Son wants to wear chapel veil

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I’ve thought a lot about this, and I am going to try not to duplicate what other posters have said. 1. He may be ready for altar serving. If he’s into Mass, I believe in striking while the iron is hot.
Servers wear special clothing, they’re honoring our Lord, lots of graces…not to mention the role modeling and mentoring from the priests and deacons. Our parish allows the kids to serve once they’ve had their First Communion, and I cannot even begin to tell you the graces that have come from having my son serve. And yes, every parent says, “My kid isn’t ready and isn’t going to handle it,” and they all do just fine. My son started at 7, and we were kinda attending more than one parish at the time. One parish had a priest who said, “I started at 6, and that’s how I became a priest.” That is now our parish. 2. He is identifying strongly with you and with reverently attending church. These are good things and age-appropriate. It still doesn’t mean that a veil needs to be on his head. Maybe it’s worth a try to say to your husband, “I know that this isn’t your deal, but would you please consider coming with us because he looks up to both of us so much, and he needs a role model for how a man looks and sits in a Mass and other serious occasions. I would consider this such a loving sacrifice, and I’d appreciate you so much for it.” 3. I have been saddened by some of the responses you’ve gotten, and I honor you for bringing your son to Mass when it would have been so easy to leave him at home with Dad. For anyone who has been judgy about this, I implore you to pray for and support the families who make the effort to bring kids to church. It’s hard, and it’s not always pretty. I personally know MANY parents who have just stopped trying to bring their kids to Mass because of this. Please don’t give up. Let’s all pray for each other and our kids.
 
I am quite late in noticing this thread. The replies were all so serious. I hope you have moved past worrying about the subject. I think that your 6 yr old imitating you at Mass is funny, cute, and actually sweet. The innocence of not knowing that a boy wouldn’t usually wear a veil, and loving you so much that he automatically thought he should copy whatever you deem important … Such moments are priceless, and this time of young childhood is brief.
 
I do not feel “holier than thou”. It is actually difficult to veil when I know that I will be one of only a few, especially at a Norvus Ordo Mass. I do so because it became a strong yearning deep within me some years ago, and it is a sign, a symbol, TO GOD of my submission to His Holy will. It has nothing to do with others, though I hope that I am a positive example. I also dress up for Mass, not for the benefit of others, though to not do so is inconsiderate to them and to God, but to show God my best self, and that I understand what is occurring at Mass - the sacrifice of His Son re-enacted. Nothing is more important, nor more Holy, than the Eucharist. I veil as a sign of respect to my God. ⛪
 
It’s good to know. But there’s also times I’ve found it better to ignore. Etiquette has a purpose and should be followed when that purpose is good and it actually serves it.
 
No worries, I was being facetious in my post, ecause many members here denigrate women who veil, which zi think is wrong. I myself want to veil, but no one else does it here.
 
DarkLight said:
It’s good to know. But there’s also times I’ve found it better to ignore. Etiquette has a purpose and should be followed when that purpose is good and it actually serves it.
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Can you give me an example of when etiquette should be ignored?
 
I don’t think covering the head is a sign of respect to God. Now a person who does cover his or her head may very well respect God very much. I’m not saying they don’t, just that covering the head does not, in itself, indicate a respect for God.

We respect God when we respect his creation. When we don’t litter the landscape, when we take care of the Earth and all of its creatures, when we’re as kind to a stranger as we are to a member of our own family. Jesus gave us one commandment, “Love one another as I have loved you.” And that commandment has everything to do with caring for others and nothing to do with covering the head while in church.

If a child in your life worked diligently to make a clay sculpture, even if you didn’t like it, a loving and respectful person certainly wouldn’t squash the clay and say, “Oh, that’s not very good!” That would be disrespecting the child’s best efforts. We are doing just that when we don’t care for the home God made for us and the creatures, including man, he created. If people aren’t willing to take a homeless person into their family (which Jesus did), then what on earth is the use of covering the head? None. It’s hypocrisy as far as I’m concerned. And, on the historical side on things, the only people who did that were religious who took a vow of chastity.

The above is just my opinion, of course, and the reason I’m expressing it here is because this is the place to express opinions. I do observe the rules of etiquette, and I would never try to make a person in church who does cover his or her head uncomfortable, though no one in my church does that, and I attend the mother church of an archdiocese.
 
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I’m glad you’re respectful, and you are indeed entitled to your opinion but you seem to be unfortunately using that tired old formula of "If you want to respect God, do x and y and z, but ‘covering the head’ is just ‘nothing’.

We certainly do respect God when we welcome the stranger (the 7 corporal and 7 spiritual works of mercy should be known and followed by all Catholics), but to imply that not littering is on a par with that, while covering one’s head in humility and respect is ‘nothing’, is again, your opinion, and it kind of shows that while you have a praiseworthy ‘practical’ approach to worship, you aren’t quite so respectful of the ‘contemplative’ approach. Because it doesn’t have immediate and perceived ‘value’ according to your ideas, pious practices which are aimed at fostering an interior grace and worship aren’t viewed by you–and by many–as being ‘worthwhile’.

