Speed Dating Experiences?

[Gertabelle]

I participated in a Catholic speed dating event yesterday. It was…interesting.

On the most basic level, it was an opportunity to meet real people and hear a little bit about who they are.

On a deeper level, it was an extreme mix of personality types, maturity levels, and Catholic “labels.”

The women greatly outnumbered the men – meaning the poor men had no breaks for over two hours of the event!

As a woman, on the other hand, I had the experience of “speed waiting” – talk with a man for seven minutes, sit alone for seven minutes; repeat.

Still, I ended up speaking with some eleven men, I think. And there were some very nice men there.

One man was way into philosophy – currently reading Aquinas and more contemporary authors on apologetics. Nothing is more attractive to me than an intellectual Catholic!

A couple men mentioned having children the same age as my son, so we ended up talking about our kids and education. Not sure if that’s a good thing for dating or not. But the conversations were wonderful and friendship may develop from those?

I found myself trying to “diagnose” a couple of men – something related to being a teacher and noticing certain traits of movement, eye contact, speech, etc. My teacher friend gave me so much grief for admitting that! Point is, those two men were definitely not a good match for a single mom.

When I asked one man what parish he attended, he referred to himself as a “rebel” who rarely attended mass.

Another man – was it a mild case of cerebral palsy? maybe Asperger’s? – said he didn’t go to mass but occasionally attended a Christian church.

“Catholic” speed dating…

There were also two or three men who were, by my preference, waaayyyy too young for me. I mean, I enjoyed talking with them, but I felt really uncomfortable talking with them at a speed “dating” event. I felt more like I should be counseling and encouraging them like a big sister.

My biggest fear going in was that not one man in the room would be mark their sheet as being interested in me. And I won’t actually know the results for a few more days. But somehow I left the event feeling much more confident and relaxed – both about my current state in life, and about possibly dating in the future. Weird and unexpected result

If nothing comes out of this round, I might – MIGHT – consider participating in another event.

SOOOOOOO, anyone else tried speed dating? Care to share?

 

[Xantippe]

I participated in a Catholic speed dating event yesterday. It was…interesting.

On the most basic level, it was an opportunity to meet real people and hear a little bit about who they are.

On a deeper level, it was an extreme mix of personality types, maturity levels, and Catholic “labels.”

The women greatly outnumbered the men – meaning the poor men had no breaks for over two hours of the event!

As a woman, on the other hand, I had the experience of “speed waiting” – talk with a man for seven minutes, sit alone for seven minutes; repeat.

Still, I ended up speaking with some eleven men, I think. And there were some very nice men there.

One man was way into philosophy – currently reading Aquinas and more contemporary authors on apologetics. Nothing is more attractive to me than an intellectual Catholic!

A couple men mentioned having children the same age as my son, so we ended up talking about our kids and education. Not sure if that’s a good thing for dating or not. But the conversations were wonderful and friendship may develop from those?

I found myself trying to “diagnose” a couple of men – something related to being a teacher and noticing certain traits of movement, eye contact, speech, etc. My teacher friend gave me so much grief for admitting that! Point is, those two men were definitely not a good match for a single mom.

When I asked one man what parish he attended, he referred to himself as a “rebel” who rarely attended mass.

Another man – was it a mild case of cerebral palsy? maybe Asperger’s? – said he didn’t go to mass but occasionally attended a Christian church.

“Catholic” speed dating…

There were also two or three men who were, by my preference, waaayyyy too young for me. I mean, I enjoyed talking with them, but I felt really uncomfortable talking with them at a speed “dating” event. I felt more like I should be counseling and encouraging them like a big sister.

My biggest fear going in was that not one man in the room would be mark their sheet as being interested in me. And I won’t actually know the results for a few more days. But somehow I left the event feeling much more confident and relaxed – both about my current state in life, and about possibly dating in the future. Weird and unexpected result

If nothing comes out of this round, I might – MIGHT – consider participating in another event.

SOOOOOOO, anyone else tried speed dating? Care to share?

Nope, but I’m glad you had such a good experience!

 

[friardchips]

SOOOOOOO, anyone else tried speed dating? Care to share?

