Son is having trouble/patron saint recommendation?

[dusk]

Hi everyone, it’s been awhile.

My 10 year old son is having a lot of trouble right now. He is very sad and is isolating himself from everyone. He gets very angry very easily. I have started him in therapy and he seems to do well with this Dr., however progress is, of course, slow.

His father and I are divorced (we got married when I was 16. Long story) and his dad has been distancing himself from Cody lately. The mood problems were already there but this has made it worse. For the past 7 years, since our divorce, Cody has visited his dad one night a week, every weekend. His dad got a girlfriend in June and she moved in with him in August. He has since suggested that Cody might not want to come over every weekend anymore, telling him that he doesn’t have to come ALL the time.

When Cody is at his dad’s house, his dad says he is always teary. This weekend Cody told him that something he said hurt his feelings. His dad thinks he needs to “man up” and quit being so sensitive. His father is also extremely anti-God. He calls the Bible a fairytale that weak-minded people made up. Cody doesn’t seem to be aware that his dad thinks this way, but I don’t know how much is said to him about it.

I am bipolar and when I am depressed, which has been often lately, my son worries, understandably. I am moody and unable to function at all in life when I am doing badly. This puts huge amounts of stress on my entire family.

So Cody has a lot of stuff going on. It’s yet to be determined if he suffers from depression or if his isolation and anger stem from his situation. I should also say, he has a lot of family who care a lot about him. He has my husband, parents and (even though she’s a pesky little sister to him) my daughter.

Can any of you offer suggestions on how I might help him? Also, I want to buy him a Saint medal that he can carry and think of to remind him to pray when things are tough for him. Can you think of a good Saint for just tough times/sadness in general?

Thank you all so very much.

 

[DexUK]

Your son is under a lot of pressure - from your own condition (not that it’s your fault, of course) and from the rejection he is suffering from his father. He isn’t likely to be deliberately acting out, all he’s seeing is that everything is going very wrong and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’ll probably be feeling lost, insecure and adrift at an age when things are going to start getting difficult for him anyway as he enters adolescence.

Therapy may or may not help him, but lots of love, consolation and support will.

Unfortunately a lot of the responsibility to help him is going to have to fall on you, despite your own problems. You’re going to need to have to keep up a brave face for him and rely on others when he’s not around for your own spiritual comfort and consolation. I know it’s difficult but it can be done - as a kid I endured similar problems at a similar age and it was only by some luck and the fact that I was already naturally independent that I came through unscathed.

As for a saint, I’m thinking now specifically of St Francis of Assisi, who ministered to everyone and everything - from children to adults to the birds in the sky… he is a saint who is accessible to everybody, reflecting the deepest goodness of our faith, in a profoundly Christ-like manner. Actually, I can’t think of a better saint for a child. Teach your son about St Francis… how loving he was and how gentle… he is not only a good refuge for Cody but also a good example.

 

[Irishmom2]

Perhaps you might like St. Joseph, patron of families, or St. John Bosco, he helped homeless and neglected boys. Or maybe a saint of the youth like St. Dominic Savio. St Francis Patrizi is the patron saint of reconciliations.

St. Rita is invoked for loneliness and for desperate situations. St. Gregory is for desperate situations also. Either of these would probably not be that difficult to find a medal for, nor would St. Joseph, of course.

God bless you and your son.

 

[BethanieRyan]

I agree with Irishmom. The first one that came to my mind was St. Joseph. It seems as if a lot of his problems are stemming from his father. People who do not have good relations with their mother turn to Mary as kind of a mother figure. So I wonder if your son could use St. Joseph in this same way. I know he has a loving step-dad, but there’s still something to feeling rejected by your own biological dad. When I was younger, I had a similar situation with my grandfather. He found a girlfriend and started to ignore me. So I have a lot of sympathy for your son and I will keep him in my prayers.

Side note: Have they looked at diagnosing him as bipolar? I ask because I know it runs in families. And if there is something biological going wrong with his brain, maybe medicine might help take the edge off the depression for him.

I will keep your family and especially your son in my prayers.

 

[Julian0404]

My first suggestion is that you get the necessary med’s for your bipolar and stay on them. Clearly by taking care of yourself, you will go a long way in assisting your son.

My next suggestion is to join “Big Brothers”, as I believe your son needs male acceptance, approval and with his father pushing him away, a male figure to show concern and care.

I would recommend the “Miraculous Medal” for your son. It was given to the world by the Virgin Mary and has proven to be Miraculous on many occassions in healing and keeping people from harm.

Finally, I would recommend you pray a rosary every day asking the Virgin Mary to take your son under Her love and care and bring him to Her SON, JESUS to be loved and cherised and healed from the wounds his family is inflicting upon him.

 

[105lynne]

Your son is under a lot of pressure - from your own condition (not that it’s your fault, of course) and from the rejection he is suffering from his father. He isn’t likely to be deliberately acting out, all he’s seeing is that everything is going very wrong and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’ll probably be feeling lost, insecure and adrift at an age when things are going to start getting difficult for him anyway as he enters adolescence.

Therapy may or may not help him, but lots of love, consolation and support will.

Unfortunately a lot of the responsibility to help him is going to have to fall on you, despite your own problems. You’re going to need to have to keep up a brave face for him and rely on others when he’s not around for your own spiritual comfort and consolation. I know it’s difficult but it can be done - as a kid I endured similar problems at a similar age and it was only by some luck and the fact that I was already naturally independent that I came through unscathed.

As for a saint, I’m thinking now specifically of St Francis of Assisi, who ministered to everyone and everything - from children to adults to the birds in the sky… he is a saint who is accessible to everybody, reflecting the deepest goodness of our faith, in a profoundly Christ-like manner. Actually, I can’t think of a better saint for a child. Teach your son about St Francis… how loving he was and how gentle… he is not only a good refuge for Cody but also a good example.

This!
When I only read the title of this post, before I even read a thing within the post, St. Francis came to mind! Perhaps because the new pope chose the name, and maybe this has caused a new focus on the saint for many? I don’t know…I just thought it was strange how his name popped in my mind before I read anything, then the first person to respond suggested him as well. St. Francis is a wonderful choice!!

 

[dusk]

Thanks everyone. I will look into those Saints.

Julian, of course I am on medication (and in long term therapy). I haven’t been off of it since I was a teenager and I would be negligent to myself and my family if I was. Unfortunately, symptoms still happen. For me, a lot. Believe me when I say I am doing all I can to beat this. It seems I spend my life “re-doing” my meds to make them work.

He does have a lot of male role models, but I will look into Big Brothers.

BethanieRyan, they’re not sure if he has depression or bipolar yet, but they’re trying to figure it out. I think it’s a possibility but a lot of his symptoms could just be from his stress/anxiety over everything.

I really appreciate the thoughts.