Spending time with parents?

[TOBaddict]

How much time/what actions are required by adult children for honoring parents? Mine are extremely critical and it makes me physically ill to be around them. How often should I be calling, visiting, etc. My mom says I am “cold” with her, but I don’t trust her with the details of my life.

 

[pensmama87]

I’d move out. You’re not obligated to live under your parents’ roof. You may find you like them a lot more when you get small doses and have your own place to get back to.

Re: therapy, check with your health insurance, university, or ask for a referral from Catholic Charities. Many therapists do sliding scale, too - so if you can afford less, you pay less.

 

[Lou2U]

Move out as soon as you can. You don’t have to accept being treated in this way - your Priest is right. If you can, ask your Priest if he knows anywhere that could help you with regards to counselling. It’s good you can recognise that things aren’t right, and you know what you can do to help yourself.

Lou

 

[mommy_k]

I agree with your priest. Move out. You can visit when you feel like doing so.

You need to be away from them to heal and to forgive them. This can’t happen of you stay and alllow this to continue.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

How do you know he or she lives with them? The OP talks about “visiting.”

Once a week, I’d say, or at least every two weeks, if they are in the same city or very close by. One day they will be gone, and then you will regret not spending more time with them. If the conversation becomes too personal, steer it to other subjects. Have a list of subjects you want to talk about ahead of time that are more or less neutral.

 

[TOBaddict]

How do you know he or she lives with them? The OP talks about “visiting.”

Once a week, I’d say, or at least every two weeks, if they are in the same city or very close by. One day they will be gone, and then you will regret not spending more time with them. If the conversation becomes too personal, steer it to other subjects. Have a list of subjects you want to talk about ahead of time that are more or less neutral.

Lily,

I deleted my original post and edited it because it contained specific details of my parents’ emotional and verbal abuse. Everyone is simply agreeing with my priest that I need to move out.

 

[Lou2U]

Lily,

I deleted my original post and edited it because it contained specific details of my parents’ emotional and verbal abuse.

Only do what you feel comfortable with, OP. It is a good idea to have a list of neutral topics to talk about, but if this isn’t possible, don’t do it. Remember, you know your own situation better than any poster on CAF. If something suggested won’t work, don’t worry about it.

Lou

 

[TOBaddict]

Only do what you feel comfortable with, OP. It is a good idea to have a list of neutral topics to talk about, but if this isn’t possible, don’t do it. Remember, you know your own situation better than any poster on CAF. If something suggested won’t work, don’t worry about it.

Lou

Thank you. This is most difficult because I have an older sister who worships them. She has a great relationship with our parents and thinks they are the best people ever, so I can’t even talk to her about this. Though, in the past she has agreed that our parents are a lot harder on me (with no logical reason). She wants them to do everything for her, and I am the complete opposite independence and personality-wise. Personally, I believe it to be an unhealthy co-dependent relationship, but I don’t dare to get in the middle of it.

 

[Lou2U]

Thank you. This is most difficult because I have an older sister who worships them. She has a great relationship with our parents and thinks they are the best people ever, so I can’t even talk to her about this. Though, in the past she has agreed that our parents are a lot harder on me (with no logical reason). She wants them to do everything for her, and I am the complete opposite independence and personality-wise. Personally, I believe it to be an unhealthy co-dependent relationship, but I don’t dare to get in the middle of it.

I wouldn’t, if I were you. You and your parents sound complicated enough without adding your sister into it. Focus on you, and what you need to do to be healthy and happy. You can talk to your Priest for support, and any friends. You’ve also got us at CAF

Lou

 

[TOBaddict]

I wouldn’t, if I were you. You and your parents sound complicated enough without adding your sister into it. Focus on you, and what you need to do to be healthy and happy. You can talk to your Priest for support, and any friends. You’ve also got us at CAF

Lou

Haha, definitely not getting involved in that one. My priest said I have a good head on my shoulders and know what I want for my future. He said to focus on me and that I shouldn’t feel guilty for reaching out to people for what I need. This is a big struggle because my parents raised me that no one cares about my problems and that I should never talk, especially negatively, about them.

I would appreciate your prayers. Thank you.