Specificity in Confession

[OrangeOwl]

Just how specific one is supposed to be in confession has bothered me for some time. I know you only have to confess mortal sins, and that you have to be specific enough for the priest to understand what kind of sin it is.

Specifically (ha!), I want to know how specific I need to be about lust/sexual arousal.

I have a lot of weird sexual proclivities. Sometimes I suspect most of them are not genuine, but merely arise from a toxic mix of celibacy and scruples. This is because I do not physically act, nor have any desire to physically act, on them.

Yet sometimes I think I might have given in to sexual arousal (“intent” is a tricky thing), and would rather go to confession than risk a sacrilegious communion. But, at the same time, I have no desire to have a long awkward conversation with a priest about my perversions. I’ve done it once before, and it was one of the worst experiences in my life.

So here’s the question:

In confession, do I have to list every one of the fetishes/ paraphilias I get arousal from, or is it good enough to just summarize the lot of them as lust?

 

[kimmielittle]

I might be wrong, or I might not say this correctly and I wish not to lead another astray, so if I fail here, please correct me.

To me, confession is communion, in this sense - I have examined my conscious before confession - Through this self examination, I am aware of those things that I feel separate me from God, those sins that lay heavy on my heart.

Confession is not for God’ s sake - Confession is for my sake.

During confession, I am in communion with God’s ear, and most certainly, His Grace - through His earthly representative. I want it to be an honest reflection of my self examination. I want it to be an open communion between myself and God. So I approach confession with a contrite body, mind, and soul. I know where I have failed my God, my Church, my human brothers and sisters, and myself - in my comings and goings - my doing and my not doing.

It is not my ‘list’ that I lay exposed before God - it is my contrite being.

As always, just my thoughts.

 

[JRKH]

Just how specific one is supposed to be in confession has bothered me for some time. I know you only have to confess mortal sins, and that you have to be specific enough for the priest to understand what kind of sin it is.

Specifically (ha!), I want to know how specific I need to be about lust/sexual arousal.

I have a lot of weird sexual proclivities. Sometimes I suspect most of them are not genuine, but merely arise from a toxic mix of celibacy and scruples. This is because I do not physically act, nor have any desire to physically act, on them.

Yet sometimes I think I might have given in to sexual arousal (“intent” is a tricky thing), and would rather go to confession than risk a sacrilegious communion. But, at the same time, I have no desire to have a long awkward conversation with a priest about my perversions. I’ve done it once before, and it was one of the worst experiences in my life.

So here’s the question:

In confession, do I have to list every one of the fetishes/ paraphilias I get arousal from, or is it good enough to just summarize the lot of them as lust?

I would say that there are two levels of consideration here.

1. The forgivenss for past sin. For this I’d say you don’t need to be all that specific.
2. Gaining the help and insight necessary to curb these unhealthy thoughts or tendancies. For this more specific descriptions are necessary BUT this need not take place in the confessional or even with a priest.

My suggestion would be to talk briefly with your confessor about “needing some help” with some “peculiar lust/sexual arousal” issues. See if he might be able to recommend a good catholic/Christian councilor/spiritual director.

Peace
James

 

[CatholicOf94]

I pray that I will be guided by the Holy Spirit in this thread:

There are times that you need to be specific. To me the more specific, the more the priest can help you in your struggle. But at times I feel that just flat-out saying the sin and then continuing on is good enough. Remember when your in Confession, the priest acts in persona Christi meaning he acts in the person of Christ. It isn’t a son to not be specific in confession, but it is recommended if you want to get better in confessing your sins to the priest. pour out your heart o Christ and trust him.

 

[Bookcat]

Just how specific one is supposed to be in confession has bothered me for some time. I know you only have to confess mortal sins, and that you have to be specific enough for the priest to understand what kind of sin it is.

Specifically (ha!), I want to know how specific I need to be about lust/sexual arousal.

I have a lot of weird sexual proclivities. Sometimes I suspect most of them are not genuine, but merely arise from a toxic mix of celibacy and scruples. This is because I do not physically act, nor have any desire to physically act, on them.

Yet sometimes I think I might have given in to sexual arousal (“intent” is a tricky thing), and would rather go to confession than risk a sacrilegious communion. But, at the same time, I have no desire to have a long awkward conversation with a priest about my perversions. I’ve done it once before, and it was one of the worst experiences in my life.

