Son wants to wear chapel veil

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I started wearing a chapel veil at my novus ordo mass. My six year old son saw me and then decided to pull his sweater over his head (DURING MASS). I tried pulling it down several times and whispering to him that this was something girls and women do at Church. I explained it to him again several times since. He still says he wants to wear a veil too. How best can I explain this to him?
 
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This is the problem I have with “veiling”. Veils are for sisters and nuns.
This has become a distraction for your son. He would do the same if you wore a hat. He’s six. I doubt you will be able to go into the long and lengthy reasons why you “veil” and have him realize why you’re upset with him.
Veiling is not required for Catholic women.
 
janesansible said:
I started wearing a chapel veil at my novus ordo mass. My six year old son saw me and then decided to pull his sweater over his head (DURING MASS). I tried pulling it down several times and whispering to him that this was something girls and women do at Church. I explained it to him again several times since. He still says he wants to wear a veil too. How best can I explain this to him?
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Drop the veiling until he is older. As a parent, your primary goal is to educate your children. If it is a distraction and something that is upsetting him, you need to do what is best for him, not you.

Children love to imitate their parents. Especially if dad’s not going to Mass doing something that he can’t (and can’t look forward to like Communion) is simply taunting him.

It would be different if you did this since day 1 but it’s new, and it’s not fair to ask a 6yo to be excluded.
 
And yet, Catholic lay women wore veils or hats to Mass for a long, long time without it being a distraction or problem for boys and for any boy who wanted to wear one or was distracted by one had to get over it and ultimately did so just fine…

I don’t see how this is any different than explaining to a son why he doesn’t wear a dress or lipstick or whatever or why he has to wear or not wear certain things on formal occasions and girls where or don’t wear different things on said occasions.
 
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Genesis315 said:
And yet, Catholic lay women wore veils or hats to Mass for a long, long time without it being a distraction or problem for boys and any boy who wanted to wear one had to get over it and ultimately did so just fine…

I don’t see how this is any different than explaining to a son why he doesn’t wear a dress or lipstick or whatever.
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Because it was normative. Lipstick and dresses ARE still normative to women. The issue here is introducing something new and “cool” into a child’s world.

When I was pregnant with my second I took brightly colored vitamins. My little one went NUTS. SHE wanted some, too. Me taking vitamins was not normative to her and thus made her feel excluded. So I got her chewable vitimans rather than her liquid ones. She was old enough anyway.
 
Unfortunately, where I live it is normative for people to wear shorts and t-shirts to Mass–and yet, there are a few parents who buck the norm and dress their children in their Sunday best. If a parent decided to start being more reverent at Mass, I’m not sure if a six-year old not being used to being reverent should dictate that the parent not do so.

Women veiling is not required anymore–and while going without one is more neutral compared to other negative things that are common, I don’t think it’s wrong, but rather praiseworthy, to do more than what is minimally required to show reverence to the Lord and I think a child can be taught about that. I think that would be the true educational learning experience. Educate him about the meaning of the veil and educate him about what a boy can do that has similar significance for males.
 
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Genesis315 said:
Unfortunately, where I live it is normative for people to wear shorts and t-shirts to Mass–and yet, there are a few parents who buck the norm and dress their children in their Sunday best. If a parent decided to start being more reverent at Mass, I’m not sure if a six-year old not being used to being reverent should dictate that the parent not do so.

Women veiling is not required anymore–and going without one isn’t as bad as wearing other things that are common, but I don’t think it’s wrong to do more than what is minimally required to show reverence to the Lord and I think a child can be taught about that. I think that would be the true educational learning experience. Educate him about the meaning of the veil and educate him about what a boy can do that has similar significance for males.
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But everyone can appreciate “dressing up”

This isn’t about letting a 6yo dictate things, it’s about understanding that you’re doing something in front of a child and not letting them participate.

The only other thing the OP could do is simply block him out. “I said no, don’t ask again”

Maybe buying him a bitty suit to wear so he could also be fancy would help. But if the OP is parenting in a way that she must try to reason with a 6yo she needs to step back and realize that she’s not going to win when she’s doing something cool and special and telling him that he can’t.
 
Well yeah, because we HAD to and everyone did it.
It’s not the norm and has not been for decades.
Even the sister in our Catholic school were delighted when the little girls didn’t have to do it any longer. They never associated it with piety. It was just a rule. They never told us it was for any spiritual purpose. The just said “because you have to”.
The people that promote the piety issue are the sites that sell them.
 
It is not proper for men or boys to wear hats indoors, especially at Mass!
 
They failed you if they didn’t provide the spiritual reasoning. The attitude of “just do it because you’re told to” was certainly one of the weak points of the “good old traditional days.”
 
These comments seem a little cynical. You don’t think any women who veil have valid pious motives? You think they’ve been taken in by the slick commercialism of traddy Catholic websites? 😂
 
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Don’t you remember in Acts where St. Paul had to replace the income from his tent-making–so he cut up his leftover tents and sold them as headcoverings for women 🤑
 
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I have wanted to veil for a very long time. A few years in fact. I only just did it last Sunday. I am not wishing to start a chapel veil war here. I know the controversy about it. I just wanted to know how to explain it to my son in a way where he doesn’t feel he has to put his sweatshirt on his head which calls more attention to me where I do not want any extra focus or attention.

I do see a previous poster’s point about doing what Mummy is doing. Maybe I should wait till he is a little older (I’m not happy about doing that option as it took me some time to get brave enough to do it). He is very Mom attached. Dad doesn’t come to mass (mixed marriage but I was a convert…I’m working on him 😉
 
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janesansible said:
He still says he wants to wear a veil too. How best can I explain this to him?
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Can you give him a hat, for example a cap or fedora, and explain to him that men wear these, and take them off in the Church out of respect? It would give him something “special” to do involving an appropriate headcovering.
 
This is a little boy and not a big deal in the big scheme of things.
 
pianistclare said:
This is the problem I have with “veiling”. Veils are for sisters and nuns.
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I respectfully disagree. I don’t wear a veil every time I step foot in a church or Adoration chapel, but I do sometimes, and if a laywoman wishes to wear one for whatever reason - out of respect, for “reverence”, or simply because she wants to remember the tradition of her mom or grandma - she’s allowed to do so. Many, though not all, of the women I see veiling are over 65 and a lot of them are the typical older ethnic ladies who have likely been doing this their whole life because their mama did it before them. If younger ladies wish to carry on the tradition, why should they be denied?

In “olden days”, all women wore veils or headcoverings to Mass, and they had small sons at that time too and perhaps had to deal with this in some cases. It’s not the mom’s fault for wearing a veil.
 
Maybe say something to the effect of God wants to see your nice haircut. Something simplistic like that. He’s really young so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
It’s better that he be in mass, than to be upset and not want to go because of specific decorum.
 
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