Speed of taking Marriage Vows

[JamesATyler]

I have read that easy divorce is something that we should reject. It apparently is looked at as one of the reasons that society is not doing well. How easy do you think it should be to get married? It just seems to me that if divorce should be very hard then it should also be very difficult to get married. As it is, it doesn’t take hardly any time at all to get married in some places. Many people have zero guidance when it comes to making these kinds of decisions and at 18 years old most people don’t understand how long a lifetime commitment really is or how much people are apt to change during their lifetime. Often, at early ages, people don’t even understand what kind of person is truly compatible with them or what kind of person they will value highly. What seems like a great idea in the beginning, after 5 years, can seem like a terrible choice. A person can come to regret the kind of person their spouse is and lack desire to be intimate with their partner, much less raise a family with someone who turned out to have values that aren’t compatible. In a perfect world, how difficult should it be to get married?

 

[Elizium23]

In my diocese, Catholic marriage preparation is a nine month process. You must be a fully initiated, practicing Catholic and you must prove that you are otherwise free to marry. I don’t think these are difficult requirements if someone is seriously approaching a life commitment. But it certainly in the Church’s best interest to ensure that couples are well-prepared for this. The Church doesn’t want to leave a trail of divorces and declarations of nullity years down the road. The Church thrives when her families do.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

In my opinion, every couple contemplating marriage should be required to take marriage counseling … including those written exams that help assess their compatibility when the answers are compared.

Tough to do when they’ve got stars in their eyes.

But 50% of marriages end in divorce, so it’s worth it.

 

[acadiANNA]

My opinion:
Catholic Engaged Encounter offers some information of what the engagement experience should be and what to expect in marriage.
Many of my friends got married and confided in me with their problems. Marriage must be a promise to listen to each other and be able to communicate with each other. You have to be committed to serving each other. Some spouses say, “I don’t want to hear it!”. This blocks communication. Some say, “You’re spending too much money.” A wife may say, “I need your help in keeping the house in order.” Or, “I need help with the children.” One may want to attend a party at the Williams’ and the other does not. How much can you learn at a marriage preparation class? These same friends who complain to me did the class requirements. Did they really hear what was being taught or just so excited about the forthcoming marriage that daydreaming set in. You have to be committed. A lot of it is compromise. There are many things that come up that both spouses have to remain calm, kind, considerate, compassionate, intelligent, and loving. Attend Mass together. A Priest will ask questions of the couple to be married and the couple will answer yes to everything. Putting God first and being honest with yourself, your marriage will be made in Heaven. But, yes, take advantage of all the classes and Catholic reading material before and after becoming engaged.

 

[devotee_of_Jesu]

I only have this comment to make: years ago, during Vatican II, my Catholic fiance and I (a Protestant) were given a form by the priest who was going to marry us. He said to take the form and read it, discuss it and return, NOT to fill out the form ourselves but he would ask us the questions and complete the form. One vivid question that stuck out was, “Do you believe in contraceptives?” Well, I was a Protestant with very little knowledge of the Catholic faith, but even so, I knew Catholics were not to use contraceptives. I asked my fiance what would we answer when the priest got to that question. (Little did I know that he did NOT want children, which would have stopped my marrying him in the first place). He said to wait until the priest asked the question and then we’d handle it. Ok, well, when back with the priest and he was asking us the questions, when he got to that specific question, he hesitated and then asked, “Do you plan to have children?” NOT the same question at all!! Of course I blurted out, “Yes!”. So noted and on with the rest of the questions. Off the hook! I thought. IF the question had been asked as written it would have saved a whole lot of pain and problems later in our marriage!! There would have not been a marriage with this other person. I’m suggesting that the couples seeking to get married at least be given the form to read before hand so they know exactly what is being expected of them and then pray that each partner is answering truthfully! Now, we are not married, it was annulled for lack of form: no sacrament of marriage occured and I am Catholic and my former spouse is not. But, oh, the heartache my daughter and I went through during that time. May God forgive that priest for his part in the big deception. I have done so, but I still feel I should tell this so that no one who reads this will suffer through what I went through. I don’t know how things are done now. But I pray that all who enter into this Blessed Sacrament do so fully informed. Thank you for allowing me to share my experience.