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1990Domer
Guest
Every know-it-all mom, teacher, evaluator or therapist I meet!
And oh, I left out distant family members and strangers!
- Status
And oh, I left out distant family members and strangers!
X
Xantippe
Guest
Bummer!
There should be a lot of science summer camps, though.
Bummer about the animals, too.
L
LongingSoul
Guest
I’ve raised two of mine on the autistic spectrum to adulthood where all is now well. Xantippe is right about each step of the way… highschool, college and then working… each become more ASD friendly. My daughter who is 21 even told me something interesting a while back. She has a work friend who she went to 2 years of preschool with before they lost contact through different schools. He was diagnosed autistic spectrum as well during the school years although they didn’t know of each others diagnosis. The way it came out recently was that he had told her he had ASD and in surprise she in turn told him about hers. (She has always tried to keep it secret from people). He, in turn surprised, told her that if she was diagnosed today she wouldn’t be on the spectrum (based on how he perceived her in their work life)
The bit of advice that I got from the primary school learning support counsellor (who was an obsessive Tony Atwood fan), was to take the time to explain every thing to them in a really positive way. For example, when they have a distressing encounter ie. with another student or an insensitive teacher… explain to them why a person might act this way and that these things happen to everybody at some time in life. Explain that with another child you don’t know what things might be happening in their life at home that might cause them to be nasty. With a teacher of course you could have a quiet word about how your son is affected by whatever they are doing or saying. But also help your son not to take everything too personally even though they seem so unfair.
(ETA. Also explain to them in a technical impersonal way how they might modify behaviours that might bring attention to themselves. That way they are less likely to interpret the information as a criticism.)
What you are actually doing in that way is like Mummy cognitive behaviour therapy. You’re teaching your son to think things through in a way were he can reach conclusions that make him resilient and not too judgey of others who are afflicting him. He needs to feel his own ability to self sooth and pick up quickly from a knock down. Try and replace some measure of your natural mom soothing and comforting, with this ‘cognitive behaviour’ training. So many times I witnessed my kids come to me really deflated by an incident and just by doing that… giving them a positive spin plus also the important bit of information that it does get better in the future… they were quickly pulled back from that terrible despair these kids go to.
Even today, I find myself reminding the kids of how to process something, say when we witness a nasty thing happening to someone… and my son is a 24 year old, 6’2" full bearded man in University! He rolls his eyes now at me.
The bit of advice that I got from the primary school learning support counsellor (who was an obsessive Tony Atwood fan), was to take the time to explain every thing to them in a really positive way. For example, when they have a distressing encounter ie. with another student or an insensitive teacher… explain to them why a person might act this way and that these things happen to everybody at some time in life. Explain that with another child you don’t know what things might be happening in their life at home that might cause them to be nasty. With a teacher of course you could have a quiet word about how your son is affected by whatever they are doing or saying. But also help your son not to take everything too personally even though they seem so unfair.
(ETA. Also explain to them in a technical impersonal way how they might modify behaviours that might bring attention to themselves. That way they are less likely to interpret the information as a criticism.)
What you are actually doing in that way is like Mummy cognitive behaviour therapy. You’re teaching your son to think things through in a way were he can reach conclusions that make him resilient and not too judgey of others who are afflicting him. He needs to feel his own ability to self sooth and pick up quickly from a knock down. Try and replace some measure of your natural mom soothing and comforting, with this ‘cognitive behaviour’ training. So many times I witnessed my kids come to me really deflated by an incident and just by doing that… giving them a positive spin plus also the important bit of information that it does get better in the future… they were quickly pulled back from that terrible despair these kids go to.
Even today, I find myself reminding the kids of how to process something, say when we witness a nasty thing happening to someone… and my son is a 24 year old, 6’2" full bearded man in University! He rolls his eyes now at me.
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1990Domer
Guest
Oddly, not that I have found in our area. Younger kids, yes. Older kids…mostly all related to sports camps. He may try track and field like long jump or shot put or javelin. His upper body strength is amazing.
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Xantippe
Guest
Track is great.
Is your son gifted? Or gifted enough to participate in a gifted camp? They might have science courses.
Also, in our area, the local community college runs special summer classes and camps for kids. That might be a good place to look for something science-y. I know that programming courses (including Minecraft programming) are getting very trendy, and programming is more of a big kid than a little kid thing.
Our kids play on a couple of different kids’ Minecraft servers, which offers a surprising amount of social opportunities, even if it’s electronic.
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nodito
Guest
Is there an autism/asperger’s support group in your area? Could you start one? So many kids have been diagnosed on the spectrum; I’d be shocked if you were the only family in your area that was struggling with this same issue.
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1990Domer
Guest
Thank you for the long and helpful post. He has actually been in CBT therapy (along with social skills therapy) since second grade.
I think what I’m looking for is permission to speak up for myself and say NO to those people who think they know my child better than I do. But I am still getting pushback from people who think my DH and I made a horrible mistake with our cyber school choice. I think one important thing my son has going against him is that DH and I are very introverted, and very boring. Many of our activities center around church. But it takes an incredible amount of effort for either of us to trust people. So, the poor kid is at a disadvantage because his mom and dad are loners themselves.
