Son marries a non-denominational Christian

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petef

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Hello…this is my first time using this forum…I hope I am on the right thread or category…As my title states, my son recently got married to a non-denom Christian. My son has been raised as a Catholic his whole life…baptized, attended a Catholic grade and high school. He was very involved in his faith until he met this young lady. When he told us that they were getting married he also told my wife and I that he was leaving the Catholic Church and becoming a member of her non denom church…my question is, although he has left the Catholic church, he has not left his love for the Lord…so should I be worried for this change of his faith?
Sincerely
Petef
 
Keep praying for him. What is important is that he loves God. That means that he will spend more time reading scripture outside the services that he is attending with his current wife.
Scripture says that the believer will save his unbelieving spouse.
Remember St. Monica who prayed for Augustine. And we all know the high standing that St. Augustine has within the Catholic Church.
What I discovered attending non-Catholic churches is a lack of depth that can be found within the Catholic Church. There is a superficial level to the sermons. As one Baptists stated, who converted to the Catholic Church, there is much talk about the Bible, while once he actually attended Mass he actually heard the word proclaimed. There is a lack of the Sacraments.
 
Pray for them but don’t lecture them. If they want to talk about religion, let them bring it up. They know where to turn to if they have questions. The way to win them over is with love.
 
He is your son…love him and pray for him. As you noted, he has not left God!
 
macstar said:
Pray for them but don’t lecture them. If they want to talk about religion, let them bring it up. They know where to turn to if they have questions. The way to win them over is with love.
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They’re adults. They have to make their own way and decisions. Definitely continue to pray for them.
In the meantime, get a copy of The Catholic Answer Bible, Always Inspired–Why Bible-Believing Christians Need the Catholic Church, and Scriptural Roots of Catholic Teaching. These will give you the answers you need if they choose to bring up religion. Generally I don’t argue and simply engage with those points of agreement.
 
Avoid telling either of them what to do or believe in terms of religion. But you can, gently, briefly mention why **you **do something or believe something. I wouldn’t do it too often, and only when a natural situation comes up in *your *life.
 
At least he’s still a Christian & going to a church! That’s good. I know too many young people - my own kids among them - who aren’t.
 
Hi OP

I’d say now is a good time to really know your faith. Like all the major protestant objections, find acceptable answers to them. Because theological discussions seem inevitable. Might happen next week, might happen at thanksgiving around the dinner table, but I think they will happen. If you have answers when these things come up and you seem secure about it, I think it will cause them to pause and contemplate what was said.

In the meantime, I’d just be gentle in your approach.

A lot of prayer and be a good Catholic Christian example.

Your son is walking away from the fullness of Christianity, but he isn’t rejecting Christ. So I’d stay encouraged about that part.
 
Bonnie said:
At least he’s still a Christian & going to a church! That’s good. I know too many young people - my own kids among them - who aren’t.
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:confused: There’s no bright side to this. If it was my child I’d be vehemently encouraging the future daughter in law to convert and would not attend or pay for any wedding not occurring in the Catholic Church.
 
First, the groom’s family does not usually pay for the wedding anyway.🤷
Secondly, you risk losing your child forever with this attitude. You can tell your son your objections and why–nicely, and then pray for him. If you cut him off, you will lose him, and he will never return to Catholicism.
 
petef said:
…my question is, although he has left the Catholic church, he has not left his love for the Lord…so should I be worried for this change of his faith?
Sincerely
Petef
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YES. Although I do not know how to approach the matter, by not remaining in the Catholic Church your son is cutting himself off from the grace of the sacraments, and without grace there is no salvation. Cite reference Catechism paragraph 846. Whatever social or other benefits his non-denominational church (ecclesial assembly) may offer, it has no Tabernacle and no Real Presence. Furthermore, many such churches can be subtly or openly hostile to bedrock tenets of Catholic faith and teaching. It depends on the individual congregation. More than the salvation of your son though this extends to and affects his wife and any children. Non-denominational churches often preach a symbolic communion, which implicitly denies the Incarnation. Your son cannot remain where he is without grave spiritual danger.
 