 

[friardchips]

…I did actually write “no” but so quickly that it can’t be viewed (‘speed blogging’).

 

[Catholic1954]

I participated in a Catholic speed dating event yesterday. It was…interesting.

On the most basic level, it was an opportunity to meet real people and hear a little bit about who they are.

On a deeper level, it was an extreme mix of personality types, maturity levels, and Catholic “labels.”

The women greatly outnumbered the men – meaning the poor men had no breaks for over two hours of the event!

As a woman, on the other hand, I had the experience of “speed waiting” – talk with a man for seven minutes, sit alone for seven minutes; repeat.

Still, I ended up speaking with some eleven men, I think. And there were some very nice men there.

One man was way into philosophy – currently reading Aquinas and more contemporary authors on apologetics. Nothing is more attractive to me than an intellectual Catholic!

A couple men mentioned having children the same age as my son, so we ended up talking about our kids and education. Not sure if that’s a good thing for dating or not. But the conversations were wonderful and friendship may develop from those?

I found myself trying to “diagnose” a couple of men – something related to being a teacher and noticing certain traits of movement, eye contact, speech, etc. My teacher friend gave me so much grief for admitting that! Point is, those two men were definitely not a good match for a single mom.

When I asked one man what parish he attended, he referred to himself as a “rebel” who rarely attended mass.

Another man – was it a mild case of cerebral palsy? maybe Asperger’s? – said he didn’t go to mass but occasionally attended a Christian church.

“Catholic” speed dating…

There were also two or three men who were, by my preference, waaayyyy too young for me. I mean, I enjoyed talking with them, but I felt really uncomfortable talking with them at a speed “dating” event. I felt more like I should be counseling and encouraging them like a big sister.

My biggest fear going in was that not one man in the room would be mark their sheet as being interested in me. And I won’t actually know the results for a few more days. But somehow I left the event feeling much more confident and relaxed – both about my current state in life, and about possibly dating in the future. Weird and unexpected result

If nothing comes out of this round, I might – MIGHT – consider participating in another event.

SOOOOOOO, anyone else tried speed dating? Care to share?

Good for you for taking a risk and trying something new! I hope you meet someone interesting and go on some fun dates.

 

[Naskor]

I found myself trying to “diagnose” a couple of men – something related to being a teacher and noticing certain traits of movement, eye contact, speech, etc. My teacher friend gave me so much grief for admitting that! Point is, those two men were definitely not a good match for a single mom.

Instead of looking at what is wrong with people instead try to see how God see them. If you do that I image you won’t need to do anymore speed dating.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Instead of looking at what is wrong with people instead try to see how God see them. If you do that I image you won’t need to do anymore speed dating.

As a dating coach once wrote “women who are dating someone are looking for a reason NOT to date that person more than a reason to stay with them”.

I agree with the general sentiment, and in my particular niche of relationship advice dispensation, have found that women get into real trouble when they start making excuses for their male partner.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I participated in a Catholic speed dating event yesterday. It was…interesting.

On the most basic level, it was an opportunity to meet real people and hear a little bit about who they are.

On a deeper level, it was an extreme mix of personality types, maturity levels, and Catholic “labels.”

The women greatly outnumbered the men – meaning the poor men had no breaks for over two hours of the event!

As a woman, on the other hand, I had the experience of “speed waiting” – talk with a man for seven minutes, sit alone for seven minutes; repeat.

Still, I ended up speaking with some eleven men, I think. And there were some very nice men there.

One man was way into philosophy – currently reading Aquinas and more contemporary authors on apologetics. Nothing is more attractive to me than an intellectual Catholic!

A couple men mentioned having children the same age as my son, so we ended up talking about our kids and education. Not sure if that’s a good thing for dating or not. But the conversations were wonderful and friendship may develop from those?

I found myself trying to “diagnose” a couple of men – something related to being a teacher and noticing certain traits of movement, eye contact, speech, etc. My teacher friend gave me so much grief for admitting that! Point is, those two men were definitely not a good match for a single mom.

When I asked one man what parish he attended, he referred to himself as a “rebel” who rarely attended mass.

