Son's Secular Wedding

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janman55

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I am going to organize a group prayer with my family before my son’s wedding at the hotel before we go to the event. I think of asking for God’s blessing upon them, help them grow in love of each other as well as love of God. This feels like something I should be asking the Blessed Mother for help. Does anybody have any ideas?
 
Is your son Catholic? Does he have permission to marry outside the Church? If not, why are you endorsing and supporting such a union?

~Liza
 
Christ told us to love our enemies and to pray for those who despise us - it would seem that praying for your son would be far more “natural” than those prayers.

I do wonder, is your son Catholic?
 
He is 25 years old, walked out of his confirmation class about 3/4 through it when he was 17. He is not a practicing Catholic. We talk about it and I can tell the embers are still smoldering for his faith deep inside him. He seems drawn but resistant. His fiance was raised Mormon but rejects her faith almost entirely. She has gone to Mass with us and was positive. My prayers are that they will grow together and hopefully choose the Church. This is going to happen and I want to make it an opportunity to grow from rather than and dead end.

He knows I am deeply concerned about this.
 
If you are so deeply concerned, how do you show this by going to celebrate it? Doesn’t that just confirm you acceptance of his decision?

~Liza
 
How sad for you. As the parent of a son, I could never attend an invalid wedding. I would let him know I love him, and spend the day in prayer and fasting for him.
 
lizaanne said:
Is your son Catholic? Does he have permission to marry outside the Church? If not, why are you endorsing and supporting such a union?

~Liza
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Because sometimes we must support our adult children through prayer regardless of the choices they make. It’s his choice to make and his life to live.
As a parent, children will not always make the choices we would make - it can be difficult to sit and watch, but through prayer, we remain hopeful that they eventually may catch on.

Our job as parents is to raise them in the faith and trust that the faith caught on or will catch on at some point. Then we leave it up to God and prayer.
 
I am more sad that the OP has asked us for ideas - not to get condemned for going to the wedding.
If it wasn’t painful enough, then the thread would not have been started.
 
Wow. . .all I can say is don’t listen to this forum.

If you don’t attend his wedding, you may regret it the rest of your life.

I would suggest to forget your scruples for just one day, go to his wedding, watch your son take his vows, cry a little, and go have fun and a glass of wine at the wedding and reception with him.

You can pick up on the piety the next day.
 
Scanner said:
Wow. . .all I can say is don’t listen to this forum.

If you don’t attend his wedding, you may regret it the rest of your life.

I would suggest to forget your scruples for just one day, go to his wedding, watch your son take his vows, cry a little, and go have fun and a glass of wine at the wedding and dance with him.

You can pick up on the piety the next day.
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Yes - I am with you. And the prayer before the wedding is a beautiful gift from a parent.
 
Scanner said:
Wow. . .all I can say is don’t listen to this forum.

If you don’t attend his wedding, you may regret it the rest of your life.

I would suggest to forget your scruples for just one day, go to his wedding, watch your son take his vows, cry a little, and go have fun and a glass of wine at the wedding and dance with him.

You can pick up on the piety the next day.
Click to expand...
My thoughts EXACTLY! 👍 my mothers parents never came to her wedding because she was marrying a french catholic… guess what happened… she never had the same relationship with them ever again. don’t let that happen to your relationship with your son!
 
Yes - I am with you. And the prayer before the wedding is abeautiful gift from a parent.

Absaposilutely! 👍
 
Scanner said:
I would suggest to forget your scruples for just one day, …
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:eek: Forget your scruples for one day???!!! What kind of advice is this?

I would rather die first than “forget my scruples”!!!

Wow - I’m so totally blown away by this suggestion that I actually can’t think of anything to say! —a first, I know. :rolleyes:

Wow. Just wow. :eek:

~Liza
 
I understand lizaanne’s position, but I would want to see my grandchildren. And, I cannot be a model of faith if I am never allowed to be present in their home and they will not visit me, which is a very real possibility if I refuse to attend the wedding.

