Son is finally engaged...wedding questions

[phil19034]

Thrstypirate:

You can have your own vows in addition to the proper vows.

Not so sure this is true.

I think it depends on the bishop

 

[phil19034]

Thrstypirate:

Regarding an open bar: that’s more based on the region you’re in than Catholicism. In my experiences, New York weddings are always open bar, wherin when I grew up in Texas it was a cash bar w free beer maybe. It’s up to whoever is paying for the wedding.

That question was just me being silly. I grew up Baptist and the thought of having alcohol of any kind at a wedding reception was unheard of.

OH… my sister got married in a Baptist church and the minister came to the wedding. Yet they still had open bar

 

[GodSpawned]

First off- congratulations!

In the Anglican church you have the option (I think) between three different vows (all broadly similar). With the Catholic church you don’t have an option.
We picked 4 hymns- 2 Catholic ones and 2 Pentecostal songs. A friend of mine played the guitar for latter two. Got an Anglican vicar to perform the homily (your mileage may vary on that one…). My Dad did the bidding prayers. We decided not have mass during our wedding.

TL;DR- the couple should talk with the priest to go through what he’ll allow.

The couple will have to go through some sort of Catholic marriage prep- we did marriage prep with the priest over 3 evenings to explain what marriage is, understand what we were getting into and the vows. Also did a Saturday course on living as a married couple
I had to provide a baptism certificate. If your son doesn’t have one then it isn’t strictly necessary. My wife had to provide her Catholic confirmation certificate.

For the reception- we had money behind the bar. It’s up to the couple, and whether your willing to contribute

 

[TC3033]

I don’t remember anything from our wedding (I’m not Catholic, she is) that was a surprise or different from any other wedding I’ve ever been to (Catholic or not).

I think the priest asked my wife if she (we) wanted a Mass or not and she said no. She (we) didn’t want the first thing we did as a married couple to be something that was going to divide the church into participants vs. observers. Specifically she didn’t want something in our wedding that I and my direct family couldn’t participate in. She told me what she said and I said “Yep, agreed with that” and so was the priest.

For our wedding
The bridal party came in, a couple songs, some readings, vows, unity candle–out the door…maybe 25 min.

As the father of the groom…as far as the bar is concerned…how that’s funded is up to you. I think we did open bar for 2hrs and then just free beer/pop after that.

 

[Cor_ad_Cor]

Typically it’s the same except with a mass.

Nope. I personally find Catholic weddings quite different than Evangelical Protestant weddings (Baptist, right?). I’ve never found them to be similar.

Diaconia provides the best answer. The Catholic wedding, even without Mass, is longer, more readings, more ‘dialogue’ between the officiant and the congregation, more physical posture changes, etc. That said, it will have striking similarities to Mass even if it’s not a Mass-wedding.

 

[TC3033]

Wierd, your experience is much different than mine… I would agree with @thirstypirate my wedding (in the Catholic church) was really similar to weddings at non-Catholic churches I’ve attended and since we didn’t have Mass it was even more similar.

Nothing really jumped out at me or surprised me…?

 

[Dhc8_Type]

For us the pre marriage stuff seemed like a waste of money. Catholic Sex ed for Adults AKA your Natural Family Planning (the priest and bishop knew prior we can’t have kids). and the pre marriage retreat requirement because i’m not catholic. between the two those was expenses we weren’t planning on.

 

[hope]

For a just reason, a couple can be married in a non-Catholic church and it still be considered being married in the Catholic Church. I have been to two such weddings. Permission from the Bishop is required.

 

[dochawk]

Is it true that there will be an open bar at the reception?

Indeed, paid for by the father of the groom :crazy_face:

Music tends to be what the organist can play.

That explains walking down the aisle to “Three blind mice” :crazy_face:

wherin when I grew up in Texas it was a cash bar w free beer maybe.

We provided two kegs of (for the time) decent beer. Our friends made a valiant effort to drink and store the leftovers in the couple of days before they had to go back :crazy_face: Given some members on both sides of the family there was very deliberately nothing else except for the champagne . . .

I have not been to many non-Catholic weddings. I have been to many Catholic ceremonies and never have I been to one that the bride did not walk down the isle including my own.

(well OK my daughter’s . . . I walked her to the gate of the church patio, where I turned her over to the priest for the only licit outdoor Catholic wedding I’ve ever even heard of–but it was a Byzantine liturgy; we actually have an outdoor altar, and were expecting too large a crowd for the building. [And it worked so well that we now do it every Pascha and one other time for the bishop’s visit, although that was the first and last time that we hung cloth for a makeshift iconostasis; we now settle for our portable icons and moving the cross and cherub ikon.])

hawk, with one down, and three to go . . .

Same here. I’ve never met a woman that wasn’t horrified by the thought of not doing that, either!

We really didn’t know that there was any other option, and we sat down and went through every option with he priest (or was it the deacon? It’s been a while . . . . )

That question was just me being silly. I grew up Baptist and the thought of having alcohol of any kind at a wedding reception was unheard of.

Grape juice?

 

[greenqueen]

How exciting!

My husband and I are coming up on 24 years on October 8. He was not Catholic at the time (he is now ) and we had a Mass. He had already been attending Mass with me. About the music: prior to my entrance and the Mass starting, we had music from Phantom of the Opera played and sung. It was not allowed once the Mass began. We did place flowers in front of the Blessed Mother, and Ave Maria was sung at that time. It was beautiful!!

Enjoy your time as mother of the groom!! I pray you have many grand babies to spoil in the near future!

 

[TC3033]

Ya, agreed on the weekend…the closest we could find was nearly 2.5 hours away so that cost us a hotel room too.

At the time, we weren’t a fan of taking that on that expense and the 100 some mile trip…, but whatevers…if my wife wanted to get married in the church we had to do it.

 

[Allegra]

Not officially allowed and lots of priests are very strictly against it.

 

[Allegra]

A typical Catholic wedding includes a Mass, but it doesn’t have to and often doesn’t if both parties aren’t Catholic. The biggest difference is that there isn’t much freedom in adding traditions and customizing during the actual liturgy. For example, unity candles and sand ceremonies are not generally permitted. You can’t generally have a dance number for your procession or recessional. The music during the actual liturgy has to be sacred in nature. Most parishes won’t allow recorded music. Restrictions on decorations really depend on the parish. Many of them won’t want you thumb-taking or 3m-ing floral arrangements into their 150yo pews. I think that’s probably the same with other Christian churches as well. Some parishes or priests may ask you to not have the wedding party wear strapless dresses. I’ve known people who have been caught off guard on this one and had to scramble to find something to cover themselves with. Once the liturgy is over, you can do pretty much anything within the confines of natural law during the reception. Lots of people have their sand ceremony or unity candle done at this time, since its not typically allowed during the liturgy.

 

[Eve1]

I think that may vary by parish, or era. 19 years ago when my husband and I were married we had the unity candles as well as the wedding lasso rosary. My husband is Hispanic.

 

[TheLittleLady]

At the official link for the US (posted above), you will see where cultural things like the Lasso are permitted.

Unity candle is not permitted. Did you know it originated at “Luke and Laura’s Wedding” on the soap opera “All My Children”? Not exactly something of deep cultural significance.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Anything that can’t be incorporated into a Catholic service could always be done during the speeches at the reception.