Son likes someone younger

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Nightfly said:
The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps.
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You’d prefer he was dating a hot cocktail waitress or something? :confused:

First, a 14 year old and a 13 year old having some kind of puppy love crush isn’t even weird. They’re a year apart; they’re peers. It’s not like he’s fixated on a seven year old, which would mean it’s time to get him to a psychiatrist. This is pretty normal.

Second, are you really throwing shade at a 13 year old girl’s looks, implying that she’s not good enough to be friends with your son? Do you understand how weird and petty that is coming from an adult?

Is this really just a jealousy thing? Like, you’re jealous he’s opening up to her and not you?
 
The boy is 14 years old. It is not uncommon at that age for kids to get really attached to someone they meet online and can talk to for hours and hours. Be glad it is a 13-year-old girl (assuming indeed it is) and not some 40-year-old pervert. Kids used to use the telephone for this sort of thing before the internet was invented.

The reason younger teens do this is that they are not yet ready for an in-person relationship. When this boy is ready to go out and meet new friends and become attracted to a girl he sees in person at his high school, he will do so. I sincerely doubt he will be living in a basement messaging someone on his computer or phone forever. Why don’t you just let nature take its course instead of trying to micromanage your son’s social life?
 
Nightfly said:
What’s confusing? A good looking kid should not settle. He is a boy, boys don’t really talk to each other. Try to keep up
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You said you were looking for advice. My advice is that your son doesn’t have a problem, you do.

Get some therapy, given all the issues you have posted about here. You need some help with how to constructively parent your son.

You need help with your own addictions, and now the expectations you are projecting on to your son regarding his physical looks and what seems to be a push from you into dating at age 14.

He needs a friend. She’s a friend. There is no problem here.
 
Nightfly said:
I have a son who just started high school. He is 14. He really likes a girl who is in 7th grade and is 13. She is one of the only people he feels he can talk to. The heart does not have common sense. He broke down last night as we had a big fight that covered a lot of stuff that needs to be brought up. He cried as he said his grandma was the only one he could talk to besides this girl. I am sure she is a nice girl but this will not work out. She won’t even go to the same high school. I want him to enjoy his new high school and not be so loyal to a girl he never sees except for FaceTime and instagram. He is a willful boy but he won’t listen to me. The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps. I am missing out on many points I am sure but any advice is aprecciated.
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This is a disturbing post on many levels. Profesional help should be sought
 
Nightfly said:
The thing is he is an exceptally good looking boy and does not need to hang onto scraps.
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Nightfly said:
What’s confusing? A good looking kid should not settle. He is a boy, boys don’t really talk to each other. Try to keep up
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Your comments seem to imply a woefully uneducated understanding of the dignity of the human person. To qualify the worthiness or worthlessness of anyone for your son based on their appearance is an affront to their dignity.

To assess your son as being worthy of a particular level or standard of physical beauty when it comes to other people is also an affront to his dignity and reduces his value as a person, as a friend, and as a partner to just his appearance.

What happens when the years begin to take their tole on his appearance? Is your son then going to lose value or worthiness of friendship and love? What if by some horrible tragedy your son was rendered disfigured or grotesque by your standards of physical beauty? Would you then deem this younger girl as being out of his league because she shouldn’t settle for the “scraps” that are now your son?

We must never assess the value of a human person based on their looks or their weaknesses.

The only questions that you as a parent should be asking is this: Will this person in my child’s life help to lead my child closer to Christ and the Father’s will, helping to make my child the best version of himself?
“We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures. We are the sum of the Father’s love for us and our real capacity to become the image of his Son…”
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– St. Pope John Paul II
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Nightfly said:
What’s confusing? A good looking kid should not settle. He is a boy, boys don’t really talk to each other. Try to keep up
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You have problems that need addressed. Appearances are superficial.

I have to assume you’re a troll, because the alternative is that you are a jerk, and a sick individual who needs counseling.
 
heidi_storage said:
Perhaps the OP is worried, not about the quality of the girl, but the possibility that her son may spend all of his free time on Facetime or Instagram with her, rather than making new friends in real life at his high school. This would be a reasonable concern, and a relationship conducted solely via social media might be described as “scraps” compared with relationships in real life.
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That could be a possibility, right up until his second post…
 
twf said:
To talk about “settling” or “scraps” in regards to a 14 and 13 year old is disturbing. They’re kids. They can be friends but they shouldn’t be dating yet period. Don’t make such a big deal it of it. Statistically, it’ll probably be another 10-15 years before the finds the woman he ends up marrying.
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👍
 
I was expecting him to be 30 or something. Your reaction to this situation is a little strange. It sounds like the 2 of you have been through a lot, would some sort of family counseling be an option?
 