This father has said that he can see the faith still there under the surface. I think he wants to be able to nurture it, while still respecting that people go on their faith journeys at their own speed.

No suggestions, just prayers for the OP and his son.
 
Scanner said:
Wow. . .all I can say is don’t listen to this forum.

If you don’t attend his wedding, you may regret it the rest of your life.

I would suggest to forget your scruples for just one day, go to his wedding, watch your son take his vows, cry a little, and go have fun and a glass of wine at the wedding and reception with him.

You can pick up on the piety the next day.
Click to expand...
As a Catholic, the son in question is bound by the Catholic laws of marriage. Walking out of Confirmation class at 17 no more removes this citizenship than walking out of a 11th grade Civics class removes ones US Citizenship.

We parents know that the only thing worse than seeing our child in physical danger is to see that child in mortal danger. This man’s son is planning a big public grave sin. Any Catholic parent would be in anguish. To call this scruples is to reveal your ignorance of the Catholic Faith.

Prayers for the OP. That he may get through this hellish day.
 
janman55 said:
I am going to organize a group prayer with my family before my son’s wedding at the hotel before we go to the event. I think of asking for God’s blessing upon them, help them grow in love of each other as well as love of God. This feels like something I should be asking the Blessed Mother for help. Does anybody have any ideas?
Click to expand...
I think the prayer and going to his wedding is a great idea. Maybe someday I’ll be able to do that. So far I have two married and two living with their significant others. Be thankful for what you have. Oh, well . . .
 
Most of the legal-beagles here seem to think I am wrong but I ask,

What would have Jesus done?

Jesus seemed like a guy who liked to hang out and touch the sinners and the great unwashed. He also liked wine and celebrations and washing sinner’s feet.

I don’t think Jesus would have holed up in a room, sulking and praying to God all day if one of his beloved apostles had decided to get married in Vegas. I think he would have been there. People sin just like kids play. It’s a fact of life and the Church apparently has been dealing with it for 2000 years.

If you wanted to play avoidance with every sin, then we may as well all be internet hermits.

Let the Church deal with his invalid wedding. Let his confessor deal with his invalid wedding.

Why do you put this burden on her? That’s her/his priest’s job. It’s her job to raise him, nuture him, teach him, and protect him.

Assuming the son is 25, she’s done and did that successfully and I raise a glass of wine to her. She’s an adult. He’s an adult.

You are suggesting that someone ruin her and his special day in the name of scruples.

Assuming your piece (objection) has been spoken on the matter of an invalid wedding, I would again advise you to attend your son’s wedding.

I swear the next day you can go to Mass, say a rosary, go to confession, and you’ll be alright.

Forget about this forum and have fun.
 
Although I don’t think that anyone should ever forget to be pious, I think that attending the wedding would be more likely to have a positive effect on your son then not attending.

You attendance will be a good example of how happy and content being Catholic makes us.

Of course, the OP didn’t ask our opinion of her attending the wedding.🤷 So, my okay probably seems a bit silly to her.

I think that offering a prayer would be wonderful and beautiful.
 
I married outside the church at 18. My parents were not happy but attended -my dad gave me away. Thirteen years later we had our marriage convalidated in the church. I think refusing to attend would only push your son further away from the faith -because of hurt and anger. Go to your son’s wedding, pray that day and everyday for his return to the church.
 
wow, I can’t believe some are suggesting that you should skip your child’s wedding. I agree with you - you can accomplish more on the inside without pushing them away - especially if you have faith they may both be open to joining the church one day. Just because you go to your son’s wedding does not mean you are saying to heck with catholic tradition and beliefs - your son is an adult and his decisions are on him. This is not reason enough to not go. Support your son and maybe one day he may come back to the church with his wife because of this. Don’t go and you will damage your relationship with him and maybe possible shut the door on him returning to the C church.
 
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