Sooo hard to choose a girl to pursue

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I usually hang out with them alone since they have different circles.
 
Not all of your friends have to be friends with all your other friends. 🙂 But just because A, B, and C have their own social circles doesn’t mean that if you’re doing something with A, you can’t include B and C to come along. It’s just a matter of introducing people, but not trying to force friendships.

How well that works depends on the type of hanging-out you’re doing. If you’re putting together laser tag, or paintball, mini golf, or a crawfish boil on the beach with volleyball, a diverse group of people will work okay because it’s active. If you’re putting together something more passive, like going to see a play or a movie or a concert, those things are generally more fun when the people already know each other.
 
Penance said:
Is it really okay? Wouldn’t that send them mixed signals ?
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What signal are you interested in sending at this point? I wouldn’t suggest asking out a woman you have zero interest in. If you truly have never had any interest beyond friendship with any of the female friends you’ve referred to, I’d start looking elsewhere.

People date in order to determine if they might want to get into a relationship with the person. If that is your reason for asking them out, that isn’t a mixed signal, it’s what dating is about. It’s the honest signal.

If you’ve never had any special feelings for any of those female friends, dating them probably isn’t going to cause them to occur. I presume you already know them well.

Are you clear with yourself about what you are seeking? That’s the best way not to send mixed signals is to make sure you know what you are about and then you can communicate that effectively.

If you want to get to know someone but aren’t ready to date them, ask them to participate in group activities or to come to a party with you, something like that that doesn’t come across as a formal date.

If you meet someone who you feel romantically attracted to and want to get to know better then a date makes perfect sense, that is what a date is for. A date is not saying “I want to have a relationship with you” it’s saying “I’m attracted to you and would like to get to know you.”

After dating someone for awhile, that’s when the discussion on exclusivity, expectations etc comes up.
 
I will just offer up the suggestion of you praying a good deal about this. Both to clarify how you’ll eventually make a good spouse once you find the right girl, but also who you’ll eventually be dating. Catholic dating is not about “choosing” or “selecting” the right girl, but allowing God to bring you and your future spouse together however He sees best.
 
My question is, are you actually attracted to any of them in a “more than friends” way? Or do you simply see them all as friends? I don’t get much of a sense of that from your posts.
 
If you are hanging out with them alone, it kind of sounds like you should already know if you are interested in them.

As someone else mentioned, dating is not like being a car. For a car you would say ‘I have good income so I will buy a car’. For dating, it doesn’t matter what your income is. You only do it because you want to get to know someone romantically.

As for the girl who said ‘If you were just going to end it you never should have dated me’. That was obviously said in the heat of the moment when she wasn’t thinking straight. Don’t read too much into that

I too would have laughed at a man who I was friends with if he said ‘I don’t want to date you because if I change my mind I don’t want you to be hurt’. I would have told him to get off his high horse, I wasn’t interested in him

Honestly, by the way you speak, it seems the reason you have some many female friends is you are the type of guy that is easy to ‘friend zone’. Women love being friends with a guy like you but they rarely fall in love with you. I also think you need to look outside your current circle of friends
 
I don’t think it sounds patronizing. I get what he’s saying entirely. If he’s anything like I am, he attaches quick. If the lady he fancies suddenly doesn’t fancy him back, or he learned they just don’t want to to continue to pursue him, he’d be hurt, and rightly so. He’s not assuming he’s an ultra-desirable Adonis, he just doesn’t want to lead someone to conclusion X without that being a concrete possibility.

@Penance, I heard something from my youth pastor when I was still a Protestant. If you want a lady, run for God first. If there’s a gal that keeps up, take a chance with her.
 
The patronizing part is where he says he doesn’t want to hurt them if they end up getting attached to him and he decides they aren’t the one for him. He’s first of all assuming they’ll get attached, secondly assuming that he’ll be the one making the decisions whether to continue a relationship or not, and third assuming they’ll all be hurt if he decides to end it.

While we all think it would be nicer and more efficient if we could simply identify the right person for us quickly and proceed straight to a relationship ending in marriage, so nobody gets hurt and nobody wastes the other’s time, in reality stuff doesn’t usually proceed that smoothly. People do sometimes get disappointed or hurt, other times breakups are mutual. The OP is already 26; a lot of people are pairing off already by that age and the pool is shrinking. He needs to get out there and date in order to increase his chances of bonding with anyone.

This is why often, successful relationships happen between people who don’t have big expectations from dates. Such people are more relaxed about dating, they date more, meet more people, and then when they’re not expecting it suddenly they realize one of their dating partners is more than just a date, and the relationship progresses from there. By contrast, the person who wants to avoid dating till they’re sure they’ve found their one and only is meeting fewer people, is not relaxed about dating, and overall there’s less chance of anything good happening.
 
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First you ask out the one you like best. And nobody will get jealous because you’re all just friends. Dating more than one friend is okay but not at the same time.
 
Penance, even your name makes me think your a little obsessed. Relax. Date many women. Have fun. Eventually one lovely girl will stand out from the others. You will know her when it happens. So long as you don’t lie to these women about being exclusive there is nothing wrong with “playing the field.” The women you are dating are also evaluating you and other guys as potential mates. It’s entirely possible you will be the one that gets hurt when the lady you have fallen for does not share your interest. That is all part of courtship. Actually I loved dating when I was younger. I liked getting to know a new woman and yes, I liked the sexual tension wondering if romance would happen. Again, enjoy it.
 
cmscms said:
For dating, it doesn’t matter what your income is.
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Where are the single women who agree with this? Introduce me. 🙂 Thankfully my means have improved substantially over the past few years but after noticing with a few people how singularly focused they were on a man’s earning potential I became wary about mentioning money too early, because I don’t want to date someone with that as a motivation. This might be more of a problem for those of us who have waited “too long” to settle down.
 
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