Special Mother's Day ceremony?

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InspiritCarol

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The tradition at our little church on Mother’s Day has been from time immemorial to give out roses to the mothers at the end of Mass and to say a special blessing.

A pastor friend recently pointed out to me that the problem with this is the women who are unable to bear children. It can be nothing except a painful reminder to them.

He suggested giving out a flower to everyone who “has a mother”.

Now I’m torn and even wondering if it’s licit to begin with.

Are there any thoughts on this or suggestions for other ways to acknowledge the Mothers of our community?
 
InspiritCarol said:
The tradition at our little church on Mother’s Day has been from time immemorial to give out roses to the mothers at the end of Mass and to say a special blessing.

A pastor friend recently pointed out to me that the problem with this is the women who are unable to bear children. It can be nothing except a painful reminder to them.

He suggested giving out a flower to everyone who “has a mother”.

Now I’m torn and even wondering if it’s licit to begin with.

Are there any thoughts on this or suggestions for other ways to acknowledge the Mothers of our community?
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Why not do the roses and blessing after Mass?
 
Our Pastor used a more inclusive term for a special blessing at the end of Mass on Mother’s Day. He asked everyone to sit while he congratulated “all grandmas, moms and want-to- be moms” and offered his blessing (from the Book of Blessings", I think). Then he said, the ushers have a gift for each lady, as you leave. I served as usher, as we were instructed to offer a rose to each lady, and even “young” ladies, as they left church.
 
InspiritCarol said:
The tradition at our little church on Mother’s Day has been from time immemorial to give out roses to the mothers at the end of Mass and to say a special blessing.

A pastor friend recently pointed out to me that the problem with this is the women who are unable to bear children. It can be nothing except a painful reminder to them.

He suggested giving out a flower to everyone who “has a mother”.

Now I’m torn and even wondering if it’s licit to begin with.

Are there any thoughts on this or suggestions for other ways to acknowledge the Mothers of our community?
Click to expand...
I wish we could just leave the focus of the Mass on God.

The holiday itself is painful enough for several people I know… two friends who have lost their mothers in the last three months and will have to face this first Mother’s Day without them… a friend who has suffered 3 miscarriages in the last year and finds little comfort in the fact that she is mother to “three little saints”… and one friend who was abused emotionally and physically by her mother and, for obvious reasons, finds it hard to honor the woman who gave birth to her.

Every one of them is DREADING the Mass on Mother’s Day because they know that the hoopla–the flowers, the blessing, the acknowledgement and applause–is only going to emphasize the fact that they CANNOT celebrate this holiday… not this year, maybe not next year, maybe who knows when.

If the focus of Mass on Mother’s Day was on our Blessed Mother, then maybe it would be better for everyone, including those who cannot celebrate the holiday according to Hallmark, and would give comfort to those who are suffering.
 
bluerose said:
I wish we could just leave the focus of the Mass on God.

The holiday itself is painful enough for several people I know… two friends who have lost their mothers in the last three months and will have to face this first Mother’s Day without them… a friend who has suffered 3 miscarriages in the last year and finds little comfort in the fact that she is mother to “three little saints”… and one friend who was abused emotionally and physically by her mother and, for obvious reasons, finds it hard to honor the woman who gave birth to her.

Every one of them is DREADING the Mass on Mother’s Day because they know that the hoopla–the flowers, the blessing, the acknowledgement and applause–is only going to emphasize the fact that they CANNOT celebrate this holiday… not this year, maybe not next year, maybe who knows when.

If the focus of Mass on Mother’s Day was on our Blessed Mother, then maybe it would be better for everyone, including those who cannot celebrate the holiday according to Hallmark, and would give comfort to those who are suffering.
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We very much do focus on the Blessed Mother. Enough to make me wince at times. It’s funny, I always see people in the pews from the other churches on Mother’s Day, I’m convinced just so they can see what a bunch of “Mary Worshippers” we are. Still, I do love and venerate her deeply, so can’t resist the Marian music, etc.

I like the “roses for all ladies” idea. Would it be appropriate to say we are all “mothers at heart” or … “mothers of the community” … help me out here … I’m brain-storming.
 
InspiritCarol said:
Seriously, there’s complaints no matter what we do.
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that is the only reality that crosses denominational lines and is true of any congregation of any flavor. I can certainly understand the emotional reaction toward the whole idea of Mother’s Day for a person who wants to be a mother but cannot, but I cannot understand that emotion extending to resenting honoring women who are mothers including one’s own mother, or the Mother of Jesus Christ Our Lord.

In an almost identical scenario in a former parish (except it was carnations) the new pastor simply announced that since there had been complaints last year, the custom would be dropped entirely so as not to offend anyone.
 
puzzleannie said:
that is the only reality that crosses denominational lines and is true of any congregation of any flavor. I can certainly understand the emotional reaction toward the whole idea of Mother’s Day for a person who wants to be a mother but cannot, but I cannot understand that emotion extending to resenting honoring women who are mothers including one’s own mother, or the Mother of Jesus Christ Our Lord.

In an almost identical scenario in a former parish (except it was carnations) the new pastor simply announced that since there had been complaints last year, the custom would be dropped entirely so as not to offend anyone.
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Your clarity of mind is, as always, much appreciated. Thank you.
 
I can see the issue - maybe adding the line “for those who are mothers or for those ladies who have embraced the role of motherhood through adoption, by being a godmother, or through mentorship of teenagers and young adults who need spiritual guidance within our ecclesiastical community.”
 
joanofarc2008 said:
I can see the issue - maybe adding the line “for those who are mothers or for those ladies who have embraced the role of motherhood through adoption, by being a godmother, or through mentorship of teenagers and young adults who need spiritual guidance within our ecclesiastical community.”
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👍 … Thanks.
 