Another man – was it a mild case of cerebral palsy? maybe Asperger’s? – said he didn’t go to mass but occasionally attended a Christian church.

“Catholic” speed dating…

There were also two or three men who were, by my preference, waaayyyy too young for me. I mean, I enjoyed talking with them, but I felt really uncomfortable talking with them at a speed “dating” event. I felt more like I should be counseling and encouraging them like a big sister.

My biggest fear going in was that not one man in the room would be mark their sheet as being interested in me. And I won’t actually know the results for a few more days. But somehow I left the event feeling much more confident and relaxed – both about my current state in life, and about possibly dating in the future. Weird and unexpected result

If nothing comes out of this round, I might – MIGHT – consider participating in another event.

SOOOOOOO, anyone else tried speed dating? Care to share?

I’ve never done that kind of dating before, Gertie, but I think it’s great that you are putting yourself out there and actually THINKING about what you are doing. And don’t worry if you don’t get any checks for interest either. I think what people need to realize today is that dating is an investment.

I’m just happy that you’re not turning into one of those women who after a traumatic/bad relationship experience will move-in with the first guy who randomly messages you on-line and gives you a lot of attention.

As long as you don’t kid yourself about reality and don’t make lame excuses and listen to your feminine instincts, you’ll give yourself the best chance to find someone who is a good match and worthy of your time and company.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Interesting. No, never done speed dating at all, let alone Catholic speed dating. How did you find out about something like that. If something like that was going on in my area, I would try it.

 

[Gertabelle]

I found myself trying to “diagnose” a couple of men – something related to being a teacher and noticing certain traits of movement, eye contact, speech, etc. My teacher friend gave me so much grief for admitting that! Point is, those two men were definitely not a good match for a single mom.

Instead of looking at what is wrong with people, instead try to see how God sees them. If you do that I imagine you won’t need to do anymore speed dating.

First of all, I wasn’t trying to see what’s wrong with people. As an elementary school teacher (19 years), I am on the front lines of identifying a myriad of issues in children – physical, emotional, psychological – and working on the team of professionals (teachers, administrators, psychologists, etc.) who help those children and their families get the assistance they need.

When I was working at my parish’s summer festival, for example, this experience came in handy when children with “hidden” disabilities came to my booth. Hidden disabilities are things like autism. I was able to interact with these children in a way that made the children and their parents enjoy the festival so much more!

So when a gentleman at a speed dating event sits down with me and displays characteristics that are similar to my students with autism, a red flag immediately goes off. Rather than “looking at what’s wrong” (i.e., judging him), noting these similarities allowed me to interact with him with compassion, rather than thinking uncharitable things like “loser” or “creep.” Sadly, these are the sorts of things that would have been easy to think about this particular gentleman whose body language and speech were quite outside the norm.

I’m not quite sure why you think noting people’s disabilities would be a bad thing One gentleman asked me about my mangled hand (missing finger, etc.). I didn’t find that a bad thing, like he was looking at what was wrong with me. He was showing compassion and curiosity. He was respectful and kind about it.

When I noticed signs of Asperger’s in that one gentleman, I did what I could in the seven short minutes to engage in the conversation he seemed to want to have, and smiled and felt great love for him. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to pursue a dating relationship with him! I have an 11-year-old son – a man with Asperger’s would not be someone I could bring into his life in a role of authority. No way, no how.

And trying to turn off this highly-developed skill of noticing cues that indicate everything from learning disorders to hearing loss to physical abuse (and so much more) is simply not something I’m going to do. And having a concerned, gentle, and compassionate heart towards those who have hidden disabilities is certainly not going mean I’ll never get married! Quite the opposite!

On the other hand, if I took your advice and pretended not to notice the obvious differences in some people, that would not mean that I would suddenly know every single Catholic man in the Denver-metro area So, perhaps, if I’m still single when the next event comes along next year, I might just participate again.

God bless you.

 

[Gertabelle]

Interesting. No, never done speed dating at all, let alone Catholic speed dating. How did you find out about something like that. If something like that was going on in my area, I would try it.

