Son tested for HIV

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My best friend’s believes her son got tested for HIV without telling anyone.

He got a letter from the HIV testing center asking him to contact them as soon as possible. Since the letter didn’t state where it was coming form for privacy reasons, he opened in front of my friend complaining that it was unprofessional to send letters with just an address as a remmittance. He even went to my friend’s computer to search the address on the internet.

Well, when it came up to be the HIV testing center he told my friend that he had no idea why he was being contacted by them and that he had no intention of contacting them at least for the moment because he was very busy at school.

My friend called the center and, of course, they told her that they could not give her any information bacause it pertained to her son who is over 18 years of age. They said that he filled out some papers and that they could only speak to him. But that it was not related to anything “BAD”. My friend didn’t even mentioned her son’s name. She only said that her son got a letter asking him to contact them. How could they know it was nothing “BAD”.

My friend asked her son if he had contacted them and he says that he doesn’t care about them and that he is too busy.

My friend is sure her son went there to be tested for HIV and is very anxious about this. The center won’t give her information and her son refuses to talk about it. She says that if for any reason her son were infected, she wants to make sure he is being treated to extend and improve his quality of life. Her son is only 18 years old.

She developed a bad gastritis/colitis combination probably due to the worry and she says the “not knowing” is driving her crazy.

Is anybody familiar with these situations? What could she do? Any suggestions?

Thank you very much
 
Chances are either he was tested OR he was listed as a sexual partner by someone who was tested.

Prayers. Has she had his dad talk to him?
 
His father died when he was 6 years old.

She remarried but she is afraid to talk to her husband about this because they 9husband and son) don’t have a very good relationship. They don’t have a hostile relationship either, but they are not very close per say.
 
with the HIPPA laws, the HIV center CANNOT release any information, good or bad, regarding a patient, unless they are a minor, or unless the patient gives consent to release information to another person.

As a mother … I have mixed feelings about this.
He’s 18, so legally, he is an adult. He lives at home, so he is subject to ‘house rules’. If my son were having unprotected sex, and was at risk for contracting HIV, I’d rather him go and be tested, and KNOW his status, rather than not knowing, and continuing to put himself and others at risk.

Also, he may have gotten himself tested in response to a prior encounter with someone … in other words, he may have been told by a prior partner that he was exposed to some sort of STD, and he is ‘covering all the bases’, so to speak, by being tested. Does this make sense? I’m an ER nurse, and when we treat someone for an STD, one of the first things we tell people is that they MUST tell their sexual partners, past and present. Their sexual partners need to be tested as well.

I hate to say this, but there’s not a lot she can do, as far as getting to the bottom of all this. If it were me, I’d talk to my son, tell him I was concerned about him, and that he can come to me and talk, but I think she’s going to have to leave it at that.
 
:rolleyes: Gee I wonder why her son won’t talk to her? People think forcing a step-parent upon a child, with whom they don’t get along, will have no long term consequences… it seems there is little trust between this mother and son.

There is also the fact that he is legally an adult. He can do what he likes and has no obligation to tell her. He also has no right to live in her home, so she may have to reevaluate whether she wants him there anymore, if he is behaving in ways she deosn’t want to finance.

He may only have been listed by someone else who got tested as a partner. Meaning he himself never got tested. Just that someone else who go tested said they had sex with him.
 
Did the mom tell her son that if he has HIV she wants to help him get the treatment he needs? If so, and he still isn’t saying anything, chances are that he doesn’t have HIV or hasn’t been tested. 🤷 I can’t imagine anyone, especially an 18 year old, finding out they have HIV and then not wanting treatment.

Now why he was getting tested is another heartache altogether. 😦
 
There are people who seek out HIV because of the status. I kid you not. I have read articles about it… will see if I can dig some up.

Edited to add: aids.about.com/od/safersexresources/a/barebacking.htm

He could be depressed and suicidal. That person wouldn’t want treatment.

He could be gay, knows he has been engaging in risky behavior, and not want to be challenged on any of it by having to discuss it with Mom. He could be a drug user, ditto the risky behavior, and the avoidance of dealing with anything.

There are any number of reasons he could be avoiding reality and putting his head in the sand. Plus he’s 18, and just may not want to acknowledge anything that puts a dent in that teenage immortality thing.
 
grandiosa said:
There are people who seek out HIV because of the status. I kid you not. I have read articles about it… will see if I can dig some up.

Edited to add: aids.about.com/od/safersexresources/a/barebacking.htm

He could be depressed and suicidal. That person wouldn’t want treatment.

He could be gay, knows he has been engaging in risky behavior, and not want to be challenged on any of it by having to discuss it with Mom. He could be a drug user, ditto the risky behavior, and the avoidance of dealing with anything.

There are any number of reasons he could be avoiding reality and putting his head in the sand. Plus he’s 18, and just may not want to acknowledge anything that puts a dent in that teenage immortality thing.
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He could be wanting to prove to a potential partner that he’s free from HIV. That’s another reason to get tested.
 