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LongingSoul
Guest
Do you think that some part of pulling your son out of bricks and mortar school has to do with your own discomfort with the day to day interaction required of the school parent? I can identify with how raising kids does take you out of your comfort zone in that way. I have reclusive tendencies as well. But going out of your comfort zone time after time is also a powerful way to set an example to our kids about taking part in the world and being brave and resilient and patient with others flaws and generous with your own capacity to listen to and engage others. You don’t have all the answers when you become a parent and growing with our kids is part and parcel of being a parent.
At the end of the day though, you are the parent and should do what you feel is the best for your child. That’s your right.
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Xantippe
Guest
Saying something like, “We’re taking a break right now,” might be enough. It makes it clear that
- this isn’t forever
- you’ve been through a lot of bad stuff.
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1990Domer
Guest
No, because I was really social in his public school. I volunteered all the time. I pulled him from Catholic school because of the bullying. It was really bad with nobody doing anything about it. I do put myself out there for him, but I get discouraged quickly. I am hopeful that his cyber school trip on Friday will produce some results.
His therapist, who I feel understands him most, told us to relax a bit. But those other voices around me don’t help. He is gifted, so I think that may be an avenue. Although he plays MineCraft, he has an aversion to group play because of–once again–no consequences of kids bullying him. They would completely isolate him from school groups, and the teachers did nothing. Do kids not show acts of kindness anymore?
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1990Domer
Guest
I think you may be right to say that and leave it at that! My own lack of self-confidence undermines me.
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Xantippe
Guest
Alternately, “We’re doing what’s right for Kid right now. When circumstances change, we’ll do something different. Feel free to check in with me next summer about the homeschooling.”
There, you’re additionally signaling that you aren’t dogmatic about the homeschooling (just choosing what is currently the best option for your child) and that there’s no point in raising the subject again until next summer (when you’ll be figuring out whether to homeschool again next year).
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CradleJourney
Guest
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.
What are some parents thinking? sighPrayers continuing!
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1990Domer
Guest
Thank you! I am actually optimistic that his first cyber school outing will be a success. I found it interesting that his language arts teacher, as an assignment, had the kids post their feelings on bullying and how they would handle it. My son wrote a very detailed and rather poignant post which really moved his teacher. I have to admit, the teachers in his cyber school are super positive and upbeat. There are also many kids enrolled in his school because they were bullied at brick & mortar schools. I feel I am starting to get my son back!Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.
Prayers continuing!
I think he’s outed because he is so passive and pious. One of his buddies constantly tells DS to hit the person in the nose. I told buddy that DS would never do that nor do we condone violence (this is the buddy who just lost his dad to cancer). Apparently, his dad encouraged this. DS pointed out that violence begets violence. Kids know he will not retaliate, so he is an easy target. God forbid he decided to clock someone, he would really ring his bell. So, I am glad he doesn’t feel that is a solution.
Once again, thank you for the prayers!
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Xantippe
Guest
Plus, with zero tolerance policies, goodness knows what might happen.
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1990Domer
Guest
Funny that in his old school it was more like 100% tolerance. There was a playground fight which was never reported to the parents. However, who knows what could change!
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gardenswithkids
Guest
I don’t see you as weak; I see you as someone who’s new to cyber/home schooling. The things you are hearing from others about socialization aren’t unique to you or your child’s diagnosis. They are the same old criticism some people have poured on homeschoolers for years.
As a veteran homeschooling mom, I’ll warn you of a couple rookie mistakes. One is what you’re doing here–taking other people’s opinions too personally. Related to that is another mistake–wasting time and energy justifying your family’s educational choices to people who object to what you believe is best.
You don’t need to justify to others why you’ve chosen to use a cyber school. You may want to share with people, but if they aren’t supportive of your choice, don’t expect them to change their minds. It’s their right not to like homeschooling or cyber schooling, just as it’s our right to like it. Not everyone is going to like what you’ve decided to do, so don’t waste your time trying to convince them. In time they may change their minds, but that will probably be based on seeing positive outcomes from people like you son rather from any words you share right now.
While avoiding bullies may be the reason you began these adventures in learning at home, you may discover that you and your child are grateful for this opportunity for reasons that go far beyond merely avoiding bullies.
Enjoy your first year of schooling at home!
As a veteran homeschooling mom, I’ll warn you of a couple rookie mistakes. One is what you’re doing here–taking other people’s opinions too personally. Related to that is another mistake–wasting time and energy justifying your family’s educational choices to people who object to what you believe is best.
You don’t need to justify to others why you’ve chosen to use a cyber school. You may want to share with people, but if they aren’t supportive of your choice, don’t expect them to change their minds. It’s their right not to like homeschooling or cyber schooling, just as it’s our right to like it. Not everyone is going to like what you’ve decided to do, so don’t waste your time trying to convince them. In time they may change their minds, but that will probably be based on seeing positive outcomes from people like you son rather from any words you share right now.
While avoiding bullies may be the reason you began these adventures in learning at home, you may discover that you and your child are grateful for this opportunity for reasons that go far beyond merely avoiding bullies.
Enjoy your first year of schooling at home!
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1990Domer
Guest
This was a special message! God bless you. Well, first trimester results are in…straight A’s and a kid who is loving cyber school. We go on our first “meet the class” outing on Friday. He is super excited. I haven’t seen that sentiment in 13 months!
Everyone here is great! God bless you all!
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Xantippe
Guest
Very good!
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1990Domer
Guest
Thanks so much! We are really proud he is getting his self confidence back! He’s telling me to not be a Tiger Mom because he doesn’t need all the hand holding any more.
- Status