Son marrying in civil ceremony, I support him

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Ellen1212 said:
TRH 1292, I just wanted an open, calm discussion between adults. I didn’t expect him to attend.
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Well, he might not think that is possible with you. I have no idea, considering I don’t know either one of you. In any case, I’m not going to chide the priest based on information I have gained in an internet forum.

If you really want to talk to him, maybe you could try scheduling an appointment with him through the parish office of his parish.
 
Ellen1212 said:
So much to reply to. Thanks everyone for your opinions. First, my cousin is local and I know he wasn’t away for 2 months. I hope I’m entitled to my humble opinion about whether priests should perform weddings in other places. I see changes down the line with Pope Francis, change is healthy. Brazen? Moi? 🙂 funny.
I will not hold it against The Church that my cousin is snubbing me. That’s the most i can say. Thank you.
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You may see changes but remember that the Church is the Church. And it cannot change in the way you want it to. The failure here is the failure to understand exactly what marriage is. And what the ceremony is. It sounds as if you will have a religious ceremony, just not the Catholic religion. While all the people think the new Pope will change, the media has forgotten one thing. The Pope happens to be Catholic. And you are on Catholic boards, so while you can have your own opinion, remember that when you give it, if it is not consistent with the Church you will be challenged. As for the priest. Every priest I know shuns email. They either are not technically savy, or they want to meet face to face. Bottom line is that you are putting so much judgement on him but really honestly, you could contact him. You could call his office, you could make a larger effort for a man that might be busy oh I don’t know, consecrating the Eucharist, Giving someone last rights as they take their dying breath, or hearing a confession that saves someone from hell. So you might want to back off on the judgement on a non returned email. You do seem to have wanted him to do the marriage and you seem bent on having some sort of “conversation” which will probably be a confrontation with softer words. As a priest he has some responsibility to his flock, you, and your son,and can probably not attend your sons wedding. I would be hesitant to pick up the phone from a cousin that was going to have a conversation with me that will probably only bring hurt.
 
TRH1292 said:
All things being equal, a priest should be returning your phone calls. But I have no idea why he might not be doing so, it might be because he perceives that calling you would cause an argument or unpleasant confrontation, I have no idea.

In any case, when somebody chooses to have a wedding that is against the teaching of the Church, you should expect that a Catholic priest won’t attend.
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Note: (assuming that the son was Baptized Catholic) if the son receives dispensation to be married outside the Church (assuming the future wife is not Catholic) then the Priest could attend the wedding.
 
Ellen1212 said:
So much to reply to. Thanks everyone for your opinions. First, my cousin is local and I know he wasn’t away for 2 months. I hope I’m entitled to my humble opinion about whether priests should perform weddings in other places. I see changes down the line with Pope Francis, change is healthy. Brazen? Moi? 🙂 funny.
I will not hold it against The Church that my cousin is snubbing me. That’s the most i can say. Thank you.
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While you are entitled to your opinion, it is just that, your opinion. It does not mean that the church has to change the way it views marriage just to line up with what you believe. And the Catholic Church is not the only Christian religion to insist that marriages take place in the church building.
 
phil19034 said:
Note: (assuming that the son was Baptized Catholic) if the son receives dispensation to be married outside the Church (assuming the future wife is not Catholic) then the Priest could attend the wedding.
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While a Catholic may be permitted to marry in a physical location which is not a Church, and to marry a non-Catholic, I would be surprised if it was ever permitted to substitute a non-Catholic ceremony or minister for a Catholic one. Apart possibly from those Churches and ministers whose sacraments we recognise as valid such as the Eastern Orthodox.
 
Does your cousin have immediate family you can talk to? If I had to guess, I’d guess that there is more to this than you are saying, probably because there is more to it than you realize and perhaps more than you know. Based on what has been written in this thread already, I don’t find it hard to believe that you said something that he found gravely offensive without knowing it. I know you meant no harm, but you’ve said a lot of things that would sadden a priest, you really have. There may be others that you do not even remember and did not comprehend as particularly problematic at the time you said them.

The other possibility is that you are trying to talk him into something that he has already explained is not possible for him to do without violating his obedience to your bishop. Catholic clergy are limited about what religious ceremonies they can attend, particularly if the ceremony is in violation of canon law. If someone keeps pestering you with the same question in the hopes of getting a different answer, there gets to be a point where it is better to just avoid contact. If he has tried to explain Church law governing him to you and you just don’t want to hear it, I can see where he’d eventually just give up. Life is too short for another pointless go-round.

