just maybe a phase for him, or he has been influenced by others. I would suggest considering that maybe this is just his path. Accept it and embrace it. Love your son no differently than if he had continued believing the things you believe. He is still the same person he has always been.
 
QwertyGirl said:
I would suggest considering that maybe this is just his path.
Click to expand...
So long as that path leads back to Catholicism.
QwertyGirl said:
Accept it and embrace it.
Click to expand...
You can accept it but I wouldn’t embrace it. Leaving the Church is a very serious matter.

If it were my son, I’d be totally honest with him:
  • You’re making the wrong decision and I won’t condone it.
  • If you’re doing this for girl, well, that’s just silly.
  • Don’t bring up this subject unless you want the Catholic rebuttal.
 
Last edited:
Yep. Went through this with my parents. I made it clear I didn’t care if they condoned it or not. I don’t condone their religion either. That part is fine.

They suggested my future husband pulled me from the church. I told them that was a grave insult and if they intended to continue having a relationship with me they wouldn’t bring that up again.

We agreed to not discuss religion anymore.

It worked out fine. 30 plus years later we enjoy a good relationship.

I was lucky that they respected the boundaries I put in place. I like to think they were lucky too. I am a good daughter, and they would tell you the same.
 
anrmenchaca47 said:
Quite honestly, I truly feel that he is doing all this for a girl he’s stuck on.
Click to expand...
Men will do a lot of things to impress a woman- although not every guy goes to the same limit.

A gentleman I know and grew up with, good guy, was raised Catholic. Met a nice Mormon girl, converted and got married to her and was very involved for decades in the LDS church.

The gal ends up getting cancer and passing on, he dropped out the Mormon religion and is now back as a Catholic.

Men go through phases, things can easily work out.
 
Regardless of why he is converting, the worst thing the OP could do is imply his son’s beliefs are temporary and insincere. If they are, it will simply make him dig his heels in harder. If they are not, he has dismissed something the son holds very important to him, and nothing good will come from it. Just stay calm and be respectful.
 
“Preach the gospel constantly, use words if necessary.” A saying that has been attributed to Francis of Assisi.
Your son has made a choice, and you have not failed. You gave him an upbringing grounded in a faith, one he probably doesn’t really understand. The only thing you can do is live the Catholic faith to a point where, when life’s problems and heartaches arise in his future life, he may well see that the faith of his youth provides more answers than his current choice. And it may not. Then again, the RCC says salvation is afforded to all that obey the commandments.
Stop obsessing, enjoy your son, root for his success, and pray for him to make good and faithful decisions.
Peace.
 
At least he’s following Jesus, if he’s being honest.

Many reject Catholicism and Jesus.

Jim
 
There is not a lot I can add to what already has been said, other than I agree with a lot of it. You did not fail, but thinking you have only shows how strong your commitment for your kids is. Just because he left, does not mean he wont come back. Pray to that he does come back, but don’t spend time looking for signs that he is, that is between him and God now. Just keep in mind, this forum is full of converts and reverts.

Pax
 
anrmenchaca47 said:
Well, today I felt like a failure. My son calls me to announce to us that he is going to be baptized through a baptist ministry. As you can imagine, I did not take this very well. So I procedeed to make him understand that he has already been baptized and by doing this baptism he is saying the his infant baptism is invalid. Of course what comes next is what many Protestants say and that is he gets to choose. So I proceeded to help him understand that as parents we did what was necessary for his spiritual needs as a mother does for an infant when it comes to caring for their physical needs. We parents do what is best. But bot only that, I tried to make him understand that he did in fact choose, he choose when he was confirmed. I even explained to him that St Paul preached the baptism is the new circumcision to welcome an infant into God’s covenant. Well, he still felt compelled to go through with it. He even had the audacity to want to invite us to this event. My wife and I do no condone this as he had already been baptized.
Before he left to college, I warned him that his faith was going to be tested. Even when I was in college I fell away from the faith but I came back. I feel that I failed as a Catholic father in preparing my son. I knew there would be those that would convince him through all the sensationalism. I’ve been there. I even asked him why he didn’t look for a catholic group. But he couldn’t answer that one and was very insistent on wanting to do this. It has been a very disappointing day today. But I love my son and he needs to find his way. Quite honestly, I truly feel that he is doing all this for a girl he’s stuck on. sigh But I, as a faithful Catholic, will not support this. I just felt the need to say this and I ask for your prayers that he comes home. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Click to expand...
Keep praying for your son that like what happened to you, He too will come back to the faith. This is an opportunity for you to also prepare yourself with answers for him when he asks or tells you what he is now embracing.

I’m adding you and your son to my daily mass and rosary.
 
Last edited:
You are in my prayers. Big time

I grew up super orthodox Catholic and I left the church too. I jumped from religion to religion and now I’m back in the Catholic church, at least for now. So you never know what will happen in life.
 
Unfortunately, you will have to delve into the Baptist faith. You need to get to know his new faith better than he does. By asking your son a lot of questions, you may get him to see its flaws.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top