When I was growing up the tradition on Mothers’ Day when we arrived at church was for everyone to get a little lapel flower - red if your mom was living, white if your mom had died. That flower would be worn all day.
 
Phemie said:
When I was growing up the tradition on Mothers’ Day when we arrived at church was for everyone to get a little lapel flower - red if your mom was living, white if your mom had died. That flower would be worn all day.
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That sounds really nice.
 
We need to remember, first and foremost, that Mother’s Day is a secular holiday. Now, I am not shunning Mother’s Day because it is painful for me, having lost my own mom 17 years ago (coupled with the fact that her birthday would have been on May 16); however, having said that, I have never been a fan of tacking things onto the Mass.

The best way, I believe, to approach this would be to have the Blessing for Mothers after the Post-Communion Prayer. If tokens of appreciation are given, then, perhaps these can be done by the ushers after Mass as the faithful leave.

Regarding Marian hymns, we also need to remember that while May is the month that the Church dedicates to Mary, we are also in the Easter season and the music should take this important fact into account. Certainly, the singing of the Regina Caeli would be in order as the recessional.
 
InspiritCarol said:
Seriously, there’s complaints no matter what we do.
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Outside of boards like this, there’s zero to very few complains about doing some kind of brief Mother’s Day thing at the very end of Mass.

Otherwise you face 2 options:
  1. Do the Mother’s Day thing immediately following Mass while other people are walking out of church and talking, causing those remaining families to complain about the disrespect shown by other parishioners.
  2. Wait until everyone else has left the church and hear complaints that its unfair they had to wait so long and that its as if the pastor is giving the impression this day is unimportant.
And, of course, the fact that you’d probably be the only parish in the area to do such a thing makes people accuse the pastor of either being a jerk or an overly legalistic curmudgeon.

Sometimes pastors just don’t want the headache…
 
NewEnglandPries said:
Outside of boards like this, there’s zero to very few complains about doing some kind of brief Mother’s Day thing at the very end of Mass.

Otherwise you face 2 options:
  1. Do the Mother’s Day thing immediately following Mass while other people are walking out of church and talking, causing those remaining families to complain about the disrespect shown by other parishioners.
  2. Wait until everyone else has left the church and hear complaints that its unfair they had to wait so long and that its as if the pastor is giving the impression this day is unimportant.
And, of course, the fact that you’d probably be the only parish in the area to do such a thing makes people accuse the pastor of either being a jerk or an overly legalistic curmudgeon.

Sometimes pastors just don’t want the headache…
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  1. Or you could do it in the narthex, vestibule, or gathering space after Mass, respecting the Mass, the sanctuary, and the people remaining to pray.
 
In our parish, the pastor gives roses to mothers of 6 or more children.

He also gives roses to expectant mothers.

He prefaces that with all expectant mothers who wish to be acknowledged. One friend of ours didn’t hear that part and had found out she was expecting just that morning.

Her husband’s first clue about it was when she stood up to recieve a rose 😃
 
Brendan said:
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He also gives roses to expectant mothers.

He prefaces that with all expectant mothers who wish to be acknowledged. One friend of ours didn’t hear that part and had found out she was expecting just that morning.

Her husband’s first clue about it was when she stood up to recieve a rose 😃
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and what did he receive? hope somebody gave him a restorative sip of something.
 
bluerose said:
I wish we could just leave the focus of the Mass on God.

The holiday itself is painful enough for several people I know… two friends who have lost their mothers in the last three months and will have to face this first Mother’s Day without them… a friend who has suffered 3 miscarriages in the last year and finds little comfort in the fact that she is mother to “three little saints”… and one friend who was abused emotionally and physically by her mother and, for obvious reasons, finds it hard to honor the woman who gave birth to her.

Every one of them is DREADING the Mass on Mother’s Day because they know that the hoopla–the flowers, the blessing, the acknowledgement and applause–is only going to emphasize the fact that they CANNOT celebrate this holiday… not this year, maybe not next year, maybe who knows when.

If the focus of Mass on Mother’s Day was on our Blessed Mother, then maybe it would be better for everyone, including those who cannot celebrate the holiday according to Hallmark, and would give comfort to those who are suffering.
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This is a little puzzling. The Catholic ideal would be that our deceased mothers and deceased children are “with G-d” and cradled in His arms. There should be no “dread” to celebrate this day for their sakes. Perhaps we need better cathechesis on the Communion of Saints to allow people to better deal with recent losses of life and companionship, and, yes, even miscarriages. We do celebrate the Mother of God, many times during the year, perhaps daily with our Rosary…there is no neason not to “celebrate” our deceased mothers as well.

I particularly like the idea of EVERYONE getting a small pin or flower to honor their mother. But mothers DO need all the blessings which they can receive; can’t we “honor” them, too, with a blessing and congratulations on this special day?

Peace be with you!
 
Of course we know our Moms are in a better place but we also need to have sensitivity to those who may have lost their own mothers recently. The Church also recognizes this too, as humans we naturally grieve our loss even while knowing they are past the pains of this life and will be reunited with their Moms together in the presence of the Lord one day. I lost My Mom in this past year and while knowing this Sunday will be difficult at Mass when the Mother`s Day blessing is given, I still feel this is a beautiful and special thing to be done. For the record I think if flowers are given out all the ladies should get one and that should be done as part of the final blessing’ not as a big production.
 
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