Of course, the other possibility is that you have a cousin-to-cousin tiff going that has nothing to do with his role as a priest. Priests take on a new level of obligation when they are ordained, yes, but they are not entirely remade into different creatures by Holy Orders. They are works in progress, like all of us. Maybe he’s just being a jerk; it is sad when a priest does that, but it is hardly impossible, particularly with immediate family. Likewise, it is not unusual for a priest to go through a variation on this scene: He departed from there and came to his native place, accompanied by his disciples. When the Sabbath came he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astonished. They said, “Where did this man get all this? What kind of wisdom has been given him? What mighty deeds are wrought by his hands! Is he not the carpenter, the son of Mary, and the brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him. Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house.” So he was not able to perform any mighty deed there, apart from curing a few sick people by laying his hands on them. He was amazed at their lack of faith*. (Mark 6:1-6)

IOW, I’d make my inquiries with people who actually know him and reach out to him through live emissaries, not e-mails. You can only get guesses here.
 
Ellen1212 said:
Hi, I am new here. I’m a lapsed Catholic, divorced. My son is marrying in a non- religious, but spiritual ceremony. I and my brother support him. But my cousin, who is a priest, won’t even answer my phone calls. He has been distant since I stopped going to church ten years ago, never visits. Although I supported him 15 years ago when he was ordained. Is this normal, should I expect such negativity from him and his Mother? He is my first cousin. I wold hope he would at least talk to me. But I have given up.
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Catholics are not allowed to attend weddings which are not viewed as valid in the eyes of the Church.

You are giving your side but the truth probably is that your cousin doesn’t want to be hectored with your views. In all probablity he has already explained why you are wrong and doesn’t want to go through all that again since it would do no good.

And if he should agree to talk with you what would you talk about that would be a safe topic? Besides, he has his own duties which do not include making you feel good about the poor choices you have made. You made you choice. You cut yourself off, now you have to live with it until you can see why you have been wrong.

Linus2nd
 
Ellen1212 said:
So much to reply to. Thanks everyone for your opinions. First, my cousin is local and I know he wasn’t away for 2 months. I hope I’m entitled to my humble opinion about whether priests should perform weddings in other places. I see changes down the line with Pope Francis, change is healthy. Brazen? Moi? 🙂 funny.
I will not hold it against The Church that my cousin is snubbing me. That’s the most i can say. Thank you.
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Your opinion about what priests should or should not do is a perfect example of how you fell away from your faith. You are the supreme authority on all family issues as well as Catholicism and your assessment of our beloved Pope is based on misconceptions by the main stream media. Ask God to show you the way back to His church and he will do it. The church is our mother, our friend, our guiding light left to us by Jesus himself. I suspect there has been a lot of history between you and your cousin that has led to this present status. Examine your conscience. May the Lord have mercy on you.
 
You are all coming to conclusions and making judgements. I haven’t spoken to my cousin in 10 years, have not offended him. Thanks but I am finished here, no more answers needed.
 
Ellen1212 said:
Hi Monica, we didn’t talk but there was no argument. With the wedding approaching, I called with friendly messages. Also emails saying I want to talk to him. I only got auto replies back. He is obviously judging me for not attending Mass, but I feel he is a coward fornot telling me to my face. There’s nothing else I can do, so I’m done.
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Welcome to CAF! 👋

I would just caution against prematurely judging him thinking that he is judging you. There are lots of reasons that people don’t return phone calls. My dear aunt sometimes takes several months to return phone calls.

Maybe he is snubbing you or judging you. But the fact is, unless he has said something, you can really only speculate at this point. And what is that if not judging?
 
Ellen1212 said:
So much to reply to. Thanks everyone for your opinions. First, my cousin is local and I know he wasn’t away for 2 months. I hope I’m entitled to my humble opinion about whether priests should perform weddings in other places. I see changes down the line with Pope Francis, change is healthy. Brazen? Moi? 🙂 funny.
I will not hold it against The Church that my cousin is snubbing me. That’s the most i can say. Thank you.
Click to expand...
Is there a reason you haven’t gone in person? You mentioned that he is “local”.

Wouldn’t that be better than emailing and trying to phone?
 
Ellen1212 said:
You are all coming to conclusions and making judgements. I haven’t spoken to my cousin in 10 years, have not offended him. Thanks but I am finished here, no more answers needed.
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I am sorry you feel that way. But it is worth it to note that you came here and posted a question and then accuse others of making judgements and coming to conclusions. When really you just did not get the answer to your question you wanted. It is not fair that you chastise others for advice you solicited by posting on a public forum. I have to wonder what you meant by you “supported” him at his ordination 15 years ago. Does that mean you were in attendance. Because support means so much more than that and when you rejected the faith it can be taken as a rejection of his ordination. I think some introspection is in order on your part.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I am sorry you feel that way. But it is worth it to note that you came here and posted a question and then accuse others of making judgements and coming to conclusions. When really you just did not get the answer to your question you wanted. It is not fair that you chastise others for advice you solicited by posting on a public forum. I have to wonder what you meant by you “supported” him at his ordination 15 years ago. Does that mean you were in attendance. Because support means so much more than that and when you rejected the faith it can be taken as a rejection of his ordination. I think some introspection is in order on your part.
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Yes! Exactly.
 
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