Spending a night with girlfriend

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Damien88

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I just found out at co-habitating with your couple before marriage even if there is no sex involved is a sin yesterday. However I would like to clarify things here, my girlfriend and I are studying in the same university but we are not living together. We rented our own home each with friends of the same gender.

The problem is, there are certain times when the two of might be going to each other home for things such as studies, assignments, projects and will spend the night there. For me, I am sharing my room with another housemate but my girlfriend will still be sharing the same bed as me if she stays over.

As for me, I try my best not to spend a night at my girlfriend’s house but sometimes I will take a short evening nap with her, sharing the same bed at her room. however, sometimes I have to spend the night at her place when it comes to studying or doing assignments together. She has her own room, the house she and her friends staying in now is just a small house with two rooms. She wanted her own room as she cant tolerate with any noises when she’s sleeping and her own room so she wont get distracted or disturbed when she’s praying. My girlfriend’s housemates are one buddhist and one unbaptized catholic so.

We are trying our best to remain chaste until marriage and we always spend time together every sunday for mass and whenever we visit each other’s place praying either the rosary or liturgy of the hour. I would like to know if what we are doing is sinful or not. I am still confused on this matter 😦
 
The Catholic Church teaches us to “avoid the near occasions of sin”. While it may be the case that nothing improper has yet happened between you two, you are opening up the likelihood that something may happen at some point.

As my priest so aptly put it… it may not be an actual sin to hike on the very edge of the Grand Canyon, and you may have done so many times without a mishap. But when hiking on the rim of the canyon, there could easily be that one time when you find a loose rock or the patch of soft ground that gives way, causing you to plummet off the edge. Hiking the canyon is not a sin, but it’s safer to stay on the marked and proven trail.

By spending the night together, and especially since you two have slept in the same bed although you go into it with good intentions, you two are “hiking on the edge”.

How or what can you do in order to complete your joint assignments and spend chaste time togethe,r without having to make it an overnight excursion? Is it possible to use Skype or video conferencing if there are things that need combined efforts after “curfew” (so to speak)? Can you teleconference during the times when the only other option is spending the night together, or can you choose other times to get together that don’t require a sleepover?

~Spoken4
 
Such would not be the way to go…

Make other arrangements --until if and when you are married.

(various things can be said and prob will…regarding sins, near occasions of sins, scandal etc etc etc --bottom line – find a new arrangement)

Keep up the good following of Christ in prayer etc!

This arrangement though needs a change
 
I agree with what Spoken4 has said but I just wanted to bring this other notion up:

There is a book called My Catholic Faith. In it, it speaks of giving a bad example to others (both Catholic and Non Catholic) I would highly recommend you try and find it and read it. Or just do some google searching on “catholic bad example”.

This blog entry might help:
happycatholic.blogspot.com/2009/11/concrete-results-of-giving-bad-example.html

You really should not be spending the night with your girlfriend at all until you are married even if you are remaining chaste. Innocents (or even just the ignorant) might see what you are doing and think its ok. Just because you are strong enough does not mean that when they follow your example they will be able to resist sin also. Bad example hurts a lot more than most people realize. Its true that we might not always know when we are giving bad example, but when we realize our error, we must do things to correct it.

Frankly, I think if you are staying over night and sleeping (chastely) with your girlfriend you still are playing 'house" and co-habitating. Its the same thing, only done not as often.

We do things for the Glory of God- giving up this sleeping over habit would be a move in that direction. It would also show that even just the act of taking a snooze with your beloved is something special, reserved only for the married.

May God bless you and guide you.
 
When my husband and I were dating and had a situation like that, he would sleep on the sofa or the floor.
 
My priest explained to us that living together “as brother and sister” (not having sex) is not in itself a sin – HOWEVER, it is definitely teetering on temptation and it would be so very easy to cross that line into sin.
 
Delaine75 said:
My priest explained to us that living together “as brother and sister” (not having sex) is not in itself a sin – HOWEVER, it is definitely teetering on temptation and it would be so very easy to cross that line into sin.
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Exactly. For some people, the brother-sister arrangement may be “hiking on the trail” and thus be perfectly fine. For others, it may be “walking on the canyon’s edge” and the temptation (danger) may simply be too great. And AnnElizabeth raises some good points. Even though you may be chaste in your behavior, it will look otherwise to outsiders.

The bible at 1 Corinthians 8:13 says,* “Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.”*

Matthew 18:6-7 *“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!” *

In this sense, if anything that YOU do causes someone else to sin as a result of your example, then it’s best not to engage in that behavior and potentially besmirch your reputation and potentially someone else’s.

The OP needs to pray on it, with his girlfriend, and determine if there’s a true danger that they may be led to the near occasion of sin. Until the matter is decided (and ideally, until the marriage) then there should be no overnight stays and certainly no naps in the same bed. Sofa… alone, okay. Same bed… no.

~Spoken4
 
Delaine75 said:
My priest explained to us that living together “as brother and sister” (not having sex) is not in itself a sin
Click to expand...
Such usually regarding say a couple who is “married in civil law” and has had children they need to raise and scandal etc etc is avoided…etc. Often they are seeking to rectify things so they can be Married in the Church before God…more can be said about such --in discussion with their Priest.
 
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