First off, I would like to say that your attitude toward your son and his friend is terrible. Why would you talk like this? Looks are not the most important thing in the world. Your son has found someone who listens to him and understands him and vice versa. That’s the most important thing in any relationship!

I believe you need counseling to figure out why you have such bitterness and control issues.

Sending up prayer!
 
SolicitorPirate said:
…you sound weirdly spiteful of a 13 year old
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I don’t understand. I care about my son and want him to have relationships in high school. Anyways I hope it will fade away. He has a big heart like his mother. Right now he does not want to hear that this won’t workout and that there probably girls at school he can get to know. We don’t expect him to marry any of these girls, I suppose some people find someone young and latch on which is sad.
 
Nightfly said:
I don’t understand. I care about my son and want him to have relationships in high school. Anyways I hope it will fade away. He has a big heart like his mother. Right now he does not want to hear that this won’t workout and that there probably girls at school he can get to know. We don’t expect him to marry any of these girls, I suppose some people find someone young and latch on which is sad.
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Your sexualization of children is something you need help with. If your past is involved, you need to treat it because you are harming your own children with your attitudes.
 
SuperHappy said:
First off, I would like to say that your attitude toward your son and his friend is terrible. Why would you talk like this? Looks are not the most important thing in the world. Your son has found someone who listens to him and understands him and vice versa. That’s the most important thing in any relationship!

I believe you need counseling to figure out why you have such bitterness and control issues.

Sending up prayer!
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Well thank you for very much for your honesty. I agree kids need someone to talk to. I am starting to play with him in basketballl to spend time and get closer again. Our priest says this at every baptism, “give your parents wisdom, especially in their terrible twos and terrible teens”. I see where text can make me sound like an ogre but my intention is out of love for my son to be happy.
 
First of all, I agree entirely that the way you worded your dilemma is MESSED UP! However, I’ll ignore your creepy need for your child to be in relationships when he’s entirely too young and the fact that you called a kind, supportive friend of your son’s a “scrap”, and focus on the concern that his spending all his time communicating with his old friend from middle school will get in the way of making new friends in high school.

It’s really not something to worry about. When he actually gets to school, he’ll meet new friends. He doesn’t need to blow off Scrap in order to form relationships with new friends. It may be that as he meets new people and shares experiences with them at his new school, he will become closer to them than he is to Scrap, who he primarily communicates with digitally. That’s perfectly fine, if it occurs naturally. You shouldn’t expect him to stop being friends with her in anticipation of friends he might make in the future. It isn’t necessary and it’s pretty mean, both to Scrap (who hasn’t done anything to deserve your contempt.), and to your son who doesn’t deserve to be deprived of the support of a friend just because his parent things he needs better ones.
 
Yes, my wife says I’m just awful. I had a part of my brain removed because of tumor twice and “I have no filter” as she would say. Common sense says that he will meet new friends but I know or at least believe making a jump to an au courant school has its growing pains. I didn’t have my first girlfriend til late. But we were with each other, alone, having sex. Today these kids say they are going out but the meaning is that they talk on their phones, maybe go out with groups of kids. Y’all are going to kill me but my 6th grade daughter has a “boyfriend.” They are just friends and she treats him like **** but my wife and his Mom just think it’s adorable. Different times we live in.
 
I don’t think it’s right for teenagers to date… I think that dating is to discern marriage. It should also be chaste and not an occasion of sin. Maybe “courtship” is a better word. It’s ok to have friends if it doesn’t lead to any sin though. It doesn’t matter if they’re “good looking” or not, only if they’re good friends.
 
Nightfly said:
Yes, my wife says I’m just awful. I had a part of my brain removed because of tumor twice and “I have no filter” as she would say. Common sense says that he will meet new friends but I know or at least believe making a jump to an au courant school has its growing pains. I didn’t have my first girlfriend til late. But we were with each other, alone, having sex. Today these kids say they are going out but the meaning is that they talk on their phones, maybe go out with groups of kids. Y’all are going to kill me but my 6th grade daughter has a “boyfriend.” They are just friends and she treats him like **** but my wife and his Mom just think it’s adorable. Different times we live in.
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Wow! Having a brain tumor removed can definitely impact your reasoning, cognitive processing, and your personality. That is some major trauma. Sounds like your family has had a lot on its plate for several years now.

Given this new information, I would encourage you to work with a therapist WITH your son and your wife. You may not be able to communicate with him in a manner that is best for him given your cognitive situation. It is an important time in his life and important that he knows his father loves him and his mother loves him. It is important that he has boundaries and healthy role models. Get the help of a therapist on communication. Get the help of your pastor on moral perspective, which you may not be able to put in to the right context at this point.
 
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