Son likes someone younger

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Nightfly

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I have a son who just started high school. He is 14. He really likes a girl who is in 7th grade and is 13. She is one of the only people he feels he can talk to. The heart does not have common sense. He broke down last night as we had a big fight that covered a lot of stuff that needs to be brought up. He cried as he said his grandma was the only one he could talk to besides this girl. I am sure she is a nice girl but this will not work out. She won’t even go to the same high school. I want him to enjoy his new high school and not be so loyal to a girl he never sees except for FaceTime and instagram. He is a willful boy but he won’t listen to me. The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps. I am missing out on many points I am sure but any advice is aprecciated.
 
???

He’s 14.

I find your comments about him being good looking and not needing to “hang on to scraps” to be exceedingly bizarre. What the heck does that even mean. Why does your 14 year old need good looks

Can’t he have friends? I don’t think the problem lies with him.
 
What’s confusing? A good looking kid should not settle. He is a boy, boys don’t really talk to each other. Try to keep up
 
Kids should have friends…it sounds like they,are phone friends. It will probably fade out when your son gets busy at hs.

However in our family exclusive dating does not happen until the age it can develop into marriage. We taught this to our kids when they were young.

It sounds like you are planning for your son to be available to date others very soon. So i cant offer any other advice to that point.
 
Nightfly said:
The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps. I am missing out on many points I am sure but any advice is aprecciated.
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…you sound weirdly spiteful of a 13 year old
 
Nightfly said:
He broke down last night as we had a big fight that covered a lot of stuff that needs to be brought up. He cried as he said his grandma was the only one he could talk to besides this girl.
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This really sounds disturbing. You had “a big fight” with a child? Is he taking this too seriously, or are you? 13-14 year olds can have friends, but not an exclusive committed relationship. They aren’t discerning marriage.
 
Nightfly said:
What’s confusing? A good looking kid should not settle. He is a boy, boys don’t really talk to each other. Try to keep up
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Boys really don’t talk to each other? Is that the way it is now?
 
Nightfly said:
What’s confusing? ** A good looking kid should not settle**. He is a boy, boys don’t really talk to each other. Try to keep up
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:eek:

He’s 14 years old- if you aren’t trying to marry him off, why should he “settle”? I’ve read your past posts and you’ve got some serious issues in the marriage department. What the hell are you trying to push on your child?
 
To talk about “settling” or “scraps” in regards to a 14 and 13 year old is disturbing. They’re kids. They can be friends but they shouldn’t be dating yet period. Don’t make such a big deal it of it. Statistically, it’ll probably be another 10-15 years before the finds the woman he ends up marrying.
 
Nightfly said:
I have a son who just started high school. He is 14. He really likes a girl who is in 7th grade and is 13. She is one of the only people he feels he can talk to. The heart does not have common sense. He broke down last night as we had a big fight that covered a lot of stuff that needs to be brought up. He cried as he said his grandma was the only one he could talk to besides this girl. I am sure she is a nice girl but this will not work out. She won’t even go to the same high school. I want him to enjoy his new high school and not be so loyal to a girl he never sees except for FaceTime and instagram. He is a willful boy but he won’t listen to me. The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps. I am missing out on many points I am sure but any advice is aprecciated.
Click to expand...
I am confused. Why are you so determined to have your son not be in a friendship with this girl? Ending this relationship could cause trauma as you son has no friends currently and hurt your relationship with him):
 
Nightfly said:
I have a son who just started high school. He is 14. He really likes a girl who is in 7th grade and is 13. She is one of the only people he feels he can talk to. The heart does not have common sense. He broke down last night as we had a big fight that covered a lot of stuff that needs to be brought up. He cried as he said his grandma was the only one he could talk to besides this girl. I am sure she is a nice girl but this will not work out. She won’t even go to the same high school. I want him to enjoy his new high school and not be so loyal to a girl he never sees except for FaceTime and instagram. He is a willful boy but he won’t listen to me. The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps. I am missing out on many points I am sure but any advice is aprecciated.
Click to expand...
This is also insulting to the girl you are talking about I am afraid to say, Imagine if you read about your children being reffered to as scraps?
 
I think the key words are that he can talk to her ,that she listens.
My son is 15 and has friends, boys and girls.He is good friends with one girl in particular.They just talk.They all talk, and all listen.Making some one use their good looks for
advantageous reasons is 🤷 It’s so materialistic
 
I wish I had some good advice .Let him have friends? :gopray::gopray:
It’s a huge change for him and he needs security
 
Nightfly said:
I have a son who just started high school. He is 14. He really likes a girl who is in 7th grade and is 13. She is one of the only people he feels he can talk to. The heart does not have common sense. He broke down last night as we had a big fight that covered a lot of stuff that needs to be brought up. He cried as he said his grandma was the only one he could talk to besides this girl. I am sure she is a nice girl but this will not work out. She won’t even go to the same high school. I want him to enjoy his new high school and not be so loyal to a girl he never sees except for FaceTime and instagram. He is a willful boy but he won’t listen to me. The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps. I am missing out on many points I am sure but any advice is aprecciated.
Click to expand...
Please stay out of it. Unless this girl is Lizzie Borden, there is no reason why he shouldn’t talk to her and still enjoy his new high school life. If you are making this friendship YOUR problem, then there is no surprise that he considers his grandmother the one to talk to, instead of you. BTW, what you think if her parents told her not to speak with your son anymore because he is not worthy of her and she could do better at her school? Not cool.
 
This post is so out there , I went back through your posting history.

You say your son was

Sexually molested when he was 8

Had a father potentially dying from cancer

You yourself have a history with drugs, alcohol, porn, over eating.

Now I am not sure where you are at right now but this post is

Not quite right.

14yos are ok to have 13yo friends

13yos are not scraps,

Are you drunk or drug posting? It’s a question I am asking .
 
Nightfly, do you oppose your son seeing this girl because he can only correspond with her on Facebook and Instagram? Is she not local? Not quite sure what the problem is, unless there’s a chastity issue.
 
I don’t understand what the problem here is…you come across like you are jealous of this friendship. If that’s the case then that’s the problem.

Try not to take it so seriously.
 
Roseeurekacross has some very good points…Listen to her!

Your son is alright!
 
Perhaps the OP is worried, not about the quality of the girl, but the possibility that her son may spend all of his free time on Facetime or Instagram with her, rather than making new friends in real life at his high school. This would be a reasonable concern, and a relationship conducted solely via social media might be described as “scraps” compared with relationships in real life.

That said, OP, having a big fight with your son over the matter is not the way to go, and can only serve to make him feel more disconnected from you. I’d think over your fight and consider whether there’s anything to apologize for, then offer apologies to him. I wouldn’t forbid him talking to his friend, but instead emphasize that you’re trying to make sure that he makes friends at his school. It sounds like you have gone through a lot, but so has he–and he’s just a kid at a very difficult age. Try to come across as supportive and as his ally, and he’ll be likelier to keep the lines of communication open and to listen to you.

Unless your son’s grandmother is really awful, I agree with other posters that this is a relationship to be encouraged. Youth need strong ties to older family members; it makes them less susceptible to bad peer influences.

I would also agree that your son is too young to be dating anyone romantically.
 
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