My son married a lovely girl of the Baptist faith 17 years ago and neither one of them attend any church, so I know exactly how you feel. They eloped and got married by a JP. My son said, in no uncertain terms, that he is no longer a Catholic, and that is his choice. I’ve put it in the Lord’s hands. I pray all the time for them, but that is all I can do. Bringing the subject up, or lecturing only causes hard feelings and can damage the relationship, and once that happens, it can be difficult, if not impossible to repair. So I have given the entire matter over to God, and that would be my advice to you, too.

I have to add also that the reason my son gave for leaving the Church, any church, was because of too much nagging him about religion by certain relatives. I won’t go into details, but it was not a good time for the family, and had some bad effects. That is why I say that relationships can be permanently damaged if one is not discreet.

I do not worry about it, and I treat them both with love and respect, and when I visit I ask them to direct me to the nearest Catholic Church on Sunday and attend Mass. I try to use example rather than words. I trust God to take care of them both. That, I think, is about all one can do.
 
Nonetheless, you should be concerned if (and only if) your son, or their church that are going, start to agree with stuff that I considered as low-level theological stuff, such as abortion, gay marriage, and slightly higher, in terms of science, how we treat the poor etc. As long as it’s just restrict to salvation theory, the best to do is to pray for him.
 
DaddyGirl said:
?
I don’t understand.
Why does it mean this?

.
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It is the Scriptures that will lead him back to the Church.
The focus of many of these churches is sola fide, which the Bible itself does not support.
While you only partially quoted me, there is a loss he will feel without the Sacraments and the real presence. What is important is that God be allowed to work on his heart, and that the family not interfere. Most of the posts have supported a loving, hands off approach, as do I.
The OP can daily allow the Holy Spirit to guide prayers and actions. Knowing one’s own personal faith and living it on a daily basis goes much further than words ever will.
Within the Mass, we hear the Word proclaimed. The homily is meant to further our understanding of the Scriptures. Often the non-Catholic churches only preach on the Bible expecting members to read it on their own. They do not hear the Word proclaimed in the same way we do at Mass.
I expect that he will be reading the Bible on his own, and with his new wife. Trust God.
 
josephback said:
YES. Although I do not know how to approach the matter, by not remaining in the Catholic Church your son is cutting himself off from the grace of the sacraments, and without grace there is no salvation. Cite reference Catechism paragraph 846. Whatever social or other benefits his non-denominational church (ecclesial assembly) may offer, it has no Tabernacle and no Real Presence. Furthermore, many such churches can be subtly or openly hostile to bedrock tenets of Catholic faith and teaching. It depends on the individual congregation. More than the salvation of your son though this extends to and affects his wife and any children. Non-denominational churches often preach a symbolic communion, which implicitly denies the Incarnation. Your son cannot remain where he is without grave spiritual danger.
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What you are saying is true in theory, but it is not true that this is the best thing to say to your young adult son or daughter who has already started moving away.
Find other true things to say that will be more persuasive to them, but don’t say too much or you lose your credibility.
There may be wide variation in non denominational churches, so it depends a lot. Most of them have little doctrine, as opposed to evangelical or fundamentalist churches, which have very much doctrine.
Some Catholics join these churches because they feel the RCC is too legalistic. Quoting what you did confirms that prejudice. They say they need a “personal relationship with Jesus Christ” instead.
All you can do is gently, briefly, mention in passing as things come up in your life, how this Catholic belief or practice helped you in your own relationship with Christ, not telling them what they should do or believe.

If they ask you a question, give them a **brief **answer. If you give them long answers, especially telling them what **they **should do, there won’t be any future questions.

They have to know you love them now, and always, regardless of what they believe or practice. They will benefit from your religious experience at times, if they feel that love. But you won’t pick the times they will be open to your wisdom. You just have to love them all the time, be willing to listen all the time, and they will pick the times they will listen to you.

Don’t criticize their non denominational church. That hardens them in belonging to it. As times come up, you can **briefly **mention how and why you do something, but don’t elaborate unless they ask. And they likely will ask, eventually. If they feel comfortable with you, and know they are not opening the door to an hour lecture.