Above all, the trotting out of “care for the earth” and ‘loving the stranger’ are presented not just as ‘other parts of worship’ but as ‘better than’. It is strongly implied that the contemplative practices-and those who do them-- are seriously ‘lacking’ in the practical and ‘doing’. . .and then presenting them as being in opposition to each other, as though one who covers her head is not interested in stewardship of the world’s resources, or wouldn’t ‘go out’ and help the stranger. That is unfortunate in that it keeps perpetuating the stereotype of the cold, cerebral, holier-than-thou headcovering woman who would not dream of actually 'doing something REAL" for God, who ignores the homeless and just drifts about thinking how holy she looks in her pretty veil. Whereas the woman who wears a headcovering (not just a veil) is usually out there at the soup kitchens, advocating for the homeless, etc. etc. just as much as the non head covering women do.

I get very tired of hearing how ‘headcovering is nothing’. Look, say you don’t particularly want to, or just don’t care, but for heaven’s sake stop the judging. And believe me, the barrage of "headcovering is nothing, headcovering is useless, headcovering is a waste of time’ etc. IS judging, and unfairly judging to boot.
 
ConstantLearner said:
Can you give me an example of when etiquette should be ignored?
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Sure. The purpose of etiquette is essentially to smooth social interactions. It’s a way of communicating respect for each other and of helping us work along side each other, by prescribing rules for how we do that.

An easy example from a book I’d read: a genteel family was hosting a young man from the countryside. They had set the table for dinner, but the young man was looking bewildered at all the silverware and new foods. He was trying, but it was clumsy. The father of the family, in order to make their guest more comfortable, set aside his fork and simply started eating his peas with his knife. It was in violation of all formal etiquette, of course, but it served the intended purpose.

A less benign but important example: many a young lady has dealt with men who just don’t want to take no for an answer. You say no, politely, many times, and it’s ignored. They’re speaking in polite language, but persist in pushing for the attention of someone who has clearly indicated she doesn’t want to give it. At that point, you have to ignore what a polite no sounds like, and say things that may even be harsh. If someone’s ignored “I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested,” at some point “Look, I said NO now go away and leave me alone” becomes called for, even if it’s not proper etiquette.
 
I don’t think she’s saying that the person who veils does not respect God as much as someone who doesn’t?

I mean I could flip it and say that the belief that veiling is a sign of respect perpetuates the stereotype that women who don’t veil are less holy.

Personally I think it depends on the person who veils. I could simply put on a veil to conform or because it makes me feel girly but that act is not a sign that shows respect for God because the purpose of it is for my own ‘good’. But when someone veils to earnestly show respect, it is different and obviously that act would mean something to God.
 
Young men who are pushy and won’t take no for an answer are themselves breaking etiquette first, not the young lady.
 
Well yes, they are. Point is, sometimes someone else breaking etiquette first means you have to do it too in order to get through to them.

(I have lots and lots and lots of experience with this with my family.)
 
Thank you for the examples. I appreciate you taking the time. I think we were having a problem with semantics. To me, the father who ate peas with his knife (I don’t know how anyone accomplishes that!) was practicing good etiquette. To me, good etiquette is just making a guest in your home feel comfortable, which the father was doing. I now see that you mean we should not adhere so strictly to the rules of etiquette that we inconvenience another or cause another upset or embarrassment. Yes, I agree with that.

Thanks again.
 
Lea101 said:
I don’t think she’s saying that the person who veils does not respect God as much as someone who doesn’t?
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Yes, you’re right, Lea. Someone who covers her head in church may be very respectful of God, far more respectful than the other people in church who don’t.

What I’m saying is that ALONE is not an indicator of respect for God and that it takes much more.

It comes down to a personal choice. I would never do it, but I don’t mind if others feel better if they do it. It’s like saying my clothing choices rely heavily on jewel tones, but so-and-so sticks to pastels. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter if one does or doesn’t except to the person who does or doesn’t.
 
I would also add that we shouldn’t allow etiquette to cause us to put up with bad behavior. There may be some situations where we can overlook things, but there are also situations where the right thing is to say “that’s not ok,” even if it’s not the polite thing to do.
 
You could make it very simple for him. Show him an image of Mary and Jesus, explain how Mary wears a veil because she is a woman and that Jesus doesn’t wear a veil because He is a man. Then maybe as he gets a bit older and is able to understand in more detail explain to him the deeper reasons why women are encouraged to veil and men aren’t.

God bless.
 
Genesis315 said:
Unfortunately, where I live it is normative for people to wear shorts and t-shirts to Mass–and yet, there are a few parents who buck the norm and dress their children in their Sunday best. If a parent decided to start being more reverent at Mass, I’m not sure if a six-year old not being used to being reverent should dictate that the parent not do so.

Women veiling is not required anymore–and while going without one is more neutral compared to other negative things that are common, I don’t think it’s wrong, but rather praiseworthy, to do more than what is minimally required to show reverence to the Lord and I think a child can be taught about that. I think that would be the true educational learning experience. Educate him about the meaning of the veil and educate him about what a boy can do that has similar significance for males.
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THIS!!!
 
ArmyofTheImmaculata said:
You could make it very simple for him. Show him an image of Mary and Jesus, explain how Mary wears a veil because she is a woman and that Jesus doesn’t wear a veil because He is a man. Then maybe as he gets a bit older and is able to understand in more detail explain to him the deeper reasons why women are encouraged to veil and men aren’t.
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Even I don’t understand why women should cover their head as a sign of respect and men should not. And I’m thirty-three! Been Catholic all my life, I admit, no one at my church, and I attend the Mother Church of an archdiocese, wears a head covering other than a hat, and few do that.
 
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