I found out about it through my Catholic Match membership – there’s a place on the site to see what events are happening in particular areas. I played the piano at a wedding for a couple who met through Catholic speed dating, so I knew there was at least some value to these events

There are other speed dating events in this area, but the woman who organized this one only does Catholic events… not that everyone there was a practicing Catholic, or Catholic at all.

 

[Gertabelle]

I’ve never done that kind of dating before, Gertie, but I think it’s great that you are putting yourself out there and actually THINKING about what you are doing. And don’t worry if you don’t get any checks for interest either. I think what people need to realize today is that dating is an investment.

I’m just happy that you’re not turning into one of those women who after a traumatic/bad relationship experience will move-in with the first guy who randomly messages you on-line and gives you a lot of attention.

As long as you don’t kid yourself about reality and don’t make lame excuses and listen to your feminine instincts, you’ll give yourself the best chance to find someone who is a good match and worthy of your time and company.

Dude, you always say the kindest and most encouraging things!

I’m not worried at all about anyone expressing interest in me, or not. There are so many things that are important or even non-negotiables with people. I can’t control, for example, whether or not a particular gentleman won’t date a woman with an 11-year-old son. If that’s a non-negotiable for him, then I’m glad if he’s true to himself and passes me by, ya know?

I also trust that God controls what men see in me, and the feeling they are left with after meeting me. So if some man I think might be a good match doesn’t find me physically attractive, or if that gentleman experiences my conversation as somehow unattractive, I trust God is working through that as well.

Honestly, my dating (and “not-dating”) experiences with men in the past six months has been used by God in such a powerful way to help me grow in faith! Not always easy, sometimes downright awful emotionally – but overall a great path to holiness at this time

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I found out about it through my Catholic Match membership – there’s a place on the site to see what events are happening in particular areas. I played the piano at a wedding for a couple who met through Catholic speed dating, so I knew there was at least some value to these events

There are other speed dating events in this area, but the woman who organized this one only does Catholic events… not that everyone there was a practicing Catholic, or Catholic at all.

Ah, I see. I am on Catholic match too. I have not been making use of the part of the site to see events. I think I will pay attention to it now. I live very close to a major metropolitan area so maybe I can find things of interest going on. Thank you for sharing

 

[friardchips]

First of all, I wasn’t trying to see what’s wrong with people. As an elementary school teacher (19 years), I am on the front lines of identifying a myriad of issues in children – physical, emotional, psychological – and working on the team of professionals (teachers, administrators, psychologists, etc.) who help those children and their families get the assistance they need.

When I was working at my parish’s summer festival, for example, this experience came in handy when children with “hidden” disabilities came to my booth. Hidden disabilities are things like autism. I was able to interact with these children in a way that made the children and their parents enjoy the festival so much more!

So when a gentleman at a speed dating event sits down with me and displays characteristics that are similar to my students with autism, a red flag immediately goes off. Rather than “looking at what’s wrong” (i.e., judging him), noting these similarities allowed me to interact with him with compassion, rather than thinking uncharitable things like “loser” or “creep.” Sadly, these are the sorts of things that would have been easy to think about this particular gentleman whose body language and speech were quite outside the norm.

I’m not quite sure why you think noting people’s disabilities would be a bad thing One gentleman asked me about my mangled hand (missing finger, etc.). I didn’t find that a bad thing, like he was looking at what was wrong with me. He was showing compassion and curiosity. He was respectful and kind about it.

When I noticed signs of Asperger’s in that one gentleman, I did what I could in the seven short minutes to engage in the conversation he seemed to want to have, and smiled and felt great love for him. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to pursue a dating relationship with him! I have an 11-year-old son – a man with Asperger’s would not be someone I could bring into his life in a role of authority. No way, no how.

And trying to turn off this highly-developed skill of noticing cues that indicate everything from learning disorders to hearing loss to physical abuse (and so much more) is simply not something I’m going to do. And having a concerned, gentle, and compassionate heart towards those who have hidden disabilities is certainly not going mean I’ll never get married! Quite the opposite!

On the other hand, if I took your advice and pretended not to notice the obvious differences in some people, that would not mean that I would suddenly know every single Catholic man in the Denver-metro area So, perhaps, if I’m still single when the next event comes along next year, I might just participate again.

