Sorta Catholic boyfriend...how do I get him to come to mass with me?

[squishijilly]

My boyfriend was baptized Catholic, but that’s as far as he goes. Scared off by small town corrupted churches, he thinks he Church is great for some, but not for him.

Meanwhile, I’m kinda hardcore with religion, but I don’t want to push it on him. He said that we will raise our children Catholic, but he wants no part in attending mass.

I don’t like that becuase that’s what my father said to my mother 25 years ago. I saw how hard it was to get the kids up and go to church when daddy stayed home…I don’t want this to happen to me. I want to try and prevent this problem.

I want him to come to mass with me, but I’m not quite sure how he’ll take an ultra-conservative Tridentine mass…he always waits patiently for me to say my rosary in latin every night, but a long mass? He told me if I can convince him, he might go, but I’d have to have a pretty compelling reason.

So I guess my question is: How do I a) let my bf know that church is OK for him too, and b) actually get him to come with me?

Thanks for your help!

 

[1ke]

I don’t want this to happen to me. I want to try and prevent this problem.

You prevent this problem by marrying a man who shares your faith and your vision for a Catholic family.

You do not prevent this by marrying a man who has already told you religion is “not for him.”

He told me if I can convince him, he might go, but I’d have to have a pretty compelling reason.

What more compelling reason than God deserves all our love, all our worship, and all our being does he need?

If he does not WANT to worship God, I’m not really sure that you can “convince” him.

He seems very immature to play a game such as “maybe I’ll go if you can can convince me.” Why doesn’t he take it upon himself to study, learn, and live the Catholic faith?

The reason he gave for stopping going to Church sounds a little fishy to me, frankly.

So I guess my question is: How do I a) let my bf know that church is OK for him too, and b) actually get him to come with me?

Invite him to come, and see what he says. Tell him that a man you date will have to be as committed to Christ and his Church as you are.

He either is or isn’t that man, and he needs to decide that on his own. Not to please you, but because he really believes it.

I know many women who have “convinced” their boyfriends to go to Mass with them, and they did so b/c they wanted to keep their girlfriend. When they became wives, they discovered their husband had no intention of continuing going the extra mile he did while they dated to please her.

 

[Belgarion]

I wouldn’t tolerate it personally.

Don’t take my advice unless you like it.

Give him an ultimatum.

Ok…My mom married my dad, who wasn’t anything at all…and he was baptized and confirmed years ago.

So like I said, either keep at it…or give him the choice.

 

[kage_ar]

Date only people who share your faith - it will save you a world of heartache.

 

[idrum677]

Remember, marriage is s sacrament. In order to nurture the graces received from it, you need to put God first in your lives. If this is a point of contention in your relationship now, it will only continue.

It takes 3 to make a marriage work: you, your spouse, and God.

 

[Trishie]

My husband allowed my boys to go to Catholic schools, and they all had lovely faith, but because their father didn’t go to Mass the all ended up giving it up, and now they are not bringing their children up as Catholics.

It’s lonely being married to anyone who doesn’t share your faith. My husband did become a convert but didn’t stick with it. So why would my sons take it seriously if their Dad thinks it’s not worth doing. They just think it’s a ‘Mum’ thing now.

You can’t ‘get’ anyone to come to Mass with you. He has free will and has to really want to do it or it won’t last.

 

[maryjk]

Is it Mass or just the “ultra-conservative Tridentine mass” that he objects to? Maybe trying a different Mass would work?

That said, I am married to someone that doesn’t attend Mass. When we married, I wasn’t attending with any regularity. So it wasn’t that I married someone that wasn’t Catholic. Neither of us were really Catholic when we got married.

Then when our son was born, I changed. My poor husband, he didn’t know what hit him.

 

[SJG1759]

It’s not a good idea for him to attend Mass just because somebody “convinced” him to do so. The desire to attend Mass and be a better Catholic has to come from within him, from a conversion by the Holy Spirit, not from an argument with his girlfriend. Going just to please you is a meaningless gesture and will eventually make him (and you) resentful.

Both of you would be better off if you found someone more in tune with your spirituality.

I’m sorry. I know that was not what you wanted to hear, but that’s the best advice I have for you.

 

[takers]

Let him know each week that you’re going to mass and he’s very welcome to join you. But don’t push the issue. When he’s ready he might join you to see what mass is all about. Or maybe mention that you’re going to a ‘non-T’ mass and would he like to come to that.

But in the end you do have to make a decision. Can you be married to a man who doesn’t want to attend mass with you? If the answer is no, then you need to do some soul searching. If the answer is yes, then you need to focus on inviting him to mass but never expecting it.