Son's Chastity

  • Thread starter Thread starter AveSantaMaria
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

AveSantaMaria

Guest
I am worried that a male in my family is sleeping with his girlfriend. How do I confront this and encourage him to stop with kindness and love? Have any of you succeeded in getting your children to stay pure? :o

Thank you greatly for your kindness! šŸ™‚ šŸ˜› :o
 
AveSantaMaria,

Yes itā€™s painful. If any of my sons chose to remain pure it was a free choice and remained so until the wedding. If any did not there wasnā€™t much I could actively acheive when they were older.

You can try, for your conscienceā€™s sake, but if Catholic or Christian they may already know, but it may not mean much to them at this stage. If they donā€™t accept Church teachings or see gospel values in this regard as important, they will probably see it as awfully interfering of youā€¦so if you tell them your concerns it may not achieve the end you desire. May God help you with your decision and your possible approach, but if it fails, they have free will so donā€™t blame yourself.

They need your prayers, but I know that you pray abundantly and with devotion, and your faithful prayer will lead in time to their salvation.

Iā€™ll keep them in my prayers.
May God bless and help you.
love, Trishie
 
Is this son still in your home or are they an independant adult?

Second question - are you mom or dad?
 
I would take a deep breath, and go straight to it: dear ā€¦(son, nephew, brother, cousin, etc), here are some of the consequences of pre-marital sex based on natural law and common sense, not even touching on the subject of how it is a grave violation of Godā€™s divine law:

-broken hearts. should you end breaking up, both of you will likely have scarred yourselves for a lifetime and wonā€™t be able to stay on friendly terms with each other

-hasty commitments and hasty marriages, since itā€™s not that easy to back off after you have been physically involved with someone, even if there are signs of serious incompatibility

-unwanted pregnancies and out of wedlock children (even if using contraception).

-a bitter taste of using someone and being used (feeling compounded if contraception is used)

-sexually transmitted diseases. Human papilloma virus and genital herpes are transmitted even if condoms are used. If his sexual partner had another partner within the last 5 years, he should be really concerned about picking up some nasty and difficult to treat virus stuff, even if she is apparently free of symptoms. Also, gonorrhea, chlamydia, candida, HIV-AIDS.

-a sense of failure and not living up to oneā€™s own standards, even if ā€œeverybody else is doing itā€

Good luck. If he stayed chaste, it is still not wasted time to have a frank discussion of the dangers out there. Peer pressure on young men can be horrible, and itā€™s not easy at all to go against the prevailing secular culture.
 
Thank you all for your extreme kindness in answering my question, keeping me in your prayers! šŸ™‚

Heā€™s not actually my son, a male family member! Yes, from a single parent home if that helps but the father is sometimes in contact. It was too awkward to talk that list out so I emailed it with a few other additions, such as the fact that 1 out of 4 teenage girls 14-19 has an STD. Does it really have to be talked out? If so, * how do you suggest that conversation happen? * Any tips? * Should I try and recruit the father to do this work instead of attempting it myself? *
 
I just had a feeling he was from a single parent home.
From what Iā€™ve seen and heard, children need good marriage models, lest their views on sexuality be irredeemably screwed up.
 
Wow, that last post was a bit harsh and I canā€™t say I agree.

Also, I have no use for statistics, I know too well how they are derived (and are often contrived).

Now, AveSantaMaria, to address your question, in Confirmation Prep we address this issue point blank, and there is a wonderful DVD I encourage you to find, I donā€™t know what the rules are about posting the names of such things so Iā€™ll just hint at it, do a search using the words ā€œRomanceā€ and ā€œRegretā€ and perhaps the word ā€œWithoutā€ and youā€™ll get right to it. There are a few points on the DVD that are not my favorite, but all in all the Teens really respond to it and listen. Perhaps its something you could share with this family member or you could watch and maybe get some ideas on how to address it or words that can be used.

I have talked to not only my children, but my neices and nephews. Have they all listened? No. Do some (actually most)? Yes. I donā€™t do formal sit downs, itā€™s just when it comes up, I comment. When a question is asked, I respond. When I see a situation, I step in.
 
Are the young man and his father practicing Catholics?

If not, are they practicing in a Christian denomination?
 
Sorry, I was not intending to be harsh. I was just pointing out that there are fewer things than mess kids up more than broken homes, and the damage goes to their core of their being: their sexuality.
 
hand him this. Mary Beth is a great speaker on chastity. This book, while, long will be able to answer his questions on many fronts including the pitfalls of improper behavior. It also reinforces the churchā€™s position on this quite well.
 
One problem is, the secular culture tells teenagers that they should have sex. One liberal college even gave the students a book on native Pacific Ocean cultures where young people sleep around and engage in promiscuity before getting married. The indoctrination is subtle or in-your-face, and relentless.

One way to fight it, he should be involved with Church youth groups where he will have the support of other young men of his age, committed to staying sexually pure. You have to meet other committed Christians, either older people who serve as role models, or other young people if you are a young man, to see that you are not alone, you are not a lonely kook when trying to stay sexually pure.
 
Respectfullyā€¦down with ā€œyouth groupsā€! In what Iā€™ve seen, they only promote prolonged adolescence. Come to think of it, down with ā€œadolescenceā€! šŸ˜‰ It is a stage of life that is a social fiction.
 
Ordinarily, the primary responsibility for handling a situation like this should probably be with the young manā€™s parents. Depending on your relationship with them, you might approach one or both of them to discuss your concerns, and offer to help in any way they think you can. But you should probably let them take the lead, IMHO.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top