Phemie said:
He could be wanting to prove to a potential partner that he’s free from HIV. That’s another reason to get tested.
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Definitely true! And also something one would never want to discuss with Mom. If that is his reason, as ill-advised as it might be, at least he is being responsible toward his “intended.” :o

Back when I was less than perfect 😛 I demanded proof that my then-boyfriend (now husband) was free of disease before I would have sex with him. And he provided it, in the form of test results from the military physical he had just taken in preparation for an ROTC scholarship. I may have been influenced by the secular culture and my parents’ endorsement of it, but I wasn’t STUPID! 😃 (And just incase anyone has equality concerns, the only reason I did not do the same for him was that I was a virgin. He was not.)
 
Getting an HIV test does not mean that his mom should consider kicking him out, or that he is gay or a drug user or even that he had sex. Maybe you are not trying to cound negative but it seems your attitude towards the boy is …well, negative.

He is an adult and his HIV status is his business only.

I do sympathize with his mom though. I would be worried to death until I found out more info as far as what is going on if it were my kid, regardless his age. I am sure he wants to know the results of the test, he probably doesn’t want to discuss it with his mother…that would certainly explain his odd repsonse to it. I wish them both the best.
 
xyneshia said:
Getting an HIV test does not mean that his mom should consider kicking him out, or that he is gay or a drug user or even that he had sex. Maybe you are not sounding to try negative but it seems your attitude towards the boy is …well, negative.
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I was responding to the part about why he might not want treatment, and where self-destructive attitudes might be coming from. That was why I listed all those possibilities.

If he is having sex outside wedlock, and his mother does not wish to finance that lifestyle, then she has every right to ask him to leave her house and to support himself. With responsibility comes power. If he takes on the responsibility, then he earns the power to decide his own life. If he lives in Mommy’s house, then he has to follow her rules. Simple, and not negative.
 
grandiosa said:
I was responding to the part about why he might not want treatment, and where self-destructive attitudes might be coming from. That was why I listed all those possibilities.

If he is having sex outside wedlock, and his mother does not wish to finance that lifestyle, then she has every right to ask him to leave her house and to support himself. With responsibility comes power. If he takes on the responsibility, then he earns the power to decide his own life. If he lives in Mommy’s house, then he has to follow her rules. Simple, and not negative.
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You are pleasant. Certainly you do not have children?
 
I have five. Why would you think I don’t have children? My kids have heard me say all this and know that if they want to live in a way with which we disagree, then we will not be paying their bills to help them do it. We are not obligated to spend our money supporting adults who contravene our values. They are obligated to support themselves, and that gives them the freedom to make their own decisions. I can assure you, none of them are emotionally scarred from hearing that.

And, my MIL did the same thing. My husband had a credit card in college, to buy supplies, clothes, extra food, etc. His Mom paid the bill for him. When she saw the charge from a hotel room on my birthday… she told him he could come up with the money for THAT on his own! She withdrew her financial support when he tried to get her to pay for moral decisions she did not agree with. And she wasn’t wrong. We both respect her a lot. We lived at school (not together) several states away, so there was no kicking out to do, but she made her disapproval known and made him pay the bill for his choice.
 
If one of your kids got an HIV test would you also assume the worst about them like you are this young man? Would you consider throwing them out of your home for having and HIV test? I guess I assumed you don’t have kids because you don’t sound like a mommy…you sound harsh and ill tempered. I remember Jesus healing the sick, not throwing them away. This is the last time I am going to reply to you though. I am posting here in response to the OP. Your attitude and level of compassion is your own business. Good day.
 
:rolleyes: There are legit reasons for having an HIV test that have nothing to do with lifestyle. Medical or workplace exposure to bodily fluids being one. Military entrance physicals being another.

So, no, I would not “throw anyone out of my house” just for having a test. Jeez.

You obviously think I am just mean. I told you, the ONLY reason I brought up those negatives was because the OP and the kid’s mom were questioning why a person might not want to get treated!

One last thought: True compassion does not involve taking the easy path and then patting ourselves on the back for how nice we are. Because that kind of “compassion” is all about making ourselves feel good and not have anyone mad at us. True compassion involves making really hard, painful choices, risking wrath and shunning, for the benefit of the other person. It means giving up what we WANT to get them closer to what they NEED. Encouraging immoral behavior by making it easier to pursue is NOT compassion.
 
Thank you everybody for your replies. You all did shed some light on this.

I talked to my friend and she decided to talk to her son.

First of all, she is not going to make any assumptions that might close the doors to dialogue. As some of you said, there are a number of reasons why a person might be tested and assuming the worst would offend that person. On the other hand, ignoring the worst could leave an underlying problem unattended. Finally, the only fact of being tested, in case he had been tested, for whatever reason, demonstrates some responsibility on his part.
 
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