God bless you.

It sounds too orchestrated. I watched this film t’uther day about some peeps in the Wild West in the early 19th century whom I imagined possibly had very similar mind-set to the early pilgrims who first went to America. And they were very matter-of-fact, or some of them were, about marriage. A practical necessity (in the film). St. Paul even spoke about marriage in a way that seemed to be a practical way for living in grace (possibly who the pilgrims might have emulated) - slightly different to the film that portayed the practical reasons were material ones. You are speaking about relationships in a way that is neither aimed at a specific person or for practical reasons. It seems to be a path where you might be setting yourself up for a fall.

Wouldn’t it be better to pray about it and then maybe you’ll meet someone who is good for you through more natural means, and someone who our Creator knows is good for you, rather than you trying to meet someone because you want to force through a marriage (seemingly manufactured) situation, and a person whom you have psychologically diagnosed beforehand as if this will bring about perfect union?

Emotions can oftentimes, as can our psychology can, be prone to attraction for people who are not good for us.

 

[heidi_storage]

It sounds too orchestrated. I watched this film t’uther day about some peeps in the Wild West in the early 19th century whom I imagined possibly had very similar mind-set to the early pilgrims who first went to America. And they were very matter-of-fact, or some of them were, about marriage. A practical necessity (in the film). St. Paul even spoke about marriage in a way that seemed to be a practical way for living in grace (possibly who the pilgrims might have emulated) - slightly different to the film that portayed the practical reasons were material ones. You are speaking about relationships in a way that is neither aimed at a specific person or for practical reasons. It seems to be a path where you might be setting yourself up for a fall.

Wouldn’t it be better to pray about it and then maybe you’ll meet someone who is good for you through more natural means, and someone who our Creator knows is good for you, rather than you trying to meet someone because you want to force through a marriage (seemingly manufactured) situation, and a person whom you have psychologically diagnosed beforehand as if this will bring about perfect union?

Emotions can oftentimes, as can our psychology can, be prone to attraction for people who are not good for us.

It’s always a good idea to pray about a possible future spouse. However, there’s nothing wrong with finding a venue in which you know there are potential partners (who are there because they, too, are looking for a spouse). After all, matching in “the old days” and in many parts of the world was/is accomplished through artificial means, such as matchmakers and family inquiries. There are certainly drawbacks to speed dating (and online dating), but I think it’s a mistake to assume that just going about your daily life and hoping God will drop a spouse into your lap is necessarily the way to gol

 

[friardchips]

It’s always a good idea to pray about a possible future spouse. However, there’s nothing wrong with finding a venue in which you know there are potential partners (who are there because they, too, are looking for a spouse). After all, matching in “the old days” and in many parts of the world was/is accomplished through artificial means, such as matchmakers and family inquiries. There are certainly drawbacks to speed dating (and online dating), but I think it’s a mistake to assume that just going about your daily life and hoping God will drop a spouse into your lap is necessarily the way to gol

This might be okay from a worldly perspective but from a Christian point-of-view spiritual discernment is important for every person, for the dignity of each person, to find out where the Lord might wish to lead them.

 

[Xantippe]

It sounds too orchestrated. I watched this film t’uther day about some peeps in the Wild West in the early 19th century whom I imagined possibly had very similar mind-set to the early pilgrims who first went to America. And they were very matter-of-fact, or some of them were, about marriage. A practical necessity (in the film). St. Paul even spoke about marriage in a way that seemed to be a practical way for living in grace (possibly who the pilgrims might have emulated) - slightly different to the film that portayed the practical reasons were material ones. You are speaking about relationships in a way that is neither aimed at a specific person or for practical reasons. It seems to be a path where you might be setting yourself up for a fall.

Wouldn’t it be better to pray about it and then maybe you’ll meet someone who is good for you through more natural means, and someone who our Creator knows is good for you, rather than you trying to meet someone because you want to force through a marriage (seemingly manufactured) situation, and a person whom you have psychologically diagnosed beforehand as if this will bring about perfect union?

Emotions can oftentimes, as can our psychology can, be prone to attraction for people who are not good for us.