So here’s the question:

In confession, do I have to list every one of the fetishes/ paraphilias I get arousal from, or is it good enough to just summarize the lot of them as lust?

We need to confess mortal sins in number and kind.

we also confess the things that change the nature of the thing. For example if one stole a gold cup. One would need to stole gold cup one time. But if that cup was a chalice from Church …you would need to add to that what it was…for this makes it a worse sin. Or if you murdered your brother …that would be worse than if it was your dentist.

You may want to get one ordinary confessor…especially since you mention scruples…he can guide you as to your questions…

 

[Bookcat]

Just how specific one is supposed to be in confession has bothered me for some time. I know you only have to confess mortal sins, and that you have to be specific enough for the priest to understand what kind of sin it is.

Specifically (ha!), I want to know how specific I need to be about lust/sexual arousal.

I have a lot of weird sexual proclivities. Sometimes I suspect most of them are not genuine, but merely arise from a toxic mix of celibacy and scruples. This is because I do not physically act, nor have any desire to physically act, on them.

Yet sometimes I think I might have given in to sexual arousal (“intent” is a tricky thing), and would rather go to confession than risk a sacrilegious communion. But, at the same time, I have no desire to have a long awkward conversation with a priest about my perversions. I’ve done it once before, and it was one of the worst experiences in my life.

So here’s the question:

In confession, do I have to list every one of the fetishes/ paraphilias I get arousal from, or is it good enough to just summarize the lot of them as lust?

Here this answer will be more Specific.

It is from Jimmy Akin the Chief apologist of Catholic Answers…

jimmyakin.typepad.com/defensor_fidei/2007/03/specific_confes.html

“Lust” may be a bit too general…one would need to add more species specific aspects in many cases.

but do get a good regular confessor…one you will be able to carefully ask…

 

[cargau]

So here’s the question:

In confession, do I have to list every one of the fetishes/ paraphilias I get arousal from, or is it good enough to just summarize the lot of them as lust?

I respect the fact that you do not wish to disrespect our Lord. That is good and, I might add, not all that common.

My concern is that you are not visiting a therapist. You are listing your faults from your mouth to God’s ear. You must be sorry that you offended God (contrition), you must be willing to do penance and you must have a firm purpose of amendment.

It’s the last one that I am struggling with based on your post quoted above. I would ask you to consider if you are willing to part from the things that cause you to fall into sin (near occasion of sin)…

 

[OrangeOwl]

Here this answer will be more Specific.

It is from Jimmy Akin the Chief apologist of Catholic Answers…

jimmyakin.typepad.com/defensor_fidei/2007/03/specific_confes.html

“Lust” may be a bit too general…one would need to add more species specific aspects in many cases.

but do get a good regular confessor…one you will be able to carefully ask…

I have read the Jimmy Akin posting before. I agree with it, but I hope you are taking it too far (although I am aware that the brother/stranger murder thing is specifically mentioned in the CCC).

The sexual sin at issue here is not Fornication vs. Adultery. The sexual sin is Lust over a unmarried person vs. lust over a married person. The former consists of two definately different species. The later consists of two sub-species.

I would hope it would be unnecessary go into a three-hour litany over every possible variation lust, anger, envy, etc, just because – for example – I was gravely envious of the car my brother had vs. being gravely envious of the car my dentist had. In my opinion, that is unhealthy, would take the scrupulous over the edge, and make the people waiting behind you in the confession line hate you.

But I agree with you that the best thing to do is get a “good regular confessor.” But unfortunately the priests where I live are pretty liberal and make me extremely uncomfortable.

 

[Bookcat]

Confession should ordinarily be as brief as possible …for mortal sins it would be number and kind and anything that would* really* change things. No unnecessary details.

If one needs more time…it is always possible to make an appointment.

And if one is struggling with scruples…it is best to stand firm against them.

With a firm foot.

 

[Bookcat]

What I just posted of course is general (not about the particular question per se)

 

[Bookcat]

it should be noted too …that one can sin mortally in ones thoughts without acting on it…as Jesus pointed out…

but then again there is a difference between temptation and consenting to sin…

which needs to be kept in mind.

 

[Bookcat]

PS: perhaps find a priest in an another area who you feel comfortable with…