Pray.
 
DebChris said:
Often the non-Catholic churches only preach on the Bible expecting members to read it on their own. They do not hear the Word proclaimed in the same way we do at Mass.
I expect that he will be reading the Bible on his own, and with his new wife. Trust God.
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Going sideway regarding this:

If a non-catholic read this, it would “affirm” the fact that Catholics are told not to read the bible by themselves, which is actually one of the main reason why Catholics are so easily attacked as being non-biblical, one of the quickest way to make church “man-made”. Fortunately, I myself know that’s not the case. It’s just that we know that we have to read the bibles in line with the teaching of the Church.

Now, at this point, one may point out “at the end of the day, it’s still based on church teaching”, but here is where you can start asking: What about their church? Does their church, at the end of the day, require a certain proper teaching, trust in certain translation? For those are just “church teaching” in a different form from a different source. Then, with that, you can ask them why they believe that teaching is correct. Alternatively, if there are indeed no teachings, then ask them how you would be certain such reading is correct?

My understanding that all denomination have their own explanation on “proper interpretation” of scriptures is what caused me turn to catholic faith.

I do understand where you come from – that is, our biblical understanding must be in line with the Church (hence, I am reading the baltimore catechism). However, to make sure that no one misunderstand me in the daily talks and sound bites, I will never say reading bible on one’s own is bad, and will affirm that yes, I read bible on my own. I just do not have to tell them “From a proper translation, in line with the teaching of the holy see”

On this note, perhaps a gift catholic bible is a good idea. (P.S. Perhaps that’s why my Aunt gave me an old copy of NAB when I joined a non-denomination church :P)
 
I don’t have a lot of advice. I’m sorry this has happened. The only thing I can think of is this. You indicate that you were, as a family, active in your faith. To me that means frequent confession, a clear understanding and reverence for the Eucharist, adoration, praying together as a family, learning about the saints and involving them in daily life. If this is the case, I suggest a very polite and non confrontational talk with your son only!
Asking him if he intends to live without the sacraments and how that fits into what he knows. The entire time DO NOT badmouth the girl in any way. DO NOT give ultimatums about weddings and such. But perhaps discuss the difference between a sacramental marriage and another marriage. Ask him about the future.

Then, pray
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I don’t have a lot of advice. I’m sorry this has happened. The only thing I can think of is this. You indicate that you were, as a family, active in your faith. To me that means frequent confession, a clear understanding and reverence for the Eucharist, adoration, praying together as a family, learning about the saints and involving them in daily life. If this is the case, I suggest a very polite and non confrontational talk with your son only!
Asking him if he intends to live without the sacraments and how that fits into what he knows. The entire time DO NOT badmouth the girl in any way. DO NOT give ultimatums about weddings and such. But perhaps discuss the difference between a sacramental marriage and another marriage. Ask him about the future.

Then, pray
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Never badmouth his wife.
The Book of Hosea gives the right relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. She is now your daughter. She is also an adult who comes from her own background, with her own set of beliefs.
I like the response my parents had when they discovered that my brother planned to marry a Buddhist who refused to convert to Catholicism. “At least she has the strength of her convictions.” His attitude was that he did not want a woman who would convert simply to marry him, but somebody who converted because she truly loved God.
Yes, she is now a devout Catholic. She came to the Catholic Faith of her own volition, and not for love of my brother, but for love of God.
Marriage is first of all a relationship between the man and the woman.

I see nothing wrong with privately discussing a Sacramental marriage with the son. The decision to convalidate the marriage with his bride is between him and his wife. Once discussed, the point is never to raised again. Allow his own hunger for the Eucharist to lead him back to the Church. You can pray for that hunger.
His decision does not lessen your love for him.

The time may come when she will ask about the Catholic Church. You can answer honestly, without argument, or refer such questions to your son depending on how your relationship develops over time. Do not accept anything less than respect regarding yourself, and your personal Faith. Likewise, continue to show her respect as the woman your son selected as his wife, and the mother of his children, your grandchildren.
 
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