I wouldn’t get too down on speed dating as a “manufactured situation.” Speed dating is basically just like an old-fashioned dance or ball, just without the dancing.

Dances are “manufactured,” blind dates are manufactured, match-making is manufactured–there’s nothing wrong with that.

Also, the OP is going to keep meeting the people she meets in normal life, it’s just that this way, she meets a few more. So, she’s not losing anything by going.

Plus, she felt good about the experience, despite the massive gender disparity she was fighting.

 

[Xantippe]

This might be okay from a worldly perspective but from a Christian point-of-view spiritual discernment is important for every person, for the dignity of each person, to find out where the Lord might wish to lead them.

Do you think the OP isn’t using spiritual discernment?

Let’s not be too spiritual here–“spiritual discernment” does not need to mean foregoing all normal means of finding a future spouse.

 

[friardchips]

Do you think the OP isn’t using spiritual discernment?

Let’s not be too spiritual here–“spiritual discernment” does not need to mean foregoing all normal means of finding a future spouse.

Maybe not but it still seems a bit forced - my opinion. Up to her. Wish the OP well however which way she goes. Guess you never know in these things.

 

[Gertabelle]

It sounds too orchestrated… [snip]… You are speaking about relationships in a way that is neither aimed at a specific person or for practical reasons. It seems to be a path where you might be setting yourself up for a fall.

Wouldn’t it be better to pray about it and then maybe you’ll meet someone who is good for you through more natural means, and someone who our Creator knows is good for you, rather than you trying to meet someone because you want to force through a marriage (seemingly manufactured) situation, and a person whom you have psychologically diagnosed beforehand as if this will bring about perfect union?

Emotions can oftentimes, as can our psychology can, be prone to attraction for people who are not good for us.

Thank you for the reminder to leave all this in God’s hands I am Christ’s, and that can never be said or reinforced enough! Whether single or married, and please God for all eternity, I am Christ’s.

As a backdrop to my experiences here:

I’ve had a decree of nullity since March 2007. Except for three dates with a gentleman in early 2008, I have not dated until the middle of this year. I have been involved in my parish, my son’s school (parish school), Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, service projects, my school (the one at which I work)… I have been content with being single and remaining so throughout my life. I have devoted myself to raising my son and serving the children and families at my school, in Scouts, etc…

But it was through prayer – the rosary, adoration, mass – and frequent reception of the sacraments that I discerned it was time to demonstrate my openness to God’s plan for my life. So I signed up for online dating. It’s been a fun and joyful experience because I am NOT attached to an outcome. So I accept it as a gift to be in contact with my brothers in Christ, having opportunity to get to know them.

Regarding “diagnosing” men – it was only with the one whose behaviors were so far outside the norm that my teacher senses kicked in. But honestly, if a man at my parish asked me out tomorrow, dating would be the time we would be vetting each other. This is not “passing judgment.” It is discernment! Being a mother is my first vocation, and it is my duty to keep that vocation front and center as I discern God’s leading moving forward.

And finally, my dating experiences (first online, and now speed dating) have drawn me closer to the sacraments and to prayer. I have spent more time in adoration, spiritual reading, daily mass, etc., in the past six months than any time since I returned to the Church in 2006. And that’s saying something! In reflecting on that, I think God may be showing me that sacramental marriage may in fact be my vocation, as even just being open to the possibility has strengthened my faith and deepened my spiritual life

There are certainly drawbacks to speed dating (and online dating), but I think it’s a mistake to assume that just going about your daily life and hoping God will drop a spouse into your lap is necessarily the way to gol

Of course, even if a man did get dropped into my lap, he’d still have to make it past my list of non-negotiables: practicing Catholic, free to marry in the Church, and so on…

Do you think the OP isn’t using spiritual discernment?

Let’s not be too spiritual here–“spiritual discernment” does not need to mean foregoing all normal means of finding a future spouse.

God certainly does bring people together through “normal” means all the time. I think taking no action at all, however – now that I feel sacramental marriage may be my vocation – is actually trying to force God’s hand to do things according to MY plans instead of His. Being on Catholic Match and doing speed dating are ways of testing my “sense” of things

Well, time will